Our Life
Trying to die

Trying to die.

I opened my eyes. My head feels dizzy when I wake up. And is it raining now?

I look around. Dominated by bright yellow wall color, I can clearly distinguish if this room is a bathroom. And I was under the shower. This bathroom is too big for my family. How can I wake up in the shower? This is clearly something wrong.

I took a towel hanging on the wall, then put it on. For a moment I looked at myself in the mirror. This face... Indeed my face. It looks like ten years younger. About fourteen or fifteen years. Is this a dream?

I bit my right palm with extra energy. God fucking. That's sore. There's even blood. Wait, so this is real?

I ruffled my hair with rage. How could this be real? But the pain is impossible to deceive me. Should I kill myself to prove it?

"Ariiiiiss!!! Hurry Son! It's noon! You don't want to be late?!"

That's Mom's voice! That's weird, 'cause he mentioned my name. Usually that woman would call me a 'fucking kid' or a 'bad boy'. It must be a delusion. I think it's okay to enjoy it a little bit. Rarely can I live in a nice house and have a good mother.

"Shhh..." Maybe I should wrap this wound with a bandage first. I bit too hard and inflicted a wound like a monkey bite. Well, I'm the monkey.

I opened the bathroom door. I don't know why this place is too unreal for me. An ordinary boy's room with some action figures on display in the closet. Honestly, this is the thing I wanted to have the most as a teenager. Then a few hundred books in the closet. On the other hand there are many books that are thicker. When I opened a thick book. It was an encyclopedia!

Really am! Everything in this room was the stuff I wanted the most in the past. All of them! "Ariyis! Hurry Nak!"

Ah, I'm still not dressed. I got closer to the closet. Following my instinct. I should have been a Junior High School student. Maybe in third grade. Yeah, I glanced at the study table. There is a bag that seems to have been tidied up. At that time there was a book covered with a batik cover. The book has the name of its owner. I thought I'd write my name.

But not. There, it says the name 'Harist Fernada'. That's not my name. My name is just 'Aris. It makes me feel like this isn't real. Maybe my guess was right before. Maybe I should kill myself first to make sure of the truth. I think it's okay, I'm pretty sure it's not a reality because my name and body name are different. I also opened my eyes in the shower and became ten years younger. I'm pretty sure it's an illusion. I'm sure it's the illusion of a person with illusion-making talent. I gotta get up. Even though my world is very harsh, I'm sure there will be sweet fruits.

I stepped out of the room. This room is on the second floor. This room is not separate from the first floor. From the stairs and the inner guardrail, I can see the first floor. Maybe falling at this height should have made me die.

I dropped myself off the second floor. Falling with loud noises and bone-crushing pain. But I'm not dead. I was just seriously injured. "Aris!"

Look at her face. It was clearly my mother. The rough-mouthed widow that's been tormenting me ever since I was a kid. But her tears make me sick!

He was holding a kitchen knife. His face seemed worried about me. I took the knife in his hand. Then with all my remaining strength I poked the position right in my heart. Pain, choked breath and blood flowing upside down. Simultaneously, my body seemed to be numb.

I hope that when I open my eyes, reality welcomes me. Unfortunately I appeared in the same place as the one before. I showed up in the bathroom. What exactly is this?!

I can't believe this is the truth. Very distrustful. Even if the pain is real, I would rather go back to my bitter life.

With a towel wrapped around my body, I stepped into the kitchen. There was a mother who seemed to be cooking breakfast. There was also an adult male figure who was reading the newspaper at the dinner table. Is this man my father?

"Arise? Why aren't you ready, son?" The woman smiled gently.

Mother looked confused, but still gave the knife to me. Then I cut the pulsating pulse in my neck. I saw blood spurt on Mom's face. I felt as if I had no neck anymore, my breathing was no longer smooth, and I lost consciousness. The last thing I heard was Mom's worried scream.

Seriously! What exactly happened to me?!

I showed up in the bathroom!

I turned off the shower, then put on a towel. Look at my reflection in the mirror. The appearance is still the same. There were no wounds on my body as if the one I died twice before was just an illusion. It's too unreal.

I haven't used my talent since. It's possible that if I can't use it, I'm really in someone's illusion.

With the new assumption, I tried to change to a female form. In the mirror was still me, only with long hair and a beautiful face typical of young women. My chest is still a field and down there it is still trunked. I'm trying to be a cat. Only the nose changed, besides that there were whiskers and cat ears on my head. My hand changed only half. Then my feet from the soles to the knees, turned into the cat's hind legs.

My ability still works. It's exactly like when I was a teenager. My imitation is still not perfect, and I am only able to imitate a few parts. Everything is exactly what I dreamed. A good mother, the things I wanted, being an only child in a happy little family, as well as school as usual. It's all exactly like the desire in my little heart.

But there's still something strange. Why did I come back young? And why am I still able to come back alive after twice dying? I think a third suicide attempt might work.

I looked at the cat's claw that became my palm. A claw of this size should be enough to split the meat. I took out all my claws and moved them to the side of my heart. I wanted to stab my heart with those claws, then forcefully pluck my heart out. If that happens, I won't come back alive.

"Stop!"

I heard the voice of a child who shouted loudly. It shouldn't be my illusion. My movement to pull out the heart stopped. I looked to the right and left. As a top secret agent, I have high vigilance. And in this whole toilet there's obviously no one else but me.

"Please stop! If a third suicide attempt is made, you will be completely dead!" The voice sounded like a child was about to cry.

"Whatchu mean? Then what really happened to me. Explain it or I'll rip my heart out." I said so because the invisible little boy didn't seem to want me dead.

"My lord... You've been transmitted to another world by Madam."

Hearing the Madam's words, all I thought about was Maya. "Who's your Lady?"

"Nyonyaku is the 'Queen of Darkness'. I'm assigned to keep your soul stable in a new body."

"What do you mean transmitted to another world?" That's too absurd. But if you think about it again. 'The 'Queen of Darkness' often carries out the theft of strange items. It was always related to the history of the world or the secrets of the world. There's a chance he's capable of doing that.

"Your soul was forcibly taken by my Nyonyaku. Then it is sent to another world similar to the Earth where you live. An artificial world named 'Our life'. With my presence, I will help you to adapt to the new world. Besides, I know you're a mission maniac. You don't feel alive if you don't carry out a mission. Then I'll replace your Boss to give you a mission." That voice sounds happy. It seemed like the voice echoed in my mind.

"Then... Is your Lady, there in this world as well?" I asked nervously.

"Yes, and I'm not allowed to tell you things about him."

I can only remember the last sentence Maya said before I appeared in this foreign world. If not wrong, the sentence reads. 'Shhh... Brother, soon we are not Adek Brother. Next time you meet, you call me 'Dear' huh?'