I LET MY HUSBAND CHEAT
Bad prejudices
Two weeks ago my father died. Deep sadness still surrounds our family. Trial comes in a row, makes the broken heart crumble dim, can no longer bear the feeling to continue this life. One by one loved ones leave. Mas Evan who betrayed, who had told me not to sue for divorce, apparently until now there was no news. He did not even come home to serve our father who left us for a long time.
If I don't remember Mr. Ustadz's talk at night, I might be crazy. Thank goodness the advice from ustadz about patience and sincerity still sticks a little in the heart and mind, so that patience and sincerity in the heart is what is so the reinforcement not to fall.
Although it is actually very difficult to apply this sincere and patient attitude. Controlling emotions in the face of life's difficulties is very difficult. But I can get through it. Because I have to stay up and get up. There is Raisya my daughter, mother and there is a fetus in my womb that I must defend and protect.
"Dek Akram, please bring me some medicine?" I asked Akram. We consider him like our own family. He seems so sincere in his attitude. I feel safe and comfortable talking to him at the end of this. Especially since my father died. He became like a substitute father.
Mom hasn't been feeling well since last night. When asked for treatment always refuse. My attitude made me very sad. I don't want you to catch up with Dad. I don't seem to have the spirit of life anymore, after my father died.
"Not to take medication. It's no use. My mother will die too."
"Mom, don't talk like that. I don't want you to leave us. I love mom..!" I hugged my mother who was lying down. Although my hand operated on, her movement was limited.
"It's time, baby." Said mother lirih.
"No ma'am, no ...!" looking at the mother who shed tears. "Mom's staff wants to leave me in this state, mother's heart goes. Don't ma'am, wait for your granddaughter to be born ma'am." I said with tears. It feels like this heart is very broken to hear the words of the mother who wants to catch up with father. Am I an outrageous child? until I was married, it still troubled my parents.
"Dek Akram, let's go bopong mom." I don't want to serve mom to talk anymore, from the moment she spoke.
Akram holds mom. I followed with very fast steps. If I walk fast, my stitched feet still hurt. I was three weeks into healing.
"Bang Roy's..." I quickly called the bike rickshaw that was still our brother who happened to pass by. Akram sat mom in the bike rickshaw. He's in it too. "From behind my sister followed." I said again, I'll find another rickshaw.
"No need Alda. I can take care of mom's treatment." Sahut Akram's. "Come bang, we go to Hikmah clinic" said Akram, yes in our area there is Hikmah clinic, which is good service.
I could finally just stare at the motorcycle rickshaw that took mom to the clinic. I believe in Akram. He can take care of mom. I can't be rash. I'm not well yet. If I move a lot, I'm afraid my operated hand has a problem.
I sat my ass on the plastic chair on the porch.
Huuff..
I took a deep breath, and exhaled her heavily. I rubbed my chest that was still pounding that great thump. My mentality is not strong to go through all this.
I shouted that hateful curse in my raging heart. I can't wait anymore, I'm not sincere with this consecutive ordeal.
Astagfirulah....
I'm a toyor my own head. I regret my prejudiced attitude towards Allah.
"Punish my sins, Lord..! I'm wrong...!" I covered my face with my left hand. I'm still sitting on the porch.
"I know, O Allah, this calamity which you gave, the purpose for three things." He said again with tears. Alda remembered the book he read about wisdom in trials for HIS people. Trial comes with purpose.
Raise the degree for those who are stricken with disaster, because of his patience with the calamity that Allah has set.
As a test for himself.
As a sinner, for his past sins.
Su’udzon That's Flawed
Su’udzon (bad prejudices) in Alloh is a despicable trait that must be shunned from everyone who believes because this is one of the great sins. This attitude is also the custom of the disbelievers and hypocrites. They prejudiced Allah with prejudice and expected the defeat and destruction of the Muslims. But Allah turns their deceit and threatens them with a painful torment in the world and the Hereafter.
Allah says, “And that He may punish the hypocrites men and women and the polytheists men and women whom they prejudiced against. They will have a very bad turn (destruction) and Allah will curse and curse them and prepare for them the Hell of Hell. And (hell of Hell) that's as evil as the place back.” (Al-Fath: 6)
The punishment of the world that the unbelievers and hypocrites will receive is the anxiety and anxiety that hit their hearts when they see the success of the Muslims. As for the punishment of the Hereafter, they will get the wrath of Allah and be kept away from the grace of Allah and put into hell which is a bad place to return.
Prejudice bad on Alloh is a form of ridicule or disbelief in the destiny of Allah, For example by saying “It should happen this way and so.” Or say, “Kok my windfall lately drag on huh? Again apes indeed..” and other forms of speech. Many people are prejudiced against Allah both with regard to himself and others. No one can shy away from this prejudice except for those who understand the name and nature of God. So it is appropriate for people who are reasonable and want to fix themselves, let him pay attention to this problem and want to repent and ask for forgiveness for the prejudice he has done.
For that once again let us self-introspect, are we among these people (people who like to prejudge bad on Allah) so that we are kept away from the eternal paradise of Allah? We say’a to Allah to keep us all from prejudging Him. Wallohu a’lam.
TB