For a Freedom
JENNIFER: FOR FREEDOM (25)

It's been two weeks that you didn't come back, I've been here waiting for you. Day after day, time after time, every day I've been waiting for you to welcome you and hug you back.

It felt very quiet and silent, without your presence. I have no one to share my joy and sadness with, no one can understand me better than you.

My eyes felt so painful, like wanting to shed so many tears that they could drown myself. It is better to go quietly than to live in loneliness, and no one can understand me so I have to endure all my stress.

Right now, in my own mind, I saw you from afar and I immediately ran towards you, wanting it to feel like I was hugging you right now and saying if everything was okay, all right, you seem to be in a very far place, it feels like I have to run forever in order to touch you.

I just want to be understood, I just want to be given attention, and you are the only person who understands me and gives me the love and love I need. Now.you disappeared in front of me for a moment, causing me to panic and grieve.

As I curled up, crying and despairing, there came from behind someone who was hugging me. Hugging me gently is like the way you hold me, and someone says "Don't worry, I'm here." in a soft, warm tone of voice, like your voice.

I feel calm, that's where I feel....

...

"Ah? Morning already?" Vallice wakes up, gets out of Vallene's bed.

How many times have I seen the sun rise, maybe about 14 days.

"Why am I so sure you're coming back today?" Vallice daydreams.

"If it's true, I'll hug you and won't talk about you leaving again, sis.." she said hoarsely, Vallice shedding tears.

"Ehh?" Vallice wiped his tears, then went down and did his usual activities.

...

"Miss, your breakfast is ready." said the waiter to Vallice who had just stepped down from the stairs, Vallice did not answer the waiter's welcome as usual. He became gloomy and his face was very gloomy.

Vallice sat down and then ate, eating quietly and without speaking. Every day he always asked to prepare two meals for breakfast and another.

Though the food was not eaten by him, it was only placed in an empty chair facing his chair. Because, he always did that every day when Vallene was still with him. It could be said, Vallice prepared a portion of the meal for Vallene, even when Vallice knew that Vallene was not there.

"Miss, you've been absent from school for two weeks.. Does Miss now feel like you've improved?" said Nae's servant with worry.

"Yes, I'm still not feeling well. Please send a letter to the school." replied Vallice.

"If so.. well Miss, do you need to see a doctor?" nae's maid.

"No need for aunty, I just need to rest" Vallice replied in a limp voice.

I don't understand what Miss is currently experiencing, and what makes her like this. No one can get close to Miss other than Vallene and Miranda.

"Well Miss, I'm sorry." replied Nae's maid.

***

Why... I have to live like this? It felt like I was forced to run and run, because of the problems and traumas that kept chasing me like a mad dog.

It was such a terrible thing that it kept happening, that I was afraid to step up. I'm afraid that if I destroy everything, and I can't back down because it will also destroy me.

I'm in the middle, where I can't go forward and back, I can't choose... I can't back down either because myself will also sink deeper.

I finally decided to be quiet, not to go forward or back, because I was not given a chance to choose. Honestly, I am so sorry about my life. There's nothing interesting and special here, I can't do what I like and I can't love someone.

Not everyone is willing to accept me, and if there is one, that person will be taken away from me. Vallice.., Cicaline.., Mr. Zient.., I am so grateful to know you, sorry if Vallene has.

I..., I'm tired. It may be true that they all say, that everything I do is in vain....

Do I have to give up...? I'm tired, I just want to end this! Why...? Why do I have to face all this? Why am I the only one living like this?

I envy their normal life, the life of a child whose life is fun and colorful. I should have gotten that too, right? Am I wrong if I want to be happy? Why is my life like this?

Why am I being asked to do something I don't like? Why do I have to be beaten and tried for things I don't do? Why can't I get love like them? Why am I not given the chance to smile happily? Why don't I get all that?

Wh why? Why...? .... I..., surrender.... Goodbye to my miserable life.

When I wanted to close my eyes and drown in the black fog, there was someone holding me back from behind. I looked over because I wanted to see who still wanted me to be there and came back.

That someone was a grown man whom I did not recognize, he was a tall and dashing man. It seemed like she was 38-40 years old with neat clothes and well-groomed black hair.

I was speechless looking at that person, I realized that the man also had the same Ruby red eyes as mine.

And I asked "Who.?"., but he did not answer and just kept quiet. She was crying and she seemed to be very sorry, I didn't understand.

She seemed to feel guilty and cried looking at me, I just kept quiet looking at it. I felt my heart ache, but why? I suddenly became sad and could not help my tears as she began to embrace me.

He said "You're this big, you've become a girl growing up. Sorry, I can't stand you when you need me... when you need understanding and compassion.

Sorry..," she said in a very sad tone, I just fell silent and cried. He then wiped my tears and smiled at me. For some reason, I felt comfortable and peaceful, happy and warm, I could feel something happy that I had never felt before.

He pointed back and I looked back, there I could see Vallice, Cicaline, and Mr. Zient. As I looked at them, I remembered my promise to them.

I finally decided to hold on, resisting the energy from the black fog that kept whispering for me to enter it. I seemed to be this thanks to the man, as I turned to look back at him, he disappeared.

Just disappear.

I'm alone again now, but.. who exactly is that person?

"Whoever and wherever you are, I thank you very much."

...

Opening his eyes, with a gentle blink. He finally woke up.

"D-in-where is this...?" she shrieked, with a hoarse and limp voice.