Andara's Revenge
I'm sorry, Mama

"Separation is not a matter of place, it's a matter of prestige."

🔥🔥🔥

Within ten minutes, his body had already been taken away on a desolate and dark road. Andara looked at the street lights that blurred because the taxi was speeding. How long has he not been back in the field? You could say during his lecture in Jakarta, during that time he also forgot the city of Medan. There was never any intention to return, let alone to see his sickening extended family. Andara suddenly scratched the temple. Why would he want to come back?

After the incident at the rooftop, he decided to contact Nia and let her know if she was willing to go home. He then filled out the application for college leave also resigned from Best FM. 

Yesterday was the last day he broadcasted. Andara looked at the studio with a deep gaze like saying goodbye without a word. His hands rubbed the studio table, mixer, microphone lovingly until Irvin laughed. Almost a day he struggled there, ranging from watching Duo TiTa broadcasts, making reports for job handover, completing scripts that Indiebest and Reload would use as well as printing resignation letters. You know resigning suddenly is very unprofessional, but he believes Best FM would not be lame without it. The radio broadcaster is a dozen so that with one or two regular broadcasters that are not broadcast, it will not have any effect. He took the opportunity to say goodbye to the top of the radio as well with Duo TiTa who helped him a lot during this time. Inwardly, he sure would miss Best FM, longing for the tense atmosphere of being scolded, longing for the rowdy crowd as it gathered, he said, miss the broadcast and read requests also miss the off-air events that are always spectacular and stunning.

Maybe it's true said Vina, all she needs now is rest. You feel exhausted with everything. His body just resigned to go with the flow, undergoing with a shuffle, sometimes trying to smile, often trying to resist the crying that suddenly came and then smile back with tears. And true, suicide doesn't answer everything. There are many unanswered questions, which were not found the answer when he was about to jump from the rooftop. 

The departure of Buana leaves a large empty space gaping. Time sometimes feels fast, suddenly it is morning while he has not even managed to sleep or has not moved from sitting still. Sometimes, the time feels very long when he has done many things. He's been taking a shower, he's been eating, he's been sweeping, he's been cleaning the room and all that just made a long needle move 30 minutes from the origin. He was like being in a strange world with an incomprehensible twist of time. Worse yet, everyone looks ordinary, only he who has difficulty following the flow.

Vina said she could be sad but not kept up, as she and the girl went down the street to try various snacks. According to the girl, Andara should not be destroyed because Buana must continue to see even though it is not visible. "Andara I know is a strong girl and lately I've not seen the Andara I know. Believe me, God has a reason for all this" said Vina who is still remembered Andara until now.

Tears that flowed back between the cheeks, he rubbed. The taxi from Andara arrived at Soetta terminal 3 at four in the morning. He got off and dragged his feet towards the executive lounge after checking in. The business tickets Nia had sent had access to the place. It's a shame to be missed.

The atmosphere of the airport is still empty as is the executive lounge. He is only interested in taking a glass of coffee to block the performance of the eyes that still feel heavy. The variety of food served does not arouse his appetite. This place was silent and cold, as empty as its days. There are one or two visitors who are busy with their laptops.

The sky is still black visible from the large glass, it was seen while stirring hot coffee. There is nothing in heaven, nothing on earth. Whole dark.

A Besties once said that he did not like the airport, because the aura of separation is very thick at the departure terminal. Others argue that the most terrifying aura of separation is in the hospital. However, according to Andara, separation is not a matter of place. A broken farewell is a farewell with no closing words, no goodbye or goodbye. Like Buana, go without saying a word, never saying anything.

Andara blinked slowly, there was a rumble that still likes to play at the end of the eye if you remember the guy. He felt his life was lonely and everything was going like a spinning wheel. Fourteen days after Buana's departure, she always asked for fate. He always asks why he was the one chosen to live all these stories? If this was fate, why would his destiny be like this? It all feels unfair. Bitterness for the sake of bitterness continues to befall. Why was he born without knowing his father? Why did mom kill herself?

The smell of coffee gives off smell. He inhaled the aroma of coffee before then gulped. His mind was still wandering everywhere. Why does Opung always lament the name of Causa when drunk? As a drunk, you see now, a drunk is a person who is often honest. The lips grimaced a little when sipping coffee again. She remembered how her mother was being sniffed by family. He remembered how the eyes of those people were staring at him as if they were from trash. Why should he be born? Wouldn't it be by not giving birth to her, that mama wouldn't be abused by the family?

Not to mention the question of Buana always fills the head. Why did Buana leave when she couldn't apologize? Why is God so good to him? 

His gaze descended on the coffee inside the glass. Black and thick, just like his life. "But why do so many people love coffee, huh?" andara Gumam slowly. 

He then recalled Kin and smiled slightly. That guy really likes coffee. How's Kin doing, now? Do you still like coffee? Coffee and the airport, are two things that remind Kin before parting last time with girlfriend status. After that, their messages become stale and the word break out as the solution to all dreams.

Kin also said that something valuable will still sparkle even in the dark. The faint smile on his lips had not faded. In the past, he had hoped for Kin a lot. Forgetting about feelings with Buana. If she was still dating Kin, how would she be? Is he going back to the field? Will Rossa still avenge Buana? Will Buana still die?

He cradled his cell phone, it felt like he wanted to send Kin a message just asking for news. However, his little heart realized it was like giving Kin hope. Though his own heart was out of shape, at this moment. Giving hope without certainty is evil, the human heart is only one, and is expensive on the black market.

His head was still wondering with many other markings. Fortunately the call from the airline was made aware of the rush of questions that he himself confused the answer. After settling on the coffee, he got up and headed for a special line reserved for business passengers. The sky was still dark, but there was a flickering look at the end of the horizon. Andara entered the plane that was still empty and put the body on a soft bench in maroon. The apple juice that the flight attendant gave her just a little gulp. He rubbed his face with a warm towel and thankfully, the warm towel had a slight calming effect.

Next to him sat a young woman, about a short distance from him and holding a little baby who was still asleep. Naturally, it's still five in the morning. The eyes of him and the woman were rubbing. Want to not want you a little smile and then busy yourself by justifying the location of the pillow to be comfortable before the plane takes off.

As the plane was walking on the runway and queuing up to fly, the baby next door started to whine uneasily. Youara heard that clearly because passengers are not allowed to turn on electronic devices when going to fly. The baby's cry grew bigger and the mother panicked. The woman may want to stand crouching but all passengers must sit down wearing seat belts. Andara only heard the hiss of the mother while trying to breastfeed and pat her baby slowly to calm down.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, so it was noisy" the woman said as the baby calmed down and the plane was in the air.

"It's okay, really." Andara pauses slowly while reaching for the available headset. He wanted to hear a song to accompany her to sleep.

"Still in college, Mommy?" asked the woman to watch Andara.

Andara nodded slowly and felt no need to explain her state of having just taken a leave of absence. "Enter semester six."

"Oh, we should be the same, but the time of pregnancy and birth is her. I'm taking a college leave." The woman mentioned the name of a campus that is famous for its Public Relations department. Without Youara ask women to tell their circumstances as if spreading personal secrets will not harm themselves. "I was raped by my best friend and got pregnant with this baby" she said slowly.

It is not your intention to ignore the rules that apply by telling this woman to abort her baby, but in health law, abortion of babies against rape victims is allowed if it causes psychological trauma. In other words, the victim accompanied by a competent counselor can apply to abort the baby. That is also with a maximum fetal age of 40 days from the last menstruation of the mother.

"My first months of depression saw that I was pregnant, but I couldn't abort the baby. This baby is not wrong." The clear eyes next to her were glazed, like a cracked shiny plate. "Again, I am in love with him. He doesn't know how I feel."

"So, even though he is lost and does not want to be responsible, it's okay, maybe my destiny is like this," he added seemed to try hard.

Andara raised both eyebrows. Destiny? Something that can still be chosen, right, is not destiny? She meant that she could choose to remain pregnant or abort her baby. Why do you say it is destiny? "Well, you can still choose the truth."

The woman was silent and looked at the face of the baby. His hand rubbed the cheeks that looked stye. "Yes, right. I used to have an abortion, but I didn't dare. Moreover, my stomach is getting bigger and suddenly he can kick me. Every movement he made me realize that there are helpless creatures that I have to protect. My baby is innocent, he can't even choose to be born from the womb of a sinner or a prayer."

Your throat feels choked. This woman reminds him of his mother.

"I've done it, Ma'am. Said what people, digosipin what, bodo very. What matters is that my baby is healthy and happy. They will not know what it feels like to be me if you have never conceived the real thing. That's why I took my son away from Jakarta."

The woman's hand rubbed the baby's head lovingly. Although she was young, there was a motherly character present from the woman's way of thinking. Maybe his soul has been booked to follow destiny, not like him. "Now, I'm grateful to believe God has a child. My job is to try to give the best to my child so that my child grows up well, and is educated."

It feels like you want to wear a headset that he was holding. His heart was too weak to hear a story like this and tried to divert the conversation. "To what terrain?"

"There is an offer of work whose salary and facilities are good. I can save a child."

"Her son?"

"I hired a nanny, Ma'am. I happen to be close to the office. You can come to lunch."

Andara nodded. The discussion was relaxed, only occasionally answering. Before long, the woman had fallen asleep with the baby. Andara's sleepiness is gone. He began to tune the music while taking a deep breath. As it turned out, there was something worse than him, a lot worse than him and still surviving.

***

"Hi, Ma. Dara came home," she said while sitting on a cement bench covered in white marble. After the plane landed, the driver who picked him up asked not to enter the highway. Andara asked to be left to the family tomb which is in one area with a mosque in the Tanjung Morawa area, the crossing area before entering the city of Medan. In the family tomb there are the tombs of Causa and Opung. Before visiting the tomb of Causa, Andara had already greeted the Opaque.

He was silent for quite a long time with a thrashing chest. Before long, a tear that had been held back from the plane had crashed. "I used to ask the sky. Why was I born in the world? Why didn't my mom have an abortion? Why do I have to live without being able to remember what Mom's face is? Why am I here when I don't know Papa at all?"

Swabs clear circles that feel warm on the cheeks. Since the conversation with the woman on the side bench, earlier. Andara became aware of why the mother kept her and gave birth to her into the world.

"But then I realized why I exist. I can't possibly know what life is like if I don't live like this right now. I wouldn't have known my mother if I hadn't been born. Yeah, right, Ma?" slow wish.

"Thank you for conceiving me and giving birth to me. Although I do not remember the memories of the two of us, do not remember when the last hugged Mama, but it is okay. Because of Mama's affection, I can exist in this world."

Andara held her tight chest. All the sadness in the navel of the mother seemed to be talking directly. "I'm sorry, until now, I couldn't make Mama smile there. I'm a failed child, Ma. I know Mama and Opung must be angry if you look at my behavior from there. I'm sorry, Ma. I promise, I will always be strong. I promise I won't let you down with me."

The white marble that covered the graves of his two loved ones looked clean and well-groomed. The white gravel that covered the ground was also very neat even though this tomb had not been visited for a long time. There's a family confidant assigned to take care of it. "Maybe I've never told you this, Ma. I was busy condemning the cruel world for my disappointment. I was busy cursing everything because of my defeat. I forgot to tell you that I love Mama. I love Mama. Sorry for all my mistakes, ma."

He forcefully pulled his lips to paint a smile and stopped the crying. Her life has been flooded with tears, lately. Even sometimes, Andara felt he needed to consult a professional because he himself did not understand what was happening in him. He was angry, he lost, he was sad, feeling depressed, lonely also had a sleep disorder. No, he doesn't want to go crazy. He wanted to take a break from all.

The sun was getting higher, at half-nine in the morning it was already hot. He then said goodbye to his mother. "Ma, I'll go home first, yeah. I just got to the thing. Next time, I promise to visit Mama and Opung often. Oh, yes, if there Mama knows a guy whose face looks arrogant with the name of Buana Universe. Don't think he's really arrogant. The truth is, he's good, Ma. He helped me while in Jakarta."

Andara cleared her throat slowly, getting rid of the sad that came back. "He's the one I love too. Send greetings to him, yes, Ma. I miss him so much. I think it's the same as Opung. I miss you three anyway. Don't forget to take it, Ma."

"The name is the Buana of the Universe, not the other Buana. Buana Semesta," repeated Andara while mentioning the name Buana complete with emphasis. His feet stood up and rubbed a glance at the head of the tombstone. "I love you, Ma."

🔥🔥🔥