The Passion of Love of the Model
Chapter 19

"Which feeling doesn't break when I see you with someone else, but this is how I look after you and love you"

rafael Aditya Al - Malik

Know the heart that is not easy for the mind to guess. When it comes to feelings, the mind and the heart are very different. If in the oral and the mind is able to say yes then it will be different if in the heart. The heart will not be easily lied to by words. Oral can lie, but the heart cannot be lied to. As with feelings, thoughts and speech will easily make up for feelings but the heart will feel otherwise.

The effort of expression of the heart itself will be easily read from the look of our faces. Is that right? That's one hundred percent right.

How did Rafael Aditya Al Malik feel when he saw the girl he loved in someone else's arms?

It hurts, that's what he feels for sure. Even if this is what his mind wants. But his heart felt smashed by an iron jab many times over. Although not bleeding but looks painful.

Rafael Pov's

Life is not all about winning. Sometimes life is about defeat. Not everything about life can be fulfilled by desire and not everything you want can be fulfilled by your life. Sometimes life is inversely proportional to your will. And your life is not about your imagination but Reality.

That is the meaning of my version of life. If the version of life in others life is a victory but different from myself. My version of life is about defeat. Defeat is not about having everything but giving up to keep what you have. And this is my defeat for my love all along. Defeat from the love I've held so far. Defeat of the love I wanted all along.

And this is the defeat of my love that happened today..

Me, I did ask her to find another love. Looking for a man who can love him. The man who was my substitute. And a man who can protect her.

I ask him not without cause. But everyone has their reasons. Yes, I asked her to find another man because I wanted to protect her from the hands of someone who was after her. Who else wouldn't be Kevin. A cunning man who is after Kirani's body.

But why is this feeling so painful when you see him hugging another man?

Why does this heart hurt when you chose it yourself with that man?

Why do you get sick when you want this yourself?

Why Rafael Aditya Al Malik!?

Don't you want this to happen yourself?

Your eyes can lie, but your heart can't lie!

Right now, I am standing at the door of his room. Watching himself accept the love of another man.

Watching himself fight with other men. My heart felt torn to shreds like a flask of a knife that tore it apart. My tears drip instantly from my eyes. My whole body was heating up watching everything.

I still see her lip-tingling with the man of my choice. Like a pervading pleasure in every feeling they have.

I still settled to stand looking at her who was having a lip fight with the man of my choice. I saw from the window room that he and the man deeply absorbed the pleasure in their every feeling. Like an unparalleled pleasure.

At first glance I saw Kirani's eyes glancing at me and turned her away and wrapped her hands behind Reihan's head. I looked at Kirani who was doing it smartly. As if he really wanted that.

My heart asked softly 'Is this what you want Ran? Have you fixed your choice of feelings on Reihan?'

Is this a sign for me to leave?

I still keep staring at them. Until I couldn't stand it anymore when Reihan brought Kirani's body to the sofa. I can no longer see their activities. My heart is sulking and boiling. My mind was screaming to ask me to leave. I wanted to keep seeing them but my footsteps forced me to leave.

I also walked away from her room. Running away somewhere this step leads him. I drove my car at high speed.

And take me to the place where my memories and hers are imprinted.

The night is silent and my heart is broken. The mellow song. The full moon is shining brightly. And the roosting star accompanied the moon.

Tonight, I'm back alone. Sitting under my bed. I stared blankly at the ceiling of my room. I saw a dim light shining down on me. Implies the meaning of the hardness of my heart. Then slowly my eyes look at the frames of my picture and him. A picture of me and her sweet perched in an embrace.

I saw that smile spread beautifully but my gaze returned to what happened this afternoon that I saw. The backup where I saw her making out with another guy right in front of my eyes. My heart is back heating up. My mind and conscience screamed again. My breath is roaring incoherent. It all feels crowded. My head is beating unbecoming.

"Stop Rafael! Stop that!"

"He's happy Rafael!"

"This is your choice! Why do you feel like it!"

"Make your mind off Rafael Aditya Al Malik!"

Buag! Buahgh!

I hit my head many times. Trying to get over it but all of it was spinning in my head. I took a vase of flowers at the table near my bed. He hit it many times in my head. No matter the red liquid dripping on the temples of my head.

When I was hitting a flower vase on my head, I heard a sintiya sound and I shouted to me. Ah, it turns out that Sintiya was me entering my room.

"Sister! Stop it enough!"

Sintiya ran towards me. Hugged myself and took the vase of flowers in my hand. Throw it far away.

"So why the hell do this again! Stop hurting yourself!" sintiya yelled at me for the actions I took.

"What do you love about yourself?"ask him to me

How could I love myself if I had been depraved by a girl I loved Sintiya. My inner self answers Sintiya's question

"Lay of blood on the temple of the sister's head. If you lose blood and die how!? Can't you think of that!" sintiya continued to scold me

My eyes were blankly staring at my screaming sister crying in front of me. My hands can only wipe her tears that have hatched.

"You don't have to worry about losing your brother deck. Even though you lost me, you still have a place to love." I said softly to him.

Sintiya locked my lips with her index finger, "Hust kakk can't say that! I never want to lose my sister! I still want to live happily with my sister instead of the others!"

"So now let's treat big brother's head first! Before the blood flowed!" sintiya continued, pulling my hand to stand up.

I still don't want to stand up, "Leave me alone sintiya."

"Wouldn't! Brother must be treated first!" refuse it strictly on my orders

"I want to be alone Sintiya! So go!" my orders drove out Sintiya with cold, firm words

Sintiya looked at me with a sad look. He walked over and looked at me for a moment.

"Well if it wants a sister. Brother remember that you still have me and I will always be there for you, "sintiya said before exiting to close the door to my room

Brak!

The door closed and I felt empty again.

Ah this is what feels empty and the pain of that?

Over time my eyes blurred. And I started to close my eyes. Don't know what happened after this.

What happened to Rafael?

And how does the love story of Kirani and Reihan continue?

Can Rafael survive without Kirani?

Look forward to the next chapter~^^