Travel Stories
The Whole Exposure

"Kay, every beginning must end..."

I don't want to change position. That soft voice of persuasion similar to my voice couldn't force it.

"As life is certain to die, sorrow and anger are bound to cease. We exist as part of you, Kay, and when you deny your feelings and passions, you reject yourself..."

"DIAAAM!!!"

I buried my head deeper into the folded legs. I didn't listen to anything. The knowledge of the Aluamah provides a very painful enlightenment.

"Whenever you reject it, those feelings will never go away, Kay. This knowledge is yours. We're just showing you what you've been denying all along..."

The pain in my mind was no longer able to endure when I realized all the words were true, and deep down, I did realize that there was still so much denial about the departure of my parents.

The anger that I can not muffle at the Father who punishes himself in such a way that death picks up, the fear of losing the mother who never could subside, the fear of living my own life raging and I can not eliminate.

The consciousness that sprinkled out from the bottom of the heart was extremely painful...

"Try lifting your head, Kay... Life always leaves beauty to those who seek it..."

As powerful as I try to appease sedu that continues to shake. I realize, no matter how painful, the reality will never change. It is not the guilt of the Mother or the sorrow of the Father that holds and binds their spirits in the earth of men, but I, with the various smallness of thought patterns, selfishness and fear that I have.

"Love and compassion are very strong feelings, Kay. But when you can't control it, they'll prey on you even when you're still breathing. My name is Supiah, Kay. Look for and say my name when love confuses you..."

*****************

The light drifted in through the sidelines of the roof of the grass that was forcefully scattered, resuscitating me from the trance conditions I experienced. Apparently this cottage was not able to survive well when the orgies of the forces of nature partied as long as I was immersed in meditation. The table and chairs in the middle of the room seemed to be torn apart by raging elephants and almost all parts of the hut board wall that was previously beautiful and slick, looked so pitiful.

Lunglai and powerless, I forced a step to see what conditions were outside. Recalling the previous incident, for a moment my steps came to a halt in front of the door of the cottage, half expecting a voice to stop me as before, yet only the howl of the wind was heard, muttering softly in a worried tone.

"Hmmm, you're not here apparently, Rite?"

Sepi, the question that was thrown in my mind passed in silence. There seems to be no problem getting out of this cabin right now. The sight that greeted me was very surprising.

All the beauty of the neatly arranged landscape, which had previously made me laugh and wanted to stay longer, turned into a bush. The sand-based pond that previously complemented the beauty, it turned out to be just a bad pond with mossy stones that were not maintained. My chest lifted in a heavy breath.

I didn't even feel the need to see the name engraved on the head of the old tombstone. I guess I can guess who's lying here.

I breathed back heavily as I slowly began to pick up every item scattered in the tomb, and left. Various thoughts and conjectures appear like tangled threads, forcing and demanding answers, which I do not know what the explanation is.

*Is all this just a dream???

Was I stranded in a place like this?

Who is Arborite?

What is the use of the pain and confusion of feelings I have experienced in recent times?

What should I do*???

I ignore all the questions that are getting louder and more demanding in my mind. I just stepped in to follow my feelings and what my heart said, without even trying to think. It was just that, slowly, a new wholeness and steadiness appeared within, as if constantly whispering comforting and soothing words..

"Life isn't as intentional as you thought it was, Kay. Everything will be fine from now on..

We will be with you until the end of time..."

And without realizing it, my smile slowly grew.

"Thank you, Arborite, wherever you are right now. The lessons and knowledge you give me, I'll use them well. If that's all that's keeping you here, go home now. I'll try until the breath stops shaking my chest..."

And out of nowhere, a face of a person appears behind the mind, looming in the form of distorted delusions. His face that looked so tired, was smiling in apparent joy.

"Don't be arrogant, boy... Let's see how useless a cockroach like you will be able to last how long. Don't die too soon, I don't want to go back to this place in just 3 days after being allowed to go home like this..."

I laughed out loud. I didn't find the usual sharp and defensive tone. It seems that Arborite is just happy to be able to go home, finally. A prayer I said in my heart accompanies her slowly unraveling existence, melting in the beauty of the morning light and the wind that caresses nature, when the whisper is heard slowly, slowly, as if it came from a very distant place.

"Bring that girl with you, Kay, your destiny is intertwined in a complicated bond... And thank you, I hope we don't have to meet anytime soon. Thank you, Kay..."

Goodbye, Arborite...