Your Love Thin Paper
1. Start Getting to Know Habits

"Brakkkp...Bugggh" He slammed my baby's learning to walk until he broke one of his wheels.

Her raw bogem hit my left cheekbone until it turned blue. My daughter, who was still learning to stand and was on a thin foam mattress in a room in a boarding house, crawled up to me, stood holding my feet and cried hysterically.

"Hua. Huaaa. Huaaa." I grabbed and I carried Pertiwi in my arms.

I'm silent about not connecting with him anymore than things get worse.

The situation calmed down. I'm busy taking care of my baby. The quarrel stopped too.

However, my husband did not care about the busy housework and babysitting. While he always demands there is cooking when coming home and leaving for work.

Plus, there are always comments - his scathing comments on whatever I do.

"The child has not had milk for one year. Eating is enough. Pampers are used only at night, so not wasteful of money."

All of this puts a heavy burden on me. If my mental state couldn't stand it, I might have gotten the baby blues.

ASI is still flowing, it is Alhamdulillah. My soul is still sane and my body is still healthy is the greatest gift in my life.

I have to be strong. If I get sick and even die.What about my son? That's what makes me have to try to be fit to survive the cruelty of living with my husband.

One day, he got a small project. At least, in this way, income can be stable for several months.

I want to be able to have my own money, because the husband's gift is uncertain if not his own project. The gift depends on the work and mood.

That afternoon, I played to the cost of my neighbor who used to credit furniture, food, clothes and others.

"Teh, I'm asking for help. Ambilin I'm a 2-door refrigerator huh? Want not to use ice sales, so I don't have trouble money anymore. But I take it once a week, tea?"

The well-known and helpful teteh agreed to my request.

"What brand of refrigerator do you want? If the cost is 100 thousand per month, it means paying for almost 3 years, right? I give you a price of 3 million, huh? How's it? If you want, should I send the goods?"

After I weigh - weigh, it feels cheap and affordable by my fund. "Yes, tea. I want to."

The next day, when my husband came home from work, the refrigerator was already in our room. He was astonished, his lips tightly clenched and the look in his eyes began to look sinister.

"Where did you get this?" It was cold and his voice interrogated me.

"I owe it to Aisyah's tea. Nicyl pay. Relax, I won't take from your money."

I answered his suspicions with a flat but firm tone of voice.

"Whatever. Watch out if you make trouble." threatening tone came out of his mouth again.

That's my home life. I tried to find a solution so that finances improve, but what I got was not support but a threat.

I kept quiet and did not continue talking. While breastfeeding the baby, I thought, will sell ice is good? Then I decided to make ice from ice pop that feels like it has been liked by children.

For 1 month set aside money and make ice gradually the freezer is full. I went back to Ai's tea to buy me 4 ice trams. Because the payment system is installment, of course the price is rather expensive. I understand that.

Barakallah. God eases my steps. I sell every day. My busyness is growing. Thank God my baby is not fussy, so the work is smooth and the refrigerator and tremos installments run well.

"Electricity should pay for itself, because the one who wears it is you. Don't ask me for any more money."

One night, he said that to me, while the hall master of the tenement drew electricity.

Why did I say our residence was a boarding? Because the room is per square, the electricity is together, and the bathroom is public. For me, the so-called contract is a house. At least the bathroom, kitchen and electricity are private per rental room.

" Deg," my surprise grew to hear his words.

At first I knew that my husband was stingy from my complaint about his spending money that was not enough for his daily needs for a week. It turned out that his stingy nature was ingrained.

"Protest only. You should be able to make that money. Cost and electricity are no longer paid. You should be able to use the money. Do not complain constantly. You work alone there, if my spending money you think less."

It was the beginning of my knowledge of him that turned out to be a calculation.

"Lho Yeah. I usually give you 20 electricity. Yes please it remains a love pean. In addition to having a refrigerator, let me pay." I tried to negotiate with him.

"Just use the money I give you every Sunday. You have sold. Your money must have been a lot. It's still a good thing I paid for the rent and Pertiwi milk. You know, when it comes to money, it's less stuff."

He easily arranged and wanted to know about my income.

"Lho well, my lab does not use the refrigerator and tremos installments. About milk and eating, it is a duty to be a husband. Don't take your hands off."

He looked at me intently hearing me demand his living.

"You said the prosecutor was a person. Already have his own money, still asking for husband's money." His voice began to rise.

"Eating and milk is not a living, Dad. Worship is money to please the wife's child. Hence the pean learned religion and prayer, let's understand how to undergo marriage."

I tried to remind him, because during my marriage, he did not want to pray and fast at all.

"You're starting to get pinter-ass, huh? You are a moron. Your school is just a school of stupid kids. How do you teach me to go to school among pinter kids? Sassy you huh? Are you getting bolder, are you? If you don't accept my rules, go there! There's nothing to live for as extravagant, ignorant and dissident a woman as you!"

That's the result if I keep answering his words.

I mean well. Isn't marriage to unite two people? With halal togetherness, of course, good communication between husband and wife is needed.

But that doesn't apply to me. I have to be a listener. You must not complain, express ideas, even protest against his own petulance, selfishness and cruelty.

I feel like I'm living in an orthodox era. For her, a non-career woman is a burden. Therefore, he thinks I have to pay with my strength, my time and my life.

I feel so sorry, why did I want to be married to him? So, my regrets are endless.