Heartbreakers
05. Reunions

As I thought, my life was fine after Dad left. So too for Mom. Slowly, Mom started to get up. His days were no longer filled with cries like yesterday. Mom even started running her pastry business. Make it bigger and growing, not limited like when there was a father first. Although I ended up being more diligent to go home to accompany Mom until I thought she could really accept her divorce from Dad.

Even though I have more time at home, I still do my writing. My notebook never misses even though I helped Mom make a neighbor's cookie. Just like Keenan, I also like to be curious about what I write and give up because my writing is too small and thin.

Just like Keenan and Princess, I started to open up to Mom. I tell you anything about myself. As much as possible I will not pretend or ignore him. Mom is the only family to me and I can't waste it. Whatever happened to me, I think you should know too, including my feelings for Keenan first.

“The best way to approach a man is to be his friend. There is no serious friendship between a man and a woman. One of them will definitely fall in love.”

That's my three words when I said that I was satisfied with being friends. After that, Mom even told me about the story of her college friend who married her own best friend. It was as if it was encouraging me: it was possible that I could end up doing well with Keenan.

But still I shook my head. That opportunity will never exist. Keenan is a loyal person. So, he couldn't have left Dinda for no apparent reason just for me. Once again I told you—to Mom and myself—if I'd given up on how I felt during his last basketball game in High School. I was just about to show Keenan a special letter that I wrote at the end of the game, until I realized that it was missing from the ins and outs of my notebook.

No, my head shook in doubt. There is no way the letter is lost. I hurried to tell Mom to look for the letter to the room, maybe it fell there. I gave up, but I will never forget those memories. That letter was my only good memory of him, already one of my most precious things. I can't just lose that letter. One day I'll have to give Keenan that letter. That's my promise to my own feelings.

My brain is spinning, recalling the last memory of me holding or playing the letter. It seems like I haven't read it at all. My mother and I were busy adapting to the changing atmosphere of the house. Three weeks it looks like—wait. Exactly three weeks ago, I seemed to open it at a glance in the storage room of SLSY's donated items.

“True,” I said inwardly. My eyes began to shine in hope. However, there was no way I could look for him now. It's night now and Mom won't allow me to go out for such ridiculous reasons. Well, maybe I understand, but it doesn't feel right for a girl to come out this late.

I decided to look for him early in the morning. I'll ask Mom's permission to follow her to court after getting the letter. I'm pretty sure that I can find it easily considering these three weeks—to be exact after the charity event at the orphanage—there aren't many people in and out of the storage room.

Alright. Now I can relax a little. I'll go to bed earlier today to wake up earlier. The best plan I can do now.

Tomorrow, at 06.00 WIB I am already at the SLSY Secretariat. Mother let me go after hearing my true reason. He even allowed me not to take part in his divorce trial and Dad even though I immediately refused because my intention was to stay with him.

Getting there, it turned out that the storage room door was locked. I'm stupid because I didn't ask Kak Lintang or Kak David where the keys were kept. For thirty minutes I waited for both answers, then I knew that Keenan was the one who brought.

The next twenty minutes I spent contacting Keenan. It was really a hard struggle to get her to pick up the phone from me. It was only briefly—only had time to convey what I mean—because the next minute Keenan's phone back inactive, no matter what.

There was nothing I could do but wait for him. I also could not contact him anymore because other than his number was off, my phone battery was also dying. I forgot to fill it up last night because I was too freaked out to find that piece of paper. Uh. While waiting for Keenan to come, I will look for a charger that usually left SLSY children in the secretariat. Half an hour is enough to turn on my phone again, if there is a charger left behind.

Sure enough, I found a white charger that read ‘star’, which in my opinion belongs to Kak Lintang. Relax, I plug the cable into the phone connector. Successfully, my phone started to fill up. While charging the battery, my hand picked up the notebook from inside the blue totebag. Reopen the pages one by one to make sure the tearing of the letter is really not there.

Twenty-five minutes since I scanned the book, Keenan came. His face was half lazy as he handed the storage room key. Again asked if I needed the key while his hand plugged the charger plug next to my phone charger. Looks like his phone is both dying. The number should be inactive.

Then I left, leaving Keenan who started playing his phone. I deliberately rejected his offer to help me. Of course, if he finds the letter and reads it first, then all his good views of me are destroyed. Or maybe he thinks I used the parents' quarrel yesterday to get close to him. No, I don't want to be considered that low, even though a small part of my brain does think so.

As soon as I opened the door, I ran the door with a small brick so that the door was not closed and locked by myself—because of the type of door that will not open from the inside. The key I let was hanging in the hole so I wouldn't have to have any hassles getting him to and fro. From end to end, I traced them one by one neatly lined cardboard boxes. Check who knows there is a piece of paper tucked inside or in between.

This storage space was not very large, but its contents were quite dense. There are about a hundred kilograms of sugar, three quintals of rice, two to thirty liters of cooking oil and piles of other cardboard containing second-hand clothes worth using. I'm sorry I underestimated the search for a piece of paper that didn't turn out to be this easy. Now I doubt if I'll be able to find that piece of paper.

I was getting tired of looking when my watch showed at half ten in the morning. That means I've spent an hour without success here. Keenan may have gone home or fallen asleep because I didn't come back.

“Ra, still here?”

I just thought about it, that guy showed up. At first he was just standing at the door, looking at me crouching on the floor as my hands touched the contents of the cardboard and the intercard cavity. I think the question is ridiculous too. Obviously he still sees me here, but still he asks too.

“What are you looking for anyway? It's been an hour you're ubek-ubek stuff here. What can I help you with?” ask while taking a relaxed step. So relaxed that his feet accidentally tripped over the bricks I used to block the door until his body fell on the floor and did not have time to hold the closed door. “Aw! It hurts so bad,” ringisnya.

I laughed for a while, and I helped him. Underestimating how careful she was in walking, asking her to really wake up from sleep. Keenan could only sneer softly, powerless to reply to my jokes.

“I think I was unlucky today. Waking up is told directly to the secretariat, waiting for an hour, and stumbling the door until it falls. Moreover—”

Suddenly my laughter faded. Keenan and I automatically looked at each other, our eyes widened, realizing something.

“Door!” we said simultaneously. Instantly we reached for the door, pulling and pushing it with all our might. Whatever we do to keep it open. However, nil. The door didn't move a thing.

“Where's your HP? We can ask the Princess for help or anyone who lives nearby. They can definitely help us,” I suggest trying to calm down.

But Keenan even shook his head, “Still charged with your HP there.”

My lips sighed unconsciously. My feet also walked back and forth to think of other plausible ways. My original purpose of getting into this room was gone already. I probably won't get the letter and miss the opportunity to accompany Mom in court.

Damnit. Don't accompany Mom, just calling her can't do.

“Ra, quiet dong. We can think together. There must be a way out,” persuade Keenan slowly.

“Where can I calm down? I should be in court two hours, accompanying Mom. But I'm instead stuck here without any tools we can use,” I deny fast. If I hadn't, I could have sworn Keenan off for ruining my plan.

“And there's me here too. I promise we'll be able to get out. I'm sorry yes, Ra,” he said again half begging.

“Even if you're here, but my mom's not here. I'm the only child, I should have been there,” my reply was frustrated.

Keenan. His eyes were deeply filled with guilt. Once again his lips opened and said, “Sorry me, Ra.”

I let out a sigh. I won't win with Keenan. His sincerity can really persuade me who is emotional. For a second I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Ready to talk with a cool head.

“OK. What can we do now to get out of here?” I started to calm down.

His head was lifted back. A hint of cheerfulness was present in his eyes even though guilt was still controlling. “Maybe we can try the way in soap operas. We fall in the key using a hairpin or a safety pin and we drag it through the bottom of the door. How?”

Replace me who shakes. “See the gap under the door,” my hand points to the bottom of the door, “just there is a difference of about four to six millimeters. That's so small. While this key is about one centimeter thick. Not yet added with other keys and hangers that are arranged in a package with the main key. There is almost no way we can get the key through under the door.”

Keenan let out a disappointed sigh, forced to agree with my reasonable explanation. We looked around again, checking if there was a window or ventilation big enough for one of us to pass by. As well as looking for a switch so that this room is not too dark. However, nil. All our efforts have produced nothing. This room remains dimly lit and locked. Dead end.

“You moreover? We can only wait until someone comes. Hopefully someone realizes the key to this room is still hanging outside and open it for us,”, I replied resignedly. Then I sat down against the door. I don't want to wait for this uncertainty—who don't know how long—while standing. That would be exhausting.

Keenan is too. He sat beside me, leaning against the door. In this close position, I could smell her perfume that had not changed long ago. Sitting side by side like this reminds me of what happened two years ago, right when the school held Character Building Camp—or what we used to call CBC—with the aim of shaping our character. This activity is an annual routine activity for second-year students held in Bantir, a campground run by military soldiers.

However, what I did not expect was that Keenan chose to sit on an empty spot next to me. I, who was usually invisible, was now viewed with jealousy by almost all female friends. Especially along the way Keenan and others keep entertaining the entire bus with jokes and laughter. Even up to half way the bus sang along with being led by him. We were really crowded, as if showing off at another class about the excitement that was with us.

When the bus started to go up, we were silent. Concerned while praying that this bus is strong and fine until we arrive in Bantir safely. That's when Keenan invited me to chat, talking about this - it's at low volume so as not to attract too much attention. It was the first time we spoke out without any obstruction. Although finally it remains cut because we finally arrived at the campground.

Three days and two nights our energy was drained. The military soldiers leading our activities did not allow us to relax at all. Even so, we still enjoy the event because there are many things that we do first there. Besides, the soldiers there were not very fierce, quite different from what I thought. Most of them are ridiculous, making us laugh even though they always end the day with physical punishment such as running or push-ups.

Just like leaving, we boarded the same division bus. Almost half of the passengers fell asleep when they first sat in the bus seat. The journey home will certainly not be as exciting as the journey to leave.

As usual, I sat alone. Although others exchanged couples, I still sat alone in the middle. Miris actually if I imagine again. However, Keenan suddenly came and still chose to sit beside me, even when there were still many empty seats for him.

In the first quarter of an hour, there are still some people who tell a story about what happened during the CBC activity. A quarter of an hour later everyone was asleep, including me and Keenan.

Really, I would have fallen asleep if the bus had not braked suddenly which caused my forehead to stumble against the window. For a moment while wiping my forehead, my eyes turned to Keenan who seemed to be soundly asleep. It was so good that I was sure he could fall into the alley in the middle of the bus even though I just pushed him with the tip of my index finger. Unconsciously I laughed. Even at a time like this, I can still think.

For a while, I still looked at him. The pace was perfect, and I started to feel like it. If only I could get to know her more, I thought, dear. As he squirmed to secure the position, my eyes immediately closed: pretending to be asleep. I don't want to get caught looking at him. I didn't want him to think strangely of me and eventually walk away.

Just now that I thought so, Keenan leaned on me instead. His head was comfortably stuck in my head and his body was leaning heavily towards me. His position was close, until I could hear his regular roar of breath. I also smell her perfume pretty good.

At that moment, I froze. My body stiffened and I couldn't move anything, afraid to wake her up. I remember my heart pounding so hard that I was afraid he could feel his heartbeat. I even kept closing my eyes so that I wouldn't have to change his comfortable position.

Almost an hour of my position. My stiff neck I leaned on his shoulder, it's getting stuck so all of you. However, it was only ten minutes, he finally squirmed and then woke up. His body was already sitting upright, but my head was still resting on his shoulders. After a while, he woke me up and told me we were almost there.

Throughout the rest of the trip, we talked about nothing. I know, it's nothing special to him. Maybe after this, our relationship will remain normal, there will not be much change. And I was right about that.

“Ra?” call Keenan suddenly. His hand swung in front of my face to rediscover my focus. I feel ashamed, I feel like I've always been lost in the past when I was close to him. I hurried to look at him. “I can ask you something?” repeat again which I immediately replied with a nod, “actually what were you looking for? So important that you have to come here on a day like this?”

All right, looks like I should tell you some of the truth. He deserves to know, but he doesn't need to know everything.

“Not really important. But I just can't lose that thing. It's the single most powerful memory of someone in my past,” I replied casually.

“You want me to help you find? Haven't met, have you? What shape? Clothes?” tanyanya.

See, right? He was kind, always wanting to help others in distress. He deserves to be a member of SLSY.

However, my head shook, rejecting him with a smile. I wrote the letter to Keenan, so Keenan is the number one person who should not know about the letter. “Not, not clothes. It was just a piece of paper. It was a letter I wrote to the person I liked, whose intention I wanted to give graduation time to Tugu Muda. But I'm not brave enough, so I keep that letter until my guts appear.”

“So, that. Hard memories forgotten, huh?”

I laugh. A pretentious Keenan like this even comforts me. “Not hard, but can't,” my error is bright.

“You want me to help you?” bargain after silence a few seconds, “lumayan right to fill the time now?”

“No,” I said quickly, “emm, I mean, maybe the letter is not lost here. I've been here an hour, but I don't see the end of it at all.”

I could see Keenan in doubt, but I nodded as well when I answered him with confidence. He relented. If I wasn't ashamed, I might have gone back to my past daydreams. However, Keenan is here, I mustn't ignore him for too long. He was not the type of person who could be ignored just because of daydreaming.

“By the way, this is not too painful.” I started the topic, the usual thing he did. My sentence caused a frown on his forehead, curious what I was talking about. “On my mother's divorce. You are right, God finished it for me. They finally decided to split up, maybe that's the best,”.

Keenan looked sad. I could see his eyes looking at me with pity. Among all people, Keenan was the last person I wished I could look at me like that. I'd rather he act normal to me. Just like he always did in High School. Especially at a time like this.

“You don't have to pity me,” I said with a laugh, “I'll be very grateful if you act normal or buy me ice cream after this. I honestly don't want to come to their trial this afternoon. I'm actually still afraid to imagine they're completely separate.”

Slowly, though faintly, I saw a smile rising on his face. His hand gently stroked the tip of my head. “I'm glad you can be strong. You can charge ice cream to me as much as you can.”

My eyebrows are raised upwards. The jail started coming at me. I'm comfortable being treated well by her, but I should know the clarity of her relationship with the other girl in the past. I did say that I was satisfied with being friends with him, but I was still curious. Maybe now he can tell me back.

“A lot of anything this year?” pancingku, “kayaknya will be jealous later.”

Keenan laughed, laughing. “Who wants to be jealous?”

“Emm, Dinda possible? Honestly, he certainly does not know that you often nemenin me to that place to calm down, right?” stuck with a big smile. It hurts to tease the man I like with his girlfriend. But I have to keep it clear.

“You must be kidding me! Why should he know about you?” Keenan took a pause, “you all my friends. She shouldn't be jealous of one of my other friends.”

I know I'm only worth a friend to him. However, Dinda? I didn't expect Keenan to say that.

“Actually you have misunderstood. I was close to Dinda, but never had any feelings for her. That's why I'm always quiet when you ask me about it. Sorry yes, not meant to be stingy, but indeed because I was confused what to say,” explained Keenan at length.

I'm getting flabbergasted. Turns out like that? I'm so stupid. Why isn't this important something I've been asking you for a long time? I even listen to what people say.

“People did say that. I never deny it because it seems free. So, yes already,” he added as if knowing my thoughts.

“Wah, I just know now. Absolutely not dear if it's just gossip,” I said in response. Unconsciously my head shook in wonder.

“Ra, a story about the person you used to like dong. That guy means our High School Temen, right? Who knows if I can help you. I know a lot of people.”

Again, my head shook. I obviously can't tell him. It's like confessing my sin in front of the person I'm tormenting.

“I can't,” my elak fast, “he's just my past. I can't like him anymore. I actually gave up a long time ago. Hehe.”

Keenan. I'm laughing instead. We kept talking about anything until our lips got tired of laughing. Locked and waiting with him I don't think it's too bad. Rather than seeing Dad with his new family at trial, I would rather be locked in this little room. I may not have a father, but I have a friend who loves me.

***