Gendhis
Chapter 4 "God love you, Ndis" Vya said

I justify the position of the sleeping mother. I'm looking for a pen and a piece of paper. I sometimes look at my mother's face. My hands shook writing a sentence that I was unable to pronounce.

"I'm sorry, Genthis ma'am... " Write me.

I grabbed the rope that came from the kitchen. Then I throw it towards the block on the ceiling. With tears I tied the rope in a circle. I pulled up the dining chair that looked weathered enough. I hesitated to get on that chair. But my mind was no longer hopeful. Days of self-fighting, days of wishing for a miracle or a fairy helper, but all just a dream. I always have to see a mother whose condition is the same. I now live alone with my mother. Even I was hit a lot when my mother went berserk. I'm tired, I can't take care of my mom anymore. I just want to die. Let the mother be the responsibility of the father or anyone who would care for the mother.

I've been holding the rope with my hand. I'm lafadzkan basmalah.

"Bismillah.I'm sorry Mom. forgive me Al-"

"Gendhis! Not Ndis! Don't Ndis... Don't do that Ndis!" A screaming voice from the girl who knows me inside who else if not my sidekick, Vya.

I looked towards the window. Vya looked teary-eyed. His hand tried to reach for the key behind the door. I closed my eyes and tightly grasped the rope that had been perfectly bound on the concrete connecting cast-wall.

"Hiks... Hiks.. I'm tired Vy.... " I said softly.

I quickly necklace the rope. I felt pain in my neck, the chair that had been my footrest, had now fallen. It hurts a lot in the neck. My eyes were wide open, my nose was trying to draw as much air. My hands reflexively held the rope because it was very painful in the neck, Suddenly I felt oxygen easily enter the chest cavity. My leg was refuted by Vya who had managed to enter the house. He hugged my feet tightly. Hugged his calf with a little push up. I shed tears. Suddenly came a man I knew well enough, Arya. A neighbor who often gave food when my mother and I were in law slept on the back porch of the house.

Instantly the rope that had snared my neck was opened by Arya. I sat down, drowning on the floor. Vya cried as she hugged my body.

"Ndis.. don't commit the great sin of Ndis. don't do it. You don't pity your mother... Where is the strong Gendhis, where is the old Gendhis." said Vya accompanied by sobs.

"Hiks.... Hiks.. I can't take it anymore Vy. I'm tired." I said shiver. My cheeks have been wet with tears. It turns out to meet one death through the path b n u h self is not as easy as I imagine. It hurts so much in the neck.

"There I am Ndhis.... You can tell me the same story, don't mourn all your own suffering. I will always be there for you... " Vya said as she cried.

He led me to sit in a chair. I saw Arya take a cup of water, she handed it to Vya.

I slowly sipped the white water. I took a deep breath. My lips are tightly closed. Arya looked out of the house, she said goodbye before.

"I'll wait outside, Vy, I'll order again." Said Arya wearing an online motorcycle jacket. The tall man came out of the house. Vya held my shoulder.

"You know Vya, buuh selves are not the solution. You think with mmat, all the problems are over? Nay! You'll be sorry. Difficult in the world you can run for help. But if you are dead, crying, roaring, sorry is useless. We will take responsibility for what we do in this world, the first time our prayer problems... " Say Vya with her eyes back in tears.

"Why do I suffer from small, no happy for me Vy... " My tears broke again. I hugged Vya's body. I was crying so much. The tightness in my chest slowly began to decrease as my cries went down.

"Cry Ndis. If tired of resting, tell stories, complain to God instead of running... Believe that God will not leave us. Sometimes we like to forget God. We are too strong, God is calling you.... " We both came back crying.

"Here Ndis... Gendhis..remember me... You have been running away from Allah, you have never involved God in any of your efforts... Trust me, God wants you to cry by giving it up to Him, Ndis.... " Vya said, shaking my shoulder.

He opened a small bag on the side of his canoe. He opened his phone and an mp3 he played. There was a female voice that somehow I felt so slashed and felt even more sad because of every sentence that the woman said. The sound was heavy and a little wet hoarse. But the voice of the woman was able to penetrate my heart until my tears broke again.

"Don't run when tested, don't stay away when tested. Feel the test as a manifestation of God's love for you... Love God, because God wants you to draw near to Him. God wants you to cry to ask for His pleasure. When you are tested never forget that nothing happens on this earth without the permission of God, including the trials you are currently facing. Ask God not to ask God.... " That woman's voice sounded so heartbreaking to me.

An arid heart for the struggle of life. This heart is always busy pursuing happiness, wanting success, wanting a healthy mother, wanting revenge on my stepmother. Today, the eyes of my heart were opened by the sound of a woman crying as she conveyed what I felt that I felt slapped, I had always run from trouble. When the afternoon comes I want a quick night to come, hope the morning mother is healthy and there is a miracle. In the morning I hope for the afternoon. Even though this self never prostrated itself and worshiped the giver of life, I only realized that I was too proud. I feel that with my intelligence, I can succeed, I can make my destiny change. But apparently, I left God. I stay away from God,

"Hiks... Hix... O Allah. forgive me... Vy. help me not to run from this exam. If God loves me, teach me to love God... " Say me a mouthful with a taste in the chest that was so tight.

"We will both learn to love God... We will both seek the pleasure of God on this earth Ndis.promise never again to go out of trouble.... Let's face it, so your father doesn't care about you. God does not leave you and your mother." Vya said with a smile behind the tears from earlier also flowed. Now we are nodding at each other simultaneously.

Truly one of the sustenance that I am very grateful for is to have a friend as good and sincere as Vya.