Husband, Honey Mouth Poison
Regulating emotions.
Nathan POV
After that incident my life was bleak. How not, I have to admit what I had been keeping in my chest and selfishly I brushed aside her presence in my heart, Raisya.
I don't know, maybe that's what I could have said back then. Without realizing it, I often hurt her either with words or with my rough hands. Either he was frightened he step by step approached me with submission.
I didn't recognize who I was and what was going on with my emotional turmoil was like it was just flowing without me being able to control it.
After my departure for a month, I hastened my return to Jakarta. No other than meeting him immediately. Although my body was very tired, I chose to stop by his office first. And before I picked her up I decided to fill my stomach which was quite hungry. So I picked a cafe near the office she was in.
The figure I wanted to see immediately, turned out to be inside the cafe. As soon as he entered all eyes of the beholder, it might be thought that there was an artist. To be honest, it looks a bit strange. It's not weird, I just used to see it simple. But another with today, she wears make up, also the clothes she wears also look classy. It looks like a model.
And what made me angry, why did that man dare to hold his waist. Are they dating? I. don't accept that. Why if I touch him in the not received, but when touched by others he does not look angry. And I didn't recognize what kind of emotion was going on in my body.
My eyes cannot escape him. I continued to drill her movements as well as her attitude with the man. My heart was claustrophobic as soon as they threw each other a smile.They could laugh together without a burden. But why can't he be like me? I do not accept being treated that way, but I also want to be like him who is looked at as a man and treated gently as a couple.
Until his eyes saw me glaring at him. He looks nervous. I saw him asking the man for permission and went to the table where I was eating.
She greeted me. I didn't reply to him. Actually I calmed down a little when he decided to move closer to me. But I know that he's not so sincere, he looks so stiff. Even during my lunch, he did not make any sound at all. I felt why he couldn't be as familiar as that man.
My bad thoughts started to appear. Was he like that every day for a month? What have they done together?
I couldn't accept that he was thinking of anyone but me. I was so selfish at the time.
After eating I went out of the cafe first and got in the car. Turns out he was following me. I want him to be friendly to other men, not as tense as he is now when dealing with me. I was forced to light a cigarette to balance the turmoil of my disappointed heart.
I don't know where to push, I decided to say*** in the car and he slapped me and said 'fearless'
I can't accept that with that word. I spoke to myself inwardly withstanding resentment and anger. Sure enough, he was crying.
The peak of my frustration arrived, when he was even as unwilling as he was in the car as if I was a bad person. Though I have tried well, all my concentration is only on him. Evidently when I buy all the most souvenirs and the best only he is. And though my body was tired of asking for forgiveness I chose to see it compared to others.
I had to prove to her that I really liked her. Accountants want to be denied, do not want to be resisted let alone rejected a second time. I pulled him into my room no matter how everyone looked at my actions.
I see** her lips deep, shedding all the turmoil of my heart and I want her to understand that in my actions I want her so much.
I almost desecrated him. Even if I'm ready if I have to take responsibility. Michel knocked on the door and I had to restore my sanity so I wouldn't look depraved. I improved my appearance to open the door and meet Michel.
As soon as the door opened, it turned out that he barged out of my room and because he was not careful he slipped on the first rung so that his body rolled down to the bottom floor.
I just stared blankly when it happened. I just stood there without doing anything. The blood that flooded the floor seemed to make my mind and heart die. I could only stare and could not accept him dying like that.
Even Michel who roared could not I embrace, my body and soul sculpted. Even when the medical team took him my soul went somewhere.
Since then I have been like a walking robot. Follow anyone who directs me. I can only open my eyes but my lips only mention one word, Raisya.
One year I got psychiatric treatment. I never even thought about Michel until one day Adam and Michel visited me in the hospital. My body is healthy, but my soul is empty.
After that I went through mental and emotional health therapy at an institute where they designed a program for patients with symptoms of emotional disorders. For two years I was in therapy I was finally declared cured.
The thing I can do when I recover, I want to visit Indonesia. I miss even apologizing to her. Michel and I were very happy even though I was still nervous to go there.
On the way I was even surprised by Sarah. His ex-wife Adam. I don't know if I should start my emotions to make peace with anyone. Because I want to show that I'm healed.
Until I'm at Sarah's apartment. He looks shocked and nervous. In his apartment were two people I did not know who they were. I thought maybe they were Sarah's brothers.
Until we ate together, something happened. The woman in front of me kicked me hard on the leg and she seemed to blame me. I who do not know anything do not accept being treated like that. I just raised my eyes not daring to raise my emotions. I learned to exercise emotion. This is probably my first test. And I was thinking why he got angry and kicked my leg. Helaan breath I pull rough, set the rhythm of my heart so as not to get angry.