Clandestine
A Handsome Man Appealing to Me

Being born in a harmonious family is the dream of every soul on this earth. Including me, a soul that every second demands a happiness. Today what I know is that bureaucracy doesn't work properly and even the people's fraud can convey its demands. These demands can be conveyed through demonstrations to the bureaucracy. Perhaps can I convey this demand to God the creator of destiny? It is not that God's destiny does not work in my favor that I want to know why God wrote this heart-pounding story of heartache, pain, and darkness on the pages of my destiny. The warmth of the house shown in the television drama was never felt in the place I called home. The definition of a house that I can describe is only where I shelter from the hot and cold rain no more.

20 Years I have been living as an Arkadevi who if I googling on the internet comes from the Sanskrit language which means the family lighted angel. Usually people call me an arc that sounds like a male name. But I am a woman in general who is feminine, meek and somehow the first impression of the person who met me will consider me a happy woman. Though it is very different from what I experienced at home with problems. I said that I could be described in black, gloomy and dark. My happiness is just a mask to cover my wounds. It was circumstances that forced me to become this kind of arc. Like this how? yes like this life that must be lived arka required to be a strong figure when it is very fragile and it takes a lot of strength to close tightly wound that is getting worse and worse. What arka fears is the occurrence of infection in wounds that arka has this. Arka could not even predict what would happen if this wound had an infection. What is certain is that every awakening from the slumber of arcs can only say thanksgiving and prayer that there will be light after the evening of this natural arc.

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When the moon happened, he said I was born in a special hospital for mothers and children in the Surabaya area. If I hear that story I hope to be named moon only or moon is also very beautiful. But back again I can not order destiny to God because we know together that the destiny of man contained to death has been outlined by God. It is true that there is a destiny that can be changed such as stupid to smart and poor to rich. And there are also unchangeable destinies such as gender and death.

Yes this is how I was born as Arkadevi the mother of the family. I don't know why I don't like that name that my dad gave me. One of the reasons why I really do not like the name is because the philosophy or prayer contained in it is very incompatible with the reality. What family light angel? My presence in this family even brings a source of trouble. My mother did not expect my presence in this world even since I was in the womb Mama has tried to justify all means so that I die and not be born into this world. My mother was a career woman who was so dedicated to the family company. His career was so brilliant until before you arrived. Mama assumed having children would hinder her career which can be said to be at the peak of her career because Mama is trusted to hold the company by my Grandfather. While Mama's older brother or rather Mama's rival in fighting for a position in the company always tried to get rid of Mama. I don't know according to the story of the father is no longer visible blood ties between the two of them if it is related to business affairs because they are both ambitious to occupy positions in the company. When the resounding of Mama's career as a company leader I accidentally day and ruin everything.

Mama's success immediately collapsed because Grandpa withdrew his order to bequeath the position of head of the company to Mama because Mama was pregnant with me and replaced him with older brother Mama Om Suryo. My grandfather's intention was to take care of the health of the baby and his mother. But what Mama means is different from what my grandfather meant. That's where depression, disappointment and the desire to kill me arise. Mama's been trying to drink poison, massage and the horrible things that Mama did to me while in the womb made me shed tears when I heard that story. Strangely always failed and I was still born healthy and grew into a 20-year-old woman until now.

The impact of the impossibility of your presence in this world by Mama is her hatred towards me that carried over until my age as mature. I grew up and was loved only by a wonderful father. I never got ASI even the affection of a mother. I also had no siblings because after giving birth to me Mama was determined not to have any more children until Mama and Dad separated. Actually Mama wants a divorce but I don't want that. So for a long time since I was born until now Mama and Dad did not live in one house and also did not divorce. I also do not understand the law as such in what religion and country is either still married or not.

Now my mom is focusing on the teen magazine company she built from scratch after giving birth to me. Many people were amazed at my mother's career. I myself am also amazed by him if I look from the side of tenacity and hard work in building a business and I think down to me. I'm determined to surpass my mom's success in class, but what I can do at my age that I'm not showing anything meaningful. I'm like a student in general nothing special.I just go to college, play and organization. I have no side to what I consider to be the yardstick of one's success: having a business. I may have inherited your tenacity and hard work in terms of political organization on campus. I don't like business, I'm more interested in politics.

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