Always Gonna Be You
37. Going Through The Pain

Rakai

He berated himself because he had been twice in a time and place that was almost as annoying. As already set in motion slow motion, when only half opened the door of the treatment room Rendra, he saw Anggi's body hovering in the air like a piece of paper and almost fell to the floor if only he did not fly immediately to grab it.

He did not know to bring Anggi who was still weak because he had just realized where to make sure things were okay. But the nurse deftly recommended him to immediately bring Anggi to the polystyrene and obstetrics on the lower floor.

"Your wife is exhausted, dehydrated, and bleeding a little" said a middle-aged doctor after examining the condition of Anggi who now looks weak helpless above the examination table.

"Sorry, Doc, just information, if we are not husband and wife," he said quickly while grimacing stiff. If Rendra could hear the words of the doctor just now, he could be slapped all out. Know very well how much the level of Rendra's behavior when it comes to Anggi.

The doctor fixed the location of the glasses while looking at them with a confused look.

"This is my cousin's wife who is now being treated upstairs for having just had an accident" she added.

"Oh," the doctor nodded in understanding. "So now you're acting as a guardian?"

"More or less," obviously, there's no one else.

"good. So look, I recommend patients on hospital, for more intensive treatment."

He nodded in understanding.

"Because in addition to being dehydrated, based on the results of the USG that has just been done, the bleeding that occurs leads to placenta previa."

"What Doc?" he frowned because he did not understand the terms of pregnancy at all.

"Placenta previa is a condition in which the placenta is in the lower part of the uterus. Covering part or all of the birth canal."

He was getting clenched not understanding.

"Patients should rest bed, lie down a lot, do not do heavy activities, and should not have intercourse."

Finally, after lobbying the hospital, Anggi was allowed to be treated in the same room with Rendra. This is certainly a great relief, because he does not have to go back and forth on different floors.

"Son Rakai came home first, let Auntie take care of here," said Mamah who immediately came to the hospital as soon as he told if Anggi should be treated.

"No papa Aunty, here can also rest," he can still sleep on the couch.

Mamah shook her head, "Gantian, from yesterday, Rakai has been going back and forth to take care of Rendra. Now go home first. Rest at home. Tomorrow Adit same Papah already here, can make a change of guard."

***

Rendra

"Ah, asshole!" he was widened while shaking his head did not understand the story of Mas Sada about the behavior of some officials who could not play pretty in handling his mistress. Until it can be used by political opponents including the apparatus for greater interests.

"Those who got the kidnap yesterday kept the kale straight, whose same head tucker?" her question was curious about the case of online prostitution that befell one of A List artists, which some time ago exploded in the media.

Mas Sada shook his head while laughing, "Not just who but what, how much, that's what matters."

He whispered, "Truly, everything can be played."

"Yeah, this is life in the fuel world," Mas Sada let out a long sigh.

From Parangtritis Beach he turned the steering wheel to the left towards the South Cross Road. Continue to move towards Long. Shortly after meeting the T-junction, he took a right, finally arriving at the parking lot of the Gupita paragliding hill.

Now he has been wearing a flying suit, is preparing the main parachute and backup, harness (seating for the aviator), then wearing gloves and helmet.

Not to forget to check the presence of HT (radio communication), Variometer (a tool to measure vertical speed), GPS and Wind Meter (a tool to measure wind speed).

From the runway at the top of the hill he can enjoy the beautiful scenery of the beach, the expanse of rice fields and the houses of the residents. The wind that blows slowly and the warm air and sunny weather become a perfect complement to the afternoon.

Mas Sada first take off, "See you there!"

While he was in third place. With the sound of applause from the visitors on the hill, he began to walk.

Once glanced at the wind meter screen that showed the perfect figure for take off, he then ran down the hill, ran and continued to run until the footrest felt lost. Then the rising air currents made it soar above the altitude.

"Hoooooo!" within seconds he could already scream in relief as the parachute began to inflate in mid-air. Crossing Parangtritis beach to the runway located between Parang Kusumo beach and Depok Beach.

He was enjoying the beauty of nature in the form of a stretch of scenery to the far horizon, across the bluish sea from above the height, while muttering in his heart one day should invite Anggi and Arung to do this phenomenal thing.

His ears even faint-sayup can still hear the festive welcome from the tourists who were along the beach when suddenly the numbers on the wind meter screen moved quickly followed by a gust of very strong wind hit his body made a parachute collapse instantly.

Here he began to worry. His hand kept trying to shake the cable to open the spare parachute. But now it is a very difficult job due to the winding of the canopy and the main parachute. He tries, but always fails.

The horror began to fall. Terror and panic attack suddenly. All the unwanted things happen. He could process nothing but hear the terrified screams of the visitors from the beach.

Everything happened very quickly. His body was circling in the air. Falls from a height of hundreds of meters with a speed of 80 km/h. Striking the sea water that feels as hard as concrete. Bounced and then bounced. Striking again. Then drowned.

Be ill. Maybe he will die too. Right here. In the middle of the ocean. Without loved ones.

His head and mind were extremely difficult to process anything. All that can be remembered is the overflow of guilt emotions. With the shadow of the cheerful face Anggi and Arung who alternately appeared right in front of his eyes.

"Have fun."

"Kukkuk.....Kekeekek...."

He felt death was coming. Everything suddenly stopped functioning and went numb.

Can he see their faces again?

***

Rendra

It was like he was sleeping soundly on the softest mattress with a beautiful dream was chatting with Anggi and Arung in the middle room, when his ears suddenly heard the roar of the screams of the people around him.

"Renra!"

"Renra!"

"Renra!"

It was the voice of Mas Sada and his paragliding friends. I don't know why they were screaming in panic calling out his name. But gradually the voices began to disappear. With his body seemingly floating in the air.

"Thank God....."

"But the falling position is very bad....."

He who was still soundly asleep felt that someone had thrown his body down hard. Until his nose smelled the sharp aroma of drugs, the sound of hissing tools, the sound of a regular machine, and the sound of people who were talking but not too clear.

"Incomplete tools...."

"How long...."

"Trauma and severe injuries....."

"Must be referred......"

He suddenly felt a great pain all over his body. Like a needle piercing everywhere. Even inside the body in an unreachable place. It feels really painful. Making his consciousness drown.

"Ren, let's go....."

That's Mas Sada's voice again. Sounds clear in the ears.

"Don't disappoint the cave...."

"Lu strong..lu can....."

But then his body floated back up, no longer hearing any sound.

Yet again he felt someone had thrown his body from a height. Ruggedly. Strenuous. Be ill.

In his semi-conscious state, he again smelled the pungent smell of drugs. Heard the sound of the machine ringing regularly and a hissing tool that was clearly stuck to his body.

“How long...result?”

“After that?”

“....waiting for the surgeon tonight."

"The procedure is like this...."

“When?”

The faint and delicate voice of a stranger's conversation came to his ears. He had no idea what they were talking about. Is this all related to him?

"Ren...fuck you! How dare you leave this cave!"

He recognized. It's Rakai's voice. Rakai.

"Gua will never forgive you if this is how it is!"

Why is Rakai angry and threatening her but crying?

"Lu must be able to hold! Lu strong! You don't want to leave Anggi a widow, do you?!"

Fucking Rakai! Why bring Anggi and..janda? Whatdoes thatmean?

"Did you?"

The anggi?! What the hell's going on? Why are the Angkis crying too? What the hell has he done? Has he disappointed Anggi? No. gabe. He will never disappoint the heart.

“...infection and complications...."

"Total or partial paralysis....."

".....resikue......"

".....must choose...no....."

He did not understand the meaning of the words thrown at him in a row. He just wanted to get away and leave. Because those words sound so scary. Make him then try hard to eliminate the faint sounds around. Drown him at the bottom of the deepest ocean.

***

Orchids

According to doctors he had Placenta previa, which required him to have bedrest to reduce bleeding.

He did not dare to think of any possibility. Just want to close your eyes for a moment, then wake up from this nightmare, to realize that everything is fine.

He was treated next to Rendra who was still in recovery stage. I can only open my eyes and make a signal. Not able to move head, hands, feet. Even to look sideways at him, Rendra could not. Make her tears fall.

"Istighfar Ndo," so Mamah hugged him. "It's a good thing that Rendra can be conscious."

"Still recovery, later when it's time to heal as usual, too," added Papah trying once to calm down while stroking his head.

All of these events made a 4-month anniversary that was planned to be held at the hotel void.

But at Rakai's initiative, a 4-month joint prayer event was still held in the hospital, inviting Ustadz Dwijayanto. At the same time pray for Rendra, who will undergo a third surgery tomorrow to overcome blood clots that occur due to previous operations.

While the children of ManjoMaju are responsible for handling the distribution of parcels in the form of food and 4 monthly souvernir for neighbors, friends, friends, acquaintances, as well as doctors and nurses who care for them both, patients on the floor where they are treated.

The doctor allowed her to go home after being treated for 5 days. But Rendra still had to be treated intensively in the hospital.

Papah Mamah had to go home, because Papah still had to be in the office. Adit also had to return to Bandung immediately because the schedule of lectures and assignments had been waiting. Now he lives, Arung, Mba Suko, Yu Jum, who shoulder to shoulder divides the time between taking care of Arung and caring for Rendra in the hospital.

Rakai every day saw Rendra in the hospital, but he certainly should not continue to rely on Rakai to ask for help. Because ManjoMaju also has to be taken care of.

Sometimes he asked for help from Amin and his wife if at any time needed. Even Bagus and his sister also did not hesitate to help him. Starting from accompanying Rendra in the hospital when he had to sleep at home because Arung fever, to helping him shop for home needs and other small but meaningful things.

Makes her grateful to be surrounded by good people selflessly.

But the saddest of course is Rendra. Theses that are halfway must be broken. Including the new responsibility he carried two weeks before the accident, which is to become a guest lecturer in product design and development courses & product design and development practices, must be stopped and replaced by others.

"Anything hasn't eaten?" this afternoon after returning from campus he immediately went to the hospital, and found Rendra's dinner rations intact.

"I'm bribing ya?"

But Rendra kept shaking.

Since the awakening after the third operation, Rendra suddenly changed like not the usual Rendra. Being quiet, moody, and expressionless.

Almost unhinged Rendra the young and dangerous who is always full of confidence, cheerful, sepik devil, often teasing him, always optimistic and tough never give up.

Now Rendra has turned into someone else. Being Rendra that is inversely proportional 180 degrees compared to the previous Rendra. He really doesn't understand.

Though Rendra can already sit alone, it can move both hands even though it must be very slow and careful. There has been a lot of improvement compared to the first time the operation can even only move the eyeball.

"Abang knows....Arung wants 9 months. It's good crawling. Sometimes they even stand on their own. But it still falls anyway," every day he always brings new news about Arung. Latest photo. Funny videos.

But it makes Rendra's face turn moody and sad. Once even Rendra to tears when he showed a video of Arung who was eating alone on the high chair. Blow it up to the tables. The video that he thinks is funny but seems very sad for Rendra.

"I want to see you smile again" he whispered, hugging Rendra's back in a wheelchair. Because he was no longer able to see the face of Rendra who was always flat without expression, making his heart feel like slashed.

"It must be healed" he continued, holding back tears. "Later on my second birth, Brother who ran to the hospital just as waiting for me huh. Exactly like the time of Arung same Rimba first."

Words that make them cry together.

"Why are you crying??" gerutu interrupted sobbing. "Crying is my trade mark" he continued with tears. "Don't take my trade mark dong Bang."

Rendra just looked down while holding her hand deeply, "So sorry.so sorry....."

"Why apologize," he tightened his arms, while hiding his face around Rendra's neck. "It's not your fault, brother. We can go through it together...."

***

Rendra

This is the 23rd day he became a helpless patient in the hospital.

It's sad, isn't it?

Every day should see Anggi smile that although still experiencing spots due to Placenta previa, but still able to move with high intensity. Work, college, take care of Arung, while taking care of himself. Damned!

He is not the type of man who regrets his fate. Or condemn what has passed. But the speech of the neurosurgeon to Rakai, who he accidentally heard after surgery for the third time, has managed to throw all parts of him into the abyss of regret.

"The recovery time for spinal cord injury varies from patient to patient. Usually about 1 week to 6 months. In some cases, the time it takes patients to recover can reach 1-2 years."

"No second opinion Doc? For the case of Rendra patients can other medical measures be taken to ensure a faster recovery?"

"For now not yet. This is the maximum."

"Because Rendra's patient suffered a traumatic spinal nerve injury due to a fall from a height. Which causes damage to the tissues, pads, bones, and nerves of the spine."

"For cases of traumatic injury, Rendra's patient is the best condition. Because it's only indicated to have paralysis of both legs."

"Having paralysis of both legs."

"Having paralysis of both legs."

"Having paralysis of both legs."

The most horrible and painful words he had ever heard in his entire life. Who mercilessly managed to erode his self-esteem, confidence and belief to the nadir.

And today, based on the results of X-rays, CT Scans, and the last MRI, doctors allow him to continue treatment independently at home.

In advance, he had asked Anggi very much, to prepare a guest room for him. The crush of anger and guilt left him with no guts to stay and sleep together with two loved ones, Anggi and Arung.

No. gabe. They cannot see his helplessness. He didn't want to make them worry and feel sorry. Big no's! He will start his life with his own way.

Although initially Anggi refused outright, "Why? Arung already miss pingin bobo both the same brother."

But he insisted.

"The cave has been resistant to not talking to you," said Rakai with eyes full of anger after helping push his wheelchair into the guest room.

"But the elongation!"

He looked at Rakai lazily. "What?"

"You want what the hell is sleeping separate gini in the guest room? Don't be ba ji ngan lu!"

He just clicked while turning the wheelchair to turn his back on Rakai.

"Si Anggi every day back and forth here and there you let you chepet go back to the house to gather again together. But now? It even got like this. Fuck you!"

"If you're done talking you can get out" he said flatly. "Do you know where the door is?"

He heard Rakai hissing furiously. "Maybe now God has given me a second chance! Because instead of getting better, you're getting more of a jerk!"

"Get out!"

"If this month, according to the recovery period according to the doctor, you still have not changed, the cave will....."

"OUT!!"

Since then, Rakai has never seen her again. All their affairs related to ManjoMaju, facilitated by Puput or Danu who now almost every day visited his house. Just to ask for a signature, deliver important agreement documents, or just deliver Rakai's message. Fuck emang!

One month at home, he still has not experienced significant progress. His arms still often hurt when moved. His legs could not even feel anything aka numbness. All this makes him more frustrated.

All the doctor's messages were done. Routinely consumed medication. A physiotherapy schedule of three times a week is always followed without ever being absent. He even secretly often train his own muscle strength to restore the ability to move. Even though I have to endure incredible pain. But it still has not shown the expected results.

But the thing that bothers him the most is his life with Anggi. The day feels bland and distant. The fault is because it always shuts itself and then avoids. It makes him angry and hates himself.

Especially when he knew Anggi was still experiencing spots, which made him have to bedrest a full week. Not going to work, not going to college, staying at home, just like him, but they both act like strangers who don't know each other.

No, not the two of them, just him. Because every day Anggi still meets him in the room. Help her wipe her body, dress her, bring her breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner. Reminded him to take medication.

Ask her circumstances and feelings. Tell me about a funny thing yesterday. Pasting his palm over his increasingly protruding stomach to feel the magic kick that instantly managed to make his heart warm but a second later evaporated without a trace changing the anger that once again controlled him mercilessly.

Not to forget every morning Anggi also pushed his wheelchair into the backyard to sunbathe. Inviting Arung approached him to play around with him, until the baby who was not like the baby was giggling with excitement.

But he didn't budge. Continued to wallow in endless feelings of anger.

It seems true said Rakai, if he is a ba ji ngan. Alright.

"Abang, we sunbathe yuk," Anggi's cheerful voice spread her daydream. Which deftly pull the curtain to make sunlight into the room.

"Tumben tumbenan loh at six and a quarter in the morning is already this warm," said Anggi again who has now been wearing a work shirt.

"I can be alone," he refused coldly when Anggi intended to remove the shirt he was wearing.

Anggi just smiled. "Would you take a shower?"

He shook his head lazily. Then, while limping off the shirt that is wet with cold sweat when sleeping. The movement caused a lot of pain in the area around his arms and back.

After he finished wearing the new shirt, Anggi held out a glass of warm water.

"Drink first before sunbathing," Anggi said with a smile. Beautiful, spontaneous. But soon evaporated due to the anger that regained dominance over him.

"Arung, play Papi yes," said Anggi after making sure it was in a place that received the perfect sunlight.

"Papipapipapipapi..," said Arung who was crawling on the grass chasing a ball that every touch rolled here and there.

Whahuh? Can Arung say his name?

"Pinter's son," Anggi smiled happily. "Arung can call you Papi, baby? Tuh..keren kaaan..," said Anggi while hugging him.

"Roomar.....Papipapipapi.

"When taught by Mami first, eh usually even Papi first," Anggi's lips acted upset. Then kiss her cheek at a glance, "I'm leaving first Bang....."

He didn't react to anything. Pretending to be busy looking at Arung who continues to crawl here and here. Are trying hard to deceive yourself by ignoring Anggi in such a way. Though his hands have been very longing to circle the tiny body of Anggi. Exfoliate dimples that always appear when smiling or laughing. But all succeeded he pressed deeply.

"Dadah Arung.ajak Papi play ball dear..throw the ball to Papi," so said Anggi before moving away.

"Oya Bang, Mba Suko is still taking care of laundry at the back, it seems a bit long because a lot of laundry leftover Arung vomited when the fever yesterday," said Anggi again from the door. "Please look at Arung yes, again hard because, worried to a place of danger."

As usual he did not answer, although his ears heard well all the instructions Anggi. Prefer to duck to read the book he deliberately brought from the room.

Soon enough, the sound of Anggi's car engine began to leave the yard and was heard getting farther away.

"Papipapipapi..," the chirping sound of Arung can still be caught by his ears.

"Mirror......"

"Tatadacacacaca....."

"Repeoplease....."

But somehow later, when he was busy reading Simon Sinek's sentence about, There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it. Suddenly he realized the atmosphere around him had turned quieter. No more chirping Arung. Even the baby's stocky body is no longer visible.

"Groong?" call him in a hopeful tone. But there's no answer.

"Groong?" again, starting to worry. A wheelchair is propelled to where Arung was last seen. Nil. The baby boy disappeared without a trace.

"Groong?!" he began to get impatient.

"Suko MBA?!" he hopes Arung is with Mba Suko. But no one answered his call.