Just Playing
Chapter 3. About Patterns of Thought
My condition has recovered, I feel my body is healthy and fit again. Mamah and Papah came every afternoon and accompanied me until the next morning, but if it was noon I was accompanied by him. As a result, I would choose to sleep all day rather than look, let alone chat with him.
He wasn't always in this room. Every five minutes I would be distracted by the ringing of his cell phone. It must have sounded, and she would have gotten off the couch and gone out to answer the phone.
While engrossed in playing my phone and scrolling through the homepage of my social media account, suddenly, “Pravita.” The voice made me drowsy for a moment, not wanting to turn my head all I wanted was to close my eyes and no chatter was going on.
I closed my eyes closer, hoping it was a dream and if I opened my eyes, everything would be as normal as before without him here. I hope it's just a dream.
1,2,3 I opened my eyes…
Well, nothing has changed at all, this infusion hose is still piercing my skin.
Until the afternoon, I no longer saw him enter this room. Until my mother and father came, I did not see him again. Curious where he went, I asked my mother.
“Where is he?” I asked when mamah and papah arrived.
Mamah even rolled her eyes and was smiling indistinctly, “What the hell mah?”
“Why now ask?”
“Heuh?” What do you mean mama?
“You're worried she's gone with another woman?” Mamah pinched my chin. OMG, you think that far. I even meant that he could leave me forever, just so you know.
Not only mamah who is smiling is not clear, but papah too.
“Mamah same papah what the hell? My people just ask me, is it wrong huh?”
Papah shook his head, his clenched fingers covered his mouth which continued to smile tidka clearly.
“Ih, weird.” Dumalku while carrying a blanket that covers my body all day. My legs moved one by one to get off this gurney, the natural grill already greeted me a few minutes ago. Mumpung there are mamah and papah who can help me to go to the bathroom, should have been from earlier but the man I do not know where it went.
“Where are you?” Mom, I asked, holding my arm.
“Bathroom, Mah.”
“Bentar,” Mamah held my hanging infusion so that his position was still above and not interested because of my movement.
“Ah, mah. Pain.” This infusion needle seemed tense inside my skin, I accidentally hit the edge of the iron gurney.
“Ish, come here hold Papa.” Papah came and asked me to walk.
I thought this leg was strong and could walk easily, but it wasn't. However, it turns out my body is still weak. My feet trembling.
“Pah,”
“Why?”
I strengthened my check on papah's arm, before I got to the bathroom, I was no longer able to move my leg. Plus my wrist feels sore because of the needle infusion that accidentally hit earlier.
My knees are getting bent, I don't seem to be strong enough to support my own body. And within seconds, my guess was right. I fell down, though my mom and dad were holding both arms.
“Pravita!”
“What happened, pah, mah?” He came and helped me to stand up.
Without saying much, he carried me back to my bed. Without any intention of rejecting her, I wrapped my hands around her neck. Got me on the edge of the bed and he asked, “Where are you going?”
“Bathroom.”
“Why not call me anyway?”
“No need!” Even though I said in my heart, where have you been since noon?
Blood came out and climbed into the infusion tube, spontaneously squeezing the bell to call the nurse.
“Be careful yes, mom, next time.” He called.
"Mom?" looking young, he called me.
“Mother, I think I'm a mother.” It was me who made the whole room smile.
After the bathroom, I went back to my bed.
“Mah, why say that?”
“The reality is so, sleep. Mamah and papah want to go out first find the wind.” Papah stroked my hair. Looking at those who left, I saw those two backs that were indeed not the same as they used to be. Mamah and papah are getting older, their energy is different. Mama and Papah are now classified as elderly.
Considering all my actions that often fight and defy, I am increasingly aware that my actions like that are wrong. I've never even seen my parents proud of me. I have always and continue to depend on them even to this second.
I wept.
“Why cry?” My attention's distracted. Just by hearing his voice, this fellow was able to make me instantly stop my tears. Just ruin the mood.
Now he was standing near my face, bowing his body. “You sad why?” he asked me softly.
“one of them because of you. You're the cause of my grief, you know?” I answered him by changing my position and I put my face aside so as not to face him.
“When does our holiday take place?” My toot.
There's no answer.
“I ask, when per..”
“Can we talk about this later?” His words cut me off.
Now I turn my head, looking at him. “why not now? Why should it be later?”
“There are many considerations.” The reason being thrown out is very cliche.
“Ck!” I beat, I patted my blanket and pulled it to the shoulder limit.
“why everyone always wants to complicate themselves?” My word.
“not only mamah or papahku who always makes everything feel all difficult, about this statement. If you had known, two days earlier I'd said I wouldn't have continued the marriage. Mama and Papah remained steadfast, until in the end I intended to kill myself. And now..”
“You want to kill yourself just because of this wedding?”
Again he cut my sentence, “iya because you know I will not want to marry you because of what you have done to me first.”
“Then? What have I ever done to you?” The answer is like a corner.
He acted like he had forgotten what he had done before, even now I still remember the details of his behavior.
“Not to be so innocent, I still memorize all the details of the incident and I know very well what your habits are. Yang...”
“What are you talking about, Pravita? Which of my habits?”
“I mean I hate you anytime.” Now I cover my body completely, hiding my face under the covers.
“When the divorce was taken care of?” I came out of hiding. Stopped his steps with one question I asked.
“Talk next time.”
“Why do you keep delaying this conversation? Is it hard to file a divorce? Just go to a lawyer. I know you're not the one who doesn't have money, to pay a lawyer would be easy for you. Apply for divorce for me, the trial, then take care of our business. Already, what's hard?” My firmness.
“Not about a difficult divorce, but lower your ego.” The answer has nothing to do with the topic of conversation.
“Come on, we're still both young. You definitely don't want to be with me for a long time because I did too. We never fit in a long time ago.” I said at length.
Kin I changed my position, sitting on my bed.
"You're always talking about the old one, what happened the other day?" He is like a lost man and denies all the evil he has ever committed.
Before he went through the exit, I stopped him. “Yes, if you don't want to do it, let me come to court and file for divorce.”
He turned around, came at me until we looked at him at a very close distance. “Can't we talk about this later? Don't you think this wedding just happened yesterday afternoon? Think with your brain not with your mouth!” His words were accompanied by his index finger that dared to accuse me.
“What to consider? What do you mean think about people's opinions? Neighbourly whispers? For what?” I said while challenging him.
“We live for ourselves, others have no stake. Why listen to people, huh?” Now my anger is mounting. De javu, it seems like I was once in the exact same contentious situation as the current one.
“You think you live for yourself, but not with me. I don't live for myself, Prav. There are others around me.” That pretentious word
“Ciuh! Not going to advance such a colossal thought. Just like my mother and father who are afraid of losing their colleagues and property if my marriage is void. You are the same. Ancient!” Ketusku. Now I pull my blanket over my whole body. Not for long, there was the sound of the door closing which meant that he had already left this room.