Dreaminations
I'm Back

"I thought I was dead, but something strange happened to me."

~Dianna Lin Xingnian (17th)~

My name is Dianna, I am 17 years old, I was just a simple girl in the Southern Qingjing of Long Law city before.

My life is not so bad, but it is not so good, but until one day I experience something that I think is beyond human reason, my soul crosses space and time. Passing through different dimensions. I guess, my soul will be tossed about in the sea of time, and not be able to return to my original world again.

But it turns...........

I went back to my life 11 years ago, when I was 6 years old, I was just a little talkative, quiet and when I spoke my voice was very small, that was one of my biggest weaknesses, until I was bullied in elementary school.

I'm an introverted kid, and in the end I changed my personality slowly after graduating from elementary school.

ㅜㅜ

My family's life wasn't as lucky as most of my friends, whose parents were still at least together.

I was born in a simple family, and a little lack of it is yes to think about it.

I live in a boarding house, with only 1 room I was a child at that time, maybe, in my mind I would have a happy family, if my parents did not fight every day. Haha ^_^

~Denis Lin Neiara (21th)~

Denis, that's my brother's name, in this life he's only 9 years old. She's a good sister and also a shitty sister simultaneously, her attitude has a balanced percentage. .....Hiz.....

But I think his mentality when it was weak, really a little bit more would be destroyed, my brother became a rough kid for a few years, he often hit me when he was angry, I couldn't even fight him. But since, he may have accepted everything and become more mature, he is quite a good brother and daughter, understanding although still often angry anyway.

How not, though,

"she's the first daughter." Ygy Haha's.

The family that I thought was going to be a happy little family, like in the movies, even with a low economy. It is not a barrier to happiness.

Destiny says otherwise, it turns out that it is just an opinion and mere expectation, facts and reality that speak now. ;)

I was born into a family with parental divorce issues.

And in the year I passed, very close to my mother and father who were about to part.

Which until now I am still unclear about the cause of their separation. To my knowledge they accused each other of cheating.

I don't know which one is true, and which one is honest.

It broke me and my brother, even though he didn't say anything when it happened, but I knew he was just as broken as I was. Because after all he was born earlier than I was. I think he knows better about our parents' relationship.

I was very disappointed with both my parents.

It is all because of their ego that they forget that they have two little daughters who need to be cared for, given affection and educate them well, until they grow up to be an accomplished child.

In every harinua, they only fight in front of me and my brother, every time they come home from work, without any mental worry of his children. Is your child happy or vice versa.

Whether they think of their child being scared or not, seeing their parents fighting constantly.

By looking at scenes like a fight.

"Is it appropriate for that age?."

Not only that, they also demanded that I be an intelligent child, it was normal, but whether they understood the appearance of their children, whether there was a problem with their child's physiologic, he said, did they teach their children well??. Their ways were wrong from the start:).

With yelling and hitting, plus seeing violent scenes. Is that allowed?

"They demanded that I be a smart kid but there was no good support and encouragement."

Again they almost ruined my mental breakdown. I was very small, but I accepted it.

God gave me mentally as hard as steel, those things helped me grow with a strong heart, taught me a little bit of the meaning of life.

Maybe because they used to be very young, and could not live in a household. My positive thinking towards them, I understand everything, I still respect them.

But still, what was my fault until they decided to split up?. My brother and I live with my dad. And my mother left home.

"What once did they think of me?."

Forget it, "Or have they ever wished they were together again?."

Whether this was luck or not I had an understanding nature, so I was more like a good child, no repeated complaints for their separation, and again I was a child, he said, what can I do?.

"Maybe if I'm an adult then I can stop them from separating." This is what stuck in my mind.

Yes I'm silent but my head is boom💥

Things I've always thought about, like

"Why did they split up?."

"I want to love my mother and my father at the same time." To get his affection, I have to go there and come here. I want to go to one point and meet them together.

"I miss the days we were together."

"It's full of happy laughter."

"Eat and drink together."

"Go for a walk together."

"Is it wrong if I just ask for a harmonious family?."

Every day after they separated I wondered to Him, what was my sin until I was separated from my mother?. I cry in silence.

I could only quite accept everything and forcefully smile at the end.

I envy the sight of my elementary school friends, when they are picked up home from school with their mother or father, they are like children who are truly cared for, loved and cherished.

"It makes me so jealous sometimes".😟

I was like a child who was not cared for by my parents. I put on my own clothes and prepared all the school needs myself. And my brother helped me too, but he was also a little boy back then, so he didn't really know how to tidy up his clothes, tie his hair and so on. I used to not pay too much attention to appearance and neatness.

The days we passed and we used to be independent, I took a lot from my feet, how to tie hair, wash, iron, and so on. I don't know where he learned it from, maybe he learned it from his friend.

I can't ask my father for too much help, because he can't take care of a daughter, he's just busy working and doesn't pay much attention to me and my feet, like (essentially me and my brother are in good school).

He just demands good grades.

But after I got it, there was no response.

Me Belike: It's Okay:), fighting!

But, without him knowing with his indifference, I look dirty and grumpy in the eyes of my friends. I was scorned by my classmates, for my clothes were less clean, and I had black skin, too often exposed to the sun. (i often walk home from school because I was not picked up and without a jacket.)

My shoes are torn and my socks are broad. Plus I was quiet and my man was often ridiculed like the sound of a rat after speaking. My teacher also gossiped about me when I didn't have money to go to her tutoring (my friend told me).

"How can I not believe it?."

When I was humbled and scorned, even my teacher did not defend me at all. I was shunned by my schoolmates, but at least I had a few friends, although they were also often ridiculed. ;)

What a terrible circle.

In my silence I often think of something I shouldn't have thought of. Random thoughts arise when I am silent.

....Like the....

"How many people died, happy, crying, and angry on one day at the same time?."

"Does 1 ant have 1 life or does a group of ants have 1 life?, because they are so small." If I step on an ant accidentally don't I kill so many lives?.

"Everyone has a pretty face or a handsome one, when you look at them with your heart."

I watched people on the street when I came home from school like that. Every part of his face looks good. They have their own beauty.

Forget my mindset for a moment, next

Other than my life in elementary school, my life at home wasn't so good, after my mom and dad had a fight, and my mom decided to leave, my dad moved house, and my mom moved out, though my house was very close to elementary school at that time, for this reason, I had to walk so far in the hot sun when my father was slow to pick me up.

The three of us, me, my brother and my father lived in a house where my father worked. His boss was kind to my dad to the point of letting us stay there.

The bad thing was that I was almost harassed by my father's coworkers. Because I am quiet and obedient. I don't know what they did I did, I was so stupid back then. What I remember was someone asking me to watch a movie.

At first I didn't know what it was and I just watched it, with my dad's friend, who strangely touched me, I guess he just touched me normally because I was very small, so like his own son, he said, Until one day when he kissed me, I could just shut up, you think what a 6-year-old can do?, I don't know that's a bad thing. Until one day my father saw me watching the strange video and scolded me all out, hitting me with a broom. Shouting at me and so on.

I then realized it was very bad and until now I was very embarrassed and thought I was that stupid??.

And I thanked my father for scolding me, so I had my own taruma. In the future maybe I will not repeat it and always be vigilant with people around.

But I also felt ashamed of my father for some time, why am I so stupid. 😭🙏

And in my past life, until I was in junior high school, that's where my life changed quite a bit, I started all over, I changed a little bit my personality, became a chatty kid, not shy etc.

I did it because I had my own taruma. Fear of being ostracized again, for example.

Having good friends too, even 1 class was my best friend. I ran into a lot of problems, but I don't know why I got through it all with a smile. Because I believed in God at that time,

"All problems have a way out, if you are calm in dealing with them."

Every time I encounter a problem I think that, this is just a small problem. I told myself with passion.

"Only this, I can." By taking a breath and then exhaling slowly and smiling.

"Relax Dianna, she's testing me again, I can."

And, it all just passed.

I realized to myself that I was growing up pretty well.

Although there was a slight problem in my nature, I became a girl who paid attention to appearance, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of mispronouncing after I turned into a judesque and cold child.

I always introspect myself and insecure at night.

When there was the spread of the cocorus-91 virus, I was at home, I was like a pig eating and sleeping. Then I felt like I had to exercise. I do skin care so that my skin back white, I really take care of myself, I used to look for ways to whiten the skin so as not to be ridiculed by people again, and now I often do treatment. It is true what people say that.

"Hard work doesn't betray results."

Until one day I went up to class to become a vocational high school kid at Garden High School. I started to feel a big change in myself.

I became 2 times taller, I slowly became a little white and I actually saw a striking difference in myself from before.

Everything went quite well, I became a smart and cheerful girl at school with my friends.

But with my face judes plus me who still has a quiet nature. There are a lot of misunderstandings going on. I became the girl who was "Bodo very" "cold" in the eyes of others, it was not a big problem the point in the eyes of my friend I was a dilapidated girl. 😂😂

At night, my mass billowed into my head. All life then comes to my mind.

Insecure thinking arises, the desire to have a happy family arises again. All the envy that I have had on my friend has appeared. Even with the smallest details.

I realized, and was well aware that in my little heart, I still wanted a good family life, a good mass life and so on.

I honestly, I feel a little envious of my friend.

"They can bring their mother's breakfast to school."

"Confuse about their mother at home."

"Tell them about their interactions at home."

"Taught many things by their mother."

"Wake up in the morning."

"Give me love every day."

Okay, I go to see my mom a lot. But I don't get so much affection.

I try to get rid of all the negative thoughts at night so I can sleep.

Very difficult. I calmed myself. I built my own mood.

All that has passed now, I get a second chance at life.

From the second in which I was born again, I was determined that;

"i want to be happy!"

"I'll change everything!"

"Repairing all the mistakes I once regretted"

"Shut their mouths that humbled me"

In this moment, I am Dianna, will change the course of life. Making a new path in my own life.

With my little hands, my thoughts in the past, and my soul.

I was so determined to get something I couldn't get.

It may seem selfish, but please be aware that, I am just an ordinary human being in general, who wants something more unknowingly or with full consciousness, making this self selfish, self-centered, sometimes not bad.

I don't want to waste the "second" life given by Him.

Maybe this spent all my happy life and luck as a creature of God's creation.

But no problem, I'll take it as best I can. Like the other tests, I think this is one of my tests.

I'm going to do it, I'm going to try hard again.

"If I feel something is strange."

But how else, I'm already here. I'll enjoy it.

What is my day, which is just an ordinary human being.

"What I can do pray and ask Him is my way of life."

My life started again from TK🤗.

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