LO-D
16. SARAH

Tan ...

Before Dee came to the rescue and took me away, when I was arrested, I saw a paper tear in the underground city that was my prison. It was like I was looking at my own writing. I feel like I wrote it once. But my memory is not good, there are no definite memories recorded about the writing. I thought that mossy writing was the disgrace of someone in the past. Either he was trapped or reincarnated into me.

“Man, you radiated from two smelly holes. Why are you so arrogant?  Why are you happy with the war? Why don't you just go after popularity, wealth, science, and faith? At least risk it doesn't kill anyone else. Rather than you tearing apart the freedom of others, why not forget your own freedom? You want to rule the world? Huh, which man can rule God's universe? Why not just pursue Heaven which is actually our father's house first? Where we going home? What can you celebrate and celebrate?

Man, do you like to eat the blood and flesh of your neighbor? If you look at the cannibal species starting the action, who do you consider the king of this land? You can tear me with a sword, skin me with a dagger, or cut my skull with a decapitated axe. But one thing, it won't undermine my freedom to kill the hatred in you. Why do strangers like me treat you like shit? Shouldn't guests be respected? Why does the world mean so much to you? Is it just a rumor that you so goddamn brought to my breath?

I know this is a form of vigilance in this country. But do you think the leader of a country is a king? No, it was a fatal historical mistake! They may be right, someone who is more trusted by people. I taught him; a small man with a smile every day, who ran for the protection of his parents, and there was no compassion every day.

It was written on the paper I wrote. Wasn't easy. Because at any time, humans will not be able to understand each other. You gotit? Shoulda. Because I symbolized it in my and Dee's conversation. If not, turn back for a moment. Didn't I worry, you must put up with my creaking style in our thinking invitations at the beginning.

The incarnate youth of the pelontos boy, today has learned about the meaning of a sincerity. The presumption that death means sin will only weaken faith. I believe that God knows .. but wait.

That's the story .. And I don't know if Dee's reason hastened the plot. Grabbing my hand in the execution area, and suddenly hugging me in front of those leaders. Then fainted. Dreaming in a dream. Then he heard Dee's cry and woke me up.

I'm continued. For minutes the huts were isolated. From the front I still fragilely noticed. The children look like caterpillars who have not become butterflies, even to make cocoons they do not have time. From various stimulation, Dee understood the meaning of my face. His view cannot be separated from Uncle Sham's man. I stand behind him. Dee approached later.

“What's up?” I asked slowly and then pulled his arm out. "Dee, I just ..”

I didn't continue because Dee's gaze was more pointed, "Why?” I wave later.

“Tak what. Just a little worried that you'd be planning something to put you in the danger zone again. You will not ..” Dee slightly pressed down with hesitation.

“I told you before .. We have to bring these kids. When I'm lulled with this temporary freedom, can I come back with a big smile and look at my mom?” I'm trying to give Dee the only end of the way. Manifest Martin's errand to convince his sister again.

“Everything is tasteless. Should I add a little trouble?” Dee asked wryly.

Dee …

“You mean?” Tan furrowed the eel making the two sides of his eyebrows almost bumpy. Stunned small. “Not usually you like that, Moon Girl."

I'm not cramming Tan's speech. With the soldiers disrespecting themselves, I scooped myself in front of the children, making Uncle Sham also gawk.

“Hey, didn't you hear me?” Tan was a little angry and took me out just before I approached Uncle Sham, pulling my strands of clothes out with moderate exertion.

“You're stubborn!” Tan snapped small. “You know what you don't have so bad that you don't want to go home?”

“Have stopped! I'm not gonna listen. If you get caught again I won't care,” I half-heartedly say.

“Just I'll say. Since you don't want to care, I'll do the same. You know what makes you not find your freedom yet? You lack the ability to trust!”

“Are you stupid? Have you never thought about your safety? I'm worried! Why do we have to look for trouble again? I want to be here too. I want to stay a little longer. I am tired of all that fighting. I won't go back to my dad either.”

“But our problem is not yet..”

“It's done!”

“You lied. You're like this because you don't want me to go back to my world, right?”

I didn't respond and then came in. My hope at that time was that God would change the plot of my dream story so that maybe Tan would still be fine. Loved her.

“Dee!”

“Iya! I want to be with you longer. Why why?! Why don't you just rest. Aren't you tired? Maybe for you this is all a dream but just this once listen to me.”

“You know?”

“What?”

Tan looked inside him.

“At first, I was lost until I was confused where to take my destination. After I met you, I finally realized, you were indeed entrusted the key to my life by Him,” Tan said deeper and deeper. “I realize what keeps you that way, stay lost and can't get out. You still haven't decided what your biggest wish in life is. You're so scared of the shit in front of you that you avoid it."

“What are you talking about? I have to clean up that shit?” I'm holding my shit.

“Yes, you have to dare to do that. In front and behind. Two pieces of shit that surround your circle of life. You're still full of doubts about that, about what you want to find, about your mom and dad. If you are lost in your own life, keep moving forward without a doubt. Believe in your own freedom. You are lost because of the fear of doubt that you created yourself. You can't find your freedom if you're still soiling yourself with the past. You can't accept your bitter past. Although I fought desperately to help your freedom, from the bitter loneliness of the past that I may not have understood so much, if you alone do not want to try to get out of your strayed world.”

“Then what?!” I eroded myself to the brink of all closure. “What? I'm rattled. I'm confused .. Tan.”

That moment was the moment that left me most uncontrollable.

“Thank you for your past and what happened. I'm just like you. When I remembered what happened on that hill before I finally met you in Aya Sofia, my mind was still full of fear and I could not accept the reality about my mother and sister. But then I decided on my biggest wish. I want to be with those who keep moving forward, not with those who are lost in their own lives.”

“Oh, then leave me. Because I'm among the people you don't want to be on your way. I'm the stray.”

“No," reply Tan quickly. “You're wrong. When I can accept the past, you are presented as the future that I must achieve. And everything that happened on that hill, it ended up being a mere dream that I realized, as a door to get out of my complexity. They, my mother and brother .. are waiting for my decision on this matter.”

“What do you mean?”

"A person who is lost can only be helped by two people, namely himself and the person who knows the way out. I found that future. You're the abstract, Dee. Didn't you tell me yourself .. The key to my life was lent to you by God? Why are you upside down now? I'm here to take you to find a way out. I know the way of this story. If I manage to save you from your loneliness.This handwriting of God I will also find the answer. Didn't you say it yourself? That moral debt was also intentionally created for you, right?”

Fresh air turns blue as if it were overwritten by an infectious disease ...

Fallen leaves never deceive the air …

“Who are you really?” Tan while thinking about my character who began to look like himself. Tan's starting to get aware of my game. “What from the beginning did you only rely on lies? I've been thinking about this for as long as this journey goes on. I've been thinking about all your gerak-geriks since the beginning. Just tell me, who are you?”

New lanterns open …

“You want to know?”

“More than you imagined.”

“Good, I'll tell you. It's just the condition .. You have to believe in yourself and accept everything that is my past history. We're in the same coordinates now. The reason I haven't found the door to freedom yet is you, you still can't accept my past. You just accept your past and go towards your own freedom, no matter I stand behind you in the dark.”

“I asked who you are?!” Tan snapped quite loudly this time. Martinus and Uncle Sham still soak up the freshness with the people and children inside the hut.

“I've been implying since the beginning. It's not time to tell you. I'll tell you if I manage to solve this problem,” I try to stay calm against the clash.

Tan thought about my statement earlier and responded.

“That's what you want?” tanya Tan started over. “Man does need a difference to understand each other.

“I'll accept your wish. Is it the purpose of life that gives you doors? Good. I'll take everything.  Your father, your mother, your past, your honest lies, the secrets you hold, and your purpose are present in this dream. That way, you can see the door of freedom and then I'll easily open the door from the outside. That's right, you mean?” Tan's over. “Thus, you will be with me. You want to go with me, right? Then be the one who keeps moving forward, not the one who gets lost.”

The air returns as before …

“Iya, Tan. Sorry for not being able to tell you the truth. I promise the time will come. As the debtor of moral debt. That recognition ...”

“Acknowledgement?”

“Oh? Um .. yes, I mean .. ah, just later.”

Tan flanked his lips and smiled.

“Iya, then forgive me. Sorry for yelling at you for the umpteenth time. I'm just following my prasangkaku. Ah, it turns out that it is not just anyone else, I can also impress the bad rumors of what I just concluded. I feel the need to apologize to the world,” Tan realized a puff of regret darkened his vision of me. It was me who chose him to be the main character of this story. “One more time, I beg your pardon, Dee. Though I am in debt here.”

“I've forgiven you since this story began.”

◌◌◌◌◌

Tan came closer to Uncle Sham and sat down next to him. There was only one negative energy suddenly emerging into the midst of that face-gaze. There was a little girl sobbing slowly. Her voice was small but still audible. I noticed. Other children are like that too. Someone looks worried. Someone suddenly felt like crying. Tan may feel there are two poles of different angles but fill each other. Invisible but very felt.

“I want to go home. My mother couldn't have died. God loves Mom, uncle, and dad. Isn't that right, brother? I want to go home,” chirped the boy while closing his eyes after looking at the teenage boy he had called brother.

“The first verse of Al-alaq letters children ..?” bring a new ustadz. Start a little muzakaroh with kids santri.

“Iya!” they answered in unison except for the little girl. He was still moody and now hugged his brother. Not wanting to join his friends.

“That means ..?” continued the ustadz.

“Read by name of your Lord Who created ...!!”

The chanting of greetings to God, rolling off after a tornado on the planet Jupiter.

“Name Sarah. Yesterday my friend brought him here. He said their parents died. The children in this branch on average we found in Izmir Bay,” said Uncle Sham.

“Oh,” I nodded.

“Why can?” ask Tan.

“Izmir is the most relaxed city in Turkey. Maybe the person who took them took advantage of that,” I explained.

“In Izmir, the community does not deal too much with religious attractions. They separate the afterlife from the world. Even though these children are from Palestine, they might just take care of it. But that doesn't mean they don't care,” Martinus said.

“I don't think I'll be happy because he met his brother. Earlier, my friend told me that the girl told me about her brother. Then bring her here. Truly a form of God's love,” said Uncle Sham.

Tan smiled and I laughed softly.

“Wah, it turns out the world is so mepet,” decak Tan assumed.

“That suitable fiction ... narrow,” my joke.

“Iya nagging," Tan lengthened his ‘e’ vocal.

There is a space of inner bonding back in time, unencumbered by suspicion and self-closing in that metaphorical code-filled conversation. I was also made dizzy as fast as the rotation of the wheel that the little boy rotated when hit with wood to turn.

“He must have missed his mother very much,” I said as if not to pierce the words of Tan who said earlier.

“Nobody blames them. What abolished the occupation? We also want to be free like children in other countries. We just obey the words of our parents. He told us to be patient. Ask us to be sincere and not to leave as long as they fight to keep Al-Aqsa. Sometimes I do not want our parents to be representatives to guard the mosque, but we who are children and teenagers are also aware, if not who we are anymore. Although I hated it, my love for my country was greater and greater. I do not hate a bit, although I know not all religious people want to care, including Muslims from outside,” said the teenager while still stroking and embracing his sister warmly. His face is orange. His eyes looked back at Uncle Sham and Tan. It seems as if he had unconsciously said so.

“Humans with the past and the world make friends with history. In common, humans and the world both shape history and civilization. Love and hate are also the spice of both which are also our biggest enemies sometimes. All of that flows in the form and form and concern of man himself. Whatever the emotional form, we must be able to accept all of that. Because the world is so, Son,” said Uncle Syam. “You need not worry about the fate of this world. This is just a dream .. where we act as figures that God created. As long as your love is clean because of God, everything will be fine. God knows what we need more than we want.