Peripheral View
Mama

Today on November 16, 2020, the cloudy and boisterous weather of the wind gently swept my face.

it's a story about the life of someone I met in an empty building behind campus a few days ago, he told me about a piece of life experience he had gone through in the past that has now become a pseudo-shadow that he will always remember in his inner wounds.

I accidentally met him when passing through a place that had been his home all this time, at that time my mind was empty and empty, a little surprised when my eyes looked at his eyes, the same eyes have empty eyes and distant minds glare up at the overcast sky.

"can you see me?"

he looked me in the eye with a deep and piercing gaze, he slowly approached me trying to communicate with the mind that I could hear and feel, his breathing was heavy and his eyes were increasingly glaring.

I nodded and said that I could see and talk to him.

"yes, I can see you but I don't think I can help much!"

I continued to walk behind him and sit on the chair at the end of the road, and I saw him following me.

"i don't need your help, I just want you to hear a little bit of my life story that I can't tell anyone"

this woman seemed so shabby and pitying, perhaps during her life she was less managed.

I sat down and looked forward to what he wanted to talk to me about, something he might think was very important to him.

"i used to have a bit of a bitter life, maybe as bitter as you feel right now, but trust me ending this with death is bad"

he chuckled at me, maybe he knew my mood was not good and it made him communicate smoothly with me, but I just kept quiet and kept waiting for what story he wanted to tell.

"i'll hear your story, hurry up a little, I don't have much time"

"i was a failed mother"

"i died because I felt guilty for my son, I had to lose a baby that never breathed in the world"

for a moment I was stunned, the sound of tearsless sobs began to sound from his lips, he looked up at the cloudy sky, while I did not know what he really wanted to say.

"at that time I was carrying a child that I could not accept her presence, the joy that I would become a mother and the sadness that the fear of my parents was raging in my heart and brain"

I started to understand a little and then I answered the story.

"you were pregnant right before marriage?"

she nodded slowly and her crying tightened.

"i was wrong. I was wrong.."

he hit his head repeatedly, I wanted to calm him but I also did not dare, let him drift in his emotions first maybe he had been holding it for so long.

"who was his father?"

I continued that question to him

"he, my sadness hu.huu.huuu, we did it because we loved each other, but after he found out I was pregnant with his child he no longer wanted to see me, he told me to just kill this child, he said, he kept urging me I couldn't stand huu.huu.huuu"

she was sobbing" I also understood why at the beginning of the sentence she said that she was a failed mother.