Should We Divorce?
40

The weather today is so cloudy. Dark inviting shrouding the green burial area filled with people in black clothes. The sky seemed to know that someone was grieving down there. And now the sky is saddened by a tinge of gray clouds.

The black umbrellas one by one began to disperse after paying their last respects. Now from above the sky can see clearly the red of flowers sown on a mound of land that is still wet. There was someone still faithfully standing there with his mouth tightly locked.

Ares.

He stared at the name of the tomb. Behind his sunglasses he hid so much sadness and deep sorrow. The last few months Ares and her relationship was not good. They don't share any news. Ares did not expect once they met even the burial place that God chose for them.

Meeting after all this time, who wouldn't be sad? But Ares did not cry. I don't know why his eyes can't shed tears. I swear by anything, he feels lost.

In contrast to the figure of an old woman who was firmly holding the ground in front of him. Ares noticed how the already wrinkled face was so wet from tears. From that moment on, he did not stop coloring throughout the funeral until it was over. Even the son and daughter-in-law who were now holding her shoulders could not stop the crying. Her crying was so bitter and sobbing. Inviting anyone who saw him to know that he was very sick because he was abandoned.

"Mom, let's go home. It's late afternoon." Pinta's son is in his 50s.

"No. He'll be alone if we leave. I'm not ready to leave her alone." His fragile body shook with tears.

Ares looked at the old grandmother. His heart felt sad and sorry. He was also determined not to leave the cemetery before he was a little calm and ready to leave. Think of this as his last homage to the figure he has known for a long time.

While thinking about everything, Ares's eyes caught the shadow of a stick from above the mound of land, followed by the shadow of a man whose height was only his shoulders.

Feeling like he knew the silhouette, Ares looked back. And just as he had guessed, he saw the figure of an old man in a black-and-black suit, accompanied by two aides behind him, with a flat face behind his sunglasses.

The yellow-skinned old man typical of Asians walked with the help of his cane. He stopped right next to Ares. Staring at the name for a long time was like lamenting inexplicable sadness and regret.

And obviously, his arrival attracted the attention of everyone.

The old man's rough breathing sounded heavy. He stared at the branch where the rest of the grandmother was being helped to stand by her son.

"Thank you" his Indonesian accent sounded stiff. "Thank you for taking very good care of Michelle in her last moments. I owe you all a lot of money."

The grandmother shook her head. "No, Sir. Don't thank me. Carnations are also my grandchildren. I will take good care of him. It is precisely I who should thank you for helping to meet all the needs of Carnation treatment."

"Michelle hates me. He won't be happy to be cared for by me. Only in that way can I feel like accompanying her through her pain."

Tony Louis, Carnations grandfather from Hong Kong, turned to the figure beside him, Ares. He looked at Ares for a while before finally opening his mouth.

"Thank you to you too, Antares. Thank you for taking care of and protecting Michelle all this time. I feel good because there are people who love my grandchildren like you."

"No, Opa. Don't thank me. All this time I did nothing for Carnations. L am...

"Jogja is not a place close to Jakarta. But you came here to accompany Michelle in her last moment. It can only be done by people who love. Just as I consider the distance between Hong Kong and Jogja is not an obstacle. That's enough to prove how much you love Michelle."

Ares closed his mouth. There's no way he's going to explain to Tony Louis that his relationship with his grandson isn't as close as it used to be.

"If you all don't mind and are offended, can you just leave me alone with Michelle here? I want to spend time with my granddaughter for the last time."

Tony Louis' request made grandmother, uncle, aunt Carnation, and Ares look at each other alternately. Until finally, Anyelir's uncle squeezed his mother's shoulders and nodded once. They left Tony Louis alone.

Ares walked behind the Carnations as he left the tomb. But just like that his steps came to a halt as the troops in front of him stopped walking. Ares astonishment. He looked ahead and saw Mbah talking to someone, but Ares could not see who it was because the high-statured uncle of Anyelir was blocking his view.

Ares waited patiently. He folded his hands under his stomach while staring at the weeds under his feet. His mind flew away at how Serena and Altan were doing now? Last night while he was waiting for news of his son and wife, at the same time the news came from Carnation. Anyelir's uncle contacted him that Carnations went back to God's lap. News he never expected. And it became the second news that made his world feel spinning after the news of the Serena plane lost contact.

Jakarta-Jogja is not a long distance, but last night the entire flight was suddenly stopped due to the worsening weather, that's why Ares was only able to fly here this morning - it was too late to see the Carnation one last time because his body had entered the burrow. One of the regrets is quite deep.

Meanwhile, Mbah, who was chatting with a young woman dressed in all black and sunglasses, pulled out a folded paper from her pocket. The young woman looked at the doubted Mbah, but she took his gift.

"That's a letter from Carnation. For you and your husband. Thank you for accompanying the Carnation in its last moments." The Mbah rubbed the young woman's shoulders gently, then passed with the child and daughter-in-law.

The young woman looked at Ares who was still always looking down. So overwhelmed with his daydreams, Ares had unknowingly been abandoned by the group, he thought.

"Battle!!!!!"

The young lady-Serena-is torn as the Altan she was leading next to her cried out loudly. Just kontan, Ares' head is up. Blending a look at the two who fortunately refracted the glasses.

"Antan? Serena?.... You guys?..."

"Fire," Altan ran from Serena's grasp hugging her father's thigh. "Altan kangen Papi."

Putting aside his shock, Ares crouched down before Altan. Rubbing the prince's face as if convincing yourself that this is not a hallucination. Realizing that this is not dreamland, Ares holds Altan in his arms. Close, too tight, a mixture of longing and fear of loss.

After the father and son's arms came off, Ares looked up. To Serena. Hope Serena understands that she demands an explanation through the look in her eyes.

...• • • • •...

In a large green garden with shady trees coloring around the area, Serena sat on a chair while staring sweetly at Altan who was playing with her own world not far from her reach. While at his side, Ares did not turn his eyes at all from the woman who was still his wife. Ares was full of anxiety, disbelief, demanding explanations.

The two of them stood together as Serena finally glanced at Ares. Still with his calm face.

"How are you, Res?"

Serena's soft voice did not necessarily make Ares self-relieved. It remains full of question marks. "You must know very well that I may not be okay after hearing the news of the plane you are boarding lost contact. Can anyone explain the news and your whereabouts here?"

Serena chose silence to fill the space between them. Deeply respond to the anxieties imprinted in Ares' nirvana. "First of all, sorry to worry about not having the time to tell you that I actually did not get on that plane. Second, I'm sorry to shock you because I'm here. I'll clear everything as you ask."

Ares waited. While guessing the story.

"You remember, Res? Yesterday you chat I asked what time I left then I replied by 5 pm? .... After that, I got a phone call from a number I didn't know. His voice was male, very urgent, accompanied by a boisterous cry behind him, asking me to come to Jogja for Carnations."

Ares' back stiffened along with his buying eyes. But as if not letting herself further wonder, Serena immediately opened her mouth again.

"I can't refuse. The voice of the man who turned out to be uncle Anyelir sounded very begging. Which means, my presence is much needed..."

"...i cancelled my flight to Jakarta at the last minute. Quickly change the goal to become Jogja. So sudden, I did not have time to think of contacting anyone first including you. I thought, I'll get you after I get to Jogja..."

"...but, after until Jogja, apparently I do not have a gap to hold HP for a second. One of Michelle's family picked me up at the airport, immediately took me to a hospital in a hurry. Why do I want to not want to panic and not think about contacting you..."

"...and you know what? Their panic was justified. Very reasonable. While Altan was left outside, I went into an ICU room. The sound of the monitor, sobs, Michelle who was lying listless with all her medical equipment, really made me creep. Her grandmother, who did not stop crying, said; michelle was waiting for me, her disappearance was held back because she wanted to see me..."

"...then we are given time to talk to each other. Me and Michelle are dying."

Unknowingly, Ares held his breath. The red hue from his face in shock, slowly shrunk to a pale change.

"With her hands cold and very weak, she held me like a gini," Serena repeated the actions of Carnation yesterday by holding her own hands and watched Ares who was twitching withered. "She's touch me like this. With eyes that imply a lot of explanation."

Serena smiled at Ares at a glance, then turned her gaze forward. Making Altan the object of view, when in fact his eyes are empty glaring.

Tut tut tut tut's.

The sound of a monitor that continues to drive, is inversely proportional to the breath of Carnations that are slowing and intermittent. Every one second his eyes blinked softly with weak curls because his breath was cut off in the throat.

Because of her heartlessness, Serena placed her hand on the hand of the Carnation holding her. Hope his touch can expel the wrinkles on the forehead of the unobscured Carnations.

"Michelle, whatever you want to take, slow down. I'll wait."

Carnations wink sluggishly. It took quite a long pause just to hear him say. "Sorry, Serena."

There's nothing Serena says. Just looking at each other with Carnations as if understanding the regret he felt.

"I'm sorry for all my mistakes over the years, Serena .. I don't intend to make it all messy .. I love Ares .. That's why I'm doing this..." If this is audio, the volume of the sound is at number 2.

"...but, Serena ... Ares loves you .. he loves you so much .. nothing happened between us that night .. I .. trapped him so unconscious ... and at the limit of his consciousness ... even .. he still said he loves you .. he loves you, Serena."

Carnations close their eyes gathering more energy. At once wanted to remove the shadow that night he made Ares while taking off one by one the buttons of his shirt like a cheap man. He throws Ares' shirt on the floor as Ares mutters; "i love you, Serena. I love you" with my eyes closed.

Carnations remember that night her face changed. The bloom in his heart suddenly withered. Her tears fell as a sign that she had lost. He won't be able to have Ares, even just for one night.

How sad it was that night wrapped in a blanket on Ares' back. All night crying without even falling asleep for a second. He cursed himself. Condemning for thinking evil, being cheap, and being too confident his love will be avenged.

A gentle swab of the finger on her cheek made the wet eyelid of the Carnation open again. Apparently Serena's finger just drove away the soft tears that she unconsciously dropped again.

"Don't cry, Michelle. Dont ever do it." The Serena haru. He could think of nothing but say that. He's disappointed? Ja. He angry? Ja. But, what can he do? The condition of this carnation makes him silenced in the name of pity.

"Don't be this good, Serena .. be angry with me. You deserve .. and I desire it. .. I deserve all your anger."

But Serena shook her head. "Its okay. I forgive you. Everything has passed a long time ago. You've paid enough with this confession and apologized."

"But the wisdom of the incident is that we are aware of our own mistakes. Realize my mistake. It's hard, but I know God's way is always the best."

"Do you love him, Serena? ... do you also .. love Ares?"

It's a lie that Serena said no. He knew he still loved Ares. He is hurt, but his love is not lost. His escape did indeed manage to dispel his bad memories, but not with his love.

"Should I said I love him, when you can see that with a clear look in my eyes, Michelle? ... Regardless of whatever happens between us .. yes, I love him. I still love him. So much's. So deep."

"Means ... all this time Ares ... misunderstand .. he was wrong for thinking you .. don't love him .. his bad treatment so far .. is also wrong."

"You mean to say that?"

"Your ex ... Reno ... Ares squirms you .. and he hugs ... in your office ... Ares comes to me drunk .. he is devastated to feel .. betrayed ... by the only woman .. whom he loves."

For some time, Serena crammed her own thoughts. When did she ever hug Reno? Was it when Reno brought her back together that day? And then Ares saw it that way? If Serena does not remember wrong, it is not far from that day Ares attitude changed.

So this is the reason? Is this the answer to his question about Ares's change?

"She was disappointed, Serena .. she .. was very disappointed .. she was disappointed because .. the woman she already liked .. from High School .. cheated her."

Serena buying. What new facts are these? Loved since High School what? How come? He didn't know Ares that long.

"You look shocked ... Ares definitely ... not yet a story about all that .. same you .. I would love a story .. but I feel ... my time is already abis ... a minute ... again."

Carnations put on a thin smile while closing their eyes, then opened them again. He felt relieved. The pain all over her body was greatly outdone by happiness. It seems he can go quietly.

"Serena, I know .. should not .. I say this ... but .. I leave Ares ... take care of him .. love him.. Sorry ... his fault ... all this time .. honestly he .. very, very much ... love you .. he's a faithful man ... his whole life .. just ... sneezing .. your ka."

For a few times, Carnations closed their eyes. But wait have a wait, Serena did not see again the eyes were open. The hand of the carnation holding him drooped. The chest of Carnations stopped up and down.

She went.

By explaining everything.

By apologizing.

With calm.

Bringing his love that still claps one hand.

"She's gone. Leave us" whispered Serena staring at Ares. "By calm, hopefully."

Ares swallowed his saliva with eyes full of sorrow. Can't imagine how Carnation suffered all this time. She's alone. And Ares is hostile to him. Regardless of whatever Carnation's faults, Ares still feels guilty for his ill-treatment in recent months.

"So when I talked to her grandmother Michelle, she gave me a letter that Michelle said Michelle had written for us" Serena looked at Ares. "We'll read it together now."

In her black sash bag that was in harmony with her clothes now, Serena picked up a piece of paper that she was wide open between her and Ares. Engraved there handwritten Carnations with black cravings.

...12 March 2022...

...Hi, Antares and Serena, this is Carnation....

...I wrote this just finished therapy. You will read this when I am not there....

...Its unbelievable. I never thought I would write a farewell letter so soon. But life is not called if it is not full of surprises....

...But its okay. I have no problem being called by God at any time. Death is a sure thing. And this letter is intended so that you do not wonder if I die later....

...Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. You guys ever hear that, right? No huh? Same, me too. Im fucking shocked after the doctor diagnosed me with the disease two years ago. I don't feel like I have any symptoms, other than dizziness that likes to go through dizziness and headaches. Especially when it comes to outdoor casting....

...Other than me, only Antares knows about my illness....

...I kept the disease quiet for a while. Consider this disease is not so serious and easily cured. But, surprisingly, again and again, life gave me a surprise. I started to feel worse after returning to Jakarta....

...Serena, do you remember? When I was shooting again, I suddenly felt dizzy and was forced to stop in style in front of the camera *(part 16)? Yeah, I had a relapse then. My head feels like it's going to break and hurt....

...But I always catch my illness alone. I never told anyone that I'd relapsed again, including Ares. He likes to exaggerate. Likes to be angry and so take it to know *(part 17). And I don't like to be worried....

...I went to Jogja for 4 months after deciding to leave the agency, get out of Ares' life, and get out of your household circle. And in Jojga I got worse. I feel like my life won't be long. And before it's too late, I want to finish my one wish before I die, which is to declare love to Ares who I've been quiet for 17 years....

...But yes, my return to Jakarta even ngacauin everything. I ruined your lives and also my self. Ares hates me. Facing me. Our friendship was ruined by my mistake and selfishness....

...Choosing back to Jogja, I experienced an extreme decline in health. My legs started not moving, followed by my eyes that often suddenly darkened, then the ears that started not working. I wrote this letter on the sidelines of therapy. I'm afraid my hands are missing function and can't write a farewell letter with my own hands....

...Its hard's. Very hard's. Every day I feel like it's my last day....

...Before the last day really comes, with all my humility and all my sincerity, please forgive me, Antares, Serena. I'm sorry yes. For the mess I made intentionally or unintentionally. I regret. Terribly sorry....

...Antares, I doubted that Serena would betray you. Talk to him from heart to heart. Talk to her with your heart. All you will find is his loyalty....

...And Serena, Antares has never glanced at any woman besides you. His heart is yours. Only yours's. I wasn't even glimpsed at all. If all this time his attitude is not good, please forgive me. Actually, he loves you very much. Really, really love you....

...Take care of your little heroes. I love him too....

...Live happily here. Forgive each other. You two love each other. Still and will continue....

...Love, Carnation....

As if having telepathy, Ares and Serena compactly looked at each other after the reading in the letter reached the last paragraph. Their eyes were equally watery a mixture of sad and moved.

They can see the look of each other's eyes. Longing, love, affection, they see it all.

"Do you still love me, Antares?" Bisik Serena's.

"Do you still hate me, Serena?"

Serena skinned Ares' eyes for a moment. While perceiving that hatred was being ripped through the chest. Is that hate really going to go away? "I don't know. My heart just warms to your face. Do you think that's a sign that hatred doesn't exist?"

"I don't know that either. But I know for sure, the answer to your question is; yes. I still love you, Serena. Still love you so much. Don't you see it in my eyes? Don't you feel it now?"

"i know's. Maybe it was love that warmed my heart. And now I also know that the answer to your question was; no. I don't hate you. I could never really hate you."

"You see, do I still have a chance to completely exorcise that hatred? I don't want us to separate. I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to live alone without you and Altan. May I, Sere?"

Just like that, Serena's hand reached for Ares's facial bones that were taking care of and a little rough because of the wild beard. Stare within. Not expecting finally he could see again the warmth and love in the eyes of Ares who had been frozen for so long.

"Can I? Can I refuse that, Res?"

"So? Its a yes?" Ares' whisper vibrated.

"Its a yes if you remember what day it is."

Alis Ares. "Day...what?"

Serena rolled her eyes with an amused smile. "He said, this day what day forget."

Ares gulped his saliva clumsily. "I really don't remember. But please don't reject me. I seriously want to turn it back."

"Seriously? Reversing?"

Ares nodded innocently.

"But I really don't remember what day it was?"

Ares shakes. "Sorry."

Serena smiled. Slowly bring her face closer to Ares and give a small kiss on the lips of the husband. "The 6th happy wedding anniversary, Antares."

Ares's raut was initially tense from shock. Then a smile slowly rose at the corner of her lips, haru. He just grabbed Serena tightly. "Happy wedding anniversary, honey. We will continue to be together in the following years. I love you. And sorry."

T A M A T !