Three Musketeers Mom
TMM 06'S. Story Story (1)

Flora*

I am a single mother who raised three children. I am twenty-six years old this year. You could say the age is still young to have three children. My children, I mean my three children are girls. They are twins.

How can I get them? and who is their Papa? it was a big thing that I wanted to bury deep down.

If I remember back then. This heart feels painful, as if the incision wound never heals. Although six years have passed. Still very clearly felt. Their betrayal. That night, too. Until the incident where I was kicked out by both my parents.

Was I okay at the time, was it? no, I'm not doing well. The pain, disappointment, annoyance and wrath also desperately blended into one.

At that time, I had just turned twenty. I was invited by my cousin and ex-fiance to go for a drink. For the reason of celebrating my birthday. The two traitors persuaded me. I was overwhelmed to not even realize that I had been deceived by them.

Both of the people I consider good. Those who were so close to my attention were, in fact, a pair of predatory wolves. One is a cousin and the other is a former fiancee. Both planned something bad for me.

I don't know..honestly, maybe I should say thank you to them. Because it's been getting me drunk, until I met him. The guy who spent one night with me. As a result of that mistake, I found Oriana, Olesia and Odellia.

The boy I never wanted to see and welcome his presence. For me, the fetus growing in my womb was a burden. I was stressed thinking about my fate in the future. How can I live my life like shit. I even got pregnant out of wedlock with a foreign man who apparently I don't remember.

I cursed, cursed and cursed myself. I really couldn't live a hard life at that time. Not to mention when I had to catch Evan and Reine making love behind my back.

After I was expelled, I decided to move to England. My best friend's country of origin, Hannah. Yes, in a time when I needed a helping hand and a backrest, Hannah held me in her arms and embraced me. He gladly offered help as well as a place to stay.

I told you what I experienced. All I said to Hannah, with tears in my eyes. Hannah hugged me, told me everything was going to be okay.

Hannah took me to her house. Like a mother who tries to please her child. That's how Hanna behaved to me. I'm starting to adapt here, in a new place, in an environment that still feels foreign.

After two weeks of holding on, I slowly got used to it. Since I didn't want to burden Hannah, I decided to find a job. And then I got the call. The following week I started working at one of the most famous furniture companies.

My mind started thinking about the fetus I was carrying. After many days of thinking, I made a crazy decision. I want to abort this fetus. The seed that the man planted.

Hannah was against my decision. He insisted that I think again and not rush into a decision.

"Are you out of your mind, Lora?" askinya. With a grouchy face.

"I'm crazy, Hannah. I'm fucking crazy!" my answer raised my voice.

My chest feels so tight, my breath is bloated. My mind's fucked up, I don't know what else to do. The reason I don't want this fetus is because it's present at the wrong time. At the time when my heart was breaking, my body felt like trash because my chastity was simply gone, also because of my irritation towards the two traitors. I still can't accept the existence of a fetus in my womb.

"It wasn't your fault. It's not the fault of the fetus in your womb. Think carefully, Lora. Did the fetus ask to be present? nope, kan. Does that fetus know your condition? nope, kan. What's wrong with you wanting to kill your own son?" lick Hannah. He was really angry and upset about the decision I had made.

"I don't want to have children with mistakes. I want to abort this fetus. That you agree or not. It's my decision." I replied. I keep fighting.

"Lora .. please think clearly. You'll be sorry about your decision" Hannah said.

I shook my head quickly. I grabbed my own stomach.

I insist again. It was as if my heart was petrified and my mind didn't want to know why Hannah was against.

"I'll take care of him" Hannah said.

"No, Hannah. I don't want to give birth to her." I replied.

It was getting more upset, but helpless. Hannah could only sigh heavily.

"OKs. Do as you please. But I want you to check it out for the last time. Look at your son, Lora. Please." pinta Hannah squealed with teary eyes.

Deg .. deg .. deg ....

Without me knowing my heart was racing when I saw Hannah pleading and resting at my feet.

My heart is shaky. But I regained my senses and still confirmed my intentions. This time I can't just ignore her request.

"Yes, I'll do as you ask." I said.

Hannah's eyes sparkled, "Really? you can't lie to me, Lora." she said as if she didn't believe what I said earlier.

I can only nod my head. How else, I can't see Hannah sad and moody.

"OKs. If so, let me make an appointment with the doctor on your behalf. I'll let you know if I get the schedule" Hannah said excitedly.

"Yes, so can you." I replied.

Hannah just looked at me without talking. I can also just keep quiet. Whether this is true or not. I don't know. For sure, I want it all to be over soon. I want to continue my life. I need calm and strength of comfort.

***

All day long I was in my room. After my argument with Hannah, I felt uninspired. It feels like this heart is so empty.

I threw my body on the bed. These eyes were just flickering at the ceiling of the room. The shadow of the stranger who had fallen asleep without clothes that morning was present filled my head. His face was only partially visible because I only saw him for a moment and was in a hurry.

"Will he remember me? is he gonna look for me?"

That's what I was thinking. The more I pique, the more I craze. I can't believe this is all like a dream to me.

My tears are no longer lost. I hugged the pillow tightly and sobbed behind it. I felt the stifling pain again until I couldn't breathe.

Maybe if I ended my life in the first place, it wouldn't hurt like this. I don't have to burden others too to bear shame. But I was trapped in fear. I was too weak to be determined.

*****