KARMA IN LAW MOUTH VENOMOUS
Part 10's. Dilemmas

After Diana left my house, I passed into the room. This chest feels tight, these eyes are hot as if there is an urgent need to flow from both sides of this eyeball. It hurts that I was accused of being a liar, blocking Candra from giving Kaynara the money to spend. I also have an ex-husband but I never demand anything from him, if sent for his son I am grateful that there is no sending at all I keep trying to work for my children. 

Less what life is anymore, the only child of Kaynara all needs borne by Candra including the needs of Diana who is an ex-wife also borne by her because Diana is not working. 

All this time I did not complain because Candra was more focused on her son and Diana. Candra's dependency on me is just kitchen shopping and that I also have to rack my brain to get enough of it and always lack it.

For this one year I never complained because I didn't want my household to be destroyed a second time. Diana and the Candra family saw me well - fine never complained they thought all my Candra money held like when Candra married Diana. Not once twice did Candra's sister ask me for money. I give sincerely but the end - their end has gone too far especially Lusi.

Lusi, whatever my things that he likes he casually takes as if they were all his shrimp purchases when none of me was bought by Candra.

It turns out that my silence even more they become, you do not know me if you are angry how. I don't care about love anymore, love just makes me like a fool. I don't care if I have to be a widow anymore. Let me live alone to enjoy the old days rather than I have to dizzy to face the family of a toxic husband, ex-wife who is matre and always disturbing. They are like monsters that invade my life.

These tears are hard to stop, regrets keep dancing - nari in my mind. If I had not been complacent with Candra's kindness, not stupid for love, resolutely rejecting Candra of course none of this would have happened. I hate you, Candra, you brought me into your life promising me hope, which brought me down from a slump, which made me your rib but now I'm the backbone.

"Where was your sweet promise, the promise that lulled me!"

"I want the old you, the one who gave me the spirit of life, to accompany me in adversity".

"Now that you're thinking only of your son and ex-wife, it's like I'm not in your life."

"Your ex-wife's request has crossed the line, the lie she created using Kaynara, but you never realized that you've been lied to and fooled by your ex-wife!". I murmured inwardly because it was full of this heart.

Draining tears turned out to be draining, which I felt unconsciously I had fallen asleep without knowing Candra had come home since I cried and said - said it myself in the room.

*****

"Ma, wake up baby!"

"Magrib Ma, pray first!" Bang Candra woke me up gently as usual she kissed my forehead and shook my shoulder slowly.

"Mmm ...... !" shirihku.

"What time is pa? ask me while gathering my consciousness."

"It's seven, less ten."

"Sholat will run out of Maghribnya time!" Tell Candra and help me to stand up. It was this gentle treatment that always made me in a dilemma to leave her. Candra has never done me harshly, even in a state of anger she can still say softly to me. The treatment that made me fall in love couldn't move on from him.

*****

"Pa, Mama hasn't cooked because she fell asleep!" I complained to Candra. Because the arrival of Diana made my mood destroyed, I was tired of tears so unconsciously I was asleep.

If Candra hadn't come home and woke me up, I would've fallen asleep by morning. It turns out that sadness drains tears and is exhausting. My brain is also tired of thinking in the face of this family problem, I am tired of undergoing all this suffering.

"We just eat out, baby, anyways we're just both doing mama also have to bother cooking!" Candra reminds us that today we are just two at home. I had forgotten that Aqila was on vacation this semester with her father spending the holidays.

"Mama is sorted out first so it doesn't look like it's crying out!" ask Candra with a look of pity.

"Pa.... Do you know that Mom is crying? Know cause? I asked with a questionable look.

"Yes Lapa knows, Diana was here because Mama was crying." Candra hugged me giving me strength.

"It's all Papa's fault, Papa promised to fix it."

"Never leave Papa!"

"Never ask for a divorce from Papa!"

"Never sue Papa for divorce!"

"Papa can't live without Mama, hard-earned papa get Mama."

"Popey promises to fix everything!"

"Papa won't waste Mama!"

In the arms of Candra my tears broke, I was in a dilemma to make up my mind at a time like this. On the one hand I'm tired of running a household with a husband who has a toxic ex-wife. I want to get away from all of them, from the toxic ex and family husband. On the other hand this heart loves Candra very much the first love that is still fertile to this day.

"Ma ... Ms.. !" Call Candra break her embrace.

"Yes Pa !" I replied in surprise because the mind had traveled far away even though my body was still in Candra's arms.

"When do you go eat it if it's still a crying scene - this crying?"

"Papa Hungry Ma !" whinek Candra spoiled with me.

"Ok, Mama's done well for a while!"

"Want to eat seafood, Pa!" I asked Candra.

"Yes, but you can't eat shrimp!" Candra's warning to me.

Candra knows best what foods I can and cannot eat. I'm a seafood lover but I have a problem with shrimp. This one marine animal includes my favorite food but this skin can not be compromised with shrimp. If I force eat shrimp, I definitely have to go to the doctor because this body will itch - itchy and red - red, if allowed to swell.

As I recall this shrimp allergy in semester 2 of studying at State University in the City. When I ate shrimp at the faculty cafe and arrived at the boarding house I was itching - itching and this body was all flushed. Finally I have to go home to seek treatment because it is not resistant to the face that is not shaped.

If I remember all that I became a smile - a smile on my own because I could not resist the desire to eat shrimp which in the end made allergies all over the body. I hope that doesn't happen again.

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