The Master's Lecture Note
Chapter 19 Final Defense

Today I reached Hat Yai after a week at home even though my condition has not healed properly but he can recognize me and the guard who took care of him, I don't care about the defense that will be implemented less than two days ahead and still often think Abah.

Even so I still keep the spirit to pass as soon as possible until the arrival of the final defense time, again I became the first to test in the morning, in the morning, only then the afternoon was Mas Saiful and Mbak Koming alternated for the exam and the afternoon FON had prepared us for the farewall party for the breakup.

With all the preparations in place I stepped into the courtroom, four teachers and one Advance Practice Nurse (APN) from songklanagarin already charged me inside, I also sat in the chair right in the middle of the teaching of the four for a while preparing a presentation because exactly at 09:00 the trial will begin.

After the preparation was finished Ajarn Chin invited me to a presentation for 20 minutes, indeed I was a little nervous this time because of the mixed thoughts were not good but I still tried to calm down and present the results of my studies, he said, one by one FON students come to provide support.

After the presentation was finished the examiner board began to give questions, began to trivial questions about the title and background of the problem, at first it did not matter to me, he said, but if you think this is the final defense exam why again ask the initial chapter, it should have been included in the methodology, results and discussion because my proposal has passed, but I keep asking questions from each of the testers.

They began to ask each other about my studies ranging from the form of self management that I applied to patients with type two diabetes to the development of questionnaires that I used, he said, because I developed a self-management program for heart disease prevention, especially in type two diabetes patients. The complexity of the variables and programs that I researched raises many basic questions that have actually been discussed in the previous exam.

Ajarn Chin as an advisor can only be silent because the examiner is a very experienced senior-senior, I tried to answer as much as I could but did not satisfy them to assume that my thesis is weak in the study of literature and program development for a long time we discussed up to three hours and finally my thesis still needs to be discussed again.

Ajarn Nai and Ajarn Chin tried to mediate if my thesis was good but we need to sit together again to equalize the perception for better study results, I just fell silent, I just fell silent, without teaching, I already know that today's exam failed because they are also educators but I do not accept it because this decision is a unilateral decision they did not follow my research journey so far and giving the assumption that I thought I had denied at the beginning, I just silently stared no longer listen to their rant until the final defense was finished.

After the exam was over I went straight to the exit, ignoring the photo ritual after defense, I went to the walking dorm, I cried, I hate that under these circumstances, I see that the side of the room is silent because I just silently stare, angry, sad, hate mixed in my head, I send a message to Mas Saiful.

“Mas I'm sorry can't see your final defense yes, I'm tired.”

I cried even more so - I hated all those who had wasted my sacrifice all this time because I had remodeled my studies according to their wishes but until now still did not satisfy him let alone the conditions abah has not recovered, I want to go home and not think about what happened today.

After that I fell asleep and woke up there was someone knocking on the door of the room.

“Dan, open the door.”

“ Lu cry yes, cemen lu”

This time I can't accept him talking like that

“Ngapain you come here Mas, go home there do not bother me.”

“Patience boss, gini I know you are sad as well as our fate I will also have a self-consultation also am testers but relax just finished it does not need anything to think of”

“ You know I came here equally? Ajarn Chin invite us out now he wants to treat us.”

“ Mas you still think so, so I don't want me to hate also ama him now.”

This time I delivered in a high tone until Pras who also just came could only be silent, hearing that Mas Saiful instead snapped back.

“ Not that you used to always tell me that I should be excited for college, what with you like this will finish college? Let's answer! Udah you quickly shower ajarn already wait under us depart now, after this game is finished I guarantee.”

As Saiful left me, I sighed while standing on the balcony enjoying the airflow and the PSU lake, from there I realized that it was true that Mas Saiful said this was the peak of the game if I was selfish and did not finish this all then I was more of a loser than Mas Saiful, finally I decided to rush to the bath and go down to meet the teacher.

Ajarn treat us in the Muslim buffet and give understanding if the test was only clarifying what we have done today, the process that has been passed can actually be said to be completed only faculty want the thesis standard to be improved again, international publications have become mandatory for graduation requirements.

After that in the evening we go directly to FON building one to attend the farewell party event with the other terman-friends who have prepared the event, my anger subsided and felt that everything here gave me happiness and had to fight so hard but that was the process of struggle that had to be passed if we could not survive with it all then we I will never feel the sweetness of effort.