Born Again To Love You
Dreams and Reality That Became One

When I opened my eyes, I was asleep in a room I had faintly seen. Roof with a precarious without enternit. The iron bars window was like a prison on the top wall of my head. From the window the morning light entered into a dark room without lights. I feel like I've been through this. I remember this happening in my dreams when I was 3 years old.

   I thought again, why am I here. I try to remember the previous events. The clothes I wore were also different from the clothes I had previously worn.

   I sat on a bed of antique ancient teak wood cots and remembered what happened. A man opened the room curtain and entered. His face was exactly the third corpse that pulled me. But after I watched for quite a while. His face was very similar to my husband's.His eyes were so narrow and his skin was white.

   “Master Gouw Boen San!” call a guy with a face similar to my husband's best friend.

“What's up, Lie Kun Lian?” ask Gouw Boen San.

“I just reminded you that there will be a meeting with officer Bao Jia. Better what should we bring, Mister?” ask Lie Kun Lian.

“Chew, wake up and cook something delicious for officer Bao Jia!” gouw Boen San orders in a high tone while turning to the side while talking to Rahayu who is behind him while her body is still facing Lie Kun Lian.

   In my heart I wonder, “Rahayu? That's me?”.

“Master, where am I?” many confusions.

“Which is where else if not my house!!!” gouw Boen San Sentak. Lie Kun Lian looked at me

pity.

   I got up and left the room. I saw Gouw Boen San's house dirty and messy. Wall with red bricks painted in white. The roof is just a bit of a mess. I walked over to see things that were old-fashioned in my opinion. But a man confronted me and said, “You are not cooking right away, even confused yourself!”.

“Wait! Sorry, what date is it today?” I'm still confused.

“Today is Tuesday 11 August 1941” Han Kai Li replied.

“Today in 1941?” I was shocked and confused.

“Why are you surprised? Your attitude is not what it used to be!” han Kai Li's

“Koh, where am I now? I mean, what city am I in?” I'm still curious.

“New first time I see you talk a lot like this. You are usually silent and full of fear! We

it's in Semarang” city Han Kai Li said.

   On the other hand, behind the wall not far from me, Lie Kun Lian was eavesdropping on my conversation with Han Kai Li. Lie Kun Lian was indeed the person Goei Boen San trusted the most, but I suspect Lie Kun Lian had other intentions.

   After Han Kai Li left to continue his duties, I muttered to myself. I didn't realize that Lie Kun Lian was secretly still watching me from behind the wall without my knowledge.

“I'm still a dream huh? This is exactly what I saw in my dream when I was little”. Then I slapped my face a few times. I feel pain.

“I feel pain. This isn't a dream. I was really in 1941. How is my husband Charles and my children now? God, I want to go back to 2021!” I am confused and scared.

      Lie Kun Lian who noticed from earlier immediately ambushed me.

“Who are you really?!” lie Kun Lian asked in a soft voice while bringing her face closer to mine. But his right hand held a dagger ready to be thrust into my stomach.

“Aaa... Aaa... Akkku.. Akuu Rahayu!” reply fear.

“Lying! You said you already have a husband and kids?!” lie Kun Lian was angry.

“Your attitude is not like Rahayu as usual! I know exactly what Rahayu is like! You said you're from 2021?” ask Lie Kun Lian curiously.

 “If I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe it. I don't know what happened to me either! I am from 2021. I also don't know why I got to 1941” my story confused.

   I took a breath and continued my story. “Your master, Gouw Boen San is my future husband. But your master is so cruel, so different from my future husband who loves me so much”.

“Your woes don't make sense! You lied to escape, right?!” angry Lie Kun Lian.

“Do what I lie! Do you need proof that I'm from the future?!” my answer.

   Mr. Gouw Boen San entered the house. Lie Kun Lian pulled me out avoiding Gouw Boen San.

“We continue our conversation sometime!” whispered Lie Kun Lian.

   “Rahayuuuu! Call Mr. Gouw Boen San. Soon I went inside to see my husband in the past.

“Have so what's not cooking for officer Bao Jia?” not yet Sir.

Mr. Gouw Boen San slapped me hard and got angry. I was shocked by his rude attitude.

I kept quiet and endured my heartache. I wonder in my heart, is this why I have wanted to run away from this place so many times?

“Why shut up?! Still don't want to cook?” sentak mr. Gouw Boen San.

   I fell silent and watched the eyes of Mr. Gouw Boen San. I miss my husband who loves me. I walked towards Gouw Boen San and hugged him tightly. I put both my hands on her body. I put my head on her chest.

“Allow me like this for a moment, Mister!” I said when Mr. Gouw Boen San wanted to take off my arms. I let my tears miss my husband. Mr. Gouw Boen San fell silent in surprise.

   For about 2 minutes I hugged her, I removed her body and wiped the tears on my face then I went to cook food for officer Bao Jia without seeing Gouw Boen San's face. Mr. Gouw Boen San was still silent and looking at me.

                                                          ***

      That night, I was alone at home waiting for my husband. Gouw Boen San went with some of his confidants, Lie Kun Lian, Han Kai Li and some of his other confidants. It feels so bored there is no Mobile, Laptop, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube. What difference does it make to me the same dog that was locked in a cage? Why can't I go out? I must take Gouw Boen San's heart so he can take me out of the house.

   I went into my room and tried to fall asleep but I missed my husband and my children. I looked and looked at the roof of the house. Before long daydreaming, I began to overheat in the room. “Heat!! I need AC! I want to wear a negligee. Sleeping with kebaya and jarik makes me an emotion of rage!” i said annoyed.

                                                         ***

   Back in 2021, my body that I left to 1941 is still unconscious. My husband Charles took me to a big hospital. The doctor said I had an electrolyte disorder.

                                                          ***

   Back again in 1941. I sang while taking away my sultry emotions and my boredom. I sang a mandarin song called Ni Yao de Ai. As the spirit sings in the refrain section, Gouw Boen San arrives home. From the gate I heard my voice singing excitedly. Gouw Boen San stopped and fell silent. He told all his men to be quiet.

   Gouw Boen San silently listened to me sing. She suddenly remembered the moment I hugged her this afternoon. He also began to suspect that I was singing in mandarin. All he knows is that I don't speak Mandarin.

   Gouw Boen San came into the house and looked for me. He found me, his eyes glared at me sharply.

Slapped me again and he said, “You know the meaning of that song?”. Without a second thought I replied, “I know! Ni Yao de Ai means The Love You Want!”.

A praaakkk! Slap again. “Basic liar woman! You said you didn't speak Mandarin. But you sang mandarin!” said.

   I'm rattled. Who I am and how I was in my past life. Maybe I should be more careful in speaking and behaving. How long do I have to be here? Can I survive here without Charles and my children? I miss my husband's hands and the voices of my children.