Benalu In My House
ENAM

This is where I am now, in an apartment that is quite spacious in my mind. Every room I walk into doesn't escape my sight. Marveled. The interior of the room is so beautiful, and the layout of each object really makes anyone will look amazed. I who usually do not feel at home living in someone else's residence, even if it's my family, is different from today. I feel very comfortable.

Intentionally during the storm I immediately contacted Evha, someone I met while at the Hospital at the time. Only his name came to mind when the claustrophobic had come. I also don't know who to ask for help, because there's nobody I have. Since Mother died, I have lived a long time. I went through it all without ceasing to be grateful. When I am crowded, I always give thanks. When loneliness greets, I am grateful. While Mother was still alive, she always taught to always give thanks in all situations and conditions.

Life is not easy. Want to tell a story, so that the pain of meika lika life a little dissect. If you imagine living alone in this world, but there are still beings called friends ...  Real beautiful. But that doesn't apply to me. No word friends even though many people give me a helping hand. They are nothing more than a group of friends.

For me, that friend has a special place in my heart. Our place to spill what is buried in the heart, and a place to share grievances. However, seeing how the figure of a friend present in a friend's life really makes me feel sliced. 

I started all by myself. Work ranging from the sun say hello to dark night. Passing every second in silence. However, I don't want to let any melt slide so easily from these lips. Because every step of the foot I carry is not separated from the vision of conscience. Many out there who have a life that is so sad, even just to eat was difficult.

What is happening in the present is a path to our good future. The origin of the heart is always attached to the creator, so there is nothing to doubt. The bitterness of life does not mean an opportunity for oneself to curse destiny.  Nope.

God is always fair to every man, even if he is evil. Just like the sun and rain, God sends rain to every human being without choosing who obeys Him. However, it is not uncommon for the human mind to always look down on something, considering one good deed that has been done for supplies at the end of the world later.

After graduating high school, I did not go to college, but went straight to work. Isn't working worth eating? 

God eases my steps in seeking sustenance. Until the rupiah coffers that I get are good enough, then I immediately buy a house. Not too fancy, but I'm very grateful. Until we got married, we decided to stay in the house I bought with my hard-earned.

***

"If you need something, say it. I'll buy it later. "

Evha said as we sat on the balcony of this apartment. Because our room is at an altitude, making the traffic under it look very small and the light from the lights of car and motorcycle lights, able to beautify the scenery.

"You're too good for me. "

My heartfelt words while taking my eyes off from down there the sweetness of those brown eyes.

"No size is too good and too bad. We are just fellow humans assigned to help each other. "

Again I was amazed by his words.

"Hey, how old are you?  Your way of speaking sounds more mature than mine. "

"Adult is not age, but a path determined by the mind. "

I was stunned by the girl sitting next to me. His gaze was straight ahead, not knowing what was playing in his mind at this moment.

Then he turned his head towards me, grabbed his right hand and grasped it tightly with a still shady look in his eyes.

"Can I call you brother? "

"You're very polite. "

"Can, right? "

"certainly can. "

The smile engraved on his lips expanded, making the dimples on his right cheek more clearly visible. Sweet.

"But I can't come here all the time. Even though this is my apartment, but I don't live here. I still live with my family. "

I frowned, still confused by his words.

"I'm sorry if I rarely come. "

He said again, after seeing the look of confusion emanating from my face.

"Hey ... No need to apologize. You sacrificed a lot for me. If there's no you, I don't know if I'm still sane or crazy. "

"You can't say that. Have you broken hope?  Is the baby in your womb not enough for your reason to survive?  The baby who accompanies the difficulties of life always turns to say hello, sometimes also when the pain comes, he remains with you. "

The heart beats quickly. Something felt heartbreaking when the words came out.

"Even you have never forgotten his existence. Following your anger to vent it on your own body, which means also venting on the baby you are carrying. "

His words were so sharp and piercing. Am I angry?  Nah!  His words were like a loud slap that came as this body dragged the soul towards a deeper abyss. He's correct.

"We as women need to stay strong. "

I felt my body carried in his warm embrace. The elusan on the shoulder really adds to the almost exhausted strength.

"cry. Crying with shahdu. Weep for sins and mistakes of the past, and then begin to organize a new life. "

***

In the dim light, I was still awake from sleep. The mobile phone on the nightstand. Three o'clock in the morning. Can not be lied to if the heart and mind still drift far on the figure of the husband who is somehow being what now. Perhaps the woman****** was smiling triumphantly over the path I chose. There is pain that re-emerges in the chest, which is increasingly painful. How foolish I am to be the bearer of all the pain in our family.

However, I don't know what else to do other than surrender. I'm not as stupid as they think. Just let them stand on that superficial thought, until the time comes that everything will turn back to them.

I can't wait for tomorrow.