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Before That

The sky was dark that day. Edgar stepped up with a trembling body and a bursting sadness.

He still can't believe this is all happening. Many times he wished this was a nightmare and he would soon wake up.

But the arrangement of flowers in the funeral home, the arrival of relatives and school friends seemed to confirm that it was all real.

It's not a dream, but Edward the father is gone and will never come back. 15-year-old Edgar was so claustrophobic.

Edward's shared memories that were very close to him so far, such as the slide show that was repeated in the teenage's mind. He stepped in accompanied by Angga, Ello, and also Dino toward the father's coffin.

His body almost collapsed seeing Edward was stiffened, and had been in clothes and dressed in such a way.

"Pa's."

That was the only word that could come out of his lips. Soon enough, the handsome teenager also sobbed in regret.

He blames himself for asking on the phone, and doesn't wait until his father gets home.

Life and death are a certainty. And what is the cause is just an excuse.

Edward was driving in a sleepy state. It's not Edgar's fault. But for Edgar he was the cause of what happened to the father.

***

While at the police station.

Marvin who was not so badly injured but in shock, now gave a statement. The real thing is that they collided at the red light, where they first met and then had a bump.

This time it was not Marvin who broke through the red light, but Edward. Because the man is sleepy and may not notice the traffic light that has changed color.

Edward hit the back of Marvin's car. Until Marvin took off, while Edward himself flew a meter high car then overturned. Air bag failed to inflate.

From the other direction came a truck that was speeding, then hit the man's car. Until a dozen meters.

That's what caused him to leave forever. While in the correct position, Marvin remained silent at the scene. He also saw that the victim was Edward.

Marvin was dumbfounded and trembling as officers arrived at the scene. When he met Dean and Igor, he still could not answer the question.

***

Time pass.

Edgar was silent, as his father's tomb was closed and fitted with a sign in accordance with the beliefs held.

The big family sprinkles flowers. While Dean who was carelessly taking care of Marvin, now arrived and immediately approached the teenager.

"Edgar" he approached and touched Edgar's shoulder.

Edgar is still fixated on his father's grave, while one by one the mourners have left the place.

"It's Edgar's fault, um." The teenager said with regret.

"If it wasn't for Edgar, papa wouldn't have left so soon" he continued.

"All is the will of the universe, Edgar. Don't blame yourself."

Dean tried to comfort and calm one of his patients. Even though Edgar still with the same feeling.

***

At school, the day before the heartbreaking incident.

"Gar, do you sometimes miss the same as your nyokap?"

Angga who just two months ago left the mother to leave for good, asked Edgar who had no mother since childhood.

"Yes miss him sometimes, but I also have no memory of him. You see, when he died, I was 11 months old, said Bokap." replied Edgar.

"And the photos don't exist" he continued.

"There's no picture at all!" ask Ello wonder.

"We are not born in the digital era" he continued later.

"The saying used to be a lot. Only our old house was flooded, and all the photos fell on the flood. When I was a kid, I wasn't as rich as I am now. Still pursuing a career as well. And we have lived in areas that often flood." replied Edgar.

"Oh that's it."

Angga, Ello, and Dino nodded their heads.

"Lo bule ya?" ask Dino.

"No, middle east said Bokap. His name was Ameera." again Edgar replied.

"It doesn't even exist in the middle east at all" Angga said.

"I don't know, because of the mix times." replied Edgar Sotoy.

"Oh yeah, like I've seen on tiktok." said Dino.

"There's a father India, a mother Thailand what China is. It was like a bule." he continued.

"What time?" for the second time Ello asked.

"Yes there, forgot whose account name I was. Anyway he's one of the famous tiktokers." replied Dino.

"We used to think you were a bule" Ello told Edgar.

"Yes, my neighbors also do not think that my father is local." said Edgar.

"Never mind, lo again the same way bokap lo. Keep calling him, and the shocked person bokap lo." asked Angga.

"Often." replied Edgar with a laugh.

"The worst said gini, koq bule son really ya. The son of the cheating binyya tuh."

"How do you want to go?" ask Angga.

"Yes angry at me. This is my son, why not look like me. She looks like her mother. It's like that." said Edgar.

They all laugh.

After school, Edgar did the work of his famous fierce teacher. He was a smart kid at school but also a bit stubborn.

Many times he and his three friends make cases, but always covered by intelligence and achievements they have.

Edward forgives Edgar's delinquency, as long as the boy is responsible for his grades at school and Edgar agrees.

He continued to do the work and there were some things he did not know. So he went to the father's private library, and intended to find some books there.

He climbed up the folding ladder and looked up to the top of the shelf. He found the book he wanted. But when he got the book, something fell out of it.

Edgar came down and saw the thing. It turned out that the photo of a woman was like a middle eastern descendant, but her skin was quite dark. Edgar turned the photo upside down and there was writing behind it.

"In loving memory, Ameera Al Rashid."

Edgar smiled, because the photo of the mother was still there. But then he realized something strange.

Yes, Ameera skinned tends to be dark. Same with Edward's skin color. But the color of his own skin is pure white.

Edgar began to feel something strange. And again the beliefs of his father and mother are definitely different. They can marry in such circumstances.

"Wait's?"

What a child he was out of wedlock, thought Edgar. If yes, why the color of the skin is different from them.

The curious Edgar finally opened the book he had just picked up. There might be another clue stored in there. And it turns out to be true, there's a photo of Edward with Ameera. Behind the photo is written,

"I still didn't expect you to leave so soon. Before we can fight our love to a more serious level."

Edgar paused for a moment on those words.

"That means they're not married" he murmured.

The teenager continued reading.

"My lovely Ameera, 1975-1999."

Edgar was shocked and read it again. If Ameera has been dead since 1999, she is not her mother. Because he was born in 2007.

She was planning to finish her homework from school. Now even dismantle and look for other evidence in the room.

After a while of struggling, he found pictures of Edward's marriage to another woman in 2005. Then there was a divorce letter in 2007, when he was a baby.

There he finds a second wedding photo of Edward, with a woman named Winny. Edgar remembered his stepmother. Edward divorced her for physical abuse against Edgar, who was three years old at the time.

Edgar continued to look for other evidence, until last night. And as the morning approached, he was struck by the discovery of an adoption letter.

It says the date, month and year. And a letter of approval from the court. The baby was officially Edward's son and was named Edgar O'Brien Panggabean.

Edgar's heart was racing. There were sudden emotions as well as sadness overflowing in his heart.

He tried to contact Edward many times and only connected when the incident occurred.