Badgirl Vs Ketos
#44. Sorry, I'm giving up

1 year passed....

"Armrgh!!!" annoyed me, ruffling hair while sitting on the shady streets filled with trees. Although I searched for almost a year but all the clues were gone, he left without a trace! Damnit damnit!

Yesterday I heard that Gabriel was a student at the University of London, Oxford. But everything's gone. He dropped out of college and got rid of everything I was looking for.

"Damn it, where the hell are you?!" decak me, some of the girls who passed by put on a pretentious face care, bodo very. I want to catch the lizard, just hard to wake up Borobudur Temple.

Even four months ago I met his father at a convenience store, but I lost track again and almost got hit by a truck.

The cold wind made me even more afraid, did I fight in vain?

Damnit damnit!

I promise you, I will never tread in Indonesia except with him. Is he no longer on earth? Or should I look for it in Saturn?

"Hey? What are you doing here?" say a girl with a sling bag on her left shoulder, Jessica. I've been friends for almost 5 months and he knows why I'm here. He kindly wants to help me find Gabriel.

"Doing nothing, are you having some ideas? I was tired to found her."

I don't think my old nature is necessary for girls. I can't be a cold guy who lets his love go, if God's good I'm the source of his happiness, and that's why I'm here. Looking for him to be happy.

"Yes... Kinda you should be patient more and more haha, just kidding."

"Are you loving her?"

"Sure, what's wrong?" I looked at him, his blue eyes were unique and his natural pink lips were nice. Unfortunately all the same closures face the lizard wall, arrgh.

"Listen to me," he said, I changed my position to face Jessica. Who knows if he has a clue.

"I love you. I would't hurting you, but honestly I scared. You're wasting your time for someone who wants you gone,"

Jessica's words made me feel sad. He nasehatin me? I grumpily scares him, his blonde hair blowing through the cold air of urban London.

"Leave me, give me time. Please."

She left with a bent face, she was indeed kind, beautiful and friendly. But I have one person who has power in my heart.

"What did he say was right? I'm fighting for someone who doesn't want my presence?"

The black book was an escape, indeed all the contents I had read all and it made me even more sorry to waste time with him in the hospital, the day he admitted his pretence. I don't want to be a hypocrite anymore, I miss him and want him back.

The last sheet in the book depicts the poetic Ann, this is the real Ann. Different from Gabriel, but they are the same.

Yes, I believe in all the foreign things in this world including love, longing and feelings. Although the universe is created from pieces of anxiety but still, love will be the thing I worry about the most.

I saw it and couldn't hold it, you and I know, there are things in this world that aren't far apart.

The garden chair bears witness, it goes nowhere, El. He wants nothing but your return. We once hated each other, scolded and even left because it never aligned.

We are like the ruins of the past, the unknown of time traveling. Maybe this is just between us and God, believing that the universe will miss our time together.

I want to go, El. It's painful to leave without telling you. But it will hurt more if you forget me, it just becomes endless loneliness, I don't want that at all.

But El deserves to be happy. Not together anymore for Ann, El must believe that Ann has changed but has not been cured.

I've been convincing a few times, haven't I? El has to find a new Ann. Ann who has a future, I just want El to be happy with that I can go home and tell God. You should be happy and stop looking for me, haven't I told you a few times in this book? I'm afraid you're disappointed the third time, with that the universe will curse me. They'll hate me again...

El...

I want you out of London, stop looking for me. I know you're there. Please go home and find your happiness.

You will make me sicker, I am guilty of all the painful things. Please hate me. I'm fine, it's appropriate for me, but don't forget Ann? I'm afraid of loneliness.

Hows it? Do you want to go home, or do you still waste time? You've fought El, unfortunately for a living but dead human.

Again I beg, El, forget Ann. Find the new Ann. I don't want you, happiness is enough for the rest of my life. Go, and be happy and it was the best decision.

Ah yes, unfortunately there is no writing room here, I hope you will melt your polar ice for another girl, okay? A promise?

From Ann.

November 01, 20XX.

As powerful as I am as I am to gather oxygen, my breath is choked after reading the writing many times, but I still want to struggle..

How did I start to cry anyway? Arggh!

Unknowingly, the sky began to be golden-colored in shade. Maybe Jessica's words need to be considered, I don't have to go home with Ann long. Maybe with the new Ann, she deserves to be Ann because I don't mind either.

But...

Be ill.

Where the hell is Gabriel lo!!?

Okay I give it up, you managed to make me duck like a dog. Rude? Indeed indeed.

Now it's time I have to open a new sheet, by calling Jessica..

"Hello..?"

Her tone was raspy, and I knew she was just crying.

"Jessica, um,.. Maybe I should be with you. Hope you give me a second choice," I said mixed, but the voice across there made something take away from my life.

"Pulse... Of course."

******