Beans Forgot the Skin
Chapter 4 Sadness

Pov Rudi's

It has been six months since my divorce with Tiara, even though my heart has never been able to accept her one-sided decision, I still cry a lot, during my parting with her I became more melancholic and sensitive. Sucks. Like this morning when I saw the kitchen space that is not a gentle laugh, I saw the tiara negligee neatly arranged in the closet, I used to hate it when she wore it but right now I miss everything about her. Andmesh's song I heard coming from the radio I played in the living room was very piercing to my heart. Yes, I really miss, especially on weekends like this.

The lyrics of the song really drugged me in a deep Isaac.

🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼

When I was alone, I saw photos and videos

With you I have long kept

This heartbroken look at all the pictures of self

What I can't, I'll go back

I want you right now, you are here

Laugh with me, like I used to

Even if only for a moment

God please grant it

It's not that this self doesn't accept reality

This heart just misses

All the ways I tried

So that I can be without you

But everything is different

It's hard to erase memories with you

Temple by verse the lyrics of the song were soaked, I cried roaring staring at all the pictures of myself and playing the video on my son Radit's birthday. His laughter, his cheer, his patience, his perseverance all I miss very much. Tiara I fell in love with you so many times. Removing tears in the corner of the eye.

I can never forgive the mistake that separated the child from his father, the folly that mortgages true happiness only for a moment's pleasure. Right now there is not a single woman who can distract me, my heart and soul are always heading towards Tiara.

I do Dzuhur prayer when I used to do very rarely, my smile expands when Tiara lifted my ears when entering Dzuhur time I was still fun playing games. Moments like that I miss so much. Tiara is a devoutly religious woman, she is a Sholeha woman but all that is just a memory of the moment she chose to part with me even though I knelt down and cried that blood would not change her stance, he's a very strong stand.

Suddenly my chest was claustrophobic in prayer, I really lost, Lord, forgive me Lord, if you can still hope to bring Tiara back, Rabb, I want to fix everything.

Suddenly hape creaked many times I saw a call from wa. It turned out that from Tiara, my heart rumbled there was a talu-sober, like still a brother, my body hot coldly saw his face on the screen hape.

"Assalamu'alaikum Mas, again what, this Radit kangen with you, whining," he said straightforwardly.

I saw Tiara was so fresh, her face was pure white and now she was wearing a hijaber adding to her elegance and her motherhood.

"Waalaaikum salam Mas has finished praying, where Radit." My eyes are still embarrassed to look at that face of ayu, because it is not my mahram anymore.

Actually in my heart I still want to linger talking to him, but I have to talk stalely asking Radit my son is just a puppet.

"It was very difficult to be told to pray, now I have been diligent in praying yes, Radit is still peeing, even more like it, well he has run this way," he said enthusiastically.

In my heart murmured to give me five minutes to look at that face again, Lord, I really miss.

"Yes now Mas feels alone and has no grip on life, like half my soul flew at our farewell, I am really fragile, my prayer that makes my life more calm, my prayer, I learned to sincerely accept this destiny," I stammered. I could not feel the clear water sliding free from my eyes without my control.

I looked into those eyes as well as teary-eyed hearing the outpouring of my heart. When our netra collided she rubbed the edge of her eyes, she also cried.

"May all this have a silver lining for all of us."

"Since when to wear hijab dik," I said softly.

"Mas' two months old, it's hard to bear this status, a lot of bad guy eyes," he said softly.

Suddenly, Tiara's face disappeared, changed with my son's face just a puppet. Raditya Rafa's.

"Assalamu'alaikum Papa, Radit kangen, usually the weekend we always play beach, play yuk Pa," said the five-year-old was funny.

"Waalaaikum greetings Nak, Papa would like it but a Your mother would like not, woo dong Mama Dit, let us take a walk," I said with a smile.

"Say Mama next week Pa, later Mama will go with Om Revan," said Radit innocently.

My heart felt a tremendous pain when Revan's name was mentioned by my beloved son.

Is this a sign Revan will be my replacement

It has been 3 years since the separation took place, but never once has this heart been able to let go of the shadow of the past with Tiara, the greater my love for her, loving her like an opium, the more, this heart can never be at peace with time, the more I want to forget the more the shadow comes dancing in the eyes. Thank you Tiara your presence and loss brought great wisdom to this life, I learned sincerity and gratitude. Forgive all the wrong things that ever wasted you. In my heart I murmured.

I'm getting ready at 2pm to meet someone I've wasted and now she's also the woman I love and miss. Farewell taught me a sense I couldn't describe with words. At the Plamboyan cafe, it's the name of our subscription cafe when we were still dating first.

Susana cafe that is not so rame makes my feelings more uncertain let alone the soft voice of vocalist Naff singing a song that slashes the soul. It was the song I first met Tiara and it was also the song that led me to marry Tiara. Like dejavu all the wonderful memories are repeated.

🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼

I finally found you

When this heart begins to melt

I wish you were

The answer to all my heart's fret

And let myself

love you to the end of my life

If I match you later

I have all my weaknesses

And if you are next to me

Never be tired of loving me

🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼

That's a song that bears silent witness to the history of my love for a woman who has fought and at the same time I've wasted, she's tired of loving me who does not know this self. Forgive me Tiara, Mama Radit, in my heart murmured. I wiped the tears that glided as I permeated the word for word that vocalist Naff was singing, honestly the song was like a loud slap to me. Suddenly the woman I was waiting for came too. Wearing an all-black robe plus a large hijab that adds elegance to its use, akhh my heart until stunned to the elegance of my ex-wife. He really shone after leaving me.

"Assalamu'alaikum Mas, sorry yes late Radit wanted to join so persuade him first, this is our song first Mas," he said casually.

My heart rumbles, there is a feeling of uncertainty, cold heat like abg labile, during parting with him I was never close again to another woman and was unable to turn away from heart, I always had the honor of Allah SWT to return Tiara to me but it turned out that Allah had another will. My heart is still bleeding.

"Waalaaikum salam, it's okay, only fifteen minutes of waiting, you still remember this song of ours?" shy say.

The song washed away my feelings and his feelings, he saw me enjoying verse by verse the lyrics of the song and I knew it was his favorite song.

"Ra, is this not a sign that nature wants to unite us again" I said.

"Sorry Mas, my heart is not headed to you anymore, I've tethered my heart to another dock" he said softly.

Tossing off the conversation and we ordered food, I noticed the face of the woman whose passing had just made me realize that she was a diamond that I wasted my heart cursing all my stupidity.

"Ra, are you happy with Revan, is there no chance for me to compete with him" I said.

"Sorry Mas, actually I gave you a lot of time, 5 years we were together but not once you betrayed me, many times Mas, the climax is that you had a relationship with Kalin and caused me to lose my son, Kalin said, I really can't give you another chance. I'm sorry, sir" he said firmly.

"I'm sorry Ra, but after losing you I just found out that it felt like my love was only for you, and then I knew that my great love was just for you" I said. Not feeling my eyes dewy, I cried in front of the woman I loved so much.

His eyes looked at me there was a sense of pity there.

"I'm sorry Mas, maybe our soul mate just got there, sorry," he said softly.

I saw him wiping off the end of his eyes that were shedding tears.

Finally our order came, I have no appetite anymore, I looked at the woman who was relaxed eating the food presented. My heart was inflamed and I was really jealous.

"Ra, what Radit is, does he agree with your decision to marry Revan" I wrote.

"Radit happy-happy aja Mas, besides Revan people are loving children," he said.

Something burned my heart when she flattered another man. Oh my God, I love this woman, Lord. I didn't feel like I was holding her soft fingers.

"Ra, I'm sorry, I allowed you to marry another man, but let me still love you in my heart and prayers, I'm really sorry I ever wasted you. I love you so much" I said stammeringly. I was crying in front of the woman. I don't care about his judgment of me, what matters is that my heart plong uncovers all the grunts in this heart.

His face was red and his eyes wet.

Her plump eyelashes and her sharp nose were reddened, her tiny lips saying something.

"Mas, try to forgive yourself and open your heart to other women, I can definitely forget about me anyway I'm not the cat you want first" he said.

My face flushed red and I was completely slapped with his words.

Never waste someone fighting with you from scratch. When she leaves you feel how valuable she is in your life.

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