Your Love Thin Paper
2. The Flash Back 1

The intonation of his voice grew higher. His hand pointed - pointing at my face. I'm silent not to reply. Free, there will be no partisanship to me. What happened was just words of banishment and incessant insults.

I covered the bed, sat on my feet and breastfed Pertiwi, to ease the shock of her father's screams.

I don't know, how many times has he kicked me out? If there were no children, I would have left him. There's no point in surviving with him. There is only increasing the wounds of heart, soul and body.

I feel very sorry to be married to him. The innocent outside look typical of villagers and from poor families, it turns out that inside like a dagger scratches my skin repeatedly.

I was fooled into her seduction. At that time I was upset because I failed to continue dating to marriage with various reasons, suddenly gave up. I was just invited to get married, without me knowing the ins and outs.

People call me Devi. I am the youngest of 4 children. My mother is a retired district officer. While my father was the foreman of Perhutani.

I've been an orphan since grade 3 Elementary School. My father remarried and settled in his wife's house. While the house of our mother's relics occupied four.

Life is so bad without my mother by my side. Only my eldest brother has completed his education until the level of S1 in State College. At first he was apprenticed in the office where his late mother served. But grateful he was appointed as ASN which of course has a fixed income.

My second brother's name is Rudi. He was still in 3rd grade at the time. While my sister, 6th grade Elementary.

"Guobloc. Your grades are ugly, what do you want to be? Already, sana. Not going to school. Only sell spinach in the market. Shame - shame. The employee's childhood is stupid."

At that time, Dini already received DANEM. According to Hari, my brother's grades are bad. That's why he's angry.

"I don't have a textbook, Dad. I asked for tutoring like my friends, also not to allow it. Don't be angry if I'm that big of a grade. It should also be grateful, because the results of my learning are in the middle."

My eldest brother smiled sinisterly looking at my brother who dared to look into his eyes.

"What achievement? Where is the smart guy in the middle? Intelligent humans are in the first place. I also don't have a book at school. The proof, I can rank 1 and graduation with cumlaude value. You're what? Just complain and demand this is all your work."

My brother was silent, then embraced by mas Rudi and invited to the kitchen. I follow behind him. He offered Mbak Dini a glass of water.

Next, in the morning, Mbak Dini wears a school uniform. He enrolled his own school in our village SMPN. While Rudi mas left for the city for STM school.

They were accepted into their new school. But as it went back as usual, we struggled with money for meals and school fees.

Mas Rudi hitchhiking at the relatives' house. He borrowed money to the brothers to buy a rickshaw. So, after school he became a rickshawman. When she does, she uses her time to learn. From there, he could pay his debt, his school SPP and buy a fighting device.

While Mbak Dini, choose SMEA in the city. Back at school, he works at a pharmacy. Later that night, he came home, picked up by Rudi. They rent a small house on a joint basis from their working wages.

As for me, at home with my eldest brother. I experienced the same thing. Crippled and scorned as he did to mbak Dini.

I was just crying, not fighting like Brother Dini. But I still applied for school to my sister's place back in Junior High.

My mom has retirees. But the thing is, why is our life always lacking? In fact, for the SPP fee only, I have to take care of the Certificate of Not Being Capable from the village.

After graduating Junior High, I moved to the city following my brother and my mother. Mbak Dini has finished SMEA. While Hari got married. And the house was already free they occupied without the burden of the three of us.

"Mas, I'm going to marry Haji Nurdin's son." One day, we rode Rudi's rickshaw home to my mother's house.

"Would you marry? Do you want to embarrass your family? Where is the self-esteem of an officer, having a child who just finished SMEA?"

Mas Hari is inflamed in the living room. He always refused our requests. But strangely enough, he also never supported our request.

"Come, whether you agree or not. For sure, I've got permission. I also did not ask for a fee to get there, because everything has been borne by the Hajj sir. There's still a father who's gonna marry me."

Two weeks later, the qobul ijab and a festive party were held at the house of Dini's father-in-law. In the rented house live me and Rudi mas. He's about to graduate. Oh yeah, he went to Private College to stay with us. Actually he was accepted at the state campus in Jogja, but he did not have the heart to leave us both.

A year later, Rudi graduated. He's an intern at the Industrial Service. When I finished High School, Rudi was accepted as ASN.

I became an achiever after I got away from my eldest brother. When I was in high school, Mbak Dini bought me books - textbooks and bicycles. Mas Rudi financed private English lessons, general lessons and computers. Just a week after I took the course, I was able to follow the lessons smoothly. So, in a row I reached rank 1 in class. I got a waiver paying SPP. When I graduated, I won 2nd overall in school. Rank 1, achieved by IPA children.

Back, Mas Rudi drove me home on his rickshaw. Arriving at the mother's house, the sun almost sank in the western horizon. A torrent of orange spread on the roof of the earth. The beauty of twilight shades thrust into my sanubaku.

Soon I'll see Hari who's burning trash in the backyard.

"Mas, I received DANEM today. I was second best in school. I was also accepted at IKIP Negeri Jogja through PMDK line. How do I continue my studies there, what's the list somewhere else?"

At first his face was smiling. But after I said that I had been accepted to study at the state campus, his face turned grim.

"How much does it cost? College needs big money, right?"

I'm astonished. I used to go to college, diomelin. Now I can go to college, but he mind? Awkward of people?

"And I have a retired mom, huh? I will also be a translator and guide. So until no need to fear lek I'll ask for money to sampean."

This time I ventured to answer his expression of anxiety about my tuition later.