My Family's Gift
Despair or Exposure

Unbeknownst to others, I left Ai's house.I call me a coward, because that's the right word for me right now. I want to comfort Ai, I really want to.. But I just can't, the more I want to get close to her, the greater my guilt. I turned off the phone so that no one could contact me, I just didn't want to be seen by anyone in this miserable state. Though this is not my first task, but this time it is different because it must involve people I love, maybe this is what is called Karma. If so, let me enjoy every second of pain that is really tormenting my chest right now.

I walked aimlessly.My gaze was so empty, I didn't know what I was going to do, I just followed my footsteps to where I was going. After a long walk, I saw a garden, I decided to stop and sit there for a moment... I just fell silent and did nothing but look at the children playing with the swing in front of me. Seen they were so elated, without burden on their shoulders, then not long after they gathered and like he was collecting money from his friends, for nothing. Then one of the girls came up to me with a shy face...

"mas... we again want a joint purchase Racket, but less 2 thousand... if you do not mind maybe mas can nambahin.

Then without saying anything I just took out my wallet, and took all the money that was in my wallet, probably amounting to over 1jt. Then I gave it to the girl with the smile I forced.

"This is mostly.." said his shocked.

I just returned the words with a smile, and the girl bowed her head and looked up at me, with a very happy face, he ran towards his friends while waving money in his hands. Seen his friends bowed their heads to me from afar, a sign of imaksih. And I just returned it with a smile.

When I think back to my childhood, I never lacked the money, I could buy anything I wanted, toys, clothes, shoes, even friends and everything else. I can all buy. But I still remember the feeling of emptiness that I felt at that time, even though all my friends were surrounding me and laughing. But I just pretended to smile at them or to hear their jokes, I did not understand what they were talking about at that time, I felt instead that they were laughing at me.

Even when I want to go home, many of my friends are racing to come along, because I have a lot of toys that they do not have, but upon arrival at my house, they were just busy with their toys and did not invite me to talk at all, even reprimanding me.

When entering the Junior High School, I decided not to have any friends at all, only the only ones I considered as my friends at that time. I always give a cold aura at all times, I don't want them to approach me, I'm too disgusted with the falsities of humans, and I no longer want to get involved in that.

Slowly without me noticing, I started being a bad boy in Junior High, I was always fighting, I rarely went to class and spent a lot of time in the cafeteria during class hours, no teacher dared to rebuke me, no one dared to fight me while fighting.. Because they know who my parents are.

Even some of those who fought with me were expelled from school, even though I started the fight. I was so bored, I didn't feel like I wanted to do anything. All I wanted was for someone to hit me as hard as I could, I wanted someone to nag me, I want someone to say that what I did was wrong, I want someone to come up to me and ask me if I'm okay, and I want someone to save me.

.

.

While I was still pondering on the park bench, drop by drop of water fell on me, the longer the droplets grew and wetted my entire body. I just stayed on the spot doing nothing, and in the midst of the raindrops getting heavier. The longer I hold back the tears that have flooded my eyeballs, the harder it is for me to hold them. At the end of it I sobbed sobbing, I could not hold back my emotions anymore, nor my guilt anymore.. I kept crying to the point of making it hard for me to breathe with my head down. I forgot the last time I cried like this, maybe the last time I was a baby.

"B**NGGSS********TTT ..... !!!! " Shouted me.

"God..if you really exist, please kill me now" I said with a sobbing.

I stood in the middle of the garden with the rain growing, with my head looking up at the sky. In the hope of lightning striking me, this disgusting human, let me escape all this. I want to run away from this life, I no longer know my purpose to live, I'm just a doll of my family, nothing more. Let me out of this suffering and this excruciating feeling.

DUUAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR ~~~~

I was shocked by a lightning strike that struck one of the trees that were close enough to me, to make the tree fall. I was amazed to see it, slowly I approached the tree and looked so charred at the top.

"god, do you hate me so much that you would rather kill this innocent tree than me... or you just want to give me a clue to keep living, and face all of it as a penance... EXPLAINNNN...!!! I'M TIRED OF POINTERS LIKE THIS....."

After being content to scream, I just sat on the ground, blankly staring..

.

.

.

.

I slowly opened my eyes, looked in all directions, there was no one, and the rain had stopped, like I had fallen asleep here for a while. I was so limp and decided to go home in a taxi, but I remembered that I gave all my money to the children. With so wet clothes added with a lethargic face, I walked to the mini market to pick up money at the ATM. After arriving in the mini market, I immediately shivered exposed to AC because my clothes were soaked, plus all visitors and employees looking at me with a face of wonder, naturally.... besides getting wet, my clothes were also dirty because I fell asleep in the park earlier. After taking the money, I was immediately looking for a taxi, after waiting long enough the end there was one taxi stopped, but seeing the condition of my clothes he had been silent, he was silent, because he was afraid to dirty the seat of his car...

"500 thousand to the beautiful cottage area.

Then without further ado I immediately gave the money and sat on the back bench.

All the way home, I just looked out the window, not knowing what I was seeing out there.

Arriving at home, I saw my brother kristin was casually watching TV in the 1st floor family room, he had looked at me with a face to heranan, like he wanted to say something, he said, but undo his intentions and turn his gaze away. Without thinking about it I went straight up to the 2nd floor to shower and change clothes.

When I finished, I just laid down on the bed and decided to turn on the phone, there were some messages from Ai asking for my whereabouts, but I did not reply, then there was a call coming from Ai, I just silenced her without answering her, but she kept trying to call me, I still kekeh not to answer her. For now I just don't dare to see or hear his voice, I just want to be alone at least for now.

Then suddenly someone knocked on the door, and it turned out to be Kristin.

"tea" she said, putting a glass of tea on my TV table.

I just kept quiet and didn't respond to him, looking a little dazed, like there was something he wanted to say.

"kalo would like to say, by the way". said I who was still in the position of lying down.

what's wrong with her, she rarely gives me a drink, even invites me to talk almost never, even though we meet every day.

I decided to go back to sleep, because my energy was so drained today.

.

.

.

.

.

"Silence"

A female voice called out to me, with a familiar voice.

"you again? I still have not found an answer about the gravel stone.

"that's not why I called you this time.

"then what do you want to say? I'm not in the mood to chat" I replied cynically.

"calm down you liam. This is not like you, your ego is controlling your heart, your anger is devouring your mind.

"BAGAIMA-... ah, forget it". said I while turning away from her.

"your heart is filled with uncertainty, with anger that goes to no one, trying to defend itself by blaming itself, which is what I see today... ". he said, trying to stroke my head but I threw his hand.

"Then what should I do? I don't understand anymore, on the one hand.I want to be a useful child to my parents, on the other.I can't hurt the one I love". answer me with a rather high tone.

"about 1,300 years ago, there was such a great work in the middle east... They had anything, such a kind King, the people who loved their King, they also never lacked food, because whatever the farmers were planting, they never lacked, everything will grow in the ground there.they call it the Land of Heaven, or the Land protected by God. Then the King was buried with a boy who was so handsome and so charismatic, he was loved by all the people of the kingdom. When the child reaches the age of 13 years, the soul of leadership and Charismatics more excited, to the point where.. The people love the child more than the King himself, and the King does not like that, he does not like anyone more than he does anything or anyone else, including his own son.. And when the child was 15 years old, one of the king's concubines was pregnant with the King's second child, the King was so happy.. Because for this reason, he can get rid of the first child and will abdicate the next throne to the second child.. And the plan to kill the first child began when the second child was still in the womb... When the first child was walking in the market, with a smile that almost never escaped his face, he always gave a sense of calm and love to his people. At that time the first child was being accompanied by a woman who would later become his Queen in the future, but suddenly there was a man running with his hand holding a sword... he ran so fast and hit the romobongan, until he managed to get close to the first child, but when he was almost killed by the sabbatical, the sword, the female candidate protects her by putting on a body as a protective shield, and the woman dies instantly. The guards immediately caught the man and with the child's own hands, he killed the man, and it was his first murder that would be the beginning of everything.... The first child finally found out that his own father was the one who planned the murder, then he met with the King and said that if indeed the king did not want the child to be the next king, he would not be the next king, The king just needs to say it, there is no need until it is like that... But all is too late, the first child whose heart has been mastered by the tabernacle because the loved one died before his own eyes. With furious rage he left the throne room, and planned a coup against his own father. And 1 year after that incident, the boy managed to gather more than half of the royal soldiers to side with him. Though at that time, the second child had just been born into the world, and of course the king did not remain silent and would deploy all the remaining troops, who were still loyal to him to defend the Kingdom. When the moon was directly overhead, the atmosphere was so quiet, the first boy who led more than 50 thousand troops raised his sword and shouted with all his might at the screams of his soldiers... in the beginning was the perbaran which took 5 days and 5 nights and claimed the lives of more than 40 thousand people, the first child managed to break into the throne where there was the king who was carrying the second child who continued to cry. The first child slowly approached the two of them, with a sense of resentment, hatred, anger that he could no longer bear, he immediately beheaded the king and also killed his younger brother who was only about 5 months old. After all he had done, after all the achievements he had achieved, after he had succeeded in taking the throne of work, he cried so hard while continuing to stab his father's body that had been stretched stiff with his head that had been separated from his body. And a few months after the incident, he led the kingdom that he had forcibly taken from his father. But the first child is not to be like his previous self, since the coup incident, no royal soldier or anyone has ever seen him smile again, he only showed a flat face, to the point that he was known as an expressionless king, because his heart died when he killed his father and sister.".

The woman spoke at length, tear-by-tear drops fell from her eyes.she wiped her tears with her hands, and stood up.

"so liam, wrath and resentment will only lead you to destruction, emptiness, and regret, and hopefully you can take a lesson from my story" he said with a smile.

"you seem to know very well about the incident? were you there at the time?". I asked as I sat down.

"that's a secret". he said with a smile.

I bowed my head and remained silent for a while.

"You may blame yourself, but do not make it a self-defense for what you have done. Accept it. and lift your head, and say it in your heart... that you're ready to step forward.

I only smiled after hearing her words, then I stood up from a sitting position.

"ahhhh.. pegel also if later sad" said me with a thin smile.

"that's the liam I know.

"by the way, we've known each other for a long time, but I never know what your name is? can I find out now?". I asked.

"My name is sezen.. sezen uhuru, which means someone who is sensitive and likes freedom.

.

.

.

.

.

.