Always Gonna Be You
22. "Sorry, For Being Rude"

From behind Rendra's back he seemed to be able to see the shadow of Dio's figure very clearly, who was now picking books on the shelf, then read them at the study table. That's right, Dio. Calm, always smiling, fun.

Dio, so sorry, you deserve to be happy. Hope you quickly find someone who has been looking for.

After that, Rendra's attitude did not change. Stay cheerful, stay crowded, keep treating it as sweet as possible as long as they go around the city of Bandung. But Rendra's impulsive attitude is clearly very disturbing, even up to a few days later after they returned to normal activities like ordinary days in Jogja.

If he used to have Mala as a problem solved, now he must be satisfied just friends with the search engine. Trying to figure out what's really going on.

'What makes a husband jealous?'

'What is jealousy?'

'Why is my husband jealous?'

'Is it normal for a husband to be jealous of an ex?'

'What should a wife do when a husband is jealous?'

But the answers he got were too standard and normative, less than satisfactory. Until this afternoon when almost all the children in the office gathered in the pantry located on the second floor, enjoying lunch on the sidelines of a short break, which was not so long, it was as if he had found a hidden answer.

"Gue again gedeg very same as me," grumbled Erra on the sidelines enjoying sgpc (sego pecel).

"Why?" Rinda who was sitting next to Erra responded.

"For a long time to make a decision."

"Ah, that's a small one. Kirain slengki."

"Did, amit-amit!" Erra shook the table three times feelingfully. "If he dares to slengki, I'll kick it all the way."

"Well, that's dong ngegas, I like," Lika always chimed in.

"Yes time to buy a house or do not have to think for a long time!" grumble Erra again. "Hooing people in the house. Come on, where's murce again. Hadeh, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about!"

"Lo's got a consideration next time."

"Fight what! He has always been so, so long if you make a decision. Slow down! Come on, fuck me!"

"Cyla's boyfriend Cyara went to school. Hunting is not home. Contract continues!"

"Eh, yes really, the school is now very expensive," Lika confirmed. "Lo knew Pre school had that former official?"

"That's in ....," Rinda calls the address of an elite housing estate located in the heart of Jogja.

"Yes there. Hadh, crazy, dp in for a car. Not yet the money. Give me up when it comes to school for kids."

"Well, how expensive is that?"

"Hmm, don't believe it. Eleven twelve identical international Kinderganten there tuh..," while calling the address is no less prestigious.

"Well, how are you quiet?" Erra called him who was engrossed reading an article about 'how to cope with a jealous husband.'

"Oh, hehe." he grimaced.

"The numbers are relaxed. Yes, no, Nggi?" seloroh Rinda's. "Laki lo sultan. It's a matter of cost."

"Hmm, how lucky you are Nggi," Erra laughed. "My childhood was lacking in parental affection. Not close to parents. Finally left a wound that was laughing until now. The effect becomes longaaaa every decision made. Be present!" Erra bobbing head.

Making him frown, "Indeed there is a relationship between lack of parental affection as long as you take a decision?"

"Yes there," sambar Erra. "Especially my man blas not close to his father. Hmm, the wound is getting deeper. Stored on the subconscious until this old age. So hesitant each want to make a decision, not deft, too many self-created worries, less dare to move. Present, how dong way let my man gercep. It really needs our home. Contract every year just like burning money."

"Ah, not really," said Lika. "My feet also as a child his life is concerned, difficult, same parents there is no closeness let alone warmth. But my guy just gercep gercep. Every decision to make is a bad decision."

"But your man wants a lot, hayo," Erra sneered. Makes Lika laugh.

"Yes too" Lika's eyes glared. "My legs every meal should be freshly cooked still hot mengepulin smoke. If not, don't eat him. Forgive."

"Sades," Rinda bobbles head.

"I also never want to help the household. Cuek abis, want me hassles in the kitchen cake, ribet same nangis cake child, he's aja plate in front of the lepi," added Lika.

"Not the guy who comes from the area of the famous man you do not want to help the household work, Lik?" ask Rinda curiously. "Is that really the stigma? Guys who come from area A (calling the name of the tribe and the area of origin of Lika's husband), certainly will not want to go down to the kitchen help the wife."

"If in my case it means there is really a stigma that Rin," Lika nodded in agreement. "I'm proving my man."

"If my man took the same decision to really help with the work of the house if the mbok again returned home," now Rinda's turn to look up. "My guy's too royal as his extended family. Very wasteful can spend half the salary just for his sibling hedon that sambreng. Duh!"

He listened to Erra, Rinda, and Lika's curses while also glaring, though his eyes were fixed on the mobile screen displaying the article, 'Parental parenting and its effect on the child as an adult.'

"If you have a man?"

"What?" he was shocked because he was busy reading articles about the correlation of parenting with child behavior as an adult.

Rinda, Erra, and Lika looked at him curiously.

"Laki lo looks sweet that always open the car door for you," said Rinda with a mupeng face.

He had to sigh before saying, "Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. My husband does too" she said with a smile. Trying to be diplomatic.

Because there is no way he said, 'My husband dong is a cook, wants to wash his own dishes, will help me every more hassles, often giving flowers, firmly, really, really man,' which incidentally is inversely proportional to the character of her friends' husbands. That name has no tepa slira, no empathy, can not feel the feelings of others, aka songong.

Or it is impossible also he said at length, 'My husband has a bad past, the impact now, if the emotions like uncontrolled, including jealousy of the ex who is not wrong. Hmm, this is the name too bucket until it opens its own disgrace.

"Well, actually said Anggi," the voice of Bu Ningtyas who had been sitting quietly in front of the laptop made the four of them turn their heads.

"You guys rest instead of being used properly even ghibahin husband himself," continued Ms. Ningtyas while closing the laptop.

"You were married on your own accord, right? Own choice? Not force?"

The four of them spontaneously nodded.

"Well, enjoy the full package dong. There are advantages, there are disadvantages. Our husband is not an angel either."

"Indeed if we know the lack of a husband, can be exchanged added the other? Don't you?"

"Udahlah. You are adults, you can be responsible for your own choices. Patience and gratitude, that's the key."

"Every household and couple has their own tests."

"Something is tested by infidelity, KDRT, economic problems, incompatibility, loss of love. A lot of things."

"There is a good husband, but his in-laws are a shame. There are good husbands, good in-laws, but material difficulties. There's all good, it's the neighbors who act."

"Or there are difficult to have children but abundant material. There are also those that give birth easily but the economy is suffocating."

"In life there must be a test. School has exams, right? And different tests. We are adapted to our abilities. Just trust me."

"Well, if you're patient and grateful, the next point is take it or leave it."

"You're willing, go. Unable to, let go. As simple as that," said Bu Ningtyas calmly as he sauntered out of the pantry.

Making the four of them mutter to each other. Because according to rumors circulating in the office, the husband of Bu Ningtyas who is an ASN must be demoted and fired with disrespect because he was caught cheating with his own staff. Miris.

Now Bu Ningtyas' husband switched professions to become an Online Taxi driver, which was certainly much different from Bu Ningtyas' position as Operational Manager. Amazingly, they are still together, not divorced.

Well, that's how life is, it's money. We as outsiders can only see and judge, without knowing what is really going on. Something that we think is bad, not necessarily make suffering for those who experience. Vice versa, something that we consider good, not necessarily happy for those who experience.

"Yes, let's discuss both. There's no way, anyway" suggested Rinda after Ms. Ningtyas passed.

"Huh, it's too bad to talk to me. Udah until foaming I love this discourse ina inu. It's slow!" sulk Erra.

"Change the men Ra!" seloroh Alvin is sitting not far from the pantry. "Typical gue gercep loh."

Rinda and Lika laughed, but Erra sneered, "Gue is still sane. Still love my same man."

While he was still pensive, wrinkled after reading articles about wrong parenting and parent-child relationships that are less warm sometimes affect the attitude as an adult. Is Rendra like that too?

Rendra's harsh childhood and past experiences, seeing her beloved Mama live in unhappiness, a relationship with Papa that is even arguably very bad, environmental conditions are not at all supportive.

Fear and insecurity were brought to bear for almost the first 17 years of Rendra's life. Is this the background of lost control Rendra when in Bandung yesterday?

Like an old wound that was unconsciously buried deep at the bottom of a ravine, it would explode if there was a trigger. Is Dio the trigger for Rendra's lost control?

Because Rendra feels threatened? Feel unsafe? Afraid that he would turn back to Dio? Feel competing with all the good and strong characters that Dio has displayed so far? Feeling less loved? Feel unrecognized?

Has the terrible past and relationship with Papa so bad left a big hole in Rendra's heart? Until Rendra grows into a person full of ambition? Emotionally? Always hungry for confession? Never felt enough about what you had?

That's why he has to move on to do something. Until after washing dishes and dinnerware together, he tried to sit on the pantry while glancing, "Abang...."

Rendra who was drying hands with a small towel after washing hands immediately smiled, "Well...right here right now?"

He shook his head, but grabbed Rendra's shoulder to get closer to him. With a higher sitting position, it is very easy to wrap your hands around Rendra's neck. He also ventured to stare at the brown bead that is always moving actively. Make their eyes cling for a while. Both are silent trying to dive into the depths of each other's hearts.

"I love you so much, Brother" he whispered quickly to throw away the shame.

Both eyes Rendra clearly blinked happily, as well as astonished by his straightforward courage.

"I love my brother" he whispered again.

"It's you." he continued later, but this time with heated eyes in order to remember the long journey they have been through to date.

"It's always gonna be you." she said softly with a quivering voice and teary eyes. My God, he just realized how much he loved Rendra. Rendra The Young and Dangerous, Rendra The Rising Star, Rendra who is valued by many people. But also Rendra is full of wounds, Rendra is emotional, Rendra is rigid, hard, childish but always tries to give his best. Rendra....

"For this day.forward...for better...for wise..for richer...for poorer...in sickness or in health..till death do us part.....," he had to bite his lips to hold the tears that were dripping out.

"Till death do us part." whispered Rendra repeating the last sentence with teary eyes.

'As we talk the golden mile

Down the pretty aisle

I know that you are mine

And there's nothing in this world

That I know that I won't do

To be near you everyday

Every hour every minute

Take my hand and let me lead the way

All through your life

I'll be by your side

Till death do us part

I'll be your friend

My love will never end

Till death do us part'

(White Lion, Till Death Do Us Part)

He almost said something else, but Rendra whispered. "Love you too.more than anything...."

"Sorry.for being rude..," Rendra looked at him regretfully. "Please, catch me wherever I fall." continued Rendra again while re-uniting the two of them in a heady and melancholy depth.

He really hopes, his declaration of feelings for Rendra can calm Rendra, can little by little close the hole in Rendra's heart. Makes Rendra feel safe and recognized. No more thirst for confession. It is no longer easy to get emotional. No longer losing control of yourself. Hope so's.

Until some time they are again preoccupied with routine activities. Work, college, chatting, laughing together, doing lots of fun things together. But the wheel of life keeps turning. The calm and happy atmosphere slowly began to turn around.

Like this afternoon, when he was still on campus, was waiting for the second hour of college, when suddenly Rendra called in a hoarse voice, "Honey, later if you go home with a fresh solution."

"Yes Bang."

"Today I go home first, you when you're done go straight home."

"Yes, yes," he was a little surprised why Rendra asked him to come home quickly. In fact, usually Rendra never mind the clock home although he often went home more late.

But after the last hour of college, he got a call from the office, because there is a problem that must be resolved and requires him to come to the office.

Anggi.: 'Abang, sorry, I have to do something in the office.'

Anggi.: 'Solutan I Gosend in aja what Bang?'

Long Rendra did not answer, half an hour later just reply, just reply,

Rendra. : 'Ok.'

Rendra.: 'No need. Wait for you to come home.'

Anggi. : 'Ok.'

At 20:20 he was out of the office. Go directly to the supermarket to buy a solution of freshener order Rendra. And half an hour later he was able to get into the dark apartment.

"Did you?" with the illumination of a line of light coming from a sleeping lamp in the room whose door was open, he tried to feel the wall to look for a light switch.

Not yet managed to turn on the lights, he was shocked by the sound of people vomiting in the bathroom, followed by the loud sound of water flush in the toilet.

"Did you?" he was surprised to see Rendra come out of the bathroom with a wet shirt.

"Why?" he hurriedly placed a supermarket crackle filled with a refreshing solution on the dressing table.

Rendra did not answer, preferring to open the closet door with trembling hands.

"In a moment," he immediately washed his hands in the sink and approached Rendra who was stirring the contents of the closet.

"Abang sat down first" he said, leading Rendra to sit on the bed. She was shocked when she touched Rendra's ice-cold skin, but she hurried back to the closet to pick up a new shirt.

"Will I vomit?" tanyanya wants to make sure. But Rendra still did not answer, only the chapped and white lips continued to tremble like holding a very cold.

With great care he helped Rendra to remove the shirt that had been soaked, then replace it with a new one.

"Want to drink the solution now?"

Rendra nodded.

Deftly he opened the seal of solution, then drank it.

"Have you eaten yet?"

Rendra shook her head, "Stomach pain."

"I made chicken soup."

Again Rendra shook his head, "You're lying down."

He then helped Rendra lay down on the bed, "I used white wood balur ya."

Rendra just nodded weakly.

He began to rub his stomach, chest, back, and soles of his feet with eucalyptus oil. Then it enveloped the large body gently.

"I made you eat first, yes" he whispered in Rendra's ear, but before he could move, Rendra first clasped his hand.

"Here aja. Temenin me."

He smiled as he kissed Rendra's ice-cold cheek, "If that's how I change clothes first."

After changing clothes, he had taken bananas on the pantry, as well as wheat bread and Nutella, and then he put them on the nightstand.

"By eating ya, I'm bribing."

Rendra shook her head slowly.

"Bread or a barbecue?"

Rendra still shook her head, but reached out to grab it. "Here....."

He complied and poured down beside Rendra who was shivering in the cold. Spontaneously he hugged that huge body to give it warmth. His heart melos see the weak state of Rendra who only this first time he experienced.

"What's sick?" whispered while continuing to hug Rendra. Trying to transfer warmth so that Rendra does not feel too cold.

Rendra shook his head, "It's just cold...."

He also hugged the two of them. "What time do you come home?" tanyanya wants to know. Rendra's last call was at two in the afternoon.

Rendra raised his finger to form the number three. But before he responded, Rendra first moved quickly to release the two of them, get out of the blanket and run to the bathroom.

"Hoooog......"

"Hoooog......"

"Hoooog......"

There was a loud sound of Rendra vomiting on top of the toilet. He hurriedly followed Rendra and stroked his back. Trying to relieve and smooth the blood circulation of Rendra.

The sound of a water flush in the toilet marks the end of the vomiting episode somehow for how many times. He slowly pushed Rendra to the bed. Remove the shirt that is back soaked by cold sweat, replace with a new shirt. Then help lay Rendra down on the bed and cover her.

He went to the pantry, but Rendra's hand prevented him, "Where are you going?" whispered Rendra weakly.

"I make sweet tea, yes" he smiled soothingly. Making Rendra let go of his grasp.

After making a cup of warm sweet tea, he fed it to Rendra using a spoon.

"After?"

But Rendra nodded. "Temenin I sleep," whispered Rendra while trying to grab her.

He also said, curled in the chest of Rendra that felt ice cold. While his hands cupped Rendra's cheeks. Trying to channel warmth so that Rendra is not too cold.

I don't know how long he slept, but the stinging heat that suddenly ambushed along the palm of the hand that stuck on Rendra's cheek made him aghast.

"Did you?" frantically touched the back of his hand to Rendra's forehead. Real hot. How much temperature is it?

Well, he patted his forehead irritated, they had not even filled the first aid kit box that was stuck on the wall of the living room with standard first aid equipment. The box practically contained only betadine, wound-cover plaster, alcohol, and but-but oil.

Once again the back of the hand was touched to Rendra's forehead. This time it's getting hotter. With a stroke he took a small basin, filled it with warm water from the dispenser, then took a small towel, and began compressing Rendra's forehead.

Several times he had time to replace the compressed water with a new one to keep warm, to then unconsciously fall asleep next to Rendra.