The Destiny I Chose
My senses

I thought marrying the one I love would make my life happy. But in fact, I was wrong. Just suffering, something I never imagined before, finally ruined my dream.

My name is Lidya, I am currently twenty-eight years old. The age that is no longer young I think. I have three daughters with close proximity.

My first four-year-old son was named Nadia. My second daughter, Selvia, is two years old. And the youngest named Naura was two months old.

It's not that I don't want to follow the government's advice to have two children and to put some distance. However, my mother-in-law told me to have many daughters. He just wants my granddaughter from me.

I thought my mom liked girls. Until I finally heard for myself that he wanted a granddaughter to help with homework and care for her when she was getting older.

It hurts my heart to hear the ambition of my mother-in-law who wants to make my three children as free babu in her house. Is it not enough just me?

Yes, since I married Mas Radit, my husband, I lived in his house with his mother. While the father who works as a driver will only go home once every two or three weeks. In this house, I get selfish treatment from those who always demand me to meet their needs even if it is beyond my ability.

Mas Radit never wanted to help me take care of the child and always scolded me when his son was fussy and made his rest disturbed. He assumes that he is a manager has a lot of work so it requires enough rest.

Besides, Mas Radit's salary was always his and he didn't let me hold any money. Kitchen needs all he buys. The needs of my children are not cared for. Diapers, milk, toys, all that can not be obtained my son because the mother is very calculated. Those things I really need. If I don't wear diapers, my laundry mounts up every day. My second child was not allowed to drink formula and was only replaced with sugar water after the breast-feeding divorce. He said it would only make wasteful. Clothes are only bought cheap prices with low quality so it is not comfortable to wear.

My body that once weighed over eighty kilos now shrank until I gained forty-five kilos.

Actually for every woman, losing a very drastic weight is our dream. But this is not how. I lost weight drastically due to the mental stress of my husband and in-laws. I sleep less and tend to get tired.

Am I beautiful? Of course not. My face is even older than my age. My collarbone is very sunken, my circumference is blackened, my skin is dull, and my hair is rough.

If people meet me, they won't recognize me as Lidya because of this drastic change.

I want to divorce from a selfish husband like Mas Radit. But, where am I supposed to go? I don't have a high education like my sister, Calya. Asking her for help was impossible because I was so ashamed to show my face in front of her. Formerly, Mas Radit was her lover whom I seized in a cunning manner. Because it's my relationship and he's not good at all.