The Girl Who Tapped
5. Giving Birth in the City

I can't stand anymore, it's like I want to pee, like I want to poop but I can't. The clinic has not been seen from where I am at the moment. I have to get there yet this baby is born. I was forced to walk on all fours, slowly, occasionally stopping curled up on the road. Twenty all over the body even though it's cold tonight. I fell asleep when the pain disappeared, then woke up again when the pain came again. 

I squirm in my own way, I wish someone would pass by and help me. But no one passed by. With all my strength I tried to stand up and walk. The bag I was carrying was tight, then ran slowly. 

From a distance I saw a neon box that read ‘Bidan Pomegranate” seen. My spirit came again, I hastened my way to the clinic. 

This pain came again, it didn't stop making me collapse again. I felt something sticky on both of my thighs. 

The clinic fence is very close, but I'm having trouble getting there. I set my breath in the middle of this abdominal contraction, I can definitely. Back to collect energy and walk quickly to reach the gate that says ‘ada midan’.

I moved the locked gate, there was no reply from inside. I shook the turnstile again while shouting, “Bu Midwife, please I want to give birth!”

Still no answer, I shook squeezing the gate and looked down and cried loudly, still no answer from inside.

At first glance I saw the writing of ‘pence bel’ on the edge of the fence. Why didn't I see him from earlier. I hit the bell repeatedly.

From inside I saw the window open. Seeing my arrival, the person inside opened the clinic door and approached me. “Who?” he asked me to look at my face from behind the fence.

“Please me, I want to give birth!” I showed my wet negligee at the bottom.

“Oh, yes. Here login!” the woman opened the gate.

The woman led me to a room inside the clinic. Check me carefully. I took the money out of the bag and gave it to the woman, “I only have this, nothing else. Please help me!” I asked while holding his hand, handing over all the savings I had.

“Save this first yes. I'll help you. Currently has opened eight, soon the baby will come out, calm down mom!” he said softly, then put the money I gave back into my bag.

During the trip I rolled many times in the street, my face was probably dirty. The midwife cleaned my face and hands with a wet towel, then gave me a warm sweet tea. When the warm tea touched my throat, I felt calmer and more relaxed. Enjoy the pain that comes and goes quietly while saying Istighfar repeatedly.

“Do not push first yes dear, if the pain is held only first. Breathe, relax, calm down. I'm safe here.” I followed the midwife's advice, she called me mother. Every one who gives birth is called a mother, though not as worthy as me who is not married.

It was time for the midwife to tell me to push, with two breaths, that the baby was finally born. I've never felt this kind of relief before, so relieved.

The baby was crying, I saw him happy.

“Congratulations yes, daughter beautiful mother.”

The midwife bathed the baby deftly, then put on proper clothes and wrapped it. The neat baby was placed in a baby box not far from me. 

My midwife came back to me, cleaning up the blood and shit in my stomach and legs. 

After everything was done, the midwife raised the mattress on the head so I half sat down. Then give the little baby to me.

Remembering that night's dream, the baby shed tears of blood. I covered my face with both hands.

“Mommy's not ready? All right, now rest first huh. Mom must be very tired.”

When I pulled both hands from the face, the midwife had put the baby in the crate again. 

“We rest inside yes. I help get down from here huh, Careful!”

My midwife led me to a room and laid me on a bed with white sheets. “You drink again?” I nodded, then he left the room.

“Mother is great. Contractions for a while, the baby easily came out, I also did not have difficulty helping to take care of it,” praise the midwife by giving two thumbs up.

I replied with a smile.

“Now rest first yes, the day is almost dawn. I want to pray first.”

The sky was already bright as I opened my eyes, the sound of soft music was heard. My eyes scan every corner of this room. It was a long time ago that I realized that I had given birth last night. A night of struggle has passed. I gave birth to a very good midwife. Then where's my baby? I remember the face of the baby crying blood in my dream. I covered my face with both hands, hoping that the dream would no longer be present.

I want to go to the bathroom, try to get out of my own bed. Stuck through the delivery room last night. In the baby box there's no occupants, where's my baby?

“Awoke Mom? Want breakfast first?” ask the midwife.

I shook my head, “I want to go to the bathroom first!”

The midwife handed me the bag I brought last night. “This mom bag. Bathroom is there.” The midwife pointed to a door. I grabbed him and walked to the bathroom.

After a shower and breakfast, the midwife approached me. Asking all about me, I told her why I was pregnant, why I was desperate for nights here by myself. The midwife cried hearing my story, "if you're not ready to have a gapapa child, that's your right. But at least love that innocent baby for a little while. Let the baby get the love of the mother."

"How is it? I can't do anything." 

The midwife left the room. Shortly thereafter, the midwife returned with the baby.

"I am willing to take care of this baby to the big extent. But at least, carry it! Hugged and kissed her. This baby is innocent."

I took the baby, carried it, but I dared not kiss it. I was afraid that the baby would wake up, and cry blood like yesterday's dream.

"So he drank a little, slept a lot. Now it's time for him to drink milk. You're willing to suckle her, aren't you?"

I hesitated, "how?"

My midwife taught me how to breastfeed well, so I can breastfeed this baby. There is pleasure, pain, happiness, all mixed into one.

The midwife taught me how to care for the baby patiently and painstakingly even though I still had trauma when I saw the baby's face. I was allowed to stay in his clinic until I was healthy and recovered both physically and mentally.

Exactly seven days after I gave birth, the mother midwife asked me again, “Marlina, do you want to look after and care for this baby?” 

I fell silent and lowered. I'm actually embarrassed to bring this baby home, what the neighbors said, but how could I leave this baby here.

“This is your baby, if you mind taking care of him, I can help to take care of him. If you want to take care of it yourself, please. Asim not much, the consequence is to buy formula milk as a substitute for breast milk regularly according to the needs of the baby.”

In the heart, tears flow.

“I will take good care, I make sure this baby is not lacking anything. I will take care of him like taking care of a biological child myself.” Midwife kissed that beautiful baby. With a heavy heart I nodded slowly. 

“I tipped yes, Zahra his name,” I said tearfully.

“Good name, thank you Mom!” the midwife pointed the baby's face at me. 

I waved, very heavy leaving the baby who had been in the womb for nine months. Goodbye, Zahra, my baby.