Sticks And Spells For A Princess' Love
COMPLICATION

When I opened my eyes, Audrey slept beside me for hours. I know maybe he didn't work because he accompanied the critical moment. We become like a limb that cannot be separated, if the other one is sick the other limb is sick or caring. Like the heart and lungs.

"You've had a critical day, this morning your condition has improved." Audrey cools my still hot head. "Thank God, you've recovered from the critical state even though your body still hasn't fallen in heat."

I looked at the window. There's a flying sparrow. It was still dawn I woke up from my critical period. After withstanding this disease, I have not been allowed to continue the baby tube program. I realized how sorry Audrey was to me. I held Audrey's hand firmly, then turned on the laptop with the movement of my eyes. We have to share our sadness and happiness to encourage each other.

"Have my biological father gone through a critical period?" I wrote a question on the laptop with a sad emoticon. While in the ICU room I could not visit my biological father, of course I had to be this strong to motivate my biological father and adoptive father so that they do not feel sad and their condition returned to critical. For several years I never saw the condition of my foster father who was in the hospital with me. One month and a few years I was busy checking the health of Yudi's father and I who loved being sick.

The slang and wires in my chest that were complete filled my body, gave information about my body, and made the atmosphere become horrible or sad. Heart disease that often comes already cured-make this morning can breathe even though it must be helped with a ventilator, and make the lungs sick and tight. What makes my body dependent on ventilators when weak, coughing, choking, and shortness of breath should be on ventilators. I myself have to be patient and sincere with such a strenuous test, so I have to catch my breath and teach my fragile and weak body to be strong when the disease comes to make the brain, heart, heart, and the lungs in my body hurt.

It's important to take care of my health to stay stable. If anyone wanted a heart donor when I was a kid maybe I wouldn't be late for marriage and having a child. Audrey has working hours today, she hands me over to the nurse and has the nurse monitor my every condition.

I wrote down the cash details of my adoptive parents' restaurant while waiting for breakfast porridge. That is important, considering the condition of foster father who often decreased causing the economic condition of my adoptive family to decline and threatened to go bankrupt.

My position as a foster child and as an encouragement to my biological father had to work hard during the recovery period of my condition and keep from declining. I know I should not force myself to work hard considering the disease that I suffer from is often relapsed, even then I have to steal free time to check the finances of my father's restaurant business. If I'm honest, I'm selfish for not being at home in the hospital. Everything feels cramped. Seeing Yudi's father and a sick biological father makes you like a broken glass if things get worse. All the families who loved me gave themselves up for my declining circumstances, I was the only one they needed.

I should have obeyed my family's advice after knowing my mother hadn't been home for a few days. Everyone was worried about me always being delirious when my health declined and having to wear a ventilator slang. And this is very painful, when my body suddenly chokes on saliva or food.

And what makes me feel guilty, why didn't my birth mother tell me my father had a rare disease in the hospital? I was still angry with my mother who lied to me and made me weaker, and I couldn't meet my biological mother every time I spoke my damaged nerves made me lose consciousness and made my heart hurt even more. I realized that my real father and I might have made it reproachable by his neighbors, but why lie I was dumped by my father because my father did not want my biological mother to be kicked out of the village.

So I shouldn't be upset with my real mother when she dumps my dad and me. I almost died when I got angry and found out my real father was in the same hospital as me,  but I knew that I could not hate my birth mother it would put myself in the torment of God. Obviously today will be a sad day.

I was too bad to see my mom. Maybe I'd better forgive her but I don't want to see her face. I think I should talk to my dad at the Vidio Conference. The next second when I turned on the vidio and connected to my biological father he was critical and in the ICU room I saw a girl who looked like my father. Maybe it's my aunt.

"Why with dad, auntie? Dad why convulsions like me and his body thin? Is dad sick?" With my wet eyes I can't stand my father's suffering.

While talking to my aunt I pleaded with God. O God, if you hear my voice, do not make my father suffer. I can't see my loved ones suffering like this, because I can't hold back my heart, lungs and weak brain from thinking too hard. I'm sure maybe tonight I'll have epilepsy and my heart's weakened again.  Maybe my father had epilepsy just like me which made him critical and he also had congenital heart disease just like me. Maybe because I just got to know you, I haven't found the disease that my father has right now.

My eyes open a tab on the internet. Looking for a disease that made my father thin and his arm twitched itself in his muscles. I carefully looked for one by one diseases that made my father's muscles move and made his body thin. I'm looking for when my arms twitch and weaken. I looked for the only symptoms of the disease and when I read Lou Gehrig's disease I found the same match.

Nervous system diseases that weaken muscles and affect physical function. In this disease, nerve cells are damaged, which reduces the function in the supplied muscle. The cause is unknown. The main symptom is weakened muscles. Treatment and therapy can slow ALS and reduce discomfort, but there is no cure.

Maybe the father did not want to make his unborn child weaken like his health, making me every second have to endure epilepsy and shortness of breath. Whatever the reason, I'm not mad at my foster father and my bladder for letting him get sick. I'm not sure if my damaged organs can survive tonight or not.

My heart and brain didn't seem to relapse when I read my real father's illness. Even so, I was able to hold back my emotions and stay calm from hearing the Al-Qu'ran verse that made my heart calm.

"Rita pray for your father! He's suffering from weak heart disease, epilepsy, and ALS." I closed the internet and opened my camera, then I nodded at my aunt who asked me to speak. When I talked to my biological father whose views were as chaotic as mine, I could already guess his illness and why he was also wearing ECG just like me.

I saw my father fight his critics, though, and I patted my chest to make it strong because I didn't want to make my real father dying when I heard the nuns coming into my room knowing that I was also getting weaker and more critical just like my father. There's a drug in my infusion that keeps my illness from recurring. Audrey has woken up I don't know when she gave me the medicine on my infusion. I couldn't be her burden every day, and my husband's grief made my heart in my body worse.

I was listening to murotals to make my heart and mind healthy, struggling with these deadly emotions and diseases, when I had to receive the sad news while my body was being repaired.

it's a very complete tool, which keeps me alive. I am grateful to be alive, even though I have to be in the hospital every day.

I saw Audrey coming. Not like he usually has a sad face. Instead my brain suddenly wants to be short, fortunately just his aura. And when I came back to the screen, my father half opened his eyes and was closed again not yet aware of epilepsy.

Audrey walked into my room and stood near me 5cm away, releasing the ECG, EEG, and tension devices on my arm. His face looked happier than yesterday. But what made me look away from his face was seeing my father breathing and making himself aware. My father's illness almost made my father die, and I couldn't bear to see him in pain. I almost fainted.

Audrey's lips whined with her cash smile. "If I wasn't busy this morning, we'd be leaving early to get home."

"Do not impose the will. I'm still weak and I need to be hospitalized." I used a hyperbole magazine to keep Audrey calm and unhurried to make a decision.

"I have no schedule. The medics who had come by noon had arrived. They also told me to take you home because your health improved even though your three organs were in a bad state."

I'm sighing. I know this must have something to do with Yudi's father and my real father.

"You brought me home anxious, right? Because I already know my father's condition and you're quick to ask permission, right?"

He lifted me up and put me in a wheelchair, then he sat down squatting in front of me. He looked at me, as if my sudden question was going to make me convulse.

"I'm sorry I hid your real father's illness" she kissed my hand and stroked mine. "I don't want you to get sick anymore. You promised to heal."

O Allah. I'm so moved. How kind my husband is to me who is deformed. Apparently he really doesn't care about me being physically handicapped, he loves me for who I am, and- oh my goodness! To selfish, making myself unable to accept the sincerity of his heart. My chest felt like there was an erratic beat, and I felt my chest hurt from the sound of murmurs. I sat in a wheelchair and closed my eyes. But I'm not as bad as yesterday, whether the drugs on the infusion made me look excited. My brain thinks about the disease I suffered is why so much, I was sad because my biological father and lift me the disease is also not one but three or four like me.

I know what it's like to have a weak heart and a damaged brain nerve. Once conscious feel headache, neck, and chest. Maybe what my father is experiencing now is even worse because my biological father is like in a tube to help breathe differently from me who wears a slang on the neck or in the nose.

Audrey pushed me, so the daydreams about my foster father and my birth disappeared. A pair of hands covered in doctor gloves took me outside the hospital, and I saw my aunt coming closer to me outside the ICU, my aunt thankfully was not sad maybe she had gone through a hard time as a child to adulthood. She is a strong woman facing the test.

Then my aunt approached us and hugged me. My aunt gave me some spirit. "You have to fight your disease, son. Thank you for not hating your real father."

I answered his words. "I love my biological parents, especially my biological father. He's innocent of your illness. Maybe I should be strong because I gave birth to my cruel mother and saw my father's agonizing pain." After I finished speaking, my aunt hugged and patted my chest.

"Patient, son. You made your father fight his illness knowing you were alive." His one hand suddenly wiped my tears, so warm was my aunt's affection for me who was deformed.

"Wouldn't my real father walk again?" ask me with sadness. "Your father's muscles are weak, just pray that he is not critical. Your father is ready to face his illness and he is not sad because every day must be in the ICU or ordinary room. He's been convulsing continuously in the hospital. Even his heart was so bad back then."

The sound of the birds in the morning made me calm, and I could understand my father's current situation, then when I saw the birds-aunts go to another room to accompany my father, I know aunt must be very sad and angry knowing my condition is getting weaker because of my birth mother.

It was really cruel that my mother made my aunt have to cry and pay off my father's debt. In my weak father and I, he was desperate to leave. There was no letter or notice that he was going anywhere. The phone I was holding never turned off to check if my mom was sending emails or messages when she left us, still empty emails and messages, I called no one to pick up. But I'm not sad if it's my mother's will, and when I open the email Audrey asks me if the disease I'm suffering is still relapsing or not?

"Rone? Does your chest ache or does an epileptic aura often appear?"

"I'm not as bad as I was last week, epilepsy often appears but the seizures are only a short while." My voice rattled and my speech faltered as my memory began to diminish. I tried to remember the day and he immediately hugged me.

"Already, just rest. Don't think about it. We'll have road therapy and talk." He told me to rest and find the best solution so that I could speak well and walk well. "I think home is a suitable place for your treatment."

I feel guilty for causing my husband trouble.

"My father will heal?" I asked Audrey.

"We'll find a solution for Mr. Ruslan. Neuroscientists haven't found a cure for your father's illness." Audrey's voice was like explaining that my biological father couldn't recover and was only 70 or 66 years old.

"I already knew that." My voice suddenly disappeared because my chest hurt so much. I tried to endure the pain that made my chest tight, gathering my strength. "I already knew that you couldn't be healed."

"Don't talk about that anymore. Let's go home. Ambulance is waiting outside" he said. Her tone warned me that my husband doesn't want me in the ICU anymore.

I tried to heal my chest, Audrey drove me to the elevator and into the room after that we were in the elevator. I read the Qur'an and treated my illness, and I tried to regulate the emotions that made my illness recur. Should I not be depressed or happy?

Then we got to the ground floor and out of the hospital in the ambulance parking lot my husband lifted me up and put on an oxygen tank.

"Why is his face pale again?" someone asked my husband.

"So, it's best to be treated in a hospital his condition has not recovered." There was the sound of the person giving the advice to Audrey. Some sisters put an ECG cable on my chest, and another gave medication in my infusion bottle.

I tried to think and type on the laptop, but my epileptic aura came.

"Well, is your neck numb and mamah confused again."

"That aura is coming," I complained. I can't talk because of confusion. There's a voice in my mind.

"It's just the aura of epilepsy." I regained consciousness after the confusion. "Well, don't take Mom to the hospital. If suddenly the condition worsens."

His expression turned sad. "Well, if that's what you want."

"I'm afraid I can't get out of my sleep." I don't want to make everyone sad when I'm dying or critical. I want my adoptive father and my birth to recover from his illness.

"Rita, but if you get sick call me or tell the nurse who took care of you at home. Yea?" He told me to open up when I needed something.

"Yes, pah." I can relax because I'm breathing with oxygen again.

His hand held my hand gently. "I beg you, we should adopt a child."

"What's wrong with me?" I asked suspiciously.

"For the sake of Yudi's father and Mr. Ruslan," he begged me to obey his will.

I could hear my adoptive mother's voice from inside the car.

"I beg you to tell me why I, Yudi's father, and my biological father had to get a heart donor and why I coughed up blood and everything. Tell me about the illness we've suffered?"

"I'll try later," she didn't say that she promised to tell me the details of the illness that Yudi's father, biological father, and myself suffered.

But to Audrey I just asked clearly. "What's wrong with us?"

I sat on a special push mattress for the patient to go home. It took four medics pushing her Sister, Audrey, Audrey's partner and the ambulance driver to lift the push mattress to Audrey's house. Audrey didn't talk to me this time, and I opened up the Qur'an so that my illness wouldn't recur, but I was still worried why Audrey would hide the illness I was suffering from. I nearly asphyxiated from being annoyed at Audrey.

It seemed like it would be a waste to hide my grievances and be fine, when Audrey was angry and was hiding something. Audrey took me to our room. I know maybe he doesn't want to break my foster father and my biological promise. I can guess my husband's facial expression when something is hidden.

When I was in bed and holding her hand, Audrey turned around and smiled at me.

"You want me here to accompany you?" tanyakanya.

I replied in an unclear voice. "Yes, please stay here. Don't go."

Which makes me even more upset, when Audrey and I were angry there was an incoming message that I got a debt from my birth mother and my chest hurt when I found out about it, my body was convulsing but not because of epilepsy.

"What's up, Rita?" tanyakanya.

"I am sick, my body is trembling, and sore" I complained. "I don't want to die or be critical in the hospital anymore."

He put the headset on my phone into my ear. I tried to regulate my breathing and the emotions that hit me so that my chest would no longer hurt. Because I need to be healthy to find information about the illness that my adoptive father, my birth, and I experienced. When Audrey took off the doctor's white coat she was wearing, she approached me and patted me on the chest.

My mother lifted me into the room with a basin of hot water in her hand. He compresses my forehead and massages my legs.

I tried to gather words even though my memories were lost. Audrey put a cable in my head that was connected to the laptop. He knew that my speech was starting to slow. Of course, my question was not answered by my mother if I asked. I feel like a fragile glass that needs to be taken care of so as not to crack. Which makes it more labor, why did my real father not tell me his illness and my illness.

Audrey smiled at me. "Try, this robotic device that can make you talk?"

I tried the new laptop that my husband bought me to talk to.

"Well, what happened to Yudi's father, me and my real father?"

They didn't answer my questions at all, and even the nurse and the doctor who were with my husband didn't answer questions that my foster mother didn't answer. I recognized my foster mother when she cried there must be something difficult to talk to me about.

My foster mother massaged my hand. He dried the tears that washed his eyes. His face was so wrinkled from exhaustion.

"Honey, I'm going to the hospital again. Yudi's father needs Mom's help. You're at home with Audrey, yeah!"

"Yes, I'm fine in the same house Audrey has a nurse," I replied. My foster mother came out along with Audrey's partner and ambulance driver. Audrey bribed me with porridge because I could swallow. As soon as the porridge was put in my mouth, I suddenly vomited it. Audrey cleaned my clothes and my face, and then she came out of the room to wait for me to change. Sister closed the door and replaced my clothes, then wiped my body. He put on my clothes and put my veil on. After I finished changing clothes, the nurse left me and went outside the room. Sometimes my illness makes my body weak, but now I feel good and healthy. Is this the effect of me reading the Qur'an or hearing murotals?.

They checked me out with morphine, a drug that should not be used for people who are in a baby tube program.A nurse sucked the drug with a syringe in a bottle of morphine. Since no one had complied with my desire to have children, I decided there was no need to give morphine, ativan, and heart medication. When the nurse was about to put the medicine into the infusion, I shook my head and raised my hand slowly so that the nurse or nurse would obey my orders. The nurse looked at the hand code I gave her, and then she threw out the morphine in the syringe. I know morphine drugs can make my body not convulsing anymore, but the most efficacious is the Verse of the Qur'an and the regulation of my emotions.

In the Qur'an it is explained that one is to treat the disease by diligently reading the Qur'an and interspersed with to the doctor, so I read Jonah's letter verse 57 which reads

O people! Indeed, there has come to you a lesson (Quran) from your Lord, a cure for the disease in the breast and guidance and mercy for the believer.

―QS. Jonah [10]: 57

When I read the Qur'an Audrey opened the door of the room and went in to see me, she looked anxious and sad. I recognized the look on his anxious face that he must have known that I didn't want to take medicine. He looked at me sadly.

"Rita, why don't you use morphine? You haven't healed properly."

"I don't want to kill our son with that drug. I want to have a child who is healthy and not disabled like me because of using drugs that make him sick or disabled. You're not angry, are you?" When we spoke there was a note coming in, I opened the phone and the message was from my aunt.

Dear Rita's

The biological father and adoptive father have recovered from the critical. She approved Audrey's proposal to take care of you at home.

From aunt

Thank goodness my father has recovered from criticism. Audrey stroked my head. "You want me to make juice or porridge! I'm gonna go to the kitchen and make you some juice." He kissed my forehead when I nodded.

"How can you say that? You haven't recovered properly."

"I will keep my condition stable. It's there, he says you want to cook."

He looks hesitant. "Are you still shivering?"

"If I shiver, I will call you. I'm not as bad as I used to be." I don't want Audrey to worry because my illness relapses so often, if she's worried that I'm having trouble having offspring.

"What does the juice taste? I'll bring it to lunch."

"Mango flavor without sugar and milk. Please porridge it with soy sauce and egg ceplok ya."

I knew my decision to stop treatment would make my condition worse. My healthy body suddenly shivered. Audrey might be upset that I'm like this, but I have to be strong so she doesn't get angry.

Who would dare to upset him?

My mind was filled with guilty images that made me tremble, feel excessive weakness and aches and made me difficult to breathe.

Astarghfirullah's.

Then Audrey came and helped me stand up. I told Audrey that I was shivering don't force me to take medicine but read me the Qur'an or set a murotal speaker. I don't want to make others anxious. I asked if the obstetrician would come again, but Audrey didn't answer my question. So I learned to stand up slowly, trying not to tremble, and the stress of my illness that further damaged my organs one by one.

"Go on, slow feet." Audrey's voice was soft and considerate. I followed his orders, trying to catch my breath. No matter how many times I gasp for my shortness of breath and heartache, I have to train my legs and hands for heart transplant surgery. I was finally able to calm my heart that was pounding too fast and catch my breath even though I was short of breath. He smiled at me when I could move my limbs.

"I can walk without infusion and oxygen right!" I tried to turn my body towards her and remove the handle on the walker. Audrey grabbed me quickly.

"I can do it, without walker." I reassured Audrey with my unbalanced and limp body. Audrey held onto my waist and fumbled my forehead.

I held her face with my thin, trembling hands. Well, it's actually pretty hard to move my hand. It's not easy to stay calm because the illness I'm suffering from makes me shiver or worry excessively.

"Audrey, can I talk to you for a second. It's about your wife and the pregnancy program she's running." The obstetrician spoke at the door with Audrey.

Audrey helped me up and put me in a wheelchair.

"Attent, yeah. I'll be here soon. We'll just talk outside." Audrey out of the room. I read the Qur'an waiting for my husband to go to his room. A few hours later, he went to his room and the gynecologist came.

"I'll take you to bed." Audrey lifted me up and put me to bed.  The doctor put hormone drugs into my body, and took blood on my hand. The obstetrician examined my uterus with an ultrasound. She smiled at me and said that my eggs were good and I was fertile.

"Is this the last stage, doc?" my many. "This is still stage three or four dear. We should check your uterus often and the condition of your heart, lungs, and nerves. So that we can continue to the next stage. "Don't stop the baby tube program, I promise I'll stay healthy" I said and couldn't stand the tears.

"If that's what you need, I won't force you to take any more drugs." He spoke in a harsh tone as if I had said goodbye and would never see him again. "But I will try for therapy so that the next process can run smoothly. And you could have a baby tube. Don't think of anything, your health hasn't recovered."

Then the nurse who took care of me came and brought me food and drink. I don't know if I'm still vomiting or not. I turned my eyes to the side, hoping that my husband would not get angry and tell me about the illness I was suffering from. The gynecologist smiled at me, she is young and married. Her face was like a goddess that gave me the spirit of life. Although he was young but he thought carefully about something he should do the responsibility of his wife and an obstetrician, different from me who was still a child. I have no intention of making the obstetrician feel guilty for the request I made. Luckily I don't have convulsions like last week or last month.

"If your heart still hurts, please call me to postpone the baby tube program. I'm willing to wait for Miss Rita to recover," Audrey's colleague spoke attentively to me. "Did your chest not hurt?"

"I've improved a bit" I said, hopefully tonight I don't have a relapse of my illness because of the effects of hormone drugs that make my heart pump blood too fast. He read the pad Audrey gave me about the X-ray of my heart and lungs.

"your X-ray isn't too severe and has improved." Is your chest still hurting? Audrey said, you haven't recovered a hundred percent." He checked the results of the USG he had just checked. The USG monitor showed nothing wrong with my uterus.

"Thank God, I can have offspring. Do I have a serious illness?" I asked while stroking my stomach. The gynecologist's wiggly fingers touched my eyes and he saw my eyeball with a flashlight.

"Do you like sudden convulsions?" tanyakanya.

"only a certain time." These seizures were different from the seizures I had as a child or at 18 years old. I was in a coma for eight days, my adoptive mother said.

Audrey still looked depressed because of me being careless, and she held my thin, limp hands. He kissed my hand. I'm still mad at him.

"You should be happy to have a faithful husband, Miss Rita. He always goes to my office to give you a baby tube break so you can make a full recovery from your illness. But I refused because a heart sufferer could die at any time if I injected hormone drugs into his body."

"Can the doctor continue the baby tube program?" I asked, thinking about why I shouldn't have children and tube baby programs.

"I'll leave you with Audrey. I have business in the hospital." The doctor left us both. I looked at Audrey. "Thank you for the help." I set the murotal again and closed my eyes.

"Audrey, if this is fatal for your wife, stop the baby tube process immediately." I don't know what Audrey was talking about with her partner. I was busy regulating my emotions, my chest hurt again and I put on a ventilator with trembling hands. The quiet sound of murotal relaxes me, and the verse is about the letter of the chair.

Not for a minute, I was suddenly short of breath. I opened my mouth to breathe, trying to breathe oxygen.

Audrey held my hand. "We're going to the hospital. My partner is still here. He's got a car" Audrey said anxiously.

"Miss Rita, we're going to the hospital. Audrey will accompany you in my car." The obstetrician chimed in on my husband's words. "Your condition is weakening now."

"No, I can hold it. Now the pain has begun to disappear" I said weakly and brickly.

"Alright, if you can go through a critical period." The gynecologist came out of the room. I see it faintly in my eyes. I tried to open the oxygen mask and breathe without the aid of a device.

"Audrey please don't worry about me." I stood on my stiff legs and tried to sit in an electric wheelchair. Too soon I fell, and Audrey caught me and put me in a wheelchair. He looks sad.

"I'm fine, it's just a matter of foot drop." I reassured again. My feet are hard on movement. Stiff as if something was wrong in my spinal cord or my brain nerves. There's no need to tell her that my unmoving legs and blurred eyes have anything to do with my heart and nerve disease.

"You don't move much, just recovered from the critical," he gave me advice.

"My feet are like this probably because it's not yet perfect road therapy," I insisted.

"Sounds you're not as bad as you used to be" said Audrey, smiling and soaking my feet in the basin.

"It's because you gave me life expectancy that was nearing death." I smiled at Audrey thanks to her I was not as grim and sad as I used to be in a wheelchair and my biological mother threw me away without mercy.

"Not hurt?" tanyakanya. My husband punched me in the leg to try on my stiff leg nerves. Then he took my hand and made my hand face to face.

"I'll call my co-worker on the nerve to check on you." He took the phone and pressed word for word and sent it to a number I didn't know. Two seconds later Audrey turned to look at me in a wheelchair and looked at me with a sad look, like a person struck by lightning in broad daylight. I see it as if there's something.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? I why?" i'm whispering. He didn't notice me, and Audrey carried me and put me in bed. He put me on an oxygen mask. While I was sleeping, the neurologist and the heart went into my room. When did he arrive? maybe I'm listening to murotal.

"You're going to the hospital tomorrow for therapy, chest X-rays, head, and marrow removal. Now my partner is gonna put a tub in your hull." He looked at me with annoyance, then left me. His colleagues came out. I almost relapsed. My job is to find out what I suffered as long as I was born. As soon as I read the Qur'an, Audrey and her partner were already wearing surgery suits. Audrey carries a syringe filled with liquid.

"This is not a drug that makes your fertility fail. It's dope and you're not sick of anything." His tone was flat and he still hasn't told me. His gaze was cold. His attitude was not good as underestimating something. Those words make me sad.

"We promised to open up to each other" I reminded him. We kept quiet for a while.

"You don't get sick just from heart and nerve disease."

I was upset and angry, but the anger ended when the heart doctor gave me the dope.

"Audrey you promised me you wouldn't want me to be sad."

"You're being drugged, you better get some sleep." The heart doctor added a dose of anesthetic and I fell asleep. I don't know right now maybe I'm on a tube. But at that time I had not slept well and still opened my eyes.

(The first step that doctors, nurses, or health workers take when inserting the nasogastric tube is to ask Rita to lie on the bed with her head raised or sit on a chair. They will probably ask Rita to bend her head, neck, and body at various angles as they attach tubes through the nostrils, into the esophagus and into the stomach.

These movements help ease the tube into the right position, without causing Rita to feel pain or discomfort. They ask Rita to swallow or drink a small amount of water when the tube reaches the esophagus to help it get easier to Rita's stomach.

Once the nasogastric tube is attached, health workers should immediately take steps to check its placement. For example, they may try to remove fluid from Rita's stomach or they may enter air through a tube, while listening to Rita's stomach using a stethoscope.

To keep the nasogastric tube in place, the doctor will glue it to Rita's face with an adhesive, such as tape. They also reset her position if Rita felt uncomfortable.)

My emotions overflowed after her anaesthetic began to diminish, I held onto a sore chest. "now that's done with the installation of the tube, explain why your friends came home and you took me home?"

He sighed. "You haven't healed yet rest."

"Foster father, biological father and what am I sick with?" my many. I want to know why you wouldn't let me see your real father and pick me up for a second."

"Do you still want to argue with your unstable condition?" ask with ketus. Then everything I was looking for on the laptop just came out.

"I want to explain why I can't have children, take hormone medications, and why my surgery was delayed along with Yudi's father. So don't suspect that I know I have three illnesses. Lungs, heart and brain, and I knew about my adoptive father's and my biological diseases. " I could have been critical again because of my nagging, but at that time there was no sense of anything. I was so stressed that I couldn't control my emotions and tears started to drip down my cheeks.

The heart doctor nodded. But when my husband wanted to calm me down by telling me what happened, the neurologist said, "pair ECG and EEG so that the results can be known if he relapses again." He attached ECG and EEG to the affected limb.

"Your heart rate is back in trouble. Rest." He laid me down slowly. It was like a sentence that made me dissatisfied with my illness. Audrey's not honest. I took a breath and held his hand.

"Don't force your mind to work too hard, you've got heart and nerve disease." His voice sounded commanding now.

"I promise to be healthy if you're honest and I promise to keep my heart beating." I said it quietly and in a raucous voice. Control my emotions so that my heart doesn't beat fast.

His face looked confused. "You've put yourself in danger and why don't you stop?"

"I don't want to be like a broken glass I'm rigid. It's also for the sake of all of us and for your sake" I urged. "And that secret you're hiding will calm me down if you're being frank with me."

"Can't you sleep and wait for tomorrow for therapy?"

"I will sleep and obey your will." I held back my anger and waited for him to speak. I'll keep looking. Let it. Today I'm going to open my laptop.

"You still want to look for him and not give up at all?"

"No."

"Then ... you hope to cancel the tube baby program you're running."

We were silent and not looking at each other. I'm the one who worries him. Because I already know my illness one by one but do not understand the term disease that attacks my organs with a lot of it what?

My husband's medical partner left us both alone. Audrey checked the ECG which kept on sounding incoherent. He hugged me and cried. It was like he said I was going to have a child but my situation got messed up.

"Why do you want to take care of a disabled me?" much worry. He stopped hugging and now holds my hand.

"There's something I can't tell you why I care about you" she whispered.

Then he siphoned the porridge and put the porridge into the connected tube. Blood out of my nose. I cried and could say nothing more. After the pain in my nose had subsided and the blood in my nose was no longer flowing I lay down.

I turned on the laptop and opened the vidio conversation. It seems like Father Yudi and my real father are wearing tubes on their noses as well. My father cried seeing me and my aunt too.

"It's not your fault, remember Dad and aunt said it was a test." I try to make them not sad because I don't want to see them sad. The clear sky turned grey, sending my memory back to the rain in the hot city of Jakarta.

"What did your husband say, honey?"

"Audrey said it might be stress and vertigo. So on the tube to eat porridge." I let out a breath. My adoptive parents were also saddened by my comatose body.

"Already my adoptive father Yudi and Mamah, I can still breathe."

I turned off Vidio and took a breath. My legs shook without my orders. "Bah, please get close to me." My feet began to twitch their fingers and bend. I hugged tightly to my husband and cried in fear because my legs were suddenly strange. It feels so good to have a caring husband. I lie down and breathe with oxygen, my body jerks unstoppably but not as badly as yesterday.

A whole week in the hospital and only today can I go home it makes me wonder. I was so depressed because my loved ones didn't want me to go to the hospital and she was trying to hide something from me. I'm sure Audrey's still mad at me if I'm trying to figure out why I can't have children and seizures so often.

As I slept in the bed, Audrey finally spoke a few words to me.

"Rita, you need to rest. You're still not healed right." He kissed my forehead."

I feel guilty. "I'm sorry for making you anxious like this."

"I'm a little stressed, because I haven't gotten a blood donor for your heart and nerve surgery."

I woke up hugging my husband with my thin body. Audrey stroked my back slowly. I've never been this happy. Audrey took the syringe and inserted the pulp into the syringe and then inserted the pulp into the tube. I have to keep Audrey from stressing. He glanced at me and I stood towards the television room with my walker. I smiled as I gestured for my husband to go to the television room. And he followed me while holding my back and delivering me to the television room.

O God do not make me weak, I want to make my husband happy. I thought, asking God to extend my life. I don't want Audrey to be sad when she sees me as weak, she's the only one that keeps me alive with a disease that makes me a weak person every day.

Before I sat down, Audrey lifted me up and put me on the couch, then she spread the blanket over me. I sat down but the convulsions appeared. Audrey stroked my back carefully. Audrey took herbal remedies for heart and epilepsy. I don't know when I can walk normally and go to the supermarket with my husband with my big belly. Either another month or two months the baby tube process will be completed. What is clear is that today I am still wondering why I have three organs that are damaged and make me disabled cannot walk normally. My husband gave me herbs in my infusion, it made me sleep well on the sofa with him.

It was my first night at home with my husband and my mind was still focused on why was I getting weaker? Why can I go home? For as long as I know, that thought kept me curious until now.