Calm Down's! Mr. Psychos!
Anna POV

Flashbacks

5 Weeks before that.

Anna POV

He was still asleep, said his someone who was in such a condition could still hear what was around him right?

I don't know, he can hear me or not because he doesn't answer everything I say.

I don't think I'm strong anymore, I want to stop and be free.

Maybe the most selfish creature was me?

"Estelle?"

I called her this time, looked at her with sparkling eyes and hoped she would give a reaction to me.

Yet still, he was silent like a quiet handsome boy.

Maybe he won't wake up because he's mad about having a mother like me? Stupid and totally incompetent.

"You..."

I called her down, looked down and tried to whisper.

"You're still sleeping? Or are you not going to wake up again?"

"You're angry because you have a weak mom, right? Sorry..."

"All wrong Mama, you did not ask to be born and Mama who wants you in the world..."

"But Mama also can't take care of you, Mama is not strong anymore, Mama can't hate him..."

"Mama loves you, but Mama can't protect you, in this life Mama has no regrets because she has a child like you, because you are the brightest star in your life..."

"But even so Mama wants somewhere else or maybe in another world that we also never know."

"Mama wants you to have better parents than Mama, Mama wants you to be in the womb of a woman who is not like Mama..."

"Estelle? Son..."

"Mama come with you? Is Mama feeling more pain? Weird right? My mother hurt everyone..."

"It's Mama's fault, so..."

"If for example you can survive a little more Mama hope you don't hate him, but you can hate Mama..."

"Mama's Color..."

"Mama love is like that person..."

"Darling? Therefore, Mama hope you will never be a child Mama in another place or another life if there is..."

"Mama wants you to have parents who are not like us, Mama wants you to be able to run away with a smile, Mama wants you to have a brighter world than anyone..."

"You're that..."

"Something that's most precious to Mama, because to Mama you're the world to Mama..."

I stood up, I whispered ambiguous words but discussed everything I felt.

He is my world, the world does not need to be big to accommodate everything but the world in the field can not be two.

I cannot choose, the time that has passed does not answer the survival of my world.

A world with brilliant stars for me.

And I can't choose, I feel like I'm getting crushed from time to time when I'm not hurt and not sick at all.

Weird right?

He was tired and sick, but I was fine too.

I can't stop and I don't want to get any more broken, of course I don't want to hurt anyone who I can't hurt.

I want to see her tormented but I can't see her sick either.

Is that his name? Hate it? Of love?

I was confused but somehow I said I loved someone I killed slowly.

That's love?

My chest was like depressed, I wiped the tears that came out with her own without even asking for it at all.

Stare for a moment at my son and then out of his room.

...

5 Weeks later.

Skips

Wegen Switzerland

My hands hesitated when I poured the chemical liquid with a flower extract that said it was like a drug that could make a sudden heart attack.

Greb!

I was surprised, someone hugged my waist tightly and then kissed my nape.

"You're still a long time?"

Like a cold kitten he hugged me, his sturdy and muscular body petrified me for a moment and was afraid that he would see what I had just poured in the wine.

"No, in a moment." I replied with a faint smile.

Her breath felt on my nape and made me feel warm for a moment.

The cup!

"I'm waiting on the porch,"

He kissed my head, a thin smile on a cold face but eyes that just stared at me.

The pain, I'm claustrophobic even if I don't drown.

"Huk!"

"Hiks..."

She left, and my legs were limp but I kept trying to stand up and shut my mouth so as not to let out my crying voice that I didn't even know where this sadness came from.

My eyes looked back into the glass I had prepared, I was afraid.

It might also be a feeling that has given me a signal that I can't do it, my mind feels empty.

It's insane!

I switched them, I think I'm crazy?

He said he knew me? Then does he know now?

It's like a stupid, childish impulse that wants to make him know everything I feel.

Maybe this can be in vain, because changing someone is not an easy thing.

But it's okay, at least we won't hurt each other anymore right?

That's all I thought about when I swapped her glasses and gave her tea with another scent that would probably make her wine smell weird.

I wanted to joke around with her a little bit by scaring her but maybe she wouldn't be afraid even if I really didn't trade her glasses.

Tonight's the end, our dinner went well too.

My heart was pounding as I raised my glass for her.

I stared at her while drinking the wine she had to her for now.

I want to say everything that feels claustrophobic and I can't express, I say everything!

A burning sensation started to creep up on my body but I was still acting normal until I vomited blood.

The deg!

For the first time I saw him startled and looking at the face like a frightened person.

He called out my name in a tone similar to someone who was worried.

I don't know why I smiled, it was a relief even though I felt it was painful for me.

His cold eyes were like they were going to cry?

I don't know, is she crying?

He showed me such a face?

I don't know anymore, because my own eyes already want to close, my pain began to feel numb and disappear one by one.

I wanted to comfort her and at that time I was sure of my feelings.

It's not just dependency on someone kidnapping me or giving me back.

It's not Stockholm Syndrome like my therapist said, but I think I really love it.

It took me so long to really know my true feelings that this was the answer to why I couldn't hate her there was pain that was always there when I saw her.

He's not gonna believe it, is he?

If I say I love her, she'll take it as a fake sweet lie.

But now it's okay...

Lies or not are no longer needed.

I'm leaving, this time...

And whatever it is he won't get sick from my stupidity anymore and then my star?

I hope my stars will shine, shine brighter than anything and be able to live without the wounds of a foolish mother like me again.

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