Displacement 2 World
Past times

I was silent staring at the window that I accidentally closed, curtains flying irregularly, the rain of wind that was so heavy that water splashed into the house, the pine trees across that danced because of the rain accompanied by the heavy wind, all blurred in my eyes as if the wind brought disaster on that day, it looks like the rain will subside if I fall asleep and don't wake up again.

I just stared at the window, silent, lightning struck the vast expanse in front of the house, as if sweeping away the leaves that had long stopped there, and there, the sound of lightning did not make me move and leave this old wooden chair, I kept staring at that window, my mind was so noisy as I sat alone in the quiet room.

Mother came to bring me warm milk, I was still in a dreamy position, and mother realized me, mother understood me at a young age like this it felt like losing a father figure was a very heavy thing, he said, how not? the father who always makes me happy at home, the house looks like a night market when you come home from work, at this time also mom promised you would never marry again, then I hugged her, then I hugged her, to think that mom has always been this sincere to love dad.

I was convicted of bipolar disorder, either because at that time I felt very hard left behind by my father, or because my own mind, did not bother me so much at that time, but my mother was very worried about me.

I went in and out of the hospital a few times to get therapy, for me therapy was not enough, because at that time all I thought about was the father who could cure me, and it was that the father could come back to life, even if it didn't make sense, for me after my father's departure I often experienced emotional overload, I can be very happy and in a short time I can also immediately feel great sadness, which makes it difficult for me to live my own feelings.

Some years I felt the hardships of living my own feelings, I could only keep silent withholding all the anger, until the mother who always understood me where it was, where it was, after I recovered from the illness I felt as if everything had been lost from my mind, all seemed to have disappeared into nothing, and I was very happy.

I invited my mother to play in the place of playing ancol, because for a few days this mother often sat alone and daydreamed, I was still in High School because I always came home in the afternoon I could not accompany mother all day, and it worries me, even though mom is a teacher and never feels alone, me and mom play until the evening, not sober, if time has spun quickly.

I never get a smile off my face, I always smile in front of my mom, and mom always says "You're so handsome when you smile" those are the words of my mother that always make my heart beat so hard and my mother always calls me "Definitely heart disco again"

"You know that I used to always invite my mom to play here"

I grabbed my hamburger and immediately devoured it.

"Dad ever tell you a story?" ask mother.

"Yes mom, I don't stop talking about mom, she always says beautiful mom all the time"

Mom smiled thinly.

"Gil, you next time take dirandi same cross come here"

I just rolled my eyes, because they would disturb my moment of intimacy with my mother.

Mom laughed like she knew what I was thinking, "It's a lot of them coming along, and then mom's not stopping laughing"

I laughed because I imagined what their mouths would look like.

"Sometimes I take them ma'am"

"They're your little gil friends, who always make you laugh all the time"

"Hahaha if there's always a stomachache"

I don't know why you're talking about them all of a sudden? is there anything? or just plain talk?

"Why mom?"

"Why do you suddenly discuss randi as brilliant?" my continue.

"Lhoh gapapa, I'm used to it"

I went back home, and I prepared tea for my mother, but it turned out that she had fallen asleep first I thought I didn't want to bother her, I don't think too much about it because my mom always asks random questions like that.

I opened my laptob and played a game, on the screen laptob I saw a message that I had not read I opened the message, it turned out to be two pups, I ignored them because they were always talking about unimportant things, but why did they keep the message without a break, and I then replied, "what?"

"I saw your mother go to school, and bring a boy in the car, who is that?" ask gilang.

At that time I was tepis because I thought, being a teacher at school is a duty like that, I explained everything to Randi and gilang.

"Forget it" I said, they agreed.

I heard the door open, I thought oh mom might come out, I went out to see if it was mom, it was mom she was sitting while sipping coffee in the kitchen dining room, I followed him and sat next to him.

"Why mother? if you haven't drowned watching tv just as agil" I asked.

Mom just smiled.

"Mother hungry gil, can make noodles, there's still two or three in the fridge, you can make two if you want to"

Whether I'm not aware or what, mom's face looks like it's saving something, but I think mom's missing dad, I'm making noodles with a little bit of a lot, I'm also very hungry tonight, mom walked to the front of the tv and turned it on.

At that time why I was so stupid, why I didn't understand what you were thinking, I just thought you were missing you.

"Mom? miss daddy huh?"

"Sure, I always miss you, I miss you so much, I hope your dad gets together here"

"Mommy always misses you, what else am I? to this day I can't forget Mom"

"Mother is so grateful you're cured of your illness" mother kissed me on my forehead.

"Dad was so happy up there mom, seeing we both always like this miss him, I didn't ask for anything, ma'am, which I asked always like this, both and remain the mother I've always known"

Mother's tears came out, mother hugged me tightly.

"Dear mom will never change"

Those are the words that I always think about and will never forget, only the only mother that I have, the one in this world that always accompanies me only mother only she is one.

That night there was only the sound of crickets bearing witness, I cried in front of my mother, I was afraid, I was so afraid to go too far and part with my mother, I needed my mother everywhere, until I grow up until I succeed I will be with my mother, through everything, through obstacles together until death.

I don't want to repeat that feeling again, the sense that I lost a tough guy, the guy that was my barrel and mom got up, I lost that barrel, I lost that barrel, I was slapped into the vast ocean I felt a great thump in my heart, my mind, and in front of my eyes, I sank to the ground and could not move, I cried screaming, but something from the inside told me to shut up, I felt a tremendous amount of torture at the time, when I heard that my father was gone.

I fell down, crying all out in the bed, free I did not let out tears and sounds, which I felt only pain in the chest, and I could not get out, I put on my drugs, I did not, I pushed with my hand hard, but my heart still hurt so much that I didn't feel the pain of being whispered, but I felt an excruciating pain inside, why? why can't I cry? wh why? why did you leave so soon?

I screamed, I went berserk in my room, I blamed God why was all this being treated so unfairly? why am I the only one given this kind of God? I can't take it I don't want this to happen in my life why should I watch my dad there? did I have any wrong? take my life and give me back my father, like a dream I was completely destroyed and I really felt empty, I was desperate and I was eager to hear an answer from God that this was fair, he said, but it's not always my mind that this is unfair.

The next day I came home from school, because it was so hot I decided to take Randi and Gilang to my father's garden, just sit and drink, smoke of course? of course it's natural for teenagers this age, but not with me, several times want to try but I don't know the heart is still in doubt, this place is a cool place proven back home, but not with me, tea plantation and there were some tree houses and it was a hangout for the three of us.

I cried for no reason that night, why? is there anything important? I can only run fast.

The sedan was parked in front of the house, there seemed to be my inner guest, I stepped quickly towards the house, there was a man and a daughter sitting opposite the mother in the living room, I say hello to bowing my head, I think oh this is the principal sd that I always tell you about?

"Gil here" mother told me to shake the hands of the two strangers.

I looked at Mom, but her eyes were soft and watery, "What's wrong mom?"

"Before apologizing yes dek agil, had the deck agil here suddenly when again bugged behind the house" the man spoke.

"Ah it's okay om, I also often go back and forth from the hill to the house really" I'm still relaxed.

"Before...."

"Wait!" the man's words were cut off by the mother.

"I'll talk to him, both in the room" continued the mother.

Still with mixed feelings, I followed my mother's steps and stopped in front of her room, I was confused what this was, why mother like this.

"Listen carefully" mother breathed.

"He is Salman, he is....."

I put my head aside, "Why?"

"He's your stepfather...."

Deg, like being pricked by a very large needle, my heart immediately felt an excruciating pain, without taking a long time, my heart was like being squeezed, pierced, tightly knitted until there was no room to breathe, I want to be angry, I want to cry.

I laughed, "Where's mom's appointment"

Mom lowered.

"Where's mom's promise!!!!!!!" just this time I yelled at mom and made mommy shocked.

"Why new now? why did I just find out? this long?"

"Mom is married to her! the whole time you've been breeding your school, he's been a gil!!"

"Certain why? I should thank him?"

"Hahahah is married" I continued.

"Mom can't always have to be alone, work alone, anything by yourself, do you have the mother to work hard by herself?"

"Who? wh why? there's me ma'am there's me!!"

"Are you crazy enough to think of gil"

Just this time mom was like that, I could see she wanted so much more in her life, the person who replaced me, it felt like I was free to stay alive, it felt like I lost everything in life.

I just left them, I cried no matter who came across me, I still kept running I don't know where I was going, the most important thing is that I needed to be alone.

I'm disappointed, really disappointed, why mom? I promised I would never marry again and no one could take my place, it hurt.

"Dad!!!" i'm yelling.

"Mother betrayed me, she got along with me"

It felt like I was back to feeling such a tremendous blow as when I was left behind by my father, it felt amazingly tight, I tried to shout to eliminate this tightness, but it still hurt, it still hurt, I cried like when I was little I beat my chest which felt tight.

Can you talk like that? in front of me? can't he think his son just lost his father? why does he want to leave me?

Until the evening I was sitting on a fallen tree in the tea garden, I stared at the sun who wanted to fall asleep, I did not cry this time, I was just daydreaming and still with pain, but somehow I stopped crying probably already numb.

I took out a pack of cigarettes that I kept in my pants pocket, I stared for a while, reminding me of my father, who always offered me cigarettes when I was a kid, I always refused and replied," a kid can't smoke well" Dad just laughed while turning on a match and then he smoked in front of me.

"A cigarette says: today you turn me to ashes, but tomorrow it's my turn" he said, I didn't understand but today I do.

Isn't smoking a classy way of suicide? or is smoking a installments for suicide? why I like that.

I lit a scab and put it on my cigarette, I smoked it and how happy I was to do that, even my own father told me to smoke when I was a kid.

"You need to smoke because if you don't then it's not opium" and then he laughs.

I enjoyed my cigarette, I closed my eyes, still in pain, laughed a few times because it was funny with what he had heard from my mouth, as easy as it was to tell me, and never feel compassion for your own child, how disappointed you are up there, how sick you are to see your mother betray you.

I smoked my cigarette so many times that I didn't realize the cigarette butts were running out, I picked up another cigarette and lit it, until it did not feel the cigarette pack began to run out when this pack was very full, it seems I need another cigarette.

I stood up, I think I need a few more packs of cigarettes, I'll buy them and come back here.

"Stop gil"

Randi and gilang stopped me behind, they told me to stop, stop for?

"You've spent a whole pack" Randi said.

"Why? a pack? hahahahah no nglukan"

"I know, but you've never been this crazy before"

I laugh.