MY FACE IS NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS MY HEART
THE EPS 9
“Master Arkana....?”.
“Guests where baby blue should eat first, Here I uda make mam for iko....”.
I called out loud but why didn't he respond. I step
my feet towards the back garden, and it turns out they have fallen asleep while hugging the position of baby blue is on the chest of Mr. arkana. I approached them and took the baby blue, but when I wanted to take the baby blue, Mr. arkana and the baby blue opened their eyes and smiled with the same blue eyes.
DEG…. DEG….
Why am I like this my heart why is it always beating so fast when this father and son look me in the eye.
“Is my heart troubled or an abnormality.?”. I muttered in my heart .
“Senja..... twilight……. “
“heloooo twilight..... you heard me....?”
While his hand continued to hold my hand, and wiggled it so that I would come to my senses in my daydream.
“Ehhmmm.
“Sorry sir arkana, I failed to focus when I saw your blue eyes and your son.”.
“Until I feel like my heart is working faster.”
I said while blushing my cheeks holding in shame because I spontaneously said
that's. Why am I so stupid, he just smiled in front of me and stroked my hair. And she gave baby iko to me, while saying …
“I want you to make me
always in your sight and always your first choice in choosing all
your decision. And I've been changing myself ever since I knew you I started
improving my behavior starting from my attitude to iko, my behavior to people
else, I have also tried to make peace with my past problems, and most of all
it is important that I correct my behavior towards God and improve my worship
what was originally for your sake has now become the desire and trust of my heart
against god and requests to him”
And he held my hand holding the baby iko, he approached me and eroded the distance I could not breathe properly at the moment, And what started again was my heart that kept beating so hard and like it was going to come out. I held his hand and said.
“ Stop.... don't get too close sir, my heart is not good and my heart also seems to beat faster
my heart!!”
“Do you know why your heart beats ..?” .
raising his eyebrows he asked like that.
“Why....?” I asked back to him .
“That's because you're already interested in me, And comfortable with me, That alarms your heart for me to enter in the gap of your heart”.
While continuing to pull my hand to be in his heart.
“Did you also listen to my heart..?”.
“do you want to be part of my heart, my life, part of baby aiko, where we can share all
be it sad, fun, hard, to always be together. ?”.
He said that while glazed over, hoping I would answer all his questions. I turned my back and cried even shaken shoulders to hold my tears out. I don't know what to answer, 'cause I closed my heart to a relationship about love.
“Master,... honestly I was confused as to what to answer, Because I never knew with such an attention
a man, the attention of a brother, the attention of a friend, the attention of a lover. I'm not getting that out of a relationship, I've never been in love, I'm sorry if I can't give you the answers you really want, I've never been given a sense of being dependent on people
my mother is a single parent. Even I started small already disconnected by the destiny of not having the attention of a man and one day receiving the first from my father.
God gave me this destiny. Then what should I answer for your question..?”.
I said that with tears flowing, Maybe I was selfish for being afraid to open my heart because I was afraid of my father's less obvious status and could humiliate him for me because of my past. I kept looking at her, and she just smiled and came closer and wiped my tears away.
“ I know you'll have a hard time answering that, but I'm sure your eyes don't lie, like when I
know your eyes from my son, And I'm sure my son did not choose wrong and my heart is also sure that this is not wrong and will continue to choose you only you”.
My tears kept flowing and I strengthened my heart and sanity not to enter the circle of this wash.
“Alright maybe you are less sure of my heart, and you are less sure of my son's choice of heart
because we're just a guy who makes you less sure, but do you still want to accept this relationship with a friendship.?”.
I hesitantly nodded my head in agreement, sign,
POV twilight…
God, once I wanted to be selfish and feel a love interest from this man. I want her to be the first person when I choose anything, when I open my eyes and I think she's the first in my brain, I want her, I want her, Although my heart and my feelings will have to be bumped up with all the things and lives of him who is seen as heaven and earth with him.
Just once god….
For me to try to open my heart even though it was still a thin glass veil
easy to break will be a vibration but I'll try it's god.
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I SWEAR I WROTE THIS WITH
CRYING BECAUSE THIS OPENED MY SICK HEART BACK….
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