Beautiful Wedding Imperfect
Don't Be in Vain

Ms. Kartina rushed to the room of the nursing home on the fifth floor as if teaching the time she gave to Dhika while I was slow behind her.

I relax the stiff muscles. But as soon as our last passage through the horrified thought tapered again so I went back to chaos.

I showed signs of anxiety that I had difficulty controlling. The contents of my head felt dizzy and strange until my hands broke out in cold sweat.

With the wishful thinking I made myself to dismiss this worry I hope that Dhika is sleeping instead of facing Bu Kartina.

“Is this really the room, Ris? Azalea first class room A6.”

I held onto Ms. Kartina's wrist as she was about to grip the stainless doorknob. I'm shaking.

“Don't now, Ma.” I said seduce. “Wait for this deg-degan to decrease.”

Ms. Kartina looked at me while asking through the look in her eyes. I touched my face while moving my chin towards the room. There was a sound of crying.

Ms. Kartina seemed to sharpen her eyes as well as her hearing before leaning against the hospital wall following me.

“Nangis Dhika, Ris..” whispered.

I'm nodding. I suspect a lot of things are going on in there until the sobbing cries sound so bitter. Anxiety and insecurity due to grief and misfortune that befell mas Dhika too exhausting his mental and physical condition.

I clenched my hands while bowing my head.

Can all these problems be charged to Bu Kartina alone now? Who looks calm and patient grandma-to-be? I've seen him grieve twice and lived it wisely. The first when his mother died, followed by his last child who died before being born.

I had already imagined that his muscles that were tensed as tight as an arrow bow that was pulled tightly were more relaxed in the face of the situation inside.

“I can't, Mom. Mas Dhika must be embarrassed and more sad if you meet me.”

“It's not so, Sha. What happens to happen, this disaster tests your love for Dhika and vice versa. Or are you ilfill with him?” tukas Bu Kartina while looking at me.

I was surprised to hear his words. Ilfills? Wasn't... Miss Kartina, I'm shaking. The hundreds of full moons that Dhika has never seen before I have heard her cry, her world crumbles and her laughter disappears as if all the people on this earth judge her.

“I don't want him to fall because I see him so.”

“Omong empty, Risha. Go inside, come on.”

I stubbornly shook my head, I do not intend to visit the Dhika mas now. His revived consciousness, revived his other consciousness. His legs are gone, his guts dim and the full moon will never shine again.

Ms. Kartina nurtured the spirit for me by giving a warm smile.

“Later to come, I must have said there was Risha outside. Beware of escape.”

I let Ms. Kartina knock on the door for a second and then waited for someone from inside to say yes while pulling the doorknob.

Aunt Dewita greets with questions, “Who is it?”

Ms. Kartina took a step back while pointing at me with a smile. “His working friend Risha.”

“Walah... Dhika fuss, Risha. He doesn't want to see anyone else! Shame he said, crying and angry continue after knowing his legs are gone.” said Aunt Dewita after closing the door and approaching me.

“Tante until confused how to calm him, forced this Aunt want to ask her nurse to give Dhika a sedative.” lamented Aunt Dewita who suddenly slumped down with her back still attached to the wall.

I nodded as I slumped down and crossed my legs while Ms. Kartina stayed inside. Surprised mas Dhika who immediately greeted him with a growl.

“You're in gih, Ris. Love Dhika hug there.” said Bu Kartina who came out suddenly, it appears that he just put a basket of fruits and an envelope containing solidarity dues from my coworkers without having a chance to talk with mas Dhika inside.

“Exit, Risha. No need to come here.” said mas Dhika with a hoarse voice.

I stood up while wearing the hand sanitizer available while approaching it.

Dhika turned her face. His hand on the infusion clenched.

I gently and consistently unscrewed the fingers until the hand seemed calm.

“Actually I also do not want to come here mas, you certainly do not want to see me as now. But I'm still here out of work... I'm cool right?”

Dhika was silent. He looked increasingly turned his face away, avoiding my gaze and my eyes.

I'm moving towards the look in his eyes now. Dhika closed her eyes.

“Can you be sick but still prestige see me... Diha... Break up if this is.”

Mas Dhika opened her eyes, her red eyelids glaring at me grimly. He shook his head faintly, his voice softly saying don't even look his junks gulp.

”Isn't this what you should be? You give me the choice?”

“Ris..” Dhika tried to reach my hand. “Risha... no..”.

I lowered my hand as I held it. Warm felt in both palms of our hands.

“Don't go, Sha..” Look at his eyes and then glaze over. His chest expands and then sighs.

Mas Dhika pulled her hand from my grasp, then covered her face with both hands. His sobs slowly sounded, his chest trembling.

I tidied up her hair while daydreaming. How broken Dhika is now and complaining is not his nature.

“Udah do not cry continuously, no racer is crybaby.” always I entertain him.

Mas Dhika as he pleased while removing his hand from the face. He looked at me fixedly and then one of his free hands tried to hug my waist.

Mas Dhika exhaled her tired breath. “I can survive if there is you, Sha.”

“I'm not going anywhere, and I can't leave you alone.” I said gently while smiling like that.

“But where did you come from yesterday? Can't you make a thousand things that happen day after day between us go to waste?”

Mas Dhika seemed to close his eyes briefly before twitching slowly and looking back at me. He tightened his embrace with his face growing sullen.

“I'm sorry.”

“For?”

“I join drag race, bet. But I think someone sabotaged my car because we used to hang out first while making coffee, Sha.”.

I try so hard to be patient. Suddenly I hate his association with negative humans but I am sure if there is a sabotage of Dhika mas car, there will be a reply worth it!

“Yes don't give up.” I said weakly. “Don't cry on, won't fix things!”

Mas Dhika did not comment because it seems that my words actually he responded to the reality now. Crying won't improve her condition and only make her more miserable.

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