LO-D
Voices From Dee: Turkey, April 21, 2019
For Dee, his point of view will be taken by Brown. Let him tell you about the parts of Dee's mind.
Because Dee, is the mastermind behind the rotation of the problem plot that at any time can change places. Then it changes time to suit his strange purpose to me at the end of the story.
Dee …
I'm Dee, the woman who was neatly scattered in my dream sheet ten years ago. I sculpted again in the mixed point of view of myself. As I promised God if the dream came true.
This is my last memory of the dream ritual given to Tan. Memories in the moments before come out with difficulty with his sacrifice, and overtake him outside of this story.
Heading to a point before all those memories vanished. Then back to testing Tan's toughness, to keep accepting the dark nebula of my life. While the minutes of intrusion were approaching.
The novel is full of gloom from my lips. At 10:00 am in Istanbul University, Turkey. At a book launch workshop.
I was so anxious to start one word. A bitter smile just came out like it was forced. People are watching me metamorphose into a hero of the land. Though only Tan in my mind at that time.
The man who took the wind of justice and led him to the land of Turkey. The audience is watching with enthusiasm. In their eyes, I was like the figure of Kartini owned by Indonesia, like the saidatuna Khadijah who marwah, and exactly Maryam who has a big soul.
I don't need that at all. Although Tan is no longer with me, all of his memories have been written in the book that will be launched on that historic day.
Of course, the writer was none other than the one who knew Tan's journey most during his struggle in Turkey, myself, Helen Dee Maria.
“A book about a man who can't die. A man that the world cannot chain. The greatest motivator of my life. A soul fighting as high as the sky. A man with the courage to sacrifice is his pride. Thank you to God, my Lord, the All-Knowing of this story, rather, this LO novel" I said.
I continued by saying, "I dedicate to Tan, my brother Martinus, my late Uncle Sham, my father and my mother who have accepted my life decision. Of course also for the little kings of the whole Turkish armpit, wherever you are.
I paused for a moment, and then said, "You are the dark lights of my narrow galaxy of life. Release me from the jailing cage, which is tight and obstructs my breath.”
And that breath really flowed in for a moment …
“To Tan, if there were a man like you in this time, maybe God would be more patient to end this age of falsehood,” I said again full of confidence, plus a look of longing.
Yes, and I long for that humility, O Muhammad, beloved of the One God.
In the plea of that fictional world, I was a sophomore at Istanbul University. Studied Literature after getting a scholarship from the President of Turkey because my struggle with Tan is highly appreciated.
Well, at least even if it's all a dream, that's the reality. At the end of the day, it remains fiction even millions of light-years across, traveling from the end of the universe to the end of abstraction.
“Sulaimaniyah's little kings who will illuminate the future. His Great Maha makes me proud to wear this hijab. For the dark history that took away the love of the mighty women of 1946, I thank you for all the fragrances or blemishes that were born.
I stopped because I saw that the audience was silent as if they were flabbergasted for no reason.
I said again, "There is nothing wrong, because God is the best writer forever in the universe. Lastly for the title of this book. I'm giving you a title, LO-D. Means only me and Tan know. His direction refers to the handwriting of God neatly lined up on the walls of the universe that became His miracle,”.
I closed it with as much effort as possible and with the rest of my face covered.
“Ya!”
“You new leaves are very fresh!”
“Kak Dee is so sweet!”
“I want to read it! Miss Dee, teach me what it's like to be a pseudo-God by writing a story!”
The screams were complemented by applause from the audience. My mother then climbed the podium and immediately kissed her daughter's forehead full of affection.
This event was witnessed by all Turks. Through a live broadcast from a television station that is willing to broadcast this event simultaneously. And that time was really complicated. You don't have to believe that! Reaching out to the knowledge of that dimension and time, would only make a headache!
Well, the point is that everything magical is a fact. And the only one is captured by faith. Faith, which you cannot buy and pawn. Time is the greatest uncertainty God creates.
Completing the desperate footbridge around, unable to bear it, I got up and spun away from the seat near the reception area. I don't need that. I don't need any praise. I just need Tan, the sulbi bone in my future reincarnation.
I broke through the door of the room that was open from the beginning. With a peaking spirit, while implying a smile line on my thick lips.
I shouted, “Tan, can I get up now? My promise has paid off. Tan, when are we together again? Should I kill myself and make God a high level of emotion just to see you again?”
“Tan ..” I started raving again. "Whatever I try to accept, I still can't. If you were a woman and I was, what would you scream now?"
For the sake of the tough guy who has inflated his pride and honor for me, you must understand the reason I am like this later. Maybe I'm still unstable. It's only natural that you may not have known the problem from the beginning.
Tomorrow I will visit the Blue Mosque. Lemas I paced with the narrowness of longing. Right, I don't know where to take my longing signal to. And by the way, that day was the news of a girl named Helen Dee Maria, that the information about her departure from Ankara was not mistaken.
Bad news about me. Of course Tan will not be happy when new problems hit a girl like me. The liver test before I went on to Aya Sofia. Reflections of the brain in the midst of fatigue will thirst love. Tan may be scolding me all out.
Tragically, I don't understand why I haven't been able to wake up?Time has changed for two years. I don't know what other problems there are. Why hasn't God woken up yet? How can I catch up with Tan?
Aya Sofya's front line became the second target of the calamity. A place reminiscent of an early meeting with Tan. When my son had a theatrical tongue, he said of Tan who was a fool and a madman. Don't ask me what it is. Too rough.
“Nona, where are you going?” ask someone watching me who looks dazed.
“I just want to see someone.”
My memory is exposed to polyps of memories. And spread like aerosols. Gnawing at my void as sharp as razor. Not scattered, because I'm the only one who feels. Though I myself promised to be strong without Tan should exist.
But, Tan once told me on the sidelines of this story. He said, “Don't hold a cry. If anyone forbids you to cry, label him a criminal! But do not lament sorrow and sorrow, especially until dissolved. That's his name beyond limits."
Maybe it was that sentence that changed my perception like this or vice versa. I'm still satisfying myself to re-record everything. Like there's a story in a story. And Tan's sentence was an interpretation of her brother Rey's words.
Then I went through every corner of Aya Sofia. Until the end of all directions, never backsliding. To the point that people's gazes don't jolt my sanity.
All sorts of conjectures and gossip come after becoming a hero. My only thought was, when is it time to wake up?
“Why didn't Brother Martinus just flush me with half-boiling water?” I'm back to messing around.
My grandfather knew I was in that place. Suddenly appeared after the crowd. Back to arguing with people. Just like before.
Intending to bring the girl who used to be considered a failed product by my father. I am the failed product. But that moment, empathy grew.
“You should have a Muslim head! You're a convert, right? You forgot your promise to Tan?” said father stirred.
That sentence became a stark contrast to his disbelief in Tan first. I hope Tan is the ideal son-in-law that my father would accept in the real world. Where when I'm right I'm the age I should be.
I agreed by saying, “Dad, it's time. I can feel the time is up. God has allowed me to return. Bring everything. Father, mother, and sister. We wake. I used to, huh? Tan's waiting for me.”
All the rubble is bound into one pazel-shaped affection. A family, a home, peace, and freedom that was really very simple I wanted. They've all returned.
Yeah! Although it runs out hundreds of centuries, love still blooms despite fostered times. God created the heart to keep that bond and togetherness, right? Every second that my memory ends, you'll see the struggles of a strange man like Tan.
He will teach me and you with his self-reliance, how to love well and properly. Once again, as long as memories of shared memories remain, humans will always be together. Forever, with Tan.