Should We Divorce?
39

3 Months Later...

Flickering fingers painted in solid white shifted the door of his room to welcome the morning with an unusually warm feeling. The fresh air that immediately hit her immediately made her beautiful eyes momentarily closed to enjoy. He breathed deeply as if he were absorbing all the positive energy of the morning fragrance.

The two bright, round eyes swept a glance at what was before him. It had been almost a hundred days all of those things welcomed her morning. The open nature, the greenery around him, the calm pool water under his feet, the calmness, the peace, everything he needed.

His eyes were deliberately staring at the reflection of themselves from the pool water. A happy face, a smile that could not be separated, a white knee-length dress wrapped, black hair that was left unraveled, how much change Bali had given him.

After all the goodness that Bali has distilled, it feels evil to say this city as an escape. But, for people who a few months ago feel very desperate like him, Bali is indeed the right place to pull away. Everything in Bali seems to be created just for calm, there is no place for sadness. He proved it himself.

Serena's name remains the same until this second. Only, he felt himself better than the old Serena. Meditation, yoga, taking a break from work, the beach, all of that helps him cultivate himself to be calmer. For the past month he felt no longer overshadowed by all the injuries he left in Jakarta. He felt he had recovered from the despair that had held him so strong.

Serena.

What happy news he was waiting for.

After that, the clanging sound coming from his phone made him quit the self-evaluating session.

His phone, lying on his back bed, was forced to pull himself back into the room. Apparently he found a message from his father. While walking back to the lips of the pond, he looked at the message closely.

Her father sent her a photo message of a white envelope that let Serena know instantly that it was a letter from the civil registry for her divorce case.

After a long process of inner struggle, fighting with his own desires, calming the heart, escaping, finally he arrived at this point.

Ares is really going to divorce her.

In the past, in mid-February, exactly a month he evacuated to Bali, he had wondered why Ares did not register their divorce to the court. Half thought Ares might not have time to take care of everything, but the other half thought it was possible that Ares was still considering it and was hesitant to continue this divorce.

Honestly, in that moment he was a little shaky. Suddenly his heart expected that Ares would really hesitate and not divorce him. He felt that all of this could still be fixed without parting. The distance that lies between them is not just because they are not in love, but this is just an effort to calm their hearts. He and Ares were wrong. But they can still fix it together.

Then, like a sleeping princess awakened from her dream, Serena was struck by reality when two weeks later Ares informed her that she had filed for divorce with the court. They're just waiting for a summons from civil records.

And yes, one month after, today, the call actually came. He arrived safely at his father's house.

Now he wants to laugh at himself for being too hopeful. So ridiculous. It was clear that he and Ares were not meant to be together. Still wondering the impossible.

While contemplating himself, his phone just rang. Serena looked at the screen and found a call from her papa. Even though he knew what he was going to talk about, he kept lifting it up.

"Hallo, Pa?"

"Hallo, honey," his papa's voice was so soft and slow. But Serena realized she was holding an emergency. "How are you?"

Serena smiled faintly. "I'm fine. Totally fine's. Papa and Mama are good too, right?"

"Yes. We're good. How about Altan?"

"He's good too. Very good."

"Bali is never wrong to be a place to calm the heart. If you have the time, Papa wants to go there too. Meet you all at once on vacation. It must be fun, right?"

In silence, Serena learns that this is not the purpose of her papa calling. He wanted to talk about something else, but it was not nice to convey it clearly. This topic is just an attempt to buy time.

Serena sighed softly as a form of protest. He felt that this was all unnecessary. His father did not need to hold back. He will not be offended or hurt. He was so ready for all this.

"Papa, I know Papa called me to discuss the divorce papers. It's okay, Pa, just ask me what you want Papa to ask. I'm okay, kok. Papa doesn't have to feel bad."

There was a long enough silence. Serena knew her papa must have been thinking hard about stringing words.

"Papa, whatever Papa's worries, share with me. Papa is my Papa, right? Papa has the right to ask me anything."

"Papa just doesn't know where to start. Papa is worried that you will be sad after knowing this news. Papa doesn't want Papa's son to feel devastated again after all this time. Papa has his own fears about it..."

"...with great difficulty you seek tranquility for yourself. Until willing to go all the way to Bali just to get it. But.. the letter came so that it ruined everything. Papa's anxious. Very worried."

That fear can be understood by Serena. It is natural for parents to worry about their children. Moreover, his papa witnessed for himself how he was destroyed and died because of Reno. And now that something similar happened to her again, Serena understood her own fear that her father felt.

"Father, there's nothing to be afraid of. Everything Papa was worried about wouldn't happen. I will not be sad or broken again. Especially just because of this letter. We all know this is going to happen? So, I don't feel shocked or down. I'm okay..."

"...trust me, Pa, Serena who is now very strong. I won't fall even in a storm. All of this I could easily get through. Tearless. Rigidly. Papa relax. Yea?"

While waiting for a reply from her father who was still silent after taking a deep breath, Serena's hand was pulled by someone who was none other than Altan. Apparently he's awake.

"Mommy, minjem phone Mommy, Mi."

"Actane..." Serena keeps her phone away from her ear. "What's up, honey? What's the minjem for Mami's phone?" It is not good to immediately see a cell phone when you just wake up.

"I want to call Papi, Mi. It's too late."

Oh yea. Serena forgets that every morning, afternoon, evening, night, Altan and Ares are always in the news. Either a phone call or a video link. Their relationship has been very good all this time.

"Mami, where?" Altan shook his mother's hand again.

"Honey. This is Mami still calling Opa. Altan wait a minute, okay? Mami kasih later."

"Wouldn't want to later. Wants now. Later, Papi is going to work. Come on, Mi, now. Now it's just."

Serena surrendered. He exhaled a rough breath and returned on the phone call. "Papa, I think I should hang up now. Altanese... You heard it yourself, right?"

"Hn. Gapapas. Papa understands."

"I'm sorry, Pa. I'll call you back later. Bye."

There was not a second after the phone connection was cut, Serena's phone was seized Altan and the boy immediately jumped onto the bed impatiently talking to his father. Maybe he's afraid he won't call Ares. It is now 7 in Jakarta. And it's possible that Ares is having breakfast.

• • • • •

Ares' forehead shriveled violently along with his eyes that opened slowly. It is not new for him to get a headache when he wakes up. It has been three months his sleeping hours are messy. 24 hours he filled with busy work, and the morning of course his head throbbed. Night is morning, morning is night. The only thing that prompted him to get up early was a phone call from Altan, and all he could get to sleep was a pair of pajamas he had placed on his side.

Altan and Serena Pajamas.

Ares sidelined his body to feel those two pajamas. Altan's pajamas located in the middle are pure white with a sprinkling of moon stars. Next to her were Serena's satin-based red sleeping pajamas.

It was the only memory left. Although only inanimate form, it means a lot to Ares.

Those two pajamas didn't fit in the suitcase that day. Coincidentally it is being washed. Ares who knew it was amazingly happy. He brought the two pajamas into the room. Spray each of them with their fragrance. Serena with the fragrance of daisy flowers, and Altan with her telon oil.

On the first night without them, the two pajamas who replaced accompany Ares. Being a bedtime story, something he could embrace, enveloped his lonely heart. And it continues to this day. Every day Ares always busy himself in work. And no matter how late he is, he can never easily sleep. Therefore he always needed these two pajamas by his side. He always imagined that in the cloth there was the figure of Altan and Serena who smiled at him.

Miris. Impressed like an insane person. But Ares needs nothing but them.

With a disheveled face Ares decided to get off his bed. It is now almost 7am-one new habit is again after he lives alone. Usually at this hour he was neat and had breakfast. But after that day he felt no spirit anymore in living anything. Going to work is often late because of the morning sleep. As he said, the only reason he woke up early was just a call from Altan. The boy will soon be contacting him.

Ares washed his face with water. Just so Altan doesn't know that he just woke up and hasn't taken a shower. All this time Altan did not know that his papa had changed so much. Ares always looks cheerful and fresh as if going to the office in front of the screen. And luckily Altan calls more often than not. At least it helps a little so that Ares does not need to lie too often.

In invisible glass reflections twinkle Ares's good looks at all. There was only a thin beard that he had not shaved for a month. Sayu, pale, sleep deprivation. But Ares doesn't seem to care about any of that. He left himself unkempt.

The red toothbrush he rubbed in his mouth. The toothpaste began to fill it. But suddenly he grimaced.

"Ash."

Apparently the brushes in the toothbrush had gone out of their tracks and hit the gums until it bled. The brushes are broken. His position is no longer lined up. This toothbrush has not been replaced for three months. Purposefully. Ares just wants to wear that one. Because it belongs to Serena. He always felt close to Serena.

Therefore, even though the brush had injured his gums, Ares continued until it was finished.

When he sat back on the bed, his phone rang. One video call from Serena-which of course was Altan. Before lifting him up, Ares took a deep breath and put a smile on his face.

"Hallo, Papi?"

"Hi, Honey?"

"What's the fire again?"

"Fire... Papi's done breakfast, honey... Altan how are you?"

"good. But a little sleepy."

"Congratulations?" ask with a stifled smile. "Why? Altan sleeps late, huh semalem?"

"Semalem Papi's abbot didn't call me. I couldn't sleep because I didn't hear Papi's voice."

Ares smiled. "Oh that. Sorry, Papi yes. Semalem Papi is busy, not to play mobile phone. Papi's got a lot to do."

"Papi's work continues a lot! If I like that, when can Papi follow me on vacation?"

If you can, Ares also wants to catch Altan. She missed her son, including Serena. But, Altan would not understand that the 'vacation' he meant was actually just a strategy of his parents who were resting a meeting between them. Serena would have objected if Ares went there.

"Later if Papi's work has settled Papi to there, really. Patience yes. It'll be right soon." It's gonna be his job."

"Promise me, Pi?"

Ares is lying. "Hm."

"But, wait a minute. I peed first. Don't be killed," looks Altan down from the bed and a little run. "Mommy, I'm gonna pee first. Mami hold this phone for a while. Don't be obeyed."

Ares's forehead tightened because Altan just handed the phone to Serena. It seemed Serena was also startled as she was heard calling out to Altan implying objection.

The sense of unworthiness more Ares feel when now the face of Serena that appears on the screen. As expected, the woman looked reluctant. During this time he and Serena did not communicate with each other, except when Ares reported that they had registered their divorce file one month ago. It's just a phone, not face to face. The rest is not there. Serena refused even if Altan offered to join her on a phone call or video call.

That's why they're a little awkward at the moment.

"Hi." Sapa Ares bumbling. At once felt a warm swish in his heart for the first time after so long.

"Hi." Serena answered as she was.

"How are you?"

"Goodle. You?"

Ares just nodded originally. He began to be unconcerned because his eyes were like the bewitched beauty of Serena. This was her first time seeing Serena again after such a long time. Serena looks so pretty, all right, not broken like she is.

Ares thinks Serena is happy there? Serena happy away from herself? Has he found his peace?

Ares is happy that it is true. But he also can't lie to himself if he's a little sad to know Serena is okay without him.

But Serena shook her head small. On his face there was no expression. "I want to talk to you for a second. Can you?"

Talkin? Serena wants to talk to him? Really this? Ares' head nodded stiffly.

"Today I'm the same Altan is going back to Jakarta."

Strain Ares in his place now. Did he not hear wrong? Serena's going home?

"There's a call for our divorce, right? So I'll finish it myself let everything go fast."

Divorce call? What divorce call? Ares really doesn't understand.

"The mediation will be in two days. I'm gonna take a flight this afternoon and it's likely to be a late afternoon."

Though still confused, Ares replied. "I-I'll pick you up. I mean. I'll get Altan... Can, right? I miss him so much."

Serena shook her shoulder. "Yes." Yeah."

Suddenly silence. Ares and his myriad of confusion, while Serena was silent for what reason. The atmosphere is uncomfortable.

"Mommy, manain. I want to talk to Papi again."

Ares does not know if he should feel happy or sad when Altan takes over his phone again and makes Serena not seen again on the screen. He just felt that such a short time was not enough to channel his longing for Serena.

But, nevermind. He should know himself. Serena doesn't want to be with him anymore.

• • • • •

It's about 8 in the morning. Ares went down the stairs complete with his work clothes. This morning was the same as usual. There is no spirit, let alone joy. He just followed his life path without passion. Work, sleep, work, sleep. That'sthat's all. Eating is not even cared about. Breakfast, dinner, not on schedule. He only eats once during the day, that's if you remember. The rest rarely eat anymore. And he never ate at home. The dining table always reminded him of the warmth that lay there.

"Mr Ares."

Right in the living room, Ares looked back. Mbok Nunik called out to him.

"Why?"

"Master, here," he handed me an envelope. "There was a courier that was delivering."

The envelope that was in his hand was Ares stare at the goal. From the reading in front of him alone it is clear this from the civil record. Now Ares understands this is what Serena means.

"Thank you, Mbok." Ares only glanced at Mbok Nunik, then continued his steps out of the house.

Without anyone knowing, behind his face that did not display any reaction, his heart was holding back the indescribable pain.

• • • • •

The lake, which stretches wide with greenish water, surrounded by short grasses that are wet after rainwater, is where Ares stands. Her watery eyes looked meaningless at all that was before her. He was upset, angry, desperate, but didn't know who to share it with. He hates himself, he hates this situation.

The call letter has arrived. And that means he and Serena will soon be separated. She will no longer be known as her husband Serena. Soon he will lose the right to regard Serena as his own. Soon it will all be over. Really over.

Is he ready? Is he really ready? Can she live without Serena? Will he let it go?

Honestly, the answer is no. Not at all. Until whenever it remains not.

Deep down she still loved Serena. Then and now. Still and always will be. But because of his stupidity, everything was destroyed. If only he had not thought Serena was a traitor, if only he had not hurt her so much, if only he had not brought Carnation into their relationship, perhaps he would not have felt this destructive. He won't lose Serena like this.

Losing Serena was a nightmare she always tried to avoid. The greatest fear of death. I swear to God he doesn't want Serena to be away from him.

But, this situation pinned him down. He's helpless. Serena was already so hurt by it. Serena has the right to leave. Serena deserves happiness. Ares can't be selfish. Forcing Serena to continue with him with the wounds that would continue to scar was tantamount to killing him slowly. And she doesn't want Serena to be gone because of her love.

It's better he's dead. He who is tormented by harboring these wounds alone. Don't Serena withhold the pain. Let him bleed.

• • • • •

"Mommy, are we going back to Jakarta today?!" Ask Altan with a face of sumringah.

Serena smiled as she put clothes in her suitcase. "Yes." Yeah."

"YES! HURRAH! MEANS BENTAR AGAIN I MET PAPI!" The boy pranced with excitement by raising his hand.

Serena whispered in her heart; if Altan had known, their return would not have been to get back together but the beginning of the separation of her parents. This pleasure is only temporary, the real sadness is waiting for them there.

Will he be able to face the sadness? Will he be as strong as he told his father? No hypocrisy, terbesit sad in his heart if you remember the shadow of the white envelope. Instantly he felt a loss of the calmness and confidence he had put in so much effort to gather here. His positive aura is thinning.

Serena stuffed her last shirt into the suitcase, and then she daydreamed at her. He knew he shouldn't be like this. He should not return to being Serena who was slumped and lost because of the circumstances. But back again, he was an ordinary man. He can also be sad as a person who loses the things he loves. Five years is not a short time, especially in all that time Ares gave him a lot of love. And when he realized the feeling of being loved would soon disappear, his heart instinctively sad. Injured. Is it natural that it is like this?

After this it will all be over. Really over.

"Mami," Serena's daydream split as Altan shook her arm. "Mami's hand phone again, dong. I want to talk to Papi."

"Speak what? Was it this morning?"

"I want to tell Papi if we want to go home. Papi must be smirking."

"Not to, darling? At this hour Papi will have lunch. Entar if Altan phone even bother, loh."

"Not bother, Mi, just for a second. Just to tell you that."

Serena put on a thin smile, then rubbed both shoulders of her son. "Honey, Mami already told Papi first. And Altan knows what Papi's answer is? Papi will pick us up later at the airport! Yeaay. No smile?"

"Huh? Really, Mi?"

"Hm. Mami boong's time? So, rather than now Altan phone Papi, better Altan take a nap. Later in the afternoon we will go to the airport, so Altan energy will be full. Altan can't wait to get to Jakarta and meet Papi. How's it? Agreed?"

"okay."

"Printers. Come here," Altan Serena's light body lifted up and laid on her side. "Now Altan bobo is good. Mami will wake up at 3 pm to get ready first."

"Mommy didn't take a nap?"

"Mommy will. There are still a lot of things that have not been packed. Now Altan bobo."

"okay."

Serena pulled a blanket over Altan's body, then kissed her forehead briefly.

• • • • •

It's been about 30 minutes Ares waited at the arrival door. The man again glanced at his clock which had shown at 7 pm past 20 minutes. When she sent Serena a message asking for a flight clock, she said her flight time was at 5pm. Bali-Jakarta flight if not wrong only two hours. Serena should have arrived.

Ares began to look anxiously. And some people around him who seemed to be waiting for their loved ones to come from Bali, also began to worry and ask each other questions. More mixed feelings Ares at this time. The feeling is not good.

God, I hope nothing happens. Hope nothing happens. Rapals in the heart.

But as if his prayer had escaped the hearing of God, a man who was waiting just as he was, came with a hunting breath. He talks to one member of his family - who looks like his father.

"Where? What did they say? Is there a problem on your sister's flight?" Ask the father.

The young man shook his head immediately. "The Bali-Jakarta plane lost contact from 15 minutes ago, Pa."

"What?!"

Ares was no less surprised like that father when eavesdropping on their conversation. His face stiffened in shock. People started crowding the boy and the father to ask questions.

"Airport officials began to busy looking for the whereabouts of the plane. The news is also in the sosmed." The young man again.

The more afraid Ares made. He felt he could no longer be silent. Without warning, he ran near the gate of arrival.

"Where are you going, sir?" Stop an officer there.

"I want to come in. I want to see my wife and my son."

"Can't, sir. You're forbidden to enter."

"I don't care." Ares will go back in, but his chest is again held back.

"This is airport procedure, sir. Please obey."

Ares' jaw tightens. "I told you I want to meet my wife and kids! Understand you?!"

"It can't be, sir. It's a procedure---

"SAME DEVOTION PROCEDURE!" Ares brushed aside the officer's hand that was holding his chest. "THE PLANE MY SON AND WIFE WERE ON LOST CONTACT WITH! I DON'T CARE THE SAME DAMN PROCEDURE YOU CALL IT! MY WIFE AND CHILDREN ARE THREATENED! UNDERSTAND YOU, HUH?! UNDERSTAND?!"

That shout of Ares certainly invited everyone's attention. Security officers began to be seen running towards him.

"What's this about? Don't make a fuss here, sir. You can disturb the comfort of others." Security word 1.

"Better now you calm yourself Mr or we'll drag you out." Continue the security of the other.

Ares stared angrily at the two securities. His hands clenched with reddened eyes. "Don't you dare tell me to be calm in these conditions. If you all tell me to calm down and evict me from here, I BURN THIS AIRPORT! I BURNED YOU ALL! I BURNED EVERYTHING! YOU GUYS HEAR THAT?!"

With both hands Ares pushed the chests of the security guard to give him a way. Without caring for the gazes of the people, he began to contact Serena.

Inactive, inactive, inactive. Just keep it that way.

It was like a madman he pressed the number again for dozens of times. Press again, keep pressing, but no results at all.

Ares' face began to blush. Between tense, wanting to cry, and already surrounded by bad thoughts. The phone continues to stick to the ear even though the results remain the same.

"Serena please. Please pick up the phone. Please tell me you're all right. Please don't be like this. Please, Sere, please." He murmured with a cotton-thin volume that choked at the end of the throat.

His eyes are now glazed. He felt very confused and frustrated. Imagining Serena and Altan who are now out of nowhere makes it feel like they are going to die.

Please, God. Please don't test it like this. Please don't tell me that you wrote the fate of ending the story of her and Serena with this irony.

She and Serena are over. But it was not the end he expected.

Please, God.