Give Me the Freedom of Choice
regret is useless

while relaxing while chatting in front of the tv, husband story if the upcoming holiday ran d warehouse where he works will hold a holiday together between them workers,,,,, the,,,let's not get bored of the grandiose work, that's it,, but no one can take this wife and child just a man all who go,, let's not bother so is the reason, but it's the reason, with d peg cost 500 rb/people make that holiday cost, and Jogja, is their choice,,,, is,,,though Jogja there is a place that I really want to visit someday if one day I have enough money to take my children on vacation together,,,

by the time the sacrifice of her husband and friends had gone to Jogja Karana long holiday, they had departed on the day a few days ago,,,,, they were,,,upon arrival they d Jogja no news,, the last husband gave the news while still d his exact office d Jakarta,,,he preached that today this afternoon they will leave the office after returning to the house so do not return home because all the equipment needs have been brought by SE you this morning,,,, so do not go back home again because all the equipment needs,,,yes, because each house is also at a distance that is the reason, to save time and energy so they promise an after work they leave,, no news ,,,, no, no ,,,what time they get,,,

after the death of the husband of the holiday in Jogja I got news,, that my father was getting sick harder, and had to wash his blood regularly 3 times a week,,, it made me very sad,,, 'bingung ,,how to 😭 ,,,one side I do not have enough money for the cost of one side I dare to promise her if we will go home on the feast of sacrifice d here I am really confused and very-very sad,,,when my husband called, I also expressed my intention to go home,,,, my husband said from a distance, be patient, please, have a good father, and be healthy, and, quickly,, you know,,,you can be patient to go home also how blom there is money,,, we talk about it again after he came home from Jogja,,,Karana d there they will visit the family home of one of their friends, which there are d around the mountain that is very difficult signal, so will rarely call / give news,,,,, so,,,that's how it adds to the chat,, via cell phone,,,

sure many times I contacted him but can not and do not enter-in ,, but d metsos aktf continue /online 😭

d in the midst of confusion, I sent him a message,,,, I, uh, I sent him a message,,,

bang,,, I just need your permission, I can't do anything, I'm still going home because my heart doesn't calm down to go home,,,

but the message never read what else dalapat sad taste,, in my heart already a lot of thoughts that macem-macem the strange...

yes, I prefer to send a message if there is a purpose, desire, more precisely I send a message more often than talking directly about complaints that there is a heart,,,because if you talk directly, the husband usually does not respond he is more happy to switch the topic of conversation, rather than responding to my speech,,,yeah lately I feel my husband is starting to change or I'm the more sensitive what I am also confused,,,but ever since I braved myself to take home emang I dare not complain, what I think I would prefer to keep it quiet and keep it in the heart,,,,, what,,,I guess it's not too necessary to talk, I prefer to save his own what else about finances, yes

friday, the exact day of the sacrifice like the cost we must communicate via mobile phone all kluaraga I suggested that as soon as possible we have to go home,, I also mengayakan ,,,and I'm trying to ,,, search,, info, bus,, level because that's all I can do,,, bus parties,,, trevels, to challenge if today they're not operational,,,,,,, that's,,,and it's going to be operational for the next two days, if you're interested in booking the ticket immediately, I'm confused, for me the next two days feel really long, I can't wait for two more,,,,, I, you know,,,today is just the time SE will run very slowly,, whether Karana emang my feelings are not because or do I not know,, which must be my husband also blom reply to my message,,,

one of my best friends, it's paying to get on a plane,,,

my friend said money can be found,, time and opportunity come not many times,, I.e it's true that he said, I also gave news to my family,,,,, I,,,we'll be home as soon as he gets on the plane the next morning yes the first flight, that's the meaning of dawn we'll go to Karana airport far away from my house ,,my family is very happy to hear it, they told my father that we will be home soon to see the condition of the father,, hope the father healthy😭

here I felt brave,, sent to go home, what husband's permission was, and booked a plane ticket for his permission, , , which is how I can explain it ,,,may he not be angry at me, so my mind says, May I make no mistake in making this decision , I never think of excuses and explanations as to which later ,,,that's not going to get into my brain right now

Which there is my mind at this time as to how to make it so that I can quickly get to the village to see directly to the father , that's it

when again fill in the data for the booking nan tickets,,,

cring,,, kring,, kring, phone ringing,, no matter how many times I've received a call from the same number today,,, hello, hello,, hello,,, hello,,,, you know,,,I'm hello but from there no one answered my hello, only the cry, the cry of many people I heard,,,, that is,,,😭😭😭😭😭😭 I was crying so much so Tampa I realized I was crying people's house and my friend's house because you again book a ticket for tomorrow morning,,,I cry but I don't know what cry , no news, no news, anything but enough jelsa d cell phone that reads,,, crying calls father,,,, father,,,,,, phone,,,😭😭😭😭 my friend elus-elus back part of my chest while saying patient,, patient,, patient,,, but I can not stop,,, the feeling of pain and tightness SE times ,,blom once I felt my chest hurt this hard,, it hurt so much,,, my whole body was limp couldn't feel his legs supporting me, , I tried to stand up to go home,,,,, I,,,but the feeling is very heavy,, and my house is , my children and my sister,, already gathered ,,, we want to go home together,, after a while I don't know,,,, uh,,,to be sure my tears still continue to pour Tek endlessly, when I realize ,, , 'There was malem Sampit at 11 p.m,,,SE remember I td I HBS magrib kluar mbawa KTP and KK intended to book a ticket, that means uda more or less four hours,, I also say goodbye and apologize, to my friend,, to my friend,,Karana uda interfered with her rest time,, I don't forget many times I said good thank you to her,, she just said, patience, just relax,,,,,,,,, he said,,,that's all he can do, is,,, I just nodded, and my friend understood my feelings, and, uh, my friend called some of his acquaintances, and I looked for them, I, you know, and, uh, my friend understood my feelings,,,the car made us leave at 4am to the airport, and my friend also borrowed a bag and suitcase for us to leave tomorrow morning,,,

until my first father's house Uda chose our equipment to bring,,,, my brother told me that my father had died at half 9,,,,,,,,, my brother told me,,,,,,I just found out that it happened at half-time 9, I was still crying still blom can accept this bitter reality,,,, I,,

d here I hate 'em so much, and hate somebody but who ,,,,? I too, hingung, what is the reason I hate so much,,,

tonight we just pack 2,, as time is so slow ,, as if clockwork does not move / move,, it's impatient feeling,,, waiting for tomorrow which is only a few hours away,,,my eyes feel heavy,, stomach hurts, , 'cause today I don't eat, 'I also see if my kids eat anything 'no,,,,,, ' I don't eat ,,,there is not much I do today, only the holder of the phone, even when d cas even I wait for the taste not left behind ,/ regardless of my arm for a full day, sampe forgot to eat , drink,,,