Refusing the Love of a Mafia Boss
51. The Silence of Night

For Noah, life is about being still and moving in silence.

When he first sees Ilina doing the same for his own life, Noah knows that she also feels the same deep silence.

Until nightfall, she did not cry.

It just looks empty and fine.

In the middle of the night Noah realizes Ilina is getting out of bed, going downstairs to sit alone.

"I told you to go."

It was as if he was talking to Harja and Ayana.

"I told you to leave. I said I need you guys. Noah used me from the start. I stayed behind him, let him be attacked and left him. You know what I mean. Why not listen?"

Noah only heard Ilina in silence.

Either Ilina knew she was now sitting leaning against the barrier near the bed or not.

"Harja."

"...."

"Aiana."

"...."

"It sucks. I'm talking so listen. That's how it should. So it's been all this time. Why not now?!"

So anyway.

This was the first time for Ilina to feel lost.

He was born when his parents left. Arman's death never made Ilina feel lost, because from the beginning they did not exist and never existed.

He doesn't know what it's like to lose.

He is a stranger and does not understand.

He was only used to feeling lonely when there was Harja and Ayana around him.

"I understand. You guys are mad because I pretended to be stupid following Noah's request, right? Let's go back to the village. Just blow up the Palmer and Bumantara residence and then we go back to the village. It's more peaceful. I-i know. Harja, Ayana."

What should Noah do? It was hard to hear Ilina mingling at her own delusion.

The dead will not return.

...*...

"People without a heart like you can never appreciate someone."

Ilina stared at the flat shadow of Susan that suddenly came in her head.

"You treat others as if they are invisible, then the rest are like tools. Arrogant. Don't want to admit your loneliness even if other people treat you like a human being."

"I bet he's actually just pretending." Another shadow appeared.

The figure of a chatty assistant who smiled cynically at Ilina.

"Pretend to be a sad and lost human being. Isn't your assistant tired of you? Live as a stone. Forever a stone."

Ilina just saw them full of calmness. "I must keep my composure to keep winning."

"Yes, win in solitude. That's a true victory for you."

Susan stood behind him. Pulling Ilina's hand to place the chess piece on the board in a very loud voice.

"Don't appreciate. Don't be merciful. Stamp on anyone, no matter who they are," whispered he sarcastically.

"That's a—"

"Ilina's."

The entire shadow disappeared, leaving Ilina gasping in the silence of the night.

I don't know since when Noah came down, came to him when Ilina just wanted to keep quiet now.

"Am I bothering you?" Noah reached out his hand to his face. "It's night, Ilina. Sit on the bed. I'll make you something warm for you to be comfortable with."

Ilina looked behind Noah. Susan and Marissa were laughing at him.

Highlight Ilina suddenly sayu. For a moment, he felt weak and pitiful.

I can't follow emotions.

Ilina.

Don't feel anything. Iota.

Because if he felt something again, then his entire defense would be destroyed.

...*...