The Talak End
Hard to believe

I attended the funeral of Gibran and Riana's son. I was once part of their family. It doesn't feel good until I'm not there.

I saw a mother crying deeply for the loss of her child. I also feel sorry for Riana, I still have a conscience to offer condolences to my best friend.

"You who are patient Ri, this is the will of God. You have to be sincere with your child, he will be happy up there, I'm sure of that," I encourage Riana not to get soaked in grief.

But suddenly, Riana threw my hand, "Don't be pretentious you care about me, you must be watching me suffer like a gini, don't have to muna lo Rah."

"Riana's enough! It's at the funeral, it's not good there's a commotion here." Papa Danu reprimanded Riana.

I am not one of you who is happy above the suffering of others. Obviously I still have a conscience to sympathize with what's going on with the people I know.

After the funeral was over, I decided to go home. As usual, Dimas would follow me wherever I went.

"Mending coffee first deh kak, like lethargic that," I said to Dimas when his car had stopped in front of the boarding.

Dimas didn't come home right away, he chatted with Dad while I made them coffee.

Dad and Dimas look very familiar, both are so relaxed chatting like a friend. I looked at them with warmth.

Dad, I know how worried she is after what happened to your daughter's life. And for that, never force me to go back to finding a new love. Because of these pieces of wound, it's still too wet to be in the heap.

"Sir Dimas, do you like Farah?" Dad asked Dimas suddenly about his feelings for me.

I who heard that from inside the house immediately stopped my steps who wanted to serve coffee to them.

I want to know how Dimas would answer Dad's question.

I am not ready to open my heart to anyone.

I once lost one of the sources of happiness that usually accompany my days will indeed feel heavy at the beginning. I need time to adapt and get back in shape. Memories sometimes get harder when I force them to forget.

Just let the wound heal first, it's okay if the former shadow still comes often. Over time I will get used to living the day without him. Just be patient to wait for that moment to come.

"Coffee, coffee, coffee.." I deliberately spoke louder so Dad would stop the question. Even the question was that it made Dimas die of fleas.

Dad looked at me, and I showed an ordinary facial expression as if I didn't know anything.

About 10 minutes after I made the coffee, Dimas went home.

I drove Dimas up to the front door of his drive.

"Sir Dim!"

"Don't think about what you asked earlier, just think of the wind then," I grimaced with a row of my white teeth.

"Why?"

"Well, I just don't want my brother to be burdened with Dad's talk and not even focus on driving

Dimas was silent for a moment before he nodded.

"But if I really like you..

"Sir Dim, you know what happened in my marriage until I was widowed like this. It's hard to start a new life because the past keeps haunting me. I'm so afraid all men will be just like my ex-husband."

I can't give Dimas false hope to make him happy. I want a relationship to start with a sense of honesty and no coercion from anyone.

"I'm sorry Brother Dim. I need to rearrange my heart after the destruction. But for love, I don't believe it!"

It's not without reason that I said all this to Dimas. My race was like it was dead, I also wanted to awaken Dimas' consciousness, if what he thought about me, seemed too excessive.

"Fine, I'm home first, don't sleep too late!" I nodded. Seeing the return of Dimas, I heaved a sigh of relief. The father, who had apparently been peering out from behind the window curtain, immediately called out to me.

"Farah, Dimas it seems good son, he looks polite, even his speech is very guarded. I'm sure Dimas won't be like Gibran."

"Nobody knows what's going to happen in the future. We can't judge a person just by his speech, it can still be deceiving. Farah sleeps first well, it's night." I left Dad and went into the room first. In my room I did not sleep.

Lying!!! If I didn't know Dimas's feelings. Iunderstood it. But I slapped him with a statement that could have kept him away from me.

It feels like everyone will nod to hear the sentence “nothing is certain in this world”. Even if science is certain like mathematics or other natural sciences, at times it can change if the universe wills it, as well as love. If I used to glorify love and always believed in what was related to it, now it is no longer the same. Now, if people talk about love, I will sneer or even be lazy to hear it. So there is no longer any left to believe, I said:

Eat the love!

Yes, this is how life is in a world full of tweaks. When I was in love, I had to deal with betrayal. Moreover, I have been in a relationship for many years, yes even though it was only I myself who felt it, but it felt like being stabbed by a dagger and then just abandoned. My blood is still pouring down and leaving a deep hole. It hurts me so much that I refuse to open my heart again. Even close it tightly because the previous wound has not fully healed.

Life is full of drama. Especially since the presence of social media in human life. The more diverse the drama that strangely always shows the beautiful. This is why I became skeptical and drowned. About this love, I only know the sweet and beautiful. But once the reality of this love I received, my hope seemed to be crushed in a glance. There are no other words but enough here. There is no choice but to believe no more in love.

Already, get here. My heart no longer has the power to hurt.

Although the word love is the most beautiful thing in the world, but in fact I am often hurt by it. Being fed up, used, to seeing loved ones living in torture, is a powerful reason for me to shut out the belief in love. No, I'm not wrong. I just need some time until my wound medic comes. And make me believe again.

TBC.