Sticks And Spells For A Princess' Love
GRIEFS

My foster mother entered the room, my room was white and my mattress was a special mattress for the sick who beside her was located a table, chair, and infusion if my condition was weak. I was raised by a loving and harmonious family. I wore my favorite sweater and scarf, brown color; I wore it to my health.

I push a wheelchair with an electric button.I live in south Jakarta, in jl kemang raya which is so jammed and never silent from the crowd of vehicles. in this dense city can never breathe fresh air even stars never seen compared to villages in the west Java area that I have been looking at google. From this city I was adopted, my foster father while in the hospital in therapy found me in a hospital in south Jakarta when I was a toddler. It was in this city that I was raised by my adoptive parents, with a congenital birth defect. At this age I made a firm decision to take a hospital break.

Ever since I was home, my real mother's pretty face has come to light when I was fifteen. We were both walking in the mall because I was in good health, but when I had convulsions my birth mother left me at the park place near the mall and knew I was already in the ICU room with a critical condition in the public hospital. I hate my mom who every time I go to the house apologizing, wanting me to forgive her.

"Rista, "the memory disappeared when my adoptive mother woke me-before I slept in my foster mother's bed always resuscitated me. You know, I can't think hard because of my illness. "You need to get ready for the hospital."

My foster mother did not want my condition to be weak, because she had shed so many tears. She cried when she was thirty, because my foster father had stiff person syndrome. I felt guilty for inconveniencing my adoptive mother who adopted me, she was willing to lose the savings for my foster father's therapy chemo. When I was critical in childhood, even when my biological mother left me in front of the mall my adoptive mother was willing to buy nerve and heart drugs that were very expensive. How can I leave my foster mother to look for my mother or stay at my birth mother's house?

"Rista, I'll feed you medicine."

"You don't have to bother, heal my new father." Sorry I lied, ma'am.

of course she preferred to treat me, because her husband also agreed to take care of me, and because they had no real children so they were willing to sacrifice for my sake.

"I just need to rest in the hospital, no surgery or medicine," I lied a second time. I never lied, only this time I lied for the safety of my adoptive father's life.

But I could see the pain my mother was feeling by looking into her eyes. On the other hand, my foster mother had to take care of Yudi's father who suffered from stiff person syndrome.

"Rista dear, sorry I haven't been able to find a heart donor for you son."

"Yes, but.." When I spoke, my mother kissed me on the forehead. "I've covered it with my condition that suddenly convulsed and suddenly crushed my heart ma'am."

My adoptive mother cleaned the oxygen hose attached to my neck, then I held her hand, and my tears could not be held.

Take 3 hours to go from the house to the hospital, 30 minutes more ambulance has arrived if not jammed.

Doctors Audrey and Steven walked into my room while waiting for the ambulance. Again my epilepsy was crumpled, whether epilepsy or brain disorder, I was not sure if I could live long or not, but seeing my adoptive mother my spirit became smoldering.

going in an ambulance doesn't make me anxious; but it's my illness that sometimes makes my chest tight and the feeling of excessive anxiety that makes me critical or dying.

I haven't seen my foster father since this morning. My feelings are so bad, I usually push my own wheelchair when mom helps me to the hospital.

It really pissed me off, my real mother who accompanied me to the hospital.

But somehow, when I saw my real mother there was a pain in the chest, I turned into a twenty-six-year-old adult woman into a little girl who was unable to walk with both feet. Overall my biological mother abandoned me because my skin was pale and my chest was bruised blue.

I let out a breath. Now is not the time to blame my real mother.

When I arrived at the hospital, my breath was puffed up. I couldn't help my pain. After I got to the ICU, my seizures recurred. But my illness wasn't as severe as when I was 24. It's just that I remember when I was 24 years old, I thought I was my foster father's son after I opened the drawer, it turns out I was adopted when I was a toddler.

AARRRGH!

I know I almost lost consciousness. Remembering those bitter memories. After all, I am grateful to have met my real parents.

My real mother was waiting for me outside, she was chatting with the doctor. I've guessed it. My mother wouldn't see me suffering in such a weak condition without a companion. My main goal is to go to the hospital for treatment, not to find a mate, because now I just need a biological mother.

Today it could end in two versions. One, I'm in a coma not opening my eyes for two weeks. Two, I couldn't make my heart beat again and forced my chest to stun. Nothing makes me this tired, I'm limp because I heard stories from my foster mother.

My adoptive father was suddenly paralyzed at the age of 30. Well, maybe I'm too worried about my foster father.

But I don't need a replacement for my life. If today I was dying in my most beautiful moment, I would probably disappoint my foster father, my foster mother, Dr. Audrey and Steven. I quickly listened to my mother's phone I had set up.

"How's Rita doing?"

"His body had an attack on the lungs, she's ashma and pneumia."

"Dok, I beg you to save him by making him happy."

"I'll try to make him smile and make his heart beat."

"I mean, please be her husband. He's lonely and often in the ICU." Why my mom lied to Dr. Audrey. Doctor Audrey felt compelled to marry me with a disability.

"I'm willing to marry her, I've been taking care of her since she was 18 and I was 19.  She'll be my wife, I live alone."

"Thank you, doc."

Finally my heart is normal in this way I will not be in pain in the ICU room. My situation is starting to improve now. Oh, whoa. Today is my birthday.

Good .

It seems I can discuss my marriage with Dr. Audrey. My mom and Dr. Audrey came in. Stevan's doctor was checking my heartbeat.

"It's good to see you've been through a critical period, Rita." He said he smiled when he saw me who was not epileptic anymore.

"You haven't changed much since you were 15. Is your heart still hurting?"

"Why did you betroth me to Dr. Audrey?" I asked in a soft tone and still withstood the pain of my stiff legs. While thinking about how my foster family raised me, I took a breath. I don't want to make Dr. Audrey feel forced to marry my disabled self. My father and adoptive mother may be sad that I am getting married.

"I didn't marry you because I had to, you remind me when I helped you study your way in Ayodya Park?" audrey said, smiling.

"Why does the doctor like me?" I was worried that my future husband would be forced to marry me because I was lonely and disabled.

"Alright, actually while I'm taking care of you. I feel like my world is so beautiful."

"Did I ever learn to walk when I was 18?"

"At that time you were angry with me, and told me it was better to have a permanent disability than to have your foster father relapse again."

"Oh, in the garden of Ayodya. I remember now." Ayodya Park in south jakarta.

"Thank God."

"You used to cry when you learned to walk, I trained you patiently. In my heart I think you're the one who got me excited about becoming a doctor."

I should have remembered Doctor Audrey's face. I memorize every face of people until I memorize, even though I am weak but I always get high marks because I do not want to make my adoptive father sad.

"Dok, I have one question how's my foster dad doing?" I asked with a soft tone and a sad expression.

"Now he's being treated in a hospital dedicated to the heart and nerves." Audrey looked sad. "He relapsed during Friday prayers at the mosque and his hands stiffened and formed chicken claws."

"May I ask you one more time, how old is the doctor?" I asked the second time, maybe age is quite sensitive.

"I'm 28 now. You don't get sick?" Audrey asked me back.

"I'm fine, thank God the doctor told me that my father was in a special hospital. I feel guilty if I don't stay away because my condition is weakening again." Once I was critical and my father and foster mother took me to the Hospital all night because I was vomiting and my epilepsy didn't stop.

"What if the party's at night or tomorrow morning?" audrey asked by injecting heart medication and seizures. I hope my mother agrees.

"What if it's just now?" Audrey suddenly changed the subject.

"Five o'clock in the afternoon is the wedding?" askaku.

Doctor steven interrupted my conversation. "If you think it's good for Rita's health, she'd want to make her spirit alive. Even if we have to make Rita walk with a walker or sit in a wheelchair in a state that is still weak."

"I'm ready to get married even if I walk in a wlker or sit in a wheelchair." I kept Steven saying, I don't want to be silent without explaining.

"Thank God, you can approve of your sudden marriage my son."

since my marriage was brought forward, my illness has recurred because I cannot be stressed.

Uh. I feel sorry for Father Yudi.

"Mas Audrey, can my foster father recover from his disability?" I knew the grim faces of Doctor Steven and Mas Audrey over my sudden question.

"He can't walk anymore, because his therapy is often late."

"After we get married, please don't put me in the ICU. I already knew my foster father was hiding it for my health. If I could just be outpatient at your foster father's house or yours."

The wedding, I thought .. it must have been expensive for her make up and costume.

"Is everything prepared?" Anyway I don't want my foster father to be critical anymore because of me.

"I have provided everything and called penghulu and called her make up artist to dress you up. I think they can support you tonight. But your condition is still weak even though your heart is normal."

My mother smiled happily at me.

With my body full of medical devices, I was escorted to a normal room to dress up. Make Up Artist goes into the room and provides makeup tools.  My breath is getting heavy, O God, don't make this marriage fuck up.

"Hhhh .. hhhh .. hhh," I don't want to die now. Code Blue's alarm goes off, the nurse and Audrey enter the room. Audrey makes artificial breaths using CPR. I don't know what's going on right now, maybe Audrey's doing CPR and electrocuting my chest to make me realize.

"Rita, if you're sick.  Morning is it." I listened to Audrey's voice, but couldn't open my eyes.

"The conditions have improved." I can finally breathe again. Maybe Audrey smiled because I was recovering. I looked with a blurred look as Audrey spoke to the nurse.

"Don't be delayed.  Faster is better." Saying with a clean sliver.  Audery smiled and kissed me on my forehead. He left the room and waited at the mosque. When I stood up, my body suddenly trembled. I put on a wedding dress and walked around. And the nurse put me in a wheelchair, drove me to the hospital mosque. My chest hurts so much. My hands and feet were shaking, because of the speedy wedding. I saw Audrey smiling. Audrey helped me up, my hands clutching her hands tightly.

Just then, the penghulu said kabul ijab, we both repeated kabul and salaman ijab. In the mushola, my two foster parents spoke via teleconfrence. Mushola has been decorated with love balloons and flowers. So simple and beautiful. What makes me sad, what about my condition which is all flawed and can not cook? Plus, I've been in the ICU a lot and I've been in a coma for a month. Just breathing in, my illness relapsed.

"Rita, you must be strong, dear."Audrey said with Rita's convulsing body. Now the happy days are sad. Audrey in the ICU shocks Rita's chest.

When I opened my eyes, I was in the ICU. "I'm glad you're sober" said Audrey, once again looking depressed.

Just need enough rest, I'm awake. I found my body in a machine that recorded my condition. This room became my resting place, the ICU filled with my medical machine.

The ECG Monitor Machine, the ECT cable I put on my head, the hose I put in my mouth - all these life aids since I was a kid. The only thing that has changed is my age and my deteriorating condition. On the pole there's only my infusion and my feeding hose. This is my foster mother's request that I be treated in the VVIP room.

When I close my eyes, try to calm my convulsions. Then I tried to catch my breath so my convulsions would stop. Audrey slept in the chair with me. Wearing official clothes, O Allah thank you for making me alive again. I stroked her hair and smiled. The guy who saw us together thought I was asking Audrey to marry me. Had my t\ not been convulsing and entered the ICU, I would have married Audrey without coercion.

There was only Audrey accompanying me, and I knew my mother had left me for work for my treatment. I try not to think about it. I'm like a wife who has a congenital disease like in the movie Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

One of Audrey's best things was that she always accompanied me when I was weak or healed. He fed me food when my meal came, a behavior I never got from my biological mother.

It feels good to be married, to be able to share my heart, to be relieved to have a faithful husband and to accept my weakness. I'm not healthy to think about the next day. I have to sleep, because I'm going to have my spinal cord checked in a hospital specialising in heart and nerve disease.

"Mas, when he arrived at a special hospital. call his obstetrician to program my baby tabungku." I said while sleeping.

Audrey stroked my head. "Rita, your condition can't have a baby" she said with a melodious accent. Why is having a child so difficult? is the success only a little for leaking heart patients? I couldn't hold back the tears that ran down my cheeks. The only thing that makes our home harmonious is having children. And I just cried on the bed with the fence. In the blue bed that kept me calm, I took a breath. Never mind, I have to sleep.

Total Specialty Hospitals has only a handful of patients: 10 who have symptoms of neurologic and heart disease - now 11 as patients increase by one, while in the hospital that was last afternoon I treated a total of 80 patients. All patients were treated in an average specialty hospital who suffered physical disabilities from birth or adulthood. I'm going to be a new patient, since I was three years old I was treated in a public hospital.  I'm currently being treated at the Special Hospital to check my spinal cord and brain, with my foster father, and that might make me less fit.

Hah, at least I can survive in my critical period later. It's not that I don't want to be treated at Stevan's Hospital, but my condition is often anxious and stress makes my disease relapse.

Maybe you'll feel the same way as me when you go to a special hospital. Want in any hospital I was still weak, which can make me healthy and not disabled the nerve opration of the brain, heart, and lungs. I had to endure pain, vomiting, shortness of breath or floating head-everything that could keep the public ICU room safe and quiet.

"Okay, we'll be at the Special Hospital soon. Miss Rita's condition is still weak, I will be injected with anti-seizure drugs and painkillers" said the nurse, wearing a dark blue dress with a mask and name tage on her right chest.

Conversely, in specialized hospitals in public ICU rooms, many people are in a coma due to pain, or even convulsions. My body is always strong even though my condition is still weak, but often convulsions even though the pain cannot be restrained; I can't move around like a normal person without a walker or a wheelchairand oxygen for me to breathe or an ECG monitoring my heart. I know I'm too fragile, but I have to be strong because my foster father is critical. A moment of white clothes and brown eyes in front of me narrowed. "We have arrived dear, "he said in a soft tone. "Later after you're cured, we'll discuss the baby tube program."

"Thank you. Sorry to hit you so hard with such a selfish request." I wiped the tears with the back of my hand. When I entered the ordinary classroom ICU room, I felt the darkness was a sign of my epilepsy relapse. I didn't know there was suddenly someone behind my husband asking me to talk. When I came to my senses, my husband massaged my hands and sucked the spit out of my house. "I am happy and grateful to have met you. But I can't be a perfect woman." The ECG showed me my heart was so weak, if only I was healthy and lying in another room instead of the ICU.

"Rita needs to rest. Your pulse is too weak, I'm going to Steven's and my other colleagues' workplace." I held my husband's hand tightly.

"You... no .. will .. hate?"  My words that can't hold back tears. Audrey left me alone, went to see my chest rongent and a spinal cord sample test.

I opened the phone and saw a message from my mother. Hah, no reply at all. Sure enough, his biological son was critical and struggling with the disease, but his biological mother appeared to him. Just answer my message one sentence, it only costs three hundred rupiah that is not as expensive as I thought. I put a hape and put on a cardigan so it doesn't get cold.

"Now we open the laptop. What percent is the odds of living for a pregnant woman who has a leaky heart?" I muttered to myself while looking at my laptop. I looked at the fifth paragraph of health explanations about women who have heart disease who are likely to survive pregnancy or childbirth.

Well, if the pregnancy continues, then the heart will be forced to work optimally for the adequacy of the body's oxygen and supply to the baby. Could-can make the mother's heart tired can even stop.

When I read that sentence on the laptop, I could not stem my tears and I closed the tab on the laptop screen and then I opened the yotube that was murotal and I installed the head phone. I took a small mirror and looked at my pale self and white lips. If my mom hadn't left me in the park when my epilepsy came back, maybe my face wouldn't have been this bad and I could have gotten a quick break. As I coughed and closed my mouth, I saw blood on my hands. My eyes began to blur and my chest was very tight. I heard the voice of my sister and my husband but could not see his face.

"Sus, suck blood in his mouth and do CPR."

"I sucked, doc."

"One, two, start sus."

"His blood pressure's still low, doc."

"One, two, three."

"Don't leave me, Rita. Wake up Rita."

God please give me time to live. I heard a scream from outside. I want to live with my husband and have children.

"So, his pulse has gone up."

"Thank God for giving my wife a chance to live."

I was breathing hard and my chest was tight. When I opened my eyes, Audrey held my cold, sweaty hands. Still in a weak state I smiled towards Audrey. I just smiled, Audrey kissed me on my forehead. And if I don't keep my heart beating, maybe Yudi's father is dying.

My condition is now weak and in pain. Maybe if I move in ICU VVIP, it's not this bad.  I started looking for the right words to plead with Audrey so I could hold onto Father Yudi's critical hand. I saw Yudi's father still wearing an oxygen mask, and was not aware of his criticism. Yudi's father's stomach is kempis.

"I hope you don't mind if I hold my foster father's hand." He swallowed the saliva and took a breath. When I wanted to sit down, Audrey was already not sad and swallowed her saliva. Audrey helped me sit up, walked by the window and took a wheelchair. He carried me and removed the ECG cable in my chest and the ETC that was in my head. Just an infusion in my arm and an oxygen slang attached to my neck.

Sometimes I wonder if I can make the person I love happy with my weak state. Maybe my heart is strong enough to see a sick person like me in a regular or general grade ICU.

But it doesn't matter. The problem is how I can be strong for the sake of the recovery of Yudi's father and the people in the ICU. Tomorrow it will be harder to sleep.

I sat in a wheelchair, my legs and hands shaking not knowing why. Birds singing in the hospital garden and sick patients making my breath tight. I walked towards my adoptive father's bed, then held his stiff hand. But why was Yudi's father unconscious, when I wiped my tears Audrey stroked my shoulders to calm me down.

"I want to ask you. Why hasn't Father Yudi been conscious until now? I don't want my foster father to suffer - how many days has he been critical?"

I stroked the stomach of Yudi's father, who was covered in hospital clothes, massaging his stiff hands. I've guessed. Audrey covered this matter from me. Dad why are you covering it up?

This morning I headed to the operating room for the baby tube process, and I could feel my heart beating fast as I took off my foster father's hand and went to the surgery room. Audrey helped me push the wheelchair into the operating room. Here you will not be able to sleep quietly whose room is full of heart and nerve pain, compared in the operating room must be calmer now. When entering the surgery room, my chest and head are attached to the medical cable.

I feel like I'm not breathing anymore. Audrey left me in the opration room. I'm glad Audrey convinced me to process baby tubes. For a moment I thought about if I was Father Yudi's adopted son. Then, I remembered when I was fifteen years old when I was hospitalized. I looked at this hospital to buy Yudi's father's medicine. I saw the DNA on Dad Yudi's lab paper is different from my DNA on my back marrow test paper in contrast to Yudi's father. I checked the lab results maybe my illness was brought down by Yudi's father. Luck always keeps me away. My daydream was gone, when Audrey and the veil-wearing obstetrician walked into the surgery room.

"Rita, are you sure you're going to do a baby tube program?" Audrey said in a angry and sad tone.

"That'll make your lungs swell and make your blood freeze." Audrey continued her words by looking at me annoyed. I held her hand.

"I will keep my heart beating, "my promise to Audrey.

Sister Anastasia removed the slang on my neck and put an oxygen mask on my face. Andini's doctor injects hormone drugs in order to produce several eggs at once. Naturally, women only have one egg. However, for a baby tube program, it takes more than one egg to obtain an embryo.

"Sickness.. d-d-da.daku .. se ..sak." I said while shaking and convulsing. On the bed I felt pain and dizziness. And my mouth felt fishy, Audrey wiped the blood coming out of my mouth. My eyes are dark and tired. As I opened my eyes still with my body shivering and convulsing, I saw Audrey massaging me.

"I'm sorry I was being rude to you." Audrey's face was like saying she felt guilty about me and that I was critical.

"It's not your fault, I don't want to make a wound in your heart." My voice sounds soft.

"If only I could get a heart donor when you were sixteen, it might not be this bad."

He stroked my cheek and compressed my forehead. Not wanting to make her sad I shifted Audrey's concentration.

"I'm sick, can I get a shot of morphine?"  I can't breathe and I'm so nauseous.  I opened my mouth because I couldn't stand the vomit. My foster mother wiped my vomit, her mind split in two. On one side Yudi's father could not breathe, his voice was hoarse, and his body convulsed, on the other I went down my health and made me critical.

"Well, can I put it in a special ICU. I couldn't bear to see people lying weakly my chest felt on a prick and my vision was so dark." I endured the pain so that my body could not stop convulsing and shaking. When I came out I remembered a woman sitting in a wheelchair, her body thin, her chest moving trying to breathe. Do I have the same disease as that woman? My body is so limp. I took ASD medication to treat my heart disease through a tube attached to my neck by injection. My adoptive mother or Ms. Yudi, massaged my legs and hands.

"Pray so you can move, son." He moved my hand because I still had a hard time walking. "I know, Rita doesn't want to see Yudi's father lying limp, right?"

It seemed impossible to say I wanted to go home, not realizing that Father Yudi would be worried. I moved my trembling hand to grab my hole. By hearing murotal I can calm down and sleep well. Murotal and I can relax. But as I slept, my convulsions got worse.

"Mah, sick. Please Rita." I opened my mouth to breathe. "Rita, relax. Take a slow breath." whispered my foster mother. Audrey injected an anti-seizure into my hand, then I could breathe a sigh of relief. The nurse was sucking saliva in a slang attached to my neck. But I still have trouble breathing, I'm afraid I can't open my eyes again. What about Audrey?

When I didn't convuls and could feel the air re-entering my lungs, I was grateful I hadn't gone to the afterlife. After I went through a critical period of Audrey massaging my legs, in ICU this ordinary class I saw the state of Father Yudi, his chest still moving because of his short breath and stiff person syndrome.

"Your pulse is normal. " Audrey checked my pulse. "I will take you for a walk, so that your condition will be normal again."

"If I can go home, I'd like to be outpatient." my voice sounded raucous and small. "I don't want to make Father Yudi anxious because of my unstable condition." There's no progress. I've been sleeping in this room for four hours, but my convulsions and epilepsy have come unattended.At least I've been moved to a special room, I can't stand to see the same patients as myself.

It was impossible to be in a room full of patients, seeing the critical condition of my foster father made my heart fleshy. My moaning started to darken and make me dizzy, my chest hurt so much, I couldn't hold back my illness.

"Rita, you can see and hear me."

"So, his pulse dropped drastically."

"Please get me a syringe and medicine."

I don't want to trouble the people I love, but I can't fight my illness. I opened my eyes and felt like I was paralyzed and could not remember what was happening. My chest still hurts, but it doesn't make me lose consciousness. The sound of the ECG monitor makes me sick and sad because my illness is getting worse and weaker.

I missed the view of this hospital park when I was on road therapy at my age of twenty. At that time I went to the General Hospital, but the queue was so long that I went to this Special Hospital and learned the way.

"I'm gonna ask Steven to let you go home." Audrey kissed my forehead and left this room. I am not as strong as I was, I am now weak and pale.

Outside must be fun. I'll ask my foster mother for permission. When I tried to stand up, my legs were shaking and my chest was tight. Ugh. Why did my feet become like this? I'm holding my bed. My foster mom would have helped me.

"Well, can you help me stand up. I want to sit in a wheelchair and take a walk to the park." When I stood by the bed, I could not control my trembling legs and hands. "Well, I'm tired. Please help me sit in a wheelchair." My adoptive mother unplugged the ECG and ECT cables installed on my body and head. It is impossible to walk without a walker or electric wheelchair. I saw my adoptive mother holding me and putting me into an electric wheelchair. It makes me feel like a sick person, but I'm weak I can't walk. Yudi's father was still lying on the bed, his stomach twitching due to his laryngospams and short breathing. It is not difficult to get out with an electric wheelchair, which is installed on an infusion pole and an oxygen hose.

Using a wheelchair to go to the park is not difficult, even though I have never used this electric wheelchair. When I left the room, the hospital garden had not changed at all, since I consulted the doctor regarding my illness and the illness of my adoptive father. The garden still has roses, orchids, jasmine and mango trees.

When I headed to the park, Audrey was already behind me. "Why are you alone outside, baby?"

"I was among my foster mothers. But I had my foster mother accompany critical father Yudi." He walked towards the front and put on my socks. We both smiled at each other and talked about the scenery in the garden. I turned my eyes, and saw a beautiful garden in the middle of an ornamental fish pond. There were so many birds wandering around, but I could not feel the fresh air because my body was weak and had to be always warm. Then he pushed me into the garden with a chair, carried me and put me in the garden chair.

"Mas Audrey, why don't you work?" tanyaku brief. He rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe it's because my question worries him. I held her hand and made Audrey comfortable. Then I convinced Audrey not to pay attention to me.

"Don't worry about me. I'm better now than I was this morning in the ICU." I know Audrey's worried because I'm in the park alone. Why are you so worried, mom? I kissed her forehead so she could calm down. Why don't you work ? Didn't you say you were busy today?

"Your safety is more important, you're my responsibility now Rita." Audrey answered my question.

"Yes. I know that I'm your responsibility. But if you skip work, it's gonna piss you off the hospital manager. But I'm good now. See my body doesn't tremor when we get married." I stroked Audrey's face. Audrey put my hand away and touched my forehead.

Audrey's voice changed. "Don't lie to me if you still have a fever."

"My health is not important to think about. This is my destiny. You remind me of what I said when I was young. I was treated with my foster parents while my mother didn't know, if only I could meet my father, she would be mad because my mother lied to her."

"I want you to be healthy and that way you don't have to be sad thinking about your biological parents. Once you're healthy, we'll find your real father."

I stood up slowly to move into the chair, Audrey holding me. "I'm fine just a little shaky."  Audrey didn't answer me, I'm sure Audrey was worried about knowing I was still sick. But I decided to learn to stand up, rather than Audrey helping me and not working. With weak energy I learned to stand and walk, beside me Audrey held my waist.

After standing up and walking for too long, I sat in a wheelchair for a short break. My eyes looked at the chest of the former oprasi at the age of twenty which made me very sad. If my heart valve replacement is damaged, I'll have trouble having children.

"When I was twenty, you wouldn't let me go kemonas. After recovering from post-opration?" my question is, that's an accusation. Before returning to the ICU, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "When I say I'm healthy there's no way I'm sick. Let's know if I have surgery." I struggled to find the right words to get Audrey's mind distracted.

An hour later, in the hospital park, I was moving a wheelchair, towards the ICU door - my health was not the most important thing to worry about - and went straight into a regular grade ICU. Fortunately, I was able to endure my pain. I lay down to calm down because an epileptic aura appeared, and it felt dizzy. Alarm bells ringing.

ICU doors open. Audrey, the nurse, and her partner came in. When my epilepsy symptoms appeared while I was asleep, Audrey changed my position and she turned me to the side. In his state it was more chaotic, and more miserable. There were so many people in his room, some were caring for his comatose wife, a mother was feeding her husband with herbal medicine, and one was my adoptive father who was not yet aware of his criticism. Good thing I've been injected with epilepsy medication, so it can be quiet but not convincing for later tonight.

The hospital is quite large and spacious as well, only ICU places that are ordinary classes are too crowded because this is a special ordinary class and treat that does not cost more. The special room is only for heart disease and lung disease, while in the ICU room is only installed 8 beds are not spacious, there is a small table next to the mattress. In front of me was a wife who was feeding her husband with a broken spine. He gave me herbal medicine every day and my foster father.

The woman who was feeding her husband saw me."How are you doing, son?"

And, look how good the woman was at giving us the drugs. She nodded and wiped her husband's body, and then dressed him. I forgot to say thank you, I took a deep breath in search of words.

"Thank you for the herbal medicine, how about I take you for a walk to the hospital park in return for my love" I said. I replied and smiled at the woman and went to pick up the headset. Even in a special hospital makes me sick, but there is so much good in this hospital.

"Oh, thank you" he replied. She returned to her husband. "My husband was in an accident two years ago, he's been in the hospital here for two years. So every new patient I always distribute herbal medicine, thanks to many people here who are good I am not tired and desperate. So it's for your life spirit as well, the herbal medicine I gave you." She talked to me while massaging her husband. I could only hear the woman, as every breathlessness blurred my gaze.

Then my adoptive mother came and checked my condition, massaged my legs and hands, and she drank some fruit juice. At twelve o'clock tonight I must be strong. He helped me sit down and fed me porridge. I'm looking for the right words to talk to my mom.

"That I'm afraid I'm going to fail the heart's transpaltation."  When I cried, my foster mother took a breath and circulated her gaze. "You have to survive, I consider you my biological son. Don't make your husband sad." I closed my eyes, but suddenly my chest hurt. I endured the pain. I am happy and grateful to be able to live to this day, good foster parents, a sprightly husband, and our simple marriage. Where I was born, maybe not like this most of those who believe in superstition call my disease a curse.

Seeing a sick person like me is common to me. Here, I have many happy and sad memories. I remember when my teacher told me that our pain was a test or a sinner. Still for me this is a pleasure in my life, so I can be grateful for how we struggled with pain and almost near death.

Closing my eyes I remembered my teacher's words. "Patience when in the disaster or in the test, if we are patient and endeavour In Shaa Allah we will pass and get the value of God." I learn it every time I sleep. There are times when we as creatures have to be able to stand the test. But there are still many on this earth that cannot stand the test. The test is there to make our hearts open and not close to others and people in need.

I opened my eyes already at twelve noon, trying to get up; hoping I could go to therapy without machines and infusions. My sister and foster mother helped me. The nurse releases an infusion tube, oxygen, and ECG. And the ECT in my head was released.

I learned to walk on the right and left side, my mother and sisters helped me walk. My legs were still trembling, but the fatigue did not make me lose my spirit. My mother let me go and opened the door. When I walk, I'm sure I can do it. I can do it, I lied to myself. There's nothing stopping me from walking with a walker. I was finally able to walk without a medical machine and walk vigorously. I let me put on my pajamas, because I didn't want to wear hospital clothes, I realized when I was outside there was my husband who was expressionless.

As soon as I walked into the therapy room, my husband caught up with me. The "excitement" one woman wrote made me rise from weakness when I was in the ICU classroom standing up to wear a walker. I found my breathing difficult. I tried to use my mouth to breathe.

My feet are still shaking. The people who saw me encouraged me outside to support me so that I could live a healthy life and receive this test of life. I imagined if I could walk and have children, go on an excursion with my son and husband. When I turned my mind around, my husband looked at me in front.

Mother and sister looked at me, Audrey kissed me on my forehead and turned her face the other way. I try to move my feet little by little. But at least I could walk slowly, it was hard for Audrey to see me exhausted.  I walked and Audrey took the electric chair near me, the walker in my foster mother's hand.

I've had trouble like this before. Troublesome .. and sad. I wondered if I could successfully transpaltate my heart or walk and take my children to the beach. I shed tears while Audrey pushed me into the therapy room.

When we arrived at the therapy room. Audrey held my hand, blinded her eyeballs, and took a deep breath. He spoke to me.

"I'm sorry the possibility of the surgery will work but you can survive or not?" ask her with a sigh.  He couldn't seem to have seen me tremble.

"Give it all to God, we strive In Shaa Allah to succeed in the operation of his heart." I calmed Audrey down. Everyone in the therapy room was my passion to continue living during the heart surgery.

"Not that, I mean are you sure you can break a cesarean because the chances are very small to see your condition is weak." Audrey's eyes shed tears.

I try to keep my eyes able to see. "I'll keep my heart beating during the baby tube progam process, during pregnancy, and during cesarean opration" I promise.

Audrey POV

"Rita, relax. Can you see me." I said in a panic. I carried Rita to the ICU Special Cardiovascular room. I can't make Rita suffer if she's unconscious.

"Audrey, don't make my dreams disappear." Rita held onto her chest and I opened the ICU door. My colleagues helped me in the ICU, but Rita was still convulsing. I paired the oxygen, steven paired the ECG and ECT cables, the nurse paired the infusion slang. I did CPR, but the result failed. I tried to turn on the pacemaker, and shock Rita's chest. ECG monitor shows Rita's heart beating.

"You're a sprightly husband, Audrey." Steven patted my shoulder. While compressing Rita, I kissed and called her name.

"Please, come on Rita wake up. You promised to be with me. If you're cured we're going to the zoo." The four of us checked Rita's condition, while Rita still did not open her eyes.

"Would Rita give birth safely?"

"I can't convince you, Audrey. Rita's condition is very difficult to give birth."

"Please, save my wife. Call the gynecologist for that cesarean."

As I chatted Rita opened her eyes. I removed the ventilator in her mouth and placed a special ventilator around her neck.

"Rita, please you should be alive when your pregnancy is eight months old. I called my partner." I left Rita unable to bear to see her this weak.

"I'm sorry for being selfish" Rita's voice raucous and stammered, her body convulsing.  While massaging Rita's legs I set the murotal. He looked at me and knew I was crying. I nodded. It looks like I am so fragile. Can't hide my sadness in Rita's unstable "Health.

Someday I will take you for a walk. Two hours have passed through the crisis, I managed to make Rita regain consciousness.

"You're crying because of me. I can already guess when you see me walking you hold back your tears and look for words." I looked at Rita's face and wiped my tears. I rushed out, in front of the ICU, sitting limp and I couldn't hold my cry. While covering my face, I saw the results of the rongent that sent steven to my life. I stood up and walked into my office. Just a few days, I've been stressed because of Rita's uncertain circumstances. I opened the door and walked to the room where Rita was in, when I entered Rita again convulsing and vomiting blood. I put on an oxygen mask and injected morphine.

"Do you want to be treated at home?" I asked gently to Rita.

"Yes, I want to be home with you" she replied. He blinked his eyes, and grimaced in pain. "Hopefully you can charge for my opposition" he said as I compressed his hot forehead. "Now I will succeed in my opposition." He wishes.

I read his favorite Romeo and Juliet novel. I read Romeo's part. But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. (B.ii.) . "Thank you for reading Romeo and Juliet's novel" he said in a raucous voice.

"So, once you can walk will you go to the market together?"my many.

"certain."

"Can you delay pregnancy for your heart health?"

"That I can't, I want us both to have children."

"If the baby tube process is waiting for you to be healthy again how?"

"agree," said.

"You still look limp and you're not healthy right now."

"Even if I'm weak, I'll keep trying to learn to walk. Even if you prevent me."

He still hasn't healed properly, and I checked his temperature. I'm looking for the right words to make Rita stop the baby tube program.

"Rista Rika, would you leave me with your son?" I asked a question that made Rita say nothing. However, there was something he wanted to talk about when I hadn't asked the question.

"I'm sorry. I'm being selfish not attach importance to your feelings. Or you're just saying you drugged me so I wouldn't feel any pain in the baby tube process." Rita's gaze clung to me.

I smiled cynically. "If my partner can keep your heart beating I'll continue the baby tube program. And let you have two kids. But if he fails I'll stop the baby tube process."  I went out of the room angry, because my wife would not obey me. He was too stubborn to maintain the baby tube process. I walked to my work room. I'm so limp, not sure what Rita wants. "I should have realized, my words were not heard by my wife. I should have gotten a heart donor quickly" I murmured as I passed through the regular ICU room. Stevan found me, he walked behind me and patted me on the shoulder.

"i'll call professor Ahmed, who works in a hospital in Dubai," she said as I cried. "Maybe professor Ahmed can handle Rita's case." He wishes.

I wiped my tears and headed to my office for the second time. I open the laptop and find a way out if it can be operated if the patient has seizures.

Getting Pregnant with Epilepsy Is It Risky?

It is not impossible that epilepsy makes it more difficult for mothers to get pregnant. This is why epileptic mothers have fewer children compared to healthy mothers. The fertility rate of epileptic mothers was at least 25 to 35 percent lower. Why so? Here are some possible reasons:

Mothers with epilepsy have a higher condition that causes infertility. One of them is (PCOS).Mothers with epilepsy are more likely to have irregular menstrual cycles, mothers with epilepsy tend to have menstrual cycles that do not produce eggs or are called anovulation.Some antiseizure medications can affect hormones in the uterus, mothers with epilepsy are more likely to have abnormalities in the hormones involved in pregnancy.

If the mother's seizures are not under control, fertility also affects. If a woman has a seizure around the body when ready to ovulate, they can interfere with the signals that make the process happen. After pregnancy, it is more important for the mother to control seizures.

Because seizures or epilepsy can affect the health of the baby. The mother may fall, or the baby may be deprived of oxygen during the mother's seizure, and this condition may injure the baby and increase the risk of miscarriage or stillbirth.

"it's so complicated, hopefully Rita's epilepsy doesn't recur anymore." Finished searching in my colleague's file, I went to a place where he lay weak. I bought a drink in the cafeteria and I opened the bottle. It feels fresh after work in the office without a break. I gulped. I looked at the clock, it didn't feel like it was two in the afternoon. I paid for a drink and headed to the ICU room, I went in and saw a pale Rita with a veil lying limp around her neck in pairs of oxygen slang. Thank goodness I checked the recording of Rita's head was healed because Rita taught and listened to murotal.

The rest of the drinking water I spent and I went out for a while. As I entered Rita suddenly glanced to the left, her mouth tasting like a person chewing, her eyes twitching. I called my partner to check on Rita's fertility. My colleague spoke on the phone, her fertility was seen for about four weeks. Rita's hands and feet were moving and stiff. I compress his forehead and I move his hands and feet. I exhaled, my face full of sweat as I gave the porridge to the slang in my mouth.

After 2 drugs were injected into the infusion, I called steven. I'm looking for letters on my phone. Steven raised my number. "I can ask permission, just so my wife can be brought home?" my many. "Oh, thank you." I put my phone in my pocket. I've put up a head set and set Rita murotal still epileptic. His eyes were flickering nonstop, his mouth gaping wide, his legs and hands twitching. I salivate it through the slang on the neck and I put it back in. There was always a miracle when I accompanied Rita. Rita was not convulsing, and she started talking.

"Mas, Audrey's been here a long time?" ask her with a raucous voice. Rita spoke only a little. "Darling, we'll go back to my house!" bring me.

"Yes, my mom."  I'm used to seeing sick people who are a sight every day when I work, but seeing my wife who has epilepsy makes me sad and guilty. I tried to give in, but overall I couldn't let my wife hurt herself to get offspring. The phone shook, I went out and received it.

"Hello, Okta. Can't my wife go home?" I was shocked when my colleague Okta in the heart said Rita's health was not stable. At least it has calmed me down, if I am late I will have trouble with Okta for denying her. A nurse entered the ICU room, she pulled out the slang attached and took Rita away.

"I'm going to move Rita to the VVIP room, because she doesn't need to wear any of this just if she's in critical condition." I followed the sisters to bring to the VVIP Room Orchid room. When I reached the VVIP room, I put a warm sweater on Rita's body despite wearing a hospital gown. The weather in Jakarta is now cold, it rains at one o'clock in the afternoon.

"i don't think you've slept since noon. I'll accompany you here." Rita held my hand. I fell silent, to the shock of Rita suddenly holding my hand. "I beg you, if my real mother comes to see me, don't let her in. It'll make me sick and trouble my foster mother." Rita's voice was raucous and weak. "Rita will I tell your mother and to go home waiting for your condition to be healthy" I promised and kissed Rita's forehead. I'm headed to Rita's foster father's room being treated in the ICU basement. I walked towards the elevator room and pressed button 1. I've been downstairs and headed to Rita's foster father's place. Today I'm on patient duty. When I entered, I saw Rita's foster mother compressing and massaging her husband's hand. The woman looked down when she saw me. It was there, sitting with her husband, when I went in and checked the ECG and the drip. I'm looking for the right words so I don't get caught talking.

"Stem Cell Transpalant already exists, can you please take Mr. Yudi to the therapy room." Maybe I should have been honest, but I was afraid to make Rita sad to see her father relapse again. Pak Yudi's hands were hard and formed chicken claws. I delivered Mr. Yudi to the therapy room, when in front of me handed Mr. Yudi to the steven doctor and nurse. In the clean room, I saw Mr. Yudi's hands clenched and his feet were stiff. Pak Yudi's feet also clenched, when he was about to be replaced by his wife, sister Steven closed the curtains.  When the curtains were opened, they pulled out oxygen but suddenly Mr. Yudi tremored. I went in and helped my partner, I injected dope and installed stem cell transplants. From the ECG monitor, it looks like Mr. Yudi's lungs and heart are rather weak. On the chest of Mr. Yudi in pairs slang containing stem cell trasnplant liquid. Mr. Yudi no longer trembled and he slept without trembling. But this is not what is still making me depressed.

I headed outside and washed my hands, headed to the donor room and asked the donor for Rita and Pak Yudi already there or not. There was a nun in blue standing guard in the donor room. He smiled and spoke to me.

"What are you looking for, doc?" tanyakanya. "I want to find a heart and lung donor for Mr. Yudi and Rita. Right at half-four in the afternoon, I headed to my office and entered the room. At the hospital I work night or morning shift. A nurse came in and handed over the study.

POV Rita's

I wrote my diary. Pull out pen. Thank God for giving me happiness when I was abandoned by my birth mother. They are all my life spirit. I wished my illness would be cured when they adopted me, and the exam came and I was critical. They have a cousin, Aunt Ami, every time I get sick, they always visit me. Even at half-four he bought socks. Her body is beautiful, wearing a pink dress with cherry blossoms, a figure that makes everyone see her so calmly as if there is a tranquil angel in my life. She carried her son, the girl grew short curly hair and had a flower bendo on her head. When I went to sleep, Audrey opened the door.

"It's her porridge first," Audrey checked my pulse. "Your heart has recovered, you need healthy food for your heart and brain health." Audrey said so, which made me happy to have two children and took away my grief. Audrey's eyes were wet, I knew Audrey might come out so I wouldn't be sad and my illness would come back for a while. It was as if I was just a statue made of glass. Despite my emotions, I now feel relieved and can sleep.

But it's not this issue that makes me sad. I don't want to trouble Father Yudi and Mother Lift me. I looked at Audrey's white face, but I wanted to ask her about my foster father's condition. I lost it and I opened Romeo and Juliet. "These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powderWhich, as they kiss, consume"― William Shakespeare, as, Those are the words I remember seeing my mother's face torture me and make Audrey hit because my mother forced her to marry a disabled woman, unlike my adoptive parents. They were all angels without wings, except for my mother who never told me where my real father was. Or tell me how my grandmother is. It's hard to decide to hate my mom, if hating her makes my chest feel like it's been stabbed by a knife. When I thought, there was something strange about me. It is not possible to have epilepsy and heart disease alone. Every second I suddenly had tremors and epilepsy was also coming back. While I was sleeping, the murky sister in blue clothes came into the room and checked my condition. Her movements were very careful when giving me vitamins to the slang that was attached to my throat. I saw Audrey massaging my legs and closing the slang in my throat. I still have trouble swallowing food and vitamins. My eyes were fixed on Audrey, who was compressing me.

"You promised me you'd tell me what made you sad."  I held Audrey's hand with my weak hand. When he held my hand - even though he wasn't willing to talk to me yet - he suddenly sat down and had tears dripping down his cheek.

"your heart and lungs are weakened, so I haven't been able to keep my promise."  He gave me a special laptop, I knew that after I had a child I couldn't do anything. Now I am slow to say. He attached sensory wires to my head and face that were connected to the laptop.

"I want to live and be with you forever" I said on a special laptop. He kissed my forehead and injected drugs so I wouldn't have convulsions. A glimpse of Audrey's face showed that she was tired and sad because she had not found what she was looking for. But like that, my efforts to calm Audrey down were in vain.

"You know not a pregnancy program can keep your heart from beating, if the dose of epilepsy medicine is not used it also makes your heart or fetus does not move." Audrey's tears were pouring down, she wiped her tears. I tried to move my hand and wipe away her tears. My hands were shaking and my chest hurt.

"I beg you to let me not take epilepsy medication, for the sake of my fetus. And don't give me morphine."  He sighs. At that time my foster parents came and visited me.

"Rita, why didn't you tell me Dad and Mom?" tanyanya, Yudi's father sat in a wheelchair. "I don't want to make Mom and Dad sad" I said on the laptop. But I felt sad to see my Father and foster Mother come when my condition was weakening at this time.

"You need to heal, I've come to encourage you." I'm sorry Well, you have to look at me like this, I thought. I hope tonight I won't be critical, because I don't take epilepsy and morphine drugs. I can finally make them smile. "I'll be strong even if I don't take epilepsy and morphine drugs. I'm back in the therapy room." In my home, my father and foster mother who made me excited about life, it is now my turn to make Father Yudi have to be healthy and be able to buy expensive therapeutic drugs. My parents took me outside and left me.

"Ja-ngan.. ka-sih.. tau... re-ka... ka-lau.. a-ku... per-ta-ruh-kan." I painstakingly persuaded Audrey to keep my pregnancy program a secret. "You're resting." Audrey gulped after telling me to rest. "You must be strong enough to endure your pain. If you can't stand the pain, we'll have to treat it with morphine." Audrey used the plural word for her medical colleague. But if I was in a coma, Audrey would have told my foster parents and persuaded them to ask me not to have children. "As long as you're here I won't be afraid when I wake up" I said on my laptop. "I knew you were hiding something."

"Sorry for your health, I don't want you to be critical."

"I knew my illness might be severe. But please don't put on a sad face My chest hurts when you cry because of me."

"Tomorrow I'll buy you hormone drugs. You should sleep and eat plenty of nutritious food."

"Your fever's up and down, Miss." A nurse gave me vitamins by injecting them into an infusion. The nurse left us both and closed the door.

"They are a very good family. I don't want to until Dad Yudi relapses or is sad. You know my disease recurs when stressed or sad."

"Steven said that your lungs had pneumia because your heart was leaking" he said with a fake smile. From the way he said he was hiding the lab results of my brain or my nerves, but the results were uncertain. I know Audrey can't lie exactly I can't tell lies. Fortunately, we have something in common. "I think you should take a break, you're convulsing and stiff." Audrey put the headset into my ear, I slept even though I wasn't sleeping well. Is my disease ALS or stiff person syndrome or epilepsy or bartonella or lyme disease?

"Bah, I'm gonna throw up." Suddenly I couldn't help my vomit, I'm sorry this is my condition. Audrey wiped my mouth. Throughout my time in the ICU, my illness was not like this. Audrey put a slang to my neck so I could breathe. I still had trouble breathing, but could hear the nurse and the others opening the door. In my critical state my gaze was blurry, and hearing the voice that made me to live-the melodious voice of my husband. They said I'll be in the ICU soon.

"Are you sick, Rika?" ask Audrey. My immune system is declining. I'm used to my erratic condition. I was having convulsions and maybe Audrey was sucking my saliva and the nurse was giving me a low dose of epilepsy medication.

I opened my eyes and Audrey slept next to me. "How many days have I been asleep?" I asked limp. "You've only been asleep for 10 hours in a coma." Audrey helped me sit down. I felt dizzy in my eyes looking a bit blurry, and my hands were still stiff. Buried and unclear why? ever since my epilepsy and tremors recur all the time. Audrey was chatting on the phone. After that he injected hormone drugs into my body. When I heard the murotal of my chest hurt and it suddenly darkened. Audrey I'm sorry, if I'm not this weak I might just put up with hormone drugs, I thought. And when I could see again, Audrey compressed me. It felt like the test of my life was so hard, I couldn't see anyone sick because of my illness. It's late, but I'm still trembling. It hurts so much like this, my body cannot be regulated by my brain.

When I closed my eyes, small convulsions attacked my body, one of which my head moved involuntarily, my body shook as I slept. This is what makes it hard to walk now and my neck is numb, sometimes even like this. Audrey massaged me and compressed me. I opened my mouth and tried to breathe, while Audrey sucked up my saliva which gathered in the hose. It has become a daily food when the night time comes my body suddenly jerks accidentally and makes me tired. As I slowly breathed, Audrey cried.

"M-M-M-M-M" was hard to speak, unable to bear the tears as my head also jerked and moved without my command. "Darling, you have to be strong." Audrey pulled out a hose on my neck and put an oxygen mask on my face. Every hour I feel, amused, tremored, and tired. Real dad, help me. I'm in pain, I've texted mom but it's not answered.

"Rita, I'm here you're not alone." That melodious voice, Audrey help me. My chest is sick and I am tired.

"Dok, his heart and lungs are critical."

"Sus, suck his saliva." I'm gonna puke and drown.

"Install Stem cell transplant. It's for Sus prevention."

I tried to breathe on the sidelines of my illness, and still every hour my tremors recur, but not so severe as before. But at the moment my muscles are amused like inside there is some kind of electricity and then my body starts jerking or shaking, it's like convoluted. It felt like my tears couldn't stop dripping, I was sad when my adoptive parents knew I was relapsing because I wasn't taking the medicine. I had to stop shaking, so they wouldn't be sad when they came to see me.

"Thank God, your pulse and your lungs are back to normal." Audrey cried to see me awake from a critical moment. I imagined going to a party with Audrey while I was still limp like this. I held the hospital bed to hold my breath. Then I smiled to make sure I had recovered from my critical period. Even though the jolt was still there, it wouldn't make me sad.

"I'm sorry my body is like this" I said on my laptop.

"I'm sorry, too, can't stop your convulsions." She had already massaged me while apologizing to me, but I felt sad that I was getting married in this flawed state, as if I was forcing Audrey to get married. A few minutes later Audrey and the nurse left me. There was no doubt they were talking about my health - I could not even know my condition and sit in the garden. I'm disappointed that Audrey hid my illness. To stress me out, I had to fall asleep in the ICU and my body felt heavy.

Audrey opened the door and walked towards me. "Don't worry about your trembling hands." Audrey might see me crying because my hands are trembling or movement disorder. "I am.. still..remember..this is..at two...twelve o'clock...the night... and today." I shivered, my voice slowed down. "I'm probably in magic the same guy who doesn't like me." I guessed. "Don't Suudzon, Rita. It's not magic." Audey's kiss on my forehead, he compresses me.

"Ke-mam-pu-an-bi-way.. ter-se-rang-by..." I struggled to speak to my trembling and tired state because it was hard to breathe. It's starting to go up a little bit.

"huft.. huft." I'm trying to breathe. My lung disease attacks the neurogical system and makes it difficult to walk during practice this morning. But the result is, now my heart is pressing on the ribs and making my chest hurt.

"Dok, Miss Rita's heart is critical again. His lungs are also critical." Said the Sister who examined me.

"The condition is still weakening. We need seizure medication and a low dose of heart."

"Rita, you have to be strong baby," Audrey wiped the sweat on my forehead and peeled the Apples. He feeds a piece of apple that has been cut into small pieces.

"I think Miss Rita's legs and hands swell, sir, if the baby tube process is continued Miss Rita's life is threatened, " Sister, said, and he seemed to be sucking my saliva in the oxygen slang attached to my neck. "I think Miss Rita, you should take some sleeping pills."

"Is my condition worsening, Mom?" my many. I can't control my body and now my body feels hot.

"Your condition is a bit worse, baby," said Audrey, her tone indicating that my illness had suddenly recurred, even making it difficult for me to sleep. "Your skin is blue, because your condition is weak and fragile."

While I was sleeping, what made me sick was my sore chest, making me convulse, Audrey compressed my chest with hot jars placed on my body covered in my nightgown. When I slowly took a breath, a fishy feeling ran out of my mouth as I coughed.

"Mas didn't go to sleep?" my many. My tears started to drip when my husband fed me a drink with a hose, he was still with me, and he still looked after me in the ICU room, but did not stop one bit - his expression was a little anxious and sad.

I closed my eyes again.

"I'm on duty tonight and have permission for Steven if I want to take care of you." Audrey sighed, her attitude has been very suspicious lately. I wondered when I could stroke my husband's head.  I looked at Audrey's face as she slept beside me with a chair. I don't want to make her feel sad because of my critical condition. One of the sisters who checked me in opened the door and headed towards me, cleaning the saliva in my mouth. It turns the drip of the infusion into a little. Audrey woke up and saw my medical tape.

But what did Audrey think - especially after seeing my medical results that she sees today?

When we faced each other, Audrey immediately wiped the tears that had soaked her cheeks, I almost relapsed when I saw Audrey crying. He smiled again, even though it was just a fake smile. In fact, that smile still made my heart push against the ribs and made my chest hurt even more.

My body suddenly jerked and I immediately closed my eyes to hold back my aching chest.

"Audrey, don't make me sad. Please for me."

Audrey held my hand and took a deep breath. "If you don't want to delay the tube baby program until your condition improves, I don't want to have children. And, I'm gonna resign from this hospital." Audrey let go of her hand that was holding mine, revealing her face that was distressed from seeing me that couldn't stop convulsing. "What a pity, because of your deteriorating condition my intention to take you to the nautical museum is delayed because your condition is now deteriorating. I thought if you could go home and be healthy I'd take you on vacation."

I looked at my husband who was beside me, at a loss for words to seduce Audrey to rest while imagining I was at home with Audrey. Next to me, I saw Audrey looking grim and getting to know her sad face, from her face that was not as bright as yesterday, she seemed to be in a dilemma because I had not spoken about the tube baby.

As I held her hand and told her to sit next to me, Audrey let go of my hand. When I saw him, he threw away his face and did not see me. He sat next to me again with a pair of wet eyes. I rushed to type the laptop.

"I will agree to postpone the injection of hormones, and continue when my condition has improved" I wrote on my laptop. Since Audrey didn't speak, I had to obey her. Audrey has also been following my desire to have children. I choked on my saliva and nearly fainted until the ECG monitor sounded abnormal. The nurse who was still checking me, re-sucked the medicine from the bottle with a syringe and injected it into the infusion tube. I heard her voice, but while listening to the sister's voice I was still in pain because my chest was sore and short of breath. Audrey brushed her hands on my forehead and neck.

"You're hot again, you want me to get you a drink.?" I can't answer Audrey's question. My body shivered again and I was anxious, my hands began to shake or tremor. Audrey walked over, sat on the bed, and stroked my head.

"his body was trembling, so take a thick blanket on the chair." Audrey forgive me, I thought with a tremor body. Steven and his partner opened the door, as my body didn't shake anymore.

"His heart is weak, have you begged Rita to delay the baby tube program?" ask Steven. "He's willing to obey me. And wait until her condition recovers," Audrey replied with a happy face her lips turned full of happiness. I woke up and connected to Steven and Audrey

"I've been following Audrey's words. So take it easy, don't worry ste..," don't know why I suddenly have trouble talking and my breath jerks. As I was breathless Audrey immediately stroked my back and massaged my back.

Audrey POV

Rita seemed to be convulsing, her back curling over the ICU bed.

"I'm just claustrophobic" said Rita gasping, "It's not so bad" Rita's lips were pale, and she held the bed as hard as trying to endure the pain of not shouting, I stroked Rita's head with both hands.

"Steven, Rita why?" I asked anxiously. "his brain nerves are breaking up, making him convulsions," Steven replied by injecting morphine in Rita's infusion. "Ototku," said Rita, her breathing was breathless and short. "It's just a little attack going on in my muscles. My muscles were attacked and I felt a tingle in my muscles." Her fragile body made her easily critical, but her fight against illness amazed me.

"I don't think you're having seizures anymore, after taking epilepsy medication." I'm grateful that Rita went through her critical period. Steven checked EEC Rita, he opened and glared at Rita's eyes. Steven is a reliable neurogical disease expert, we met at the University while on duty. Of course he can detect a person through the pupil and eyeball of a person, the movement of a person when hit, and in touch. I held Rita's hand, while she was fast asleep with her thin body and in a medical device. It was very difficult to persuade Rita, the pleading tone that she used when her critical condition was describing that her illness had become a daily food or a living spirit vitamin.

But it was my stupidity to check on her current weak state, something that made me unable to think logically. Even so, I still check Rita's heart and check the ECG monitor screen if an emergency or normal.

I couldn't sleep and I woke up every once in a while even though Steven said his seizures didn't make things worse. Throughout the night, Rita never sleeps soundly, her body can not be silent because suddenly jerks and convulsions. I compressed his hot head and sucked his saliva so he could breathe.

"My hands move, move. Why is my whole body limp?" Rita shed tears and her body curved as her eyes focused on her stiff hand. "Rita, baby. Istifar. Breathe out slowly." I remember Rita learning to walk when she was eighteen she said. "I learned the way so I could help my foster mother sell food in a simple restaurant." Rita said as she closed her eyes and pursed her lips. For this one, I won't allow him to learn the path. His heart and lungs are critical. Her socks were thick to many layers, because she was shivering and convulsing. He never shed a lot of tears when his condition was bad. This barukali I saw her scream and glanced at her hand then spoke with her hand.

"Tomorrow morning please send me therapy, reward," he said -- still in a pleading tone-still huffing, "You're still limp, don't be selfish just because you can't have children. We can adopt that child instead of putting your life at risk rather than giving birth to a child and putting you in a coma or critical condition" I spouted as Rita looked at me with wet eyes.  As I massaged Rita's hand, her hand suddenly jerked and her body convulsed, as I waved to Rita's eyes. Her pupils did not respond, and as I pinched her thin hands Rita did not scream in pain. Rita hasn't moved her lips yet when I set the murotal. Is it because of Rita Koma or because she's paralyzed? His hands are still stiff and not moving, he sleeps in a special Intensive Care Unit bed with a thin body and his eyes are still open.

Why isn't he honest? Does he not want to see me cry? I wonder why my wife still considers herself healthy. Maybe I'm the one who's insensitive to Rita.

There's no way I'm lacking the same attention as my wife. He didn't want to make me anxious or sad. Once again I recited the Quran and moved his hand so as not to stiffen and limp. He was silent, his eyes were empty, his pupils were unchanged. As I wiped the sweat running down his face, his adoptive parents came, and cried. My heart seemed to push my lungs and make my chest hurt, when I saw them crying for Rita. I cannot hold back tears that overflow. I couldn't see my sick wife, I walked to the door and sat on the floor. With his ease Steven sat down to see me.

I sat down, covered my face. "Audrey, you have to be patient. We've been trying to stay you pray that Rita's normal again" he said. He stood up and swept his clothes. One came out in a wheelchair, followed by a woman in blue. I saw and apparently Rita's adoptive parents.

"Why are you out, room?" Mr. Yudi looks a good person, he is also worried about my sad self.

"I don't want Rita to see my wrinkled face and my wet eyes" I calmed Mr. Yudi down. I know He's worried about Me and his adopted son. Ms. Yudi or I used to call her Mama Mila, she was very motherly and kind-hearted, looking at her sad and anxious daughter-in-law. Ms. Yudi gave food to me, because I had not eaten dinner and was busy taking care of Rita's critical condition.

"Audrey has another patient in care?" tanyakanya.

I saw the watch schedule on my phone. "MM, my schedule is morning and night. She asked my partner for permission to take care of Rita." I know maybe I shouldn't worry too much because there's another nurse and another doctor.

"I will take Mr. Yudi to the special neural room. Excuse me first." Clearly the type of mother who is attentive with her adopted child and her husband.

"Rita, it's getting better, son. If for example there's any phone number, "he whispered.

I bowed and straightened my body."No need to repot Mama Mila. I don't mind, though." I whispered to Mama Mila, so that Mr. Yudi would not know. Yes, if until Rita's adoptive father finds out that the condition of the child he adopted for twenty years is deteriorating, it will definitely make Mr. Yudi's heart relapse. Mr. Yudi besides having a history of rare diseases or stiff person syndrome, his heart experienced swelling because Mr. Yudi was obese.

"Oh yes, can I check the condition of Mr. Yudi. Rita is still unconscious." I intend to check Mr. Yudi's condition. I brought the stethoscope to his chest.

"Sigh slowly, Mr. Yudi," I said. His lungs were not severe but his heart condition was quite alarming.

"Is my lung in a bad state?" tanyakanya. "Pak Yudi's lungs are not severe, his pneumonia has improved. Diligent steam therapy so that his breathing is smooth. This is because of Laryngospams alone. If his heart condition needs to be taken care of. Mr. Yudi's heart is swollen."  As I tried to move his hand, he started shaking and shaking quickly, his tears to the point of wetting his cheek.

"I went with Mr. Yudi and Ms. Mila to the room."  The three of us headed to Yudi's room.

"Sir Yudi do I have to...?" my words were cut off and I realized that she did not want Rita to be sad because she saw her adoptive father who had not healed and was getting worse like Rita's condition. I'm sure, Mr. Yudi was depressed because he saw Rita who had not opened his eyes and made Mr. Yudi relapse. He is stressed because he cannot help Rita with the same condition as Rita's disability. I hope I can make Mr. Yudi calm and not stressed.

"Sir Yudi, I gave the medicine so that his heart does not hurt?" I injected a chemical that made Mr. Yudi's heart ache. It's not as bad now. Along the way Mr. Yudi was depressed again and again thinking about his son. When I arrived at the ICU special neurogical disease room, I helped Mr. Yudi therapy. He released oxygen and walked by dragging his feet.

"My husband got stiff person syndrome when he was young. At that time he accompanied me to work at the restaurant. He was washing dishes and suddenly shouted. I found out he had convulsions and his hands and feet were stiff" Ms Mila said. He held Mr. Yudi on the left and I on the right. Mata Bu Mila Focus on the body of Mr. Yudi. "At that time Mr. Yudi has improved, only stem cell transplant therapy must be routine because Mr. Yudi is obese. At that time he had routine therapy conditions improved. At this hospital when I paid for therapy, I went to the NICU and found a baby girl who was put on medical equipment. I intend to adopt it. The doctor said her condition wasn't allowed to be brought home, and I paid for her treatment." Madam Mila continued her story and she shed tears. He walked slowly holding onto Mr. Yudi. It seems like the struggle of Pak Yudi and his wife is very difficult. I helped Mr. Yudi sit on the bed and I secretly opened my fists, Mr. Yudi, but the results were still nil. Throughout therapy Mr. Yudi did not use oxygen and convulsions. I put on oxygen, but Pak Yudi's stiff person syndrome relapsed and made him tremble and his chest move due to lack of oxygen.

Stiff peron syndrome is a rare neurological disorder consisting of trunk fluctuation and limb stiffness, painful muscle spasms, task-specific phobias, excessive shock response, etc, and ankylosing deformities such as persistent lumbar hyperordosis.

" At that time I saw my wife happy, I pushed her to adopt Rista," she said with a soft tone and gasping breath with trembling body. For this one, Mr. Yudi's condition makes me more stressed.  "Sir Yudi, Rita will come to her senses. So Mr. Yudi don't worry. Mr. Yudi's health will help Rita recover quickly." I made Mr. Yudi breathe slowly, his body was not convulsing but his legs were still stiff. Mila sat down and went back to telling stories. "What makes me sad when I can't have children and my husband convulsing, every day I compress and buy oxygen waiting for expensive therapeutic drugs out. That's all if it's late, Mr. Yudi can relapse. As we sat in the TV room, Mr. Yudi was trembling and crying in pain. I said patient Mas Yudi, the medicine is rare come from Singapore and the doctor also came from Singapore. Every time she was in pain I massaged her legs so as not to tremor and I massaged her hands. Just after my night on the phone when the transpalant system has arrived. At that time I took my husband and once in the hospital he was transferred to the ICU because his condition was weakened and his lungs were installed in a hose of medical devices to measure how severe. It has made me speeclest and every prayer I cry because my husband is in a coma despite being put on therapy drugs and others. He was conscious and had already improved by the time he reached one month. Well fitting pay for all the treatment at the hospital, I saw the angel who made me smile again. So I don't stress thinking about my husband being treated repeatedly and waiting for the medication to make him relapse. But at the age of Rita stepped on one year, when she was at the home exam came. Rita convulsed and entered the ICU, she was comatose in charge in the expensive ICU. My husband gave up his health for Rita. We said, when Rita was in a coma because critically it made the wound in my heart open and severe shock. My husband though already healthy but not yet able to walk, and even if the therapy is delayed will recur because my husband is obese and his marrow must be replaced." When Miss Mila cried, I took a deep breath.

"Bu Mila, the most important thing right now is the recovery of Mr. Yudi and Rita. I hope Mr. Yudi does not stress and Miss Mila does not feel sad. Because Rita's heart and her lungs are critical. I've persuaded Rita not to make her condition worse" I whispered. I checked Mr. Yudi's temperature. I slowly checked the cell transplant system. Mr. Yudi woke up.

"Son Audrey, please don't tell me my condition is weakening to Rita. Let me and my wife through this," said Mr. Yudi in a raucous voice.I nodded to Mr. Yudi. For some reason my emotions clung tightly to my tear ducts. My sadness at seeing Mr. Yudi exceeds my anxiety that Rita is the only child that Mr. Yudi and Ms. Mila have. I raised my head and looked at Pak Yudi's pupils. A nun came and put the slang into Mr. Yudi's body. The slang is connected to the Stem cell transplant system machine. I saw Mr. Yudi suddenly spasm as the stem cell transplant dripped profusely onto his body.

"Sus, can reduce stem cell transplant droplets. Maybe Mr. Yudi's heart relapsed." I sucked the saliva of Mr. Yudi in his mouth, Mr. Yudi's condition decreased even though it was installed in the stem cell transplant. Is this because of Mr Yudi's swollen heart condition? It's still convulsing. He slept in bed crying.

"Audrey!" steven said as he walked into the room.

"I'm here because Mr. Yudi suddenly relapsed when he visited Rita who was in the ICU specifically for heart disease" I explained his true condition.

"Have you asked for a heart donor, for Mr Yudi?"

"Actually I was going there, but I was worried about Mr. Yudi's sudden deterioration."

"So I went to the organ donor, thankfully Mr. Yudi and Rita have not come.  Doctor Ahmed says there's a new tool to make Rita's lungs uncritical. Ahmed's doctor sent medical devices to the hospital yesterday morning."

"Thank you, Mr. Yudi's condition has improved when the nurse injects drugs for the lungs, heart, and drugs for the spinal cord." He looked serious when he saw Mr. Yudi's eyes and observed the tremors that attacked Mr. Yudi.

We checked Mr. Yudi's condition; he turned out to be a very good and cheerful friend - most of our conversation made it easier for me to check on Mr. Yudi's condition. He lived in east Jakarta one complex with me, so he became a mentor every day while I was COAS. From our conversation, I knew that he was also worried about Mr. Yudi's swollen heart. He's the one who's keeping me calm now. I saw Miss Mila take a deep breath.

"My husband when the stress of his condition relapsed, at that time I could only treat potluck. When we had not bought a wheelchair, we had to use a cane when we wanted to check into a public hospital. As he went down the stairs he lay on his stomach and headed for the garage he crawled, as he stood up he trembled. He didn't want me to help him. It's a wound because he crawls and falls down a lot."  I fell silent and cried. So , I'm not the only one worried about Mr. Yudi's condition. I decided to apologize.

"I'm sorry for going outside when Mom saw Rita," I gulped.

"It's okay, son," he said. "I tell you about my suffering, so that I don't get stressed and sad."

"Mother can confide in me if sad" I said. "I can accompany you if you need anything."

"That makes me sad, my husband walks with foot drop. When he wasn't strong, he fell and crawled." Ms. Mila is stressed, I put a bottle on her so she calms down. "Thank you, I'm fine. I'll take care of my husband. Audrey's going to Rita's room in the infirmary, who knows she's conscious."

I smiled at him before I went outside. My phone shook and as I pulled out there was a recording of Father Yudi eating with his trembling hands, he tried to eat and his rice spilled. When I read who the sender was, it was Steven. Maybe he was sent by Vidio by Mila. He may have sent him to me to learn whether Mr Yudi's illness can be cured or not?

My Biology lecturer, Professor Syarif, gave the assignment via email. In my office in your hospital I only have 1 shift that morning, if in a special hospital has 2 shifft sometimes day and night; morning and noon; morning and night; morning and night; and afternoon . Literally, I was depressed not because of my marriage to Rita but her selfish request that made me feel trapped in Goa where there was no food.

In a row I checked rongen Rita. Given Rita's very severe condition - and still lying in a coma - when Steven sent me the last rongent results of Rita's lungs and heart when I asked her to send in because she was taking care of Mr. Yudi, so have not had time to the ICU room where Rita was treated.

I can finally rest. I went to the cafeteria for dinner. In the Cafeteria is open 24 hours, because in the hospital. I opened the supply box from Ms. Mila, it was satay and rice. I can only eat two spoons. I headed to the reservation room to get to the elevator, I pressed the button where Rita was being treated. Once I was in front of the ICU Room, I wore an APD shirt. When I opened the door, Rita was already up from her coma. That happy feeling darted through both of my hands. Rita narrowed her eyes, I knew she was smiling as I came.

It seems he was waiting for me to come. I approached Rita, and sat down next to her.

"Are you healthy?" my many. Rita blinked her eyes twice to answer my question. Rita's weak hands held my hands, her thin and blue body made me unable to see her. I slowly stroked his head. She is currently undergoing stem cell transplant therapy. I couldn't believe he could endure the pain when the stem cell liquid entered his body so that I wouldn't cry and worry.

He must have thought carefully before I met him. His face was happy. There's no way he could be this strong. I might have made her sad so she tried to endure the pain because the stem cell that entered her body was so painful that she just closed her eyes and grabbed me. The nurse who entered Rita's room immediately checked Rita's condition.

I turned to the nurse and asked Rita about her condition. "Has he realized?"

He answered a little. "Yes, doc."

But Rita's condition looked fresh now, and slowly she moved her trembling hands, her hands looking very stiff - her legs stiff and jerks and tremors. Instantly I felt a sadness that made me regret, so that my tears could not stand. His shaking hands wiped my tears. He began typing on a laptop provided in the ICU room.

"I've improved, don't worry about me. Oh, yeah, how's Dad picking me up?"

"He was visiting you. Now he's in therapy just like you. his condition has recovered" I replied in a lie. "You don't worry your father is a strong man and your mother a stoic man."

And he blinked his eyes 3 times which means thank you.

I tried to hold back my guilt and hold back my tears. When he closed his eyes and held my hand firmly. I turned the murotal, so that he would not be in pain or cry because of his painful therapy. I compressed Rita's head, and massaged her hands. But I need a friend to confide in me so that I don't feel sad and make my wife healthy again. In my head, the various things I saw today started to make me sad, like a precious glass suddenly falling down because of my own mistakes. I gulped. And although Rita smiled, slowly my happy world could marry Rita and take care of her broke into a dark room. I walked out of the room while holding back my dripping tears.