Those Who Want My Body
Black Shadow

The cry of Shahdan resuscitated me from the memories of my past. I hugged him tightly, to calm him down. I took him out of the barn.

"It's all your fault." Madam Mala shouted while pointing her index finger at me.

"Sorry mbak. I'm not keeping Shahdan properly."

Madam Mala still nyerocos, nagging.

"You will not understand how worried mbak when Syahdan disappeared earlier. How can you understand, you just don't bec*s to have kids."

Deg. Mala's words pierced my chest.

"You're bod*h or how, ever health school but having kids just can't."

Incision by incision Mala's words felt sore in my chest.

I don't feel like I shed tears. Explaining is useless. I chose to go to the room, leaving them in the living room.

Who in this world does not want children. What if I ever went to health school? I am also an ordinary human being, who can only hope and plan. And Allah is the All-Willing.

"No need to put to heart the words of Mala." Anwar hugged me from behind.

I did not answer, my tears were flowing more and more.

After that incident, Mala was more silent. I don't know what he's thinking, maybe still holding my temper or maybe feeling guilty for what he told me.

Feel guilty? It seems like it's just my imagination. In fact, before this too often his words hurt me, but not a single word of forgiveness was thrown from him without feeling guilty in the slightest.

A month passed after the incident, during that time I kept running messages from Mr. Amar. I feel confused about what's happening now. I don't know why I still feel 'they' are around me.

Of course the woman who likes Anwar mas sometimes shows himself, he always interfered in my dreams. It seems that at this moment he can only come to see me through a dream.

It's just that for now there's something new. I often see black shadows flashing. His tall body wore a wide robe and covered his legs. Every time he showed himself, my body felt weak. Even my legs can't hold my body weight.

"Are you okay Aish?"

"I'm okay, brother. Only my knees feel so limp."

"Geez, let's get up. Do you want to see a doctor?"

"No need brother. I'm okay." I showed a forced smile.

I feel so upset. What am I supposed to do? Why does he always come and make me like this. My eyes glazed over, my hands squeezing my other hand.

***

When I was in Junior High, I had a school trip to Bogor. The series of events is quite a lot, one of which is camping.

The thing to do when you get to the campground is to set up a tent, then look for firewood for the campfire at midnight.

Instead of looking for firewood, I was lost. At that moment I saw a black shadow, it seemed like he wanted me to follow him. I was getting into the forest, far away from where I stood before.

The black shadow stopped in front of an enormous mango tree. He pointed towards the tree, after which he disappeared.

I tried to get close to the mango tree. I saw something stuck in the middle of the tree. Because I was curious, I pulled the thing. After I got it, it turned out to be a very small keris, the size of my index finger.

"Aishwa."

Someone called out to me, by reflex I turned my face towards the source of the sound. When I looked, I was suddenly behind the tent.

"What are you doing here, let's bring your firewood. The bonfire will start."

Is this just my hallucination? No. gabe. It´s real. Because I'm holding that keris.