The Talak End
Holidays

The question that makes me most angry, when I meet friends or relatives, is when they question why I am still alone and when I am getting married? I can only smile cynically without giving much reason.

I once gave a statement to my friend, that I do not believe in love, “true love is no”, that's what I told my friend. Yes, I don't believe in love, I don't believe that true love really exists in my life. Maybe for now, that's how I feel.

It seems reasonable for me to be able to say that. Because it's always a bad experience I get when I fall in love. In the end it will all end in injury and in the end I will be left behind.

I always ask myself, why does it always happen to me? Maybe because I was too stupid and naive, that's the answer I got.

When I fall in love, I'm always blinded, all logic is lost and I'm just going to be a stupid "doll" controlled by that love's "power.

So often and repeatedly and always over and over creating a bad story of that love. Though there are people who love me sincerely (i can see from his attitude to me) even though he knows I do not love him. But I never ignored, not even I was a gubris. I'm just busy chasing the love I feel for the person I love, because I think he loves me too, but instead it's moving away and not getting. Only lies and betrayals exist.

I was so lulled with the feeling of love that, without me realizing it, the person I loved was just taking advantage of my sincerity and innocence. They are the ones I once loved, only making me the object of their interests when they needed me. They only love my strengths, but not my weaknesses. Once they are satisfied with what they want, or after they know my shortcomings, they then go away as if dust swept away by the wind, gone without a trace and without regret, they leave me.

I'm tired, always have been. Come and go and go, like I'm a terminal, just to stop for a while, and then leave. Every time I love someone, I am sincere and give everything only to the one I love.

So it feels natural that I assume that true love does not exist for me. There is only love because of possessions, lust and physical. The rest is nonsense, the rest is just a trick. For me love is money, when money runs out, love is lost.

I don't know, can I not love, but only be loved? I just want to live with the people I love and love me, and be able to accept each other's advantages and disadvantages. Isn't that the love God creates in the hearts of all human beings?

I may be with someone who loves me, while I don't love him, but I don't want to live that way, lying to my heart and feelings, living in pretence. And I don't want to live with lies and falsehoods that will hurt in the end.

Is there love in this life? Am I too naive with that hope ? If so, why does God give love to my heart? If it turns out love as I expected it doesn't exist? Then what I believe right now is reasoned, if I don't need to believe in love.

Although my friend always said that love would come in time, but I was tired of that feeling. Hope and hope seem empty to me. I'm tired of wasting my time and my life that will eventually go to waste.

But of all the things I experienced, at least I was still given the opportunity by God to be able to choose and judge which person is good and right for me.

Now, I better devote that love only to my family, because only they are the ones who really give their love sincerely to me, never tired of accompanying me, either in times of joy or sorrow.

"Dad whatever you say, Farah. I don't want to see you go through the same thing as before. I want a man who truly loves you without getting bored and craving you."

Such were the words of Father who was so ademic. But when there was Dimas, Dad seemed to forget his words and always consider the figure of Dimas for me.

***

The next morning, I woke up a little afternoon remembering this heart off work.

Dad didn't wake me up, when I woke up a little later than usual, I guess I was pretty tired. Ah, Father, your understanding is second to none hehehe

The ringing sound of the phone rang out, I felt my phone with my eyes still closed.

"Hallo," I said in a typical wake-up voice. Error, not yet awake, but still asleep.

"Wake Farah!"

"Emmm Brother Dim, why did you call me at dawn like this. Hoam.." I talk while yawning.

"Body?"

"It's still too dark for activity, sis, I'm still sleepy. Hoam..."

"Try to open your eyes!"

I blinked a few times my eyes. Looking faintly at the light coming into my room through the sidelines of the window.

"Udah duhur, Farah."

"What?" I woke up from my sleep and saw the wall clock in my room.

"Sir Dimasssss, it's still 7 o'clock." I got on the apoplexy and screamed at him from the phone.

While Dimas was just giggling there.

"I'll pick you up!"

"Hey, we're off today, brother forgot?"

"No."

"Then, why are you picking me up?"

"Wind it."

"It's strange, wanting to pick up but not knowing what the destination is."

"Be prepared!"

I turned off the phone call unilaterally. I got up and cleaned my body. While Dad, Dad was also prepared with his clothes neat.

"Where is Dad going?"

"Said Dimas, I need to get ready. Maybe he'll take us for a walk."

Degs...

As long as Dad was in Jakarta, I never took him anywhere. Ah, I really am an ungodly child. But to my surprise, Dimas would take us where? Why is Dad involved?

Ah, masah bodo with my strange question. I immediately rushed to take a shower and dressed neatly.

Although a widow, but I am beautiful, ageless, yet there is no wrinkle what else wrinkles.

Hey, I'm a widow for only a few months, not centuries!

Tin..

Tin...

Dimas' car horn sounded so loud.

I peeked at him from behind the window curtains, looking at Dimas in his casual clothes, he looked even more handsome.

Come on Farah, that's not what you mean..

But, Dimas who wears home sandals with doll ornaments on it hahahha.

TB