Clandestine
Friend Forever

"Den I don't want to eat" Joseph nodded and walked in without looking at me who was following him. He opened the door of the room and saw a pale beautiful woman lying limp on the bed. Maybe she's the same age as my mom.

"Miih woke up Joseph here, why wouldn't mommy eat?" the woman opened her eyes and I felt a blank stare like there was no hope left to live. The woman was still speechless disregarding Joseph who was anxiously sitting beside her.

"miih Yusuf brought a friend here. She was beautiful as a mother when I was young" I blushed a little when Yusuf told his mother that I was beautiful.

I had the intention of kissing the woman's hand but I broke it off. The woman looked at me and smiled thinly I could not believe her hands were moving as if calling me. Joseph got up and hinted me to sit next to my mother. I clasped the woman's hand which was very cold and pale.

"mami this is Arka his friend mas Yusuf. Mommy wants to eat? let Arka the Bribe" I did not expect the woman to nod and swiftly Yusuf prepared food for his mami.

I counted the 9 mouthfuls the woman had eaten. I'm actually a little misbehaved at having to behave in these conditions. After eating Joseph drank the medicine and soon the woman fell asleep. Maybe the medicine that is taken contains substances that make drowsiness come faster. Joseph rose up out of the room to the dining room and I just followed him because from that moment on he did not invite me to speak.

"Now you understand? why am I trying to get close to you? you look a lot like my mom when I was younger" she pointed towards the wall to my right.

I was surprised to be similar to me. Middle black hair, Asian-style skin, thick eyebrows and thin height. I had thought maybe I was the son of Joseph's mother but impossible too.

"Mommy's like that ever since you found out papi was having an affair with his secretary at the office. Mami papi is not divorced but papi does not care about the current state of mami. I hate my own papi so much." Yusuf continued to tell a story while glazed. I remember my own complicated family problem. I felt alone shouldering all of that but now I feel like I have a friend more or less like me.

"I'm so sorry mas" I replied regretfully

"Actually I've seen you since your 2nd semester but I've only got a chance now when you're so prominent in your organization so I'm using that to get to know you. Now you know everything if you want to go away from me please" Get away from him means what Joseph is. I don't understand him talking like I've been in his life.

"Please keep this a secret from my friends. I don't want to get empathy from anyone including you and you can forget that we've known each other." I got up and apologized again. I went out of that house and booked an ojek online to go back to college.

My mind was troubled ever since I came out of Joseph's house there was such a deep sense of regret when I left him in such a state. Maybe what Yusuf thinks is that my existence can restore the condition of his mother who can be said to be dying. But my ego says otherwise there would be terrible things happening if I were still near Joseph.

I was confused and berated myself as to why I was causing new problems that would complicate my life. I feel more and more hoarding new problems in my life that I myself do not know how to solve it like.

***

I don't stop thinking about Joseph too complicated for me. I don't know what to do and I have to ask who. I also can't tell Zio or Genta even if my relationship with them is very close.

It's not a matter of my love for Joseph, I don't have that feeling for now. It's a matter of my heart being moved to see a helpless woman and needing my help for the rest of her life.

I was at home from morning to evening making Pastri confused because I was not usually at home for that long. I'm not moos doing anything. I just stayed in the middle room watching the television that I accidentally didn't turn on. My mind wandered everywhere Joseph, his mother and what I should do now.

Ever since I never felt the warmth of my family I only live a long and insenset that our happiness that creates is not the environment.

Pastri woke up from my daydream and said Genta came to my house. I hinted to take care of Genta coming in.

"Jeez Arka you why the hell? it hurt?" Genta came with his panic as usual. Checking my body temperature on my forehead like he's a doctor.

Yes that's how Genta is and the interesting fact about him is that he just acts like that to me so it's not wrong if other friends think that Genta likes me. I myself consider Genta to be my most understanding good friend for example right now.I did not ask him to come but he came to me himself. I admit that I can't live without her she's one of the people who's been strengthening me to cover up my past wounds.

"I'm okay Gen. Udahlah you do not have to worry so I'm already great "I even feel lucky to have a Genta who always stay everytime for me. He always understood what I wanted without me talking.

"You haven't eaten yet, have you? I pesen in good ya can not refuse me also have not eaten from morning" I actually want to refuse but Genta swiftly shut my mouth and do not accept rejection.

"Eh, it's not so I'm sour myself just for us Pastri Mbak any cooking ingredients is not it?" yelled Genta as he walked towards the kitchen.

I heard a small conversation between Genta and Mbak Lastri. I feel it should not be like this continue because there is no use for tomorrow let tomorrow now Genta come to comfort me I must appreciate it. I got up and followed Genta into the kitchen.

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