Not Dilan 1990
35. Airplane girl

🎧 [Hayd-superhero]

Happy reading")

September 2015

I gulped down the milk box I was forced to bring because of Mama's errand. As usual I would just sit around doing nothing as usual while looking at the waves that always hit him on the reef.

Y'all know? Going around 4pm to the beach has become a habit of mine lately. I'll drive here myself if Airish or Daniel can't keep me company. Naturally, they were quite busy after becoming a college kid. You remember Airish, right? The girl surnamed Jung who has Japanese blood has successfully entered Black Raven University. We celebrate by buying EXO merchandise like we always did in SHS times. Daniel, Daehwi, and Woojin were also accepted there.

Really, I'm so proud of my friends. Although the fact they often copy when replicates are true, they can bear the value by entering a favorite college in South Korea. You guys remember that humorous guy surnamed Ong? He attended Seoul University with Jihoon and Jinyoung. I'm really amazed at them.

But sometimes it makes me sad, because after that we rarely get together like we used to. Only Airish and Daniel accompany me once a week.

I'm upset with myself too. The incident when farewell party approximately 6 months ago made me unable to go to college like my friends. I mean, I'm still in college but with homeschooling. Because of that, I also had to miss the EXO comeback stage last April. The news was so bitter I had to accept because one of their personnel, Tao, decided to leave the group. You know how I felt after I read the news? I cried a lot for almost a month. Sometimes when Airish and I meet, we cry when we talk about it. I'm upset by day night. My life feels so bland. You can't call me lebay. You should understand the feelings of a hardline EXO fangirl.

Because of that incident, I was unable to participate in Guanlin's departure to London. You guys remember Lai Guanlin too, right? The boy was accepted to Oxford University. He was really great. Thumb-patterned. I'm so amazed. Really am.

I'm sorry that I ask so many 'do you remember', I just doubt you remember. I almost forgot all of them after sleeping in a coma for 3 months. That's why I homeschool. I want the best because I'm still healing. Mama said most likely, in the 3rd semester I will be able to go to college like my friends. I'm glad to hear that.

Every time I see a sunset, I like the thought of Guanlin. You know, if I, um, like it? Errata, I love her. Loved her. Airish said Guanlin promised to return as soon as possible from London when his university took off. Airish also said that Guanlin loves me too. Actually without him telling me, I already knew that. I don't need to explain. It's too long to discuss.

We even lost contact. Airish said that Guanlin was in the dorm. He can't hold a cell phone unless the holidays come. I'm a little upset to hear it, but I'll keep being patient.

If Guanlin comes back later, I'll be the most excited to pick her up at the airport. Then I will hold him tightly to satisfy the longing that is now getting heavier. So if my scales go up, it's actually not my weight. But my blind capacity.

To fill my time with so much. I'm going to garden. Lately, I have loved roses. I planted them in the garden behind my house. If I get bored, I will listen to EXO songs while sleeping. I really liked their song Universe. If you are curious about the song you can listen to it on youtube. You will feel very touched when you know the meaning of the song. Sometimes, I can cry when I live too much.

One time, when Airish and Daniel were visiting me at the weekend, I was trying to make a red velvet sponge in the kitchen. Mom was not at home because she took care of her boutique. Even I had to miss the moment when the mama boutique branch officially opened because of the coma. It sucks, right?

When they asked me why I was trying to make a red velvet sponge, I answered honestly that I wanted to give it to Guanlin when she came back to Seoul. He once told me that he really liked that sponge. He asked me to make it, but I don't know. We bought it at the cake shop. Although his return from London is still a long time, but I have to keep training so it does not feel disappointing.

When I said it was for Guanlin, Daniel and Airish looked at each other. Suddenly, Airish said he wanted to call and go back to the kitchen with his eyes. The Jung girl said that she remembered Tao so she cried. I suddenly wanted to cry too. Remembering it always makes me end up crying.

After they came home, my house became quiet again because my mother had not come home either. I started to understand that and no longer had any problem with it. So lonely the house, even the sound of water faucet droplets in the sink until it sounds strong in my opinion.

I opened the laptop. I originally intended to watch a drama that I had downloaded a few days ago. But I became engrossed in looking at some of the memorable photos of my SHS back then. The photo file is a lot. There are over 5000 photos and 300 videos with them. However, it was more dominated by my photos and videos with Guanlin. Oh, my God, I miss him so much. I always feel tight when I miss him. It's been almost a year since we met. I miss being angry with her. I miss him when he bullies me. I really miss Guanlin. Why should he choose a college dorm? At least we can phone each other every day.

I closed my laptop because it made me feel bad. I finally did not watch. I picked up my phone and opened one of the online novel websites. There's a story I haven't finished reading. I regretted choosing to read the novel online. How not?! The story is sad ending because the female protagonist died. I'm getting more and more upset. Like this, I would cry for days each time I remembered. I feel crushed. I immediately spam the author of the novel and tell him to revive the woman.

I guess my life lately has been about just that. From 8am to 3pm I will be homeschooling. After that I will do the things I like as freely as possible.

The winter holidays in mid-December arrive. I am always excited when decorating the house with Christmas trinkets. A bustling house with Christmas trinkets, a medium-sized Christmas tree, flickering Christmas lights have always been my favorite. So that the house is not too quiet I will put up Christmas music. EXO's December miracle song will always be my favorite.

Know it? I can't wait to hear that Guanlin is coming back from London. I've been looking forward to this every day for the last few months. I've also been good at making red velvet balls. Airish even got hooked when I made him the first tryer. Since all the universities in Seoul are off, all my friends are coming home. We often get together again. The atmosphere never changes. They have always been great friends.

Oh yes, I forgot. Do you remember Jennie? He is currently in a mental hospital in Gangnam. When I asked my friends why it was so bad, they said they didn't know. I never took revenge on him. Not at all. I feel sorry for him.

We are currently at Jihoon's house. Every day we would take turns as hosts. Oh, aye. I want to say that Airish and Jihoon are engaged. Are you guys surprised? Yeah, me too. Jihyo and Daniel are also dating. That's why I'm not too surprised. That's perfectly natural. Seon Yoo and Ong are also dating. A lot has changed with them, right? Sure do. We've grown up.

We'll do fun things during the gathering at every house. The next day, we would gather in a different house. It's kind of a reunion that I think is very beautiful. I always enjoy quality time with them.

I asked when Guanlin would return to Seoul. They all kept quiet and looked at each other. When I looked at Airish, she looked around avoiding my gaze. Daniel and Jihyo are the same. They were so focused on their phones as if they didn't hear me.

Seeing that, Jihoon sighed and said that Guanlin would be back in a few days. Most likely before Christmas. I asked if he was serious. Jihoon nodded. And somehow their faces became suddenly strange afterwards. Even the atmosphere felt very awkward.

The next day, when the schedule at Ong's house arrived, we left early. They agreed to come at 9 am to have a longer time to gather. When I got there, I took off the coat I was wearing and put it on the couch. It seems like not many have arrived here. I didn't find them in the living room. I intend to go to the dining room looking for them while sipping the warm coffee latte I bought on my way here. And sure enough, they were in the dining room. I slowed down when I heard them talking about something very serious. Airish even to a hiccup.

"Gue has to or what else. It's all too confusing." He said sad. Jihoon tried to calm himself down. I wonder what they are talking about. Are they keeping anything from me?

"Gue couldn't bear to lie anymore either." It was Daniel's turn to speak up.

"So we want to what? We'll be honest with him if there really isn't a Guanlin?! You have to think about Karin's feelings. I'm afraid that Guanlin doesn't exist. Especially her. He's in love with Guanlin. You have to remember!"

My heart was pounding very hard at Ong's words. The place I stand on feels like spinning with a fast tempo makes me dizzy. I also started to feel my body suddenly cold and my eyes twitched.

Brakk...

The coffee in my hand fell to greet the floor. Making the 4 people who were at the dining table turn their head quickly towards me. They put on super shocked faces. They instantly paled and froze on the spot when they saw me.

I tried to get the word out of my mouth. Really, my heart feels like it hurts like it's been stabbed by a sharp object.

"Guanlin doesn't exist? You guys, what do you mean?"

They can't answer. Airish instead cried without a sound while avoiding my gaze. He has no power to see me.

"Where's Guanlin?" I asked back. This time my eyes were completely blurred because of my tears. Please, my heart is in tremendous pain.

"You lied to me?!"

"WHY ARE YOU QUIET?!" I started screaming hysterically. Defense decays. I cried as hard as I could to reduce the pain in my heart. I fell to the floor unable to stand while holding my chest which was getting sicker.

"GUANLIN!!" My screams filled the room. Airish ran towards me and hugged me tightly. He tried to calm me down when he was crying himself.

Everyone in the house had no one to hold back tears. Even those who just came. Daehwi also directly hugged me tightly. The man was crying while trying to calm me down. I kept calling Guanlin's name. I feel devastated at this moment.

Nah! It feels like a dream. Why would they lie to me? I miss him every night. I always see pictures of him with me. I always see videos of him. I wrote a lot of things in my diary about him. I confided to Simsimi about me missing her. I made a wishlist that I would have made with him if he had returned to Seoul. I pray that he will be fine there. I improved my English skills to match her English skills. I was hoping to watch an EXO concert with him. I dream of him every night. I even practiced making red velvet balls every weekend so he could enjoy his favorite balls I made myself.

I look pathetic, don't I?

I think I can live and grow old with him. I thought we would always be together. I think I can attend her graduation later. I don't think he's gonna leave me this fast.

7 Months I live with a lot of wishful thinking with him. 7 months I live with his shadow. 7 months I build a lot of hopes that I will be realized with him.

I really fell deeply in love with her. Very deep. So deep, it feels like I really won't find the basis.

They lied to me once. They're so mean.

Guanlin, please come back...

TBC'S)