Dum Spiro, Spero
Traumatizing
Stomach full, heart happy too. Wallet was still safe because sitting together in angkringan only spent 55 thousand. Quite cheap, for the size of those who used to live all luxurious. Like boarding children in general, they are used to living a frugal and simple life now. Only once in a while when it was out of payday, they would go for a walk. Not far away, just circling around the nearest mall, for just a favorite gelatto ice cream snack. Sometimes if there is more budget, they will go a bit far, wandering to visit the beaches in Jogja that are still not much touched by tourist feet. The beaches are still beautiful, who to get there also need effort that is not playful.
Baskara parked her motorcycle in the yard, helping Blue remove the helmet that was attached to her lover's head because the girl looked troubled.
“Who took a shower first? I or lo?” blue asked as they walked towards the door.
“How long is it?” chirps Baskara while raising his eyebrows.
“Boleh, I'm done with you guys and I keep going into the box, yes?”
Baskara scowled, "Serem is very anjir."
“Makanya, it's mouth don't origin by the way.” While nagging so, Blue inserted the key into the hole in the door without even a hint of taking her eyes off Baskara. Maybe it is one of the hidden skills of women, can do many things at one time alias—multitasking. If it was Baskara, he wouldn't be able to do it.
Between the key that does not immediately enter the hole, or even the key falls apart.
“Home. Gini-bulls, my brain is not at all perverted.”
Baskara touched his own chest, immediately installing an innocent look that made Blue suddenly nauseous.
“Oh aja.” Sahut Biru, then walk in ahead of Baskara.
Baskara pouted, followed by Blue who had walked far ahead.
“Gue shower first deh, lo if the bath likes long, I also wonder why do you in the bathroom.” Blue screamed from the door of his room. There are towels and change clothes that are draped on the shoulder as soon as they are.
“Mandatory rituals of men.” Baskara answered quietly, after Blue's body disappeared in the bathroom door.
In fact, the reason behind why he feels at home lingering in the bathroom is because he enjoys daydreaming. In that cold and humid place, he often spent time thinking about things. Sometimes doing flashbacks of the journey of life, sometimes stringing wish for a future with Sabiru who he loved half to death.
Lintang once said to him, that we are forbidden to linger in the bathroom because that is where the demons like to gather. But Baskara was not afraid at all. Because it needs Latitude and other people know, Baskara has entered into the circle of friends of the demons themselves. In fact, you could say, he was probably the leader.
“Don't be long, Yang, cold!” baskara shouted, which was then followed by a thunderous voice by Blue from the direction in the bathroom.
“Main bungee jumping exciting times, yes.” He murmured in the middle of the daydream. However, he wouldn't really do it. He is afraid of heights, doing bungee jumping will only bring him closer to the risk of death. In the past, he often asked to die. But now, he really wanted to live. The best life he can live.
...🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻...
The smell of chocolate filled the room because Baskara accidentally broke Sabiru's perfume bottle which was still full because it was just bought. Guilt was evident from the look on his face as he moved furiously picking up broken glass scattered on the floor of the room.
“Sorry, Bi, I didn't accidentally. I just wanted to grab a comb, continue accidentally nyenggol bottle of this perfume. Don't be mad, yeah, please? I'll change, I'll buy you a new one, yeah, honey?” the story is non-stop.
For such a small mistake, Baskara's reaction does look exaggerated. People who don't know will just scorn, saying that he is too over-in-the-take. Or it could be, they will think that it happened because Blue is too fierce so that makes Baskara afraid not to play just because of trivial problems.
However, for Blue who knows for sure the reason behind Baskara's overreaction, it feels very painful. After what they went through, Baskara did grow up to be like that. Tend to be afraid to make mistakes and really react extra to the little mistakes he did—to anyone. They've tried to overcome it. Consult a psychiatrist and undergo a series of therapies, all of which they have done. It's just that there was a moment where the fear would recur. Like now, for example.
“Bas,”
“I'll buy you a new one, I promise. Don't get mad, yeah, don't stay in me.” Baskara pleaded, her eyes reddened with clear twisters that enveloped her.
“Baskara, listen to me.” Blue crouched, grabbed Baskara's body, then he removed the broken bottle of perfume that turned out to have injured his long fingers. “This is just a perfume, the price is not even a hundred thousand. There's no reason for me to leave you just because of a bottle of perfume. I can buy it again, whenever I want. But you, I won't be able to find anyone like you again in my life.”
“Bi,”
“Fight.” Firm Blue. He sprang the face of his lover, while his own body was already trembling withstanding the tightness that was creeping brutally over his chest. “Fight those feelings of guilt and worthlessness. Throw him away from your heart and head, Bas. They're all just illusions, they're not real.”
“Remember what Doctor Stephanie said, you can, we can. Things will come back well if you try. We're trying to be together, okay?”
Baskara grabbed the tip of the Blue shirt, squeezing it hard to channel the uncomfortable feeling that invaded his mind.
“Lo can, Baskara.” Blue again. And then he said it many times. No matter if his jaw is sore, even though his mouth will foam. He kept saying it until Baskara showed signs that his condition was starting to improve.
Things like this will continue to repeat, whether until when. So, how could Blue let Baskara go through everything on his own? The answer is clearly no. After anything, as frustrating as anything, he will not leave. He will not give up until the cheerful Pramudya Baskara returns.
Seriate