Grudge from Paralyzed Husband
Chapter 9

I and Mbok Asih were taken to the hospital by Uncle Fendi. My heart is uncertain, disbelief is still coming, not believing if Mama really has gone.

Every second I pass feels so long. Even the footsteps of Mbok Asih and Uncle Fendi felt very slow. The situation around me right now, feels like a slow motion.

"Ashir ..." Uncle Fendi touched my shoulder. We stopped right in front of a room that read 'Bodies'.

I fell silent, unable to hold back my heart and feelings. Slowly but surely, my tears fell accompanied by a stifled sobs.

"Den ...," I heard Mbok Asih's voice.

His hands clasped tightly onto mine, as if trying to strengthen through touch. The shadow of the middle-aged woman was not clear because my gaze was blurry, covered by tears.

Slowly, the door to the mortuary opened. A familiar face greeted me as soon as the door opened perfectly, Doctor Herman's face.

"Come in." The first word that came out of Doctor Herman's lips, after seeing our whereabouts.

Mbok Asih pushed slowly my wheelchair into the morgue. My heart kept going, until my chest felt so tight.

Tears kept flowing, even though I tried to hold back. Even now my sobbing sound is getting clearer when I see something covered in white cloth, stretched stiff before me, it's Mama's lifeless body.

"The victim died from bleeding in the head. Besides ...," Doctor Herman paused his words, he let out a long sigh, as if his heart was so heavy as to convey the cause of Mama's death.

"The body of the victim was charred almost 75% ...," said Dr. Herman.

"Ma-ma ..." My hands are outstretched, wanting to open the white cloth cover on Mama's face. I want to see that shady face of ayu, that face that almost 10 years ago, I accidentally erased from memory.

"Don't ..." Uncle Fendi held tightly to my outstretched hand. "You won't be able to see it, Azwar." The eyes of the tall sturdy man were bwrkaca-glass.

"Let me see Mama's face, Uncle," I cried with a stifled sob.

"But ...,"

"Let him, Fen." Doctor Herman approached, then held my hand tightly, leading me to open the white cloth.

"Astagfirulloh ..," said Mbok Asih, then hugged me from behind.

"Mrs, Den! Mistress ...!" Mbok Asih cried bitterly, while continuing to hug me.

Uncle Fendi held the tip of the white cloth, about to cover the part of Mama's face that looks charred.

"Don't, Uncle." My antagon.

"But Azwar ..."

"Let me see Mama's face one last time. Although ..., even ..." My crying is breaking.

"Mama .., Mama ..." I kept announcing that word, a word I never mentioned nearly 10 years ago.

There were breaths of Doctor Herman and Uncle Fendi. Perhaps they were also struck by the sudden departure of Mama.

"How about Robi? Has the body been found?" The question that Doctor Herman asked, managed to annoy me.

"Yet. We haven't found Robi's body yet. Supposedly, the body was not far from the location of the exploding car. But, until now we have not managed to find him," Uncle Fendi explained.

"In fact, after checking CCTV around the accident site, we did not find Robi in Puspa's car before the accident occurred. Puspa, drive the car itself, without Robi ...,"

"Then where's Robi?"

"That's what we're still finding out. The driver of the trailer that hit Puspa's car also disappeared. Even we received a report, if the trailer was lost stolen 2 days ago ...,"

"This accident was intentional ..." I cut off Uncle Fendi's conversation with Doctor Herman.

"Our guess is like that too, Azwar. But we are still investigating. Before the results come out, we cannot draw any conclusions ...," Uncle Fendi explained.

"Who would have killed my Mama ..,"my spirit, then looked at Uncle Fendi and Doctor Herman alternately.

****

Rinai rain soaked my body, falling over my head and flowing slowly through my eyes. This rain water seemed to understand, deliberately falling to disguise my tears that could not stop flowing.

I'm heartbroken, I'm disappointed. A great pain filled the chest. I really can't accept any of this, even though Mama's body is buried under a mound of red earth in front of me.

"Den, let's go home." Mbok Asih held my shoulders softly.

"Mbok Asih go home first. I still want to be here." I stared at the gravestone engraved by Mama's name.

There was no reply from Mbok Asih, but the sound of his steps was heard away.

"Ma, why did you leave me. Ten years, Ma ..., ten years we've been apart. All this time, I was forced to endure a great longing, just for the sake of an ego. But why, after we met now, Mama left me. Why Ma, why ...," 

My throat hurts from trying to hold the sob. Really, I actually wanted to scream out loud, but my strength seemed drained at this moment.

"Ashir ..." I turned my head for a moment, when Doctor Herman's voice sounded. The middle-aged man stood aside, without even turning his head or looking at me. His hand held a black umbrella, a color commonly associated with grief.

The look on Doctor Herman's face looked grim, as bleak as the weather today. 

"Patience, Son. Everything that happens has come from the Creator. The event will still come on time, though as hard as we can try to prevent it." Doctor Herman continued to stare straight ahead, where the mound of red earth sprinkled with flowers was located.

"So, what exactly caused your accident?" 

Not immediately answering, Doctor Herman sounded a long sigh. "The wound in Puspa's head that caused him to die ...,"

"I didn't ask about the cause of Mama's death, but I wanted to know what the real cause of Mama's car could be upside down and burning!" My voice's up.

As tight as this chest feels, every time you imagine you are in that overturned, burned car. I don't think my brain can imagine what Mama was like at the time.

I know exactly what Mr. Robi looks like. He was the most cautious person I had ever known, so it was impossible if the car he was driving overturned and caught on fire due to a single accident.

"Azwar ..., calm down." Doctor Herman patted my shoulder gently.

"I won't calm down until I know exactly what caused your accident."

"About that .., still being investigated by Fendi. We can only accept the results, next week." 

"Too long!"

"Azwar .., everything needs a process. We could have drawn our conclusions from the initial investigation. But it's not necessarily in line with what's really going on. So ..."

"What about Mr. Robi? Does anyone see and know where he is?" I interrupted Doctor Hendra's words.

"no one yet. We're still looking for Robi's whereabouts."

I'm termangu. My brain is full of prejudices and possible causes of the accident that took Mama's life.

Everything feels lame. Moreover, with the disappearance of Mr. Robi, it makes me think that the accident was not an ordinary accident.

Ma, I promise, I'll investigate all this.