REDproject
Chapter 19: Memoirs, The Hope

...The first sheet: the little boy sits in a place like a small box. Exactly what's in the temples....

I opened my eyes. Looking down, my fingers are so small. Then I looked back to the front .. They still came. What are those people saying? They looked down, from inside this box I couldn't hear them. What the hell are they doing? Clutching their hands, did they beg for anything?

I don't remember exactly what happened. They said they've been waiting for me for a long time, waiting for what? I don't get it. They carried me and .. laughed? I was red, they said. Very appropriate, they continued. I am a star, praise them. I'll be saved, screech them. No one can touch me, they said. Is that why I'm here? I still can't understand but .. I'm scared.

I was so scared, I was alone. Small, narrow space. Don't leave me! Oh, they're still coming. They still pray, if I can hear what they beg. But, how is it?

...Sheet two: the little boy sat on a small mattress in the temple, in front of him a large shadow with horns and six wings....

I looked down, my legs feeling further away than before. What is this called, growing? I don't understand, I don't know. It's awful, I'm scared .. to myself. I'm what is this? What am I like? Where am I? And what am I here for? But wherever I walk; I turn; I step, there is only me— alone. What am I supposed to do? I wept. Where I throw my eyes, it's just me. But, is that me? The body begins to shake, is this what is called .. loneliness? Maybe .. I don't understand. Help me someone I beg, help me. Don't leave! Oh, they're still back.

I imitate them too. Seizing both hands; submissive; saying plea. "I wish I could get out."

Yes, come out .. with those people. Like the first time I saw them, patted me on the head and carried me, it was fun. I want to be free. From behind the wooden bars, I spread my hands. "I want to be with you."

One night, I woke up—shocked—for hearing a very loud laughter. Whatisit? In front, I saw a huge shadow figure. It was so big, it filled my little room. I fear. Ah, away! I was back in the white blanket. Shivering, not from the cold, but this emotional turmoil I can't stand, who is he? Why could it be here .. wait, could it be that he heard my plea?

I finally came out of the blanket, looking at him. "Who are you?"

"I'm the one who brought you. They begged the boy, the witch also wished you back. So, I put the soul of destruction that I hold in their wombs. Isn't that nice? Finally...Thanks to their own stupidity, they will die. Ahahaha you were born from pure destruction because the tree still holds your other soul. It's all going to happen again, it's so nice to see this attraction."

I don't understand what he's saying, but hearing that makes my head so dizzy, it hurts. As if hit by something, I blinked. I closed my eyes, because this space was spinning. I have to hurry before I go back .. sleep. "I beg you, get me out."

He laughed again, very hard. I feel disturbed. I was afraid, my body was shaking again. Over time, I felt my soul loose.

"alright. You are made of us demons. If you want, I can take it off."

"Y-yes, I want to. Do ... ce-quickly do, I can't stand."

I ....

I ... walk, I'm out. L'm out. At last.

Behind is so dazzling. The dark hallway vanished, changing the flickering ranks of flames flared up to the front. I didn't want to look back because the light was piercing once, so I ran—tight once—finally. I see the endless sky; the beautiful deep sea; new life is always born. However, there is still only me... I ... where are you?

...The third sheet: a boy standing surrounded by a dense darkness. In the shadow of many laughter; anger; fire; weapons....

That's what? Why is he eating grass? The white feather ball was jumping up and down, was he unable to walk? Is it because this grass pedestal is so soft so it jumps? I don't get it. There is a lake, very clear. The smell of the earth after the rain was indeed soothing, even creatures like large birds and long white necks were coaking.

Maybe he was happy too. I looked at the lake, where the bird was. Strange, he doesn't fly .. swim? No, it must have flown in the water. I also want to .. ah! This lake is too cold, but I see .. shadow, is that me? This me? Looks like them, but those two eyes and this hair are the same color, is this red? I'm red, is that it? I still don't understand.

"The answer I'm looking for is definitely somewhere in the world." Yes, definitely. So, I continued walking.

White ball jumped, I jumped. This grass is soft, so it feels comfortable even if it falls. Above is a large bird. His hands are strange, stretching. I wanted to, too, so I spread my hands. But I don't fly, maybe .. 'cause my hands aren't the same as birds. My hand ... same as, the collection of creatures there. Those creatures are like them, what is it? A human? That's human. It doesn't look like a creature in a collection of trees and shrubs.

Whatisit? They said and I didn't understand. There are many languages. Strangely, the eyes drain water; then the mouth opens; what do they do? They have a lot of emotions, not like animals. They're smart, they make paper planes. Th-that's flying! It's astonishing!

"This man knows who I am and what I am."

I finally came to them. The smell of freshly baked dough was delicious, so I .. then he hit me with a plate. Be ill. My head was dizzy when the plate broke, hitting my head until a red one flowed from the temple. The smell of this dough sinks in a pungent fishy. Apparently, I was red.

They ... eat? Put lots of sweets; fruit; bread in their mouths. Hungry, is that hungry? When do you feel hungry? What to eat? To live? Live to eat or eat to live? I don't get it. However, they always stuck cutlery on me when I got close. Am I food? Grieved, that cold thing entered me. Red is back. Cold, no less cold than my epidermis.

"Go get dirty! I will not give you this food! Everything's mine!"

What'd he say? I could not see clearly, because my vision was shaded. My body is falling, my legs are not strong to refute. Slowly, the frost crept. Then he kicked me in the stomach. It hurts so much, it hurts all the way to the crown. Is this what pain feels like? Greed; Wrath; Gluton, it went into my heart. Then he kicked me again. Stop the. I'm back to smashing red. Can't stand it, it feels painful but .. in the chest like there's more pain than this. Stop the. I was crying, tight. I wept. Hit me. Enough's enough!

They're burned.

I didn't learn anything from them. Just pain. A sharp object penetrated me, then the bullet passed through my body. It hurt so much, I felt this over and over again until usual.

They hit me again, and then he embraced women and did .. do, I don't understand. But I felt something enter me; Sloth; Lust. Then he gave a sharp shriek, I didn't understand what he said but my ears were hot hearing that. Especially in the chest, crumple it feels. Stop the. You're dirtier. No, please don't.

They're chasing me. He said I caused a fire. The race is ruining my body. He said they wanted to be the best. Excellence then it comes in, Pride; Envy.

I learned all that. I absorbed all of that. It's rotting, in my chest.

Whatever they do, it only hurts me. Is this human? I'm human. I'm like them. But ... why? I can't cry, I'm tired. This darkness enveloped me. Help me, I beg you help me. Justjust please. Stop, pain .. pathetic.

"You're finally absorbing Deadly Sins." The sound of laughter again tickled me who was lying limp. My helper angel, he's coming.

I tried to stretch out my hand, pale hand. "Help me," I said in a soft tone. He smiled, then disappeared. Then a shadow came out of my body, radiating into my arm. My hand clasped, a long slender sword. It ... my heart, turned sharp and .. hurt. The pain that you receive, is this it?

The corner of my lips was drawn faintly, forming a sickle arch full of plagues. My gaze was again filled with a gray mist that was so disturbing. Something is stirring in the mind. I felt my lips shake. I bit the bottom, hoping the taste of blood rust gets rid of this feeling. A sad drama.

Not how many lapse all dark. There is no round glow of the sky. Only the dead cover me. Pulling my consciousness .. slowly.

Sheet four: a young man sitting curled up in the middle of a very dark place, no light. Behind the shadows, there was a smile; a wide and deadly smile.

No, this is wrong. No. gabe. They did this to me, didn't they? But, when I do the same, they ... no! What the hell is going on?! Why is her body not moving anymore? The red doesn't stop coming out. Unlike me, they are fragile. It's wrong, I didn't mean .. So, what should I do? I cry in front of them. Those who are stiff elongated, bathed in red liquid. Ii'm sorry. A fishy-smelling liquid splashed onto my face and clothes, black clothes. Since when have I been like this? I saw them die. The whole body stiffened, twitching briefly. This is not true. Stop approaching me. If not, you ....

I'm scared, stop it. Stop getting there, no! I am not able to control myself. I'm afraid of you guys. My tears dried up, I felt tired. I feel dead, but I live. I never expected any of this, had I .. not come out of my place, out of my confinement. Sure, it won't be like this.

"I wish I had never learned about this world, how easy would it be to live if I survived in the darkness, my empty thinking?"

I better make a cage for myself. Yeah, that's better. I finally walked again, I left. My steps were gontai, accompanied by a piercing cold that weighed down my petals. I feel ... tired.

...Sheet five: the figure of a young man on a hill in a lush forest with trees, under which a woman looks towards him....

The humans came to me, they asked for help. Isn't helping good? Yes, I finally helped them. I followed their word. I slashed back, I fulfilled their wish .. dropping others. Is this true? I don't know, but helping others is a good thing, don't you think? However, in the chest felt a turmoil. Heart like squeezed, I refuted my head with one hand.

Seeing this all, in the ribs felt torn.

I walk back, on the wall there I see, my poster? Turns out I changed, no longer red .. dark, is this me? I also feel like I have stopped growing. Below it is a nominal, a lot of zeros. That's value? I heard that zero is emptiness. I'm empty, apparently so.

The people in the city looked at me, what were they doing? The weapon ... no, stay away! What are you guys doing? Don't come near me, if not ....

The humans came back after me, so I always hid. I was trembling, so scared. Until I got a letter, a request from the big kingdom—Luchifenian. I'm fulfilling that call. Unlike the rest of the humans, they did not show any sinister expressions. He said, powerful witches live here so they don't .. afraid? Afraid of what? Maybe, to humans? Yes, humans are scary.

I was standing in front of the hole, quite big. They asked me to check this hole because it strangely appeared in the kingdom. I can't see the bottom, it's so dark. But I felt a calmness from there. Turning around looking at the two soldiers who were following me, couldn't they feel it? Their bodies were shaking with their eyes turned towards me. Are they cold? Finally, I went back to look---

Ah, my body feels light. I fell ... in this hole. The soldier shouted and pushed me. What the hell is he doing? Why would he do something like that? I don't get it. Gravity took me strong. Before long I heard a woman's shriek, was she ... angry? What'd he say? I didn't hear because I've been deep enough. This finally? I had no thoughts of saving myself. Wh-wh-what for? It's an opportunity to end it all, isn't it? Closing eyes. I felt the sound of wind in my ears, too fast I fell. It's okay, no problem. Until a beam of light penetrated into the retina, I was forced to open my eyes. So glare.

"You, you're gonna change everything." The voice was sedating, my body was limp like ... embraced? Fragrant, I feel calm. The four-winged light hugged me. Comfortable. My eyes faintly saw the shady smile of the silver hair. Who her?

In an instant, I was already where I was. What the hell's going on? Looking around, I didn't see the hole or anyone else. Where'd they? Am I right in the same place? Better, I'm out of here. This is not right.

I stepped back and found a quiet place within the small forest. Silent; secluded; where the sound of birds chirping is inaudible; a place I really want to be. Finally, I can lock myself up.

"I'm gonna spend my day here with no one."

The moment I wanted to close my eyes and shut myself in silence, a human voice suddenly sounded. "You yourself too?"

A woman appeared right beside me. Where did he come from, what was Luchifenian and followed him here? How long will it be there? What does she want? I don't understand, I don't understand. I'd better close my eyes again, don't mind him.

...Sheet six: young man and woman sitting next to each other on a hill in the forest, looking calm....

"If you're lonely, is it okay for me to sit with you?"

"Will you live with me?"

He leaned on me, I-I don't understand what he meant. The movement was too sudden, I was surprised .. many times. In fact, the white birds around were flying. Their feathers floated in the air, slightly shiny due to the sun's highlight. Yes, I looked away because he was so close, his face. I glanced a little, but ..I better look at the same blue sky as her eyes.

My heart is pounding, getting louder. I don't understand, what happened to me? Am I freaking out? Might as well. I've never been treated like this, especially given such questions. I jumped back, away from him. "I'll live with myself. Go and leave me alone."

I sped up, climbing up the sturdy green tree branch. I had to find a place that was completely deserted, without anyone .. and, herself. Strange, he was still sitting there but smiling. Smile ... to me? Is that so?

...Sheet seven: the young man followed the woman from behind and the young man looked at her in a different view, like a park crossed by a rainbow....

How fast I ran; how far I sped; how high I jumped, he tailed. Many times I asked him to leave, many times he smiled. Does he not understand what I am saying? But he responded to me, there's no way he doesn't understand. However, it is still the same .. follow me. The next day and the next day after. On a hot day, on a snowy day.

Actually, I don't feel disturbed. I'm not.. trembling, like when the humans chased me. Instead I wish, when I look back .. he was there. Oh, what is this feeling? In my chest, something ...?

I stopped, the rain was pouring down on me. This is common, even I am happy when the water flows on my face, join in the tirta eye. I looked up, looking at that dark sky that was exactly like me. Close your eyes wait. There is no cold, the water stops tasting the epidermis. I opened my eyes again and .. What happened? That water stuck and pooled above me?

"Do you like the rain? Rain gives life, do you want to see?" He stood in front, clasping both his hands behind his back. Still the same, those red lips were still carving a scythe when the sky ball looked at me. He stopped the rain on me? How could?

The fingers lifted up, right on me. Instantly I was stunned, not .. rather, I wanted to know what he was doing. Quickly his hand sped forward, stretching on a wide stretched pedestal. Amazing things happen to me, very quickly.

As his hand moved, the gloomy flick of sky cotton disappeared; the sun was shining gently over his kiran. Green dominates the pedestal; small flowers bloom, the same color in a rainbow blasting over the horizon. Water splashing, shiny tub glitter spread wide. What is this .. I fell, but this meadow is as smooth as silk thread. Instantly everything becomes colored, black; white; red; the view turns soft .., like a rainbow. The woman is so colorful, beyond this realm. Especially finely blown hair. Color is different from nature. Gentle color, as gentle as her smile. Rona I don't understand, rainbow hue.

He was sitting in front of me. The fragrance of his body smelled from the gust of wind, fragrant beating the petals blooming in the air. I'm like .. I can't move. My body was frozen suddenly, with my heart beating incessantly. Me, me-I---

"To be honest, I'm lonely. I don't like humans but .. living alone is painful, right?"

Painful? Yes, pain will be lonely. Instantly the pulse pierced the heart, hearing his soft voice speak so. I clasped my chest clad in my black robe. Sick-ah, she's holding my hand. The warmth of the skin slowly spread on my cold fingers, sending a sense of comfort. He's coming back closer. Real close. We touched, she leaned against my chest.

I-I said, usually I can always do everything but .. cannot move my body. What the hell's going on? My heart is like a drum right now, even my breathing has become disordered.

In the chest, there was an unusual feeling. I don't know what this is, like a desire .. desire for what? Warm, then ... blooming, what is this? How do I express it? This feeling is complicated. Arm level embrace. I could feel his soft body, pressing down on me. Thought I floated, I .. her body scent. A-ah ....

My focus was back when I heard the shrill voice. What the hell's going on? Did I hurt her? At first glance, it was like I was looking at my old self. When they, they ruin me. Wounded me. Like a fallen bird, old and powerless. A sad drama. Perhaps, he also felt like what I felt? Because--

"Don't cry." Spontaneously I returned his embrace, said softly going out without permission, "I don't want to be like this either."

...The eighth sheet: more colored with open wooden windows, depicting a radiant blue sky. In the house, a woman sits on a mattress and under it a young man rests his head on the woman's thigh. Looking calm moreover, the woman stroked the young man's head....

He taught me many things that I did not understand; I did not meet; I did not know. We live in his house. He said he was here .. alone, for hundreds of years. He does not age and I do not age; he is not human and I do not like them; he is alone and I am lonely, we are the same. I see, I think.

This is a small house in the middle of the forest. The construction is simple, one room; kitchen; high roof. A large bed ruled the place, sharing it with tables and wooden shelves. Medicines and herbs are soothing. It's very convenient for me, somewhere to go back, look at him with that smile. I don't want to let go, it feels like with him, enough.

He leaned against the bed; cupped me in a blanket; leaned me against his chest and read stories. There are many stories of hers. Red Ribbon, the story of women who come back to life and then come to lonely men, offers a variety of things. Until one day they ...?

The woman wearing a red ribbon around her neck. They're happy. Until one day, the man asked why he never took off the tape. But a woman's head rolls with the release of the tape. From the beginning, he was not alive. He said the story was creepy, but for me .. Why did the woman come back to life? So that this man is happy? Didn't he? I don't understand, but I like stories.

Merrily, merrily, she's reading me stories day after day. Until my eyes are glazed. Her voice was soft, cheeks met cheeks.

"Good sleep."

Bird's squeak tickled, he woke me up with a kiss. Behind the thick fog of the rising sun. His smile was like rose petals opening one after another. Slowly, calmly.

"Good morning." He never gets tired of saying hello.

When the sun smiles bright .. like him, we try to explore. This is the thing he could never do— he said—because it was alone, but it wasn't. I'm not leaving, I swear to myself.

He recognized me with all sorts of things. White is falling slowly this snow, it feels cold but she is embracing me. Then the white ball jumped it was a rabbit, I used to meet rabbits. I don't know the name of the rabbit, I'm sorry rabbit lord.

Joking and telling stories. We went to the river, the water was clear and swift. Looking biased in the water, oh! I'm so much different from him. I'm very black and he's colored. Pink hair is exactly the color of milk when she mixes sweet strawberries for breakfast. Instantly he hugged me, breaking the daydream. It was as if the world would be destroyed if he took it off. We looked up, his eyes .. shone like the sky without obstruction.

"Black is what makes the color shine more" said the gentle word from her red lips, like a prayer flake. Fishing smile ... me, smile? This is the first time I've felt happy. For the first time, I felt so alive; breathing; running; laughing.

I step back. Now I'm the one who's tailing, don't want to be away from him. I picked a flower, begonia her name. I don't know why I picked it, but it's red. Red, the first color I recognized. That Begonia was now in his palm, shining.

"I'll take care of all this." Then he put it on, on the head. Paras ayu, the more luminous. Me, i-i-emh ....

There are many stories in his book. Stars Vega and Altair; Orihime and Hikiboshi, they live happily together, until the Sky King separates them. They separated the Amanogawa—gallaxi Milky Way— river and were only allowed to meet once a year in the evening of the seventh day, the seventh month. If it happens to rain, the Amanogawa river becomes overflowing and cannot be crossed. Then a flock of kasasagi birds flew over to the grieving Hikoboshi and Orihime; marching to form a bridge, so that they could cross over and meet. That's the story I like the most.

Then he gave me a name, Hikiboshi. He asked me to call him Orihime. As their story goes, although it is difficult to meet . for sure, there will be help to always be together. I like that name, better than any human gave me. I kept calling her name, day after day. I believe, however ... we will be together, in the constellation Lyra.

I don't understand what love is, it's too abstract for me to understand. However, if this happiness; this comfort; this warmth; this togetherness is love. Then I, love him.

"I love you." As if to bloom time with a flame in every word.

"I love you." As if to seize time with the words.

Orihime liked the apple caramel, so Hikiboshi liked it too. It was so sweet, as sweet as her lips.

Orihime liked begonia, so Hikiboshi liked it too. It was so fragrant, so sweet of him.

Orihime liked silk, so Hikiboshi liked it too. It was very soft, as soft as his skin.

Orihime likes strawberry milk, so Hikiboshi likes it too. It was very colorful, the color of his hair.

When he screams, I'm always worried. I was scared .. to hurt him. However, he rubbed my face with knuckles, eyes dim and shady. Then he approached me, emitting a sweet scent. It whispered softly and its warm breath tickled the ears, making me float. The air feels hot, like in a furnace. Slowly my eyes clouded and my consciousness was taken away. I hope, I didn't scratch it one bit.

She said, if she understood the concept of marriage, she wanted to be with me. I didn't understand what he meant but his face was sad. I-I hugged him, don't cry I beg you. Merrily, merrily. I also do not understand the meaning of that sentence, if the earth. He said it was a sacred ritual. But what am I, deserved?

Then he taught me about God. He is the Creator, the Almighty, the Great. Everything in this universe is his creation. Something must have created something and God is the creator of everything, the creator of it above the creator. Including him, and. God has found us. He taught me about good and evil.

Bad, hated by God. Goodness, loved by God. Then I will keep His commandments and keep away from His prohibition. God doesn't like his servant to hurt myself, so I stop hurting myself. He wants me to be .. respect myself more, so I do.

Lord, if You hear me, I am so grateful. Thank you for bringing me into this world. Full of color. Thank you for meeting me with him. It was a thanksgiving in silence, as silent as the tears that melted down my cheeks. I woke up alone .. The world feels lonely. No, what I was thinking. He is still asleep, next to me .. and will continue like this. My tears are fat, like pearls. Sobbing; slow; polite, not wanting to wake her up. Thank you, Lord. I can't stop being grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We have a lot of time, a lot of time. I'm glad he doesn't age, like me. It doesn't matter that I live eternally. The origin with it feels like not a curse, but a blessing. Until I feel. .. tired. I fell down, curled up inside .. hugged him.

"Good sleep."

Uh.

Fearful.

So scared.

What the hell am I doing?

I should have realized this a long time ago.

I, don't deserve this.

In the end, repeat the same thing.

Mortal, everything lies .. illusion, mirage.

I should've realized earlier, i----

...Sheet nine: the woman looks away like she wants to run, far behind her is the young man who fell down. A pitch-black aura surrounded the young man plus a shadow that resembled a horned angel in the back. The angelic shadow had a wide smile, so wide as to be creepy. The young man stretched out his hand, like he wanted to reach a woman he could no longer afford....