Hopeleslly Depend
5. Butterflies are not you

humans of all kinds

various kinds of looks

but it's like they make their own rules

white skin like porcelain

fine hair as smooth as silk

legged like a painting

a goddess-like face wearing a faint smile

reminding a conversation

between peacocks and sparrows

sparrows always complain and envy the beautiful face of peacocks

and at the end of it,

the peacock said the real thing in his heart all along

thank me if you're not beautiful and someone loves you

at least he loves you not your look and shape

I don't know who really loves me

not because of my shape and shape

except because of my presence

...*****...

Days as usual with a little sprinkling of romance have started to become a habit for me. About three months we exchanged messages, met on weekends to just watch or visit some cafes.

This morning as usual Ian sent a sweet morning message that seemed to meet the needs of daily sugar intake.

"For the future of me, the spirit of his work let me meet again at the weekend" said Ian through whatsapp.

"Yuk yuk work spirit" replied I did not forget the emoticon smile red cheeks.

"O yes, I want to take you on the 13th of next month brother I marry, me yes, all I know to people" take Ian who immediately made my legs feel cold my heart also seemed to stop beating for a moment, it felt like he wanted to scream, but there was no way because this was still too early to make a scene.

"Okay, we'll obrolin again yeah" I reply with his cool.

Many times I remind myself, do not show too much your feelings to others even if it is the closest person you stay cool gurl.

...******...

Once in the office there is a myriad of work that must be completed as soon as possible, compiling materials, arranging training schedules for employees, creating discussion sheets and much more. The energy of my life for several years seemed to be drained in the face of work that never runs out and does not forget the demand of superiors who crave perfection.

When the break arrived it felt like my brain was not able to give my body a cue to move again, I could only sit at the desk while leaving my mind empty, he said, until the end there was a call from the receptionist over the office cable phone asking me to go down to the first floor because there was a delivery of food.

"What food, feeling bad, au ah important down first look for new scenery on the first floor" I murmured while walking like a zombie in a movie I watched last night with Ashana.

...*****...

Floor 1 company

"What food is mbak?" ask our receptionist.

"Cie someone sent you food, it turns out you have a girlfriend to? though I want to know to my friends" asked this beautiful receptionist to me with a mocking smile.

"What boyfriend? from whom is it? make me?" askaku while taking the food and immediately run away to return to the nature of work.

While heading to my desk while looking at the sender and as I expected Ian who sent it.

Right after I sat down again at my desk, I looked at my cell phone and it turned out that Ian had already sent a message.

" Eating a lot, let's be a little fat, let's be more beautiful, you don't like to poke right?, I pesenin his pedes a little bit, learn to eat spicy so that his appetite increases so it is somewhat contained" he wrote.

"Thank you, hehe" I replied as I sent you a picture of this meal.

"Uda lunch too? eat what?" add me.

"How far does this deket feel, o yes what is the event?"

"I want us to wear matching clothes anyway, we match the color how?"

"Okay, what color are we wearing?"

"I have two options anyway, navi subordinate nude, or white subordinate nude"

"I've got a nude kebaya"

"You're wearing white or his navi"

"OK deh, but enjoy navi aja if white dangka we bridenya later"

"Yes, too, navi deh"

"Doki's office"

" O yes I have a picture of the rich fit if you use"

"Kaya if you wear a rather short top so looks a bit high deh, do not forget to wear heels yes, I like your hair in the description so let look more elegant"

"Easy clothes, still a long way from the date"

Our conversation through messages ended as time went on and the hours of daylight rest were over.

****

Arriving at home in the afternoon I also saw again the contents of the wardrobe when there was a kebaya that I could use. As I thought, there was no white or navi kebaya. Without thinking much, my feet immediately walked towards Ashana's room.

"You got a kebaya navi ga?" ask me without knocking on the door.

"Argh!, surprised to knock on the door first cake" cried Ashana.

While taking a few steps back I closed the door to Ashana's room and knocked her while repeating my question.

With her flat face, Ashana answered half-heartedly

"Well, what the hell is it doing?"

"Make it into the condition" I replied embarrassedly.

"Conditions?, usually not looking for gini clothes, kondangan with whom? with a guy from yesterday?" ask Ashana with a little emotion.

"Eh kok ngamok, ya ga papa anyway, want aja nyocokin" I pinched his arm slowly.

"So that nyocokin, his kebaya mbak will also be a lot"

"Nobody knows"

"Yaudah said there was nothing, just use it, very complicated"

" You're not exactly that exciting" as I walked out of Ashana's room my steps suddenly came to a halt with her answer.

"Just now, what is your relationship? a boyfriend? is it just temen? or maybe a relationship without status but like a girlfriend?"

Without answering her question I rushed back to my room with a million lines of questions in my head. Ashana's words filled my mind even more until it was as if my room was filled with the letters that made up the question.

But, again, either my heart or my brain told me to believe in Ian, believing that the days we went through would continue to be filled by our words.

With my positive thoughts, I also opened some online shopping applications and began looking for kebaya and also matching heels, not forgetting the bag that is suitable to be taken to the party, considering all the bags I have is a canvas bag that is like a doraemon bag. It is very rare that I come to a wedding in a graceful style never even. All the kebaya in the wardrobe is just family kebaya.

As if I'm looking for an item that's not my style this time, if usually my search word is sneakers are now heels, used to tottebag now handbag, handbag, I really like to wear a shirt or a simple blouse with trousers but it seems like now I have to look at some dress.

Is this not a new beginning to be a new person?. Irene who used to be very indifferent with appearance, now became a little thought of how to dress her. Always thinking positive is good, right?.

see you next~

don't forget the criticism and suggestions & the ''em

leave a trace too ya🥺