Dusty is my husband
6

It wasn't just a lie that I did. Even about my workers and how much I earn, I keep it secret from my wife. It started when I received my first salary, my mother came to the house to take the money for my sister Yeni's college tuition.

At that time my wife said my salary was just for mother's needs. Of course I nodded in agreement

because I want to be devoted to my parents. It's just, dad! I am a husband who cannot

appreciate the sincerity of my wife.

In fact, I always take advantage of it to the bow!

It has become his nature that is easy to trust

every word. And my wife never interfered in my business. Maybe because he took care of the boutique, or because he trusted me so much.

When I was hired as a marketing manager at the company I worked for I didn't tell a story. Because at that time I was married secretly with Rani. I deliberately did not tell you, so that my financial position remains safe.

Even when I get a house and car bonus I just say that the car is my credit. And again my wife helped bail out the car installment. And the money I used to add to the house building fund, a bonus from the company.

Intentionally the house I built in Medan, because my plan was to house it for a wedding gift from me to, Rani. And the house was finished and the house entrance was also completed, coinciding with my mother's birthday last week.

And for a while the house will be occupied by my sister Yeni. Because my mutational request from the company is still waiting for approval from the leadership.

I was such a heartless and cruel husband who treated my wife like that. I don't know, my conscience is probably dead. Ask me if I don't love my wife anymore? I answered, I still love him. Then why would I treat him like that? Maybe the answer is I don't like seeing my wife's independence. That is the answer of a loser!

The exaggerated and out-of-place Egoku. I want Tika, always depending on me. Her mandiriness makes me uncomfortable. When Rani was present among us, I felt like I was back as a figure

a man of self-respect, Rani needs me a lot and depends on me.

So far, I feel that my secret is still safe.

But no, when I got home from Medan yesterday. When Tika greeted me in an unusual way, and almost all day her behavior towards me was so cold. It never made my heart run high too.

It was like seeing a stranger. Body language

as implying disgust. But I keep trying to be warm. Even though I was ignored, I tried not to be provoked. I could feel there was embers in his chest that he was trying to extinguish. But I know what it is. Especially when he fell unconscious I was really panicking and feeling very guilty for not being able to know what my wife was feeling.

Has my wife sniffed what I've been doing all this time. Or my wife already knows. And I'm looking for a way to get it back. Or is it building up its power?

********

I don't know how I fainted yesterday. And a few days before I felt my body was not fit. But I ignored it, I felt it might just catch a cold. Because I have a hard time sleeping at night.

But this unpleasant feeling seems to have been experienced in my pregnancy when I was pregnant with Nadia. Remember that, I was jerking! Looks like my moon guest hasn't arrived yet. I was hunting to see the calendar. Yeah, God! Sure enough I'm two weeks late.

How I got so negligent, yeah. But not necessarily I'm pregnant, I thought. I have to make sure first, by buying a peck test before seeing a doctor. I rushed to the end of the street because it just happened to be there the drugstore. When I got home, I went to the bathroom and,

my heart was pounding waiting for that little white thing to change color.

In the next few seconds I saw a line sign two although faint but enough to make these lips vibrate in gratitude. And the next few tears I had shed flooded my face.

Between happiness and sadness is only a breath. I was silent, confused as to what my heart was like right now. I imagined when pregnant Nadia first, after a wait of three years. I hugged Bang Rey, crying happily.

Now! It's still possible that we did that after I learned of his lie, all along. I rubbed my stomach still flat. Lord, strengthen me to keep this grace of yours, my inner hiss. I believe God must have a wonderful plan with my son in my womb.

For all these tears, I will avenge this pain of my heart. And all that I can do when I'm strong and calm. I took a deep breath, then slowly swallowed it. My resolve is round. Now is when I act.

********

I opened my eyes slowly as the morning sunlight broke through the window grille. With a sense of laziness I sat on the edge of the bed. I saw the clock hanging on the wall already at number six. I glanced at Bang Rey who was still sleeping. The subtle sound of his snoring was the morning chant in my ear.

My habit of waking him up, by squeezing his nostrils alternately. And he'll redup me in his arms. I don't know how long it's been since I never did that again.

Maybe since Nadia's presence, because my time is more for her. Or because since I last did it Bang Rey was angry, for disturbing her sleep. If only I was more observant, maybe that was the beginning of Bang Rey changed.

Ever since Nadia was born I felt Bang Rey's attitude had changed. It's just that all the hunches I've been pushing away from my mind. All because he believed in Bang Rey, that he would not betray our sacred marriage vows.

I realized fully, that I was sometimes overwhelmed to divide my time between my routine as a mother and wife also take care of the boutique. That's why I'm temporarily switching the boutique to Rita, my assistant.

So that I can focus more on taking care of Nadia and my husband. Indeed, Bang Rey once asked me to close the boutique, because she said she was already working. But because of the income from the boutique that still promises me to reject the proposal. Not to mention because we still need a lot of funds for the tuition of the sisters-in-law.

Eventually, this matter evaporated just like that. Maybe Bang Rey took another look at that proposal. So that we never talked about it again. And as for the work, I never mixed it up because it was her privacy.

Even about how much Bang Rey's salary I never mentioned it. And I let Bang Rey give her salary to mama-in-law. About our household costs can still be enough from boutique income.

Was all my faith in Bang Rey the forerunner of all her lies, to me? What's wrong with all that.